The Hurt

I'm Not Happy

One Start Of Something Beautiful

“Don't make life a pain.. Make life the most beautiful gift of our lives.. Behind all the problems there will surely be a rainbow that will shine welcoming us.”

Paris, that autumn morning is almost over and the situation at Opa Keryn High School is like any other High School. On a sunny morning it can be guessed no, Keryn is the leader of the High School, she always acts arbitrarily towards all the students in the school, he said, opa Keryn doesn't like Keryn's behavior. Opa Keyn has the opposite nature to Keryn!. That morning, Keryn was not alone she was accompanied by two people who always followed her, let's call her slaves (Sisil and Jessy) down from their car with her grace, in company with Carlos ya.. The most handsome man in school, as well as the man who became the idol of all the girls in the school as well as Keryn's loyal boyfriend.

Only one child is not interested in Carlos at all, one daughter is I am Agatha Ziudith Ivana who is commonly called Ziudith. I don't understand what the privilege of Carlos is, I think Carlos is ordinary, there is not a single privilege of Carlos, I am indeed famous as a quiet girl, smart, cheap smile, a bit judes, assertive, assertive, yet it secretly holds thousands of secrets, thousands of mysteries, and thousands of wits and thousands of knowledge about anything in my brain, and has absolutely no interest in romance.

As a daughter I was too closed off access to make friends, I prefer to be alone while looking at all the children passing by in front of him, not long after that I began to open my life access to make friends starting from being friends with Sani and Katrin who were sitting behind the bench.

I was waiting for food in the cafeteria, I was agitated at the thought of enrolling the exkul drama, I felt that she was not very good at acting but I could not refuse the advice of Katrin and Sani. Katrin and Sani thought that I had a tiny, pretty, sweet face, so that I could easily get the hearts of the senior and the drama teacher.

“This mba’ drinks and food” Said the waiter who delivered my food, disperse my daydream.

“O.. He thanks” I said who tried to calm down because of surprise.

I kept thinking about the drama registration while trying to finish my meal and trying to guess what I was doing by taking Sani and Katrin's advice was right? I don't know..

“Braakk!..” The sound of a table shake then made me shocked and jolted. I immediately turned to ascertain who the person who did that was. Carlos CS did that.

“What the hell lo? Do you have no manners? Not in the same as his parents?” My opponent against Carlos.

“Lo is cewe’, but lo it's weird. If another girl I disturbed her, and left. Because the cave wants to sit here!” Carlos said while creating his sly smile.

“I'm not that kind of girl! I don't like this kind of treatment! It is clear.. It's just like I sat here first! Why should I go?” Opponent challenged.

“Ohh... Lo nantangin his story?!” Carlos said with a sly laugh.

“Kalo yes? I'm afraid of you?!” I said in a loud voice almost shouting.

“Kalo so you want what?” Reply Carlos

“Means lo?” I said I don't understand

“In the game, there must be a bet, right? Gini aja, if I win you have to obey all my orders, but.. If I lose it is up to you to do me! Deal?!” Carlos said showing his wily smile again.

“Deal!” My reply is not to lose

I've already started the war sign this second. Hearing that, Sani and Katrin did not stop thinking, but they still have to help Ziudith, right? To convince Ziudith that they were friends. While preparing for the basketball race (not Carlos challenge, but actually the race with other schools) I took the time to think about the excitement of the drama.

“Ziudith!” Shouted Sani and Katrin simultaneously

“Ow.. Yes, I'm on the road.” I said waking up from the daydream

The ziudith! The ziudith! The ziudith!… Shout my basketball team supporter (I'm the Accidental leader of this school basketball team) TEAM DEAR (My basketball team name) DEFINITELY CAN!! HUUUHHHH.. Shouts of this support of my school team. I smiled with relief because the children's sympathy was so great towards me, even though I was well known for my judes. Everyone has a good side, right? I am also famous as the brightest, brave, and smiling student. Because of my habit of smiling, the nature of his judes is not too visible.

“Siapppp starting!” The voice of the referee starts the match.

Not yet anything I've been able to grab the ball and trick opponents quickly so I can enter the ball.. And….

“Yeaahhhhhhh sharkuhhh.. 4 points guys!.. Yesssss” Shouted my pleasure, the other friends could only laugh while wiping their sweat and subconsciously I had created a dazzling smile. Carlos who had only underestimated me could only swallow, but a few moments later Carlos continued to look at me who had been struggling to win the match, with a small smile and subconsciously Carlos kept cheering and cheering me inwardly while wishing I could hear it.

“PRIIITTT!!” The referee's whistle which indicates the match is over. And Team Dear remains the defending champion for 2 consecutive years and this is the 3rd. I kept screaming happily.. Very glad.. Me and my friends jump in excitement while holding the trophy that my team got.

Keryn as the leader of team cheers is certainly not entirely happy. He didn't want any rivals in any case, so Keryn immediately devised a plan to take down Team Dear especially me the captain, I unintentionally turned to my left and found Carlos looking at me with a smile, because of the dead style I immediately turned my eyes and saw a man I knew from the beginning of the game always taking pictures of me, he smiled at me and I had no choice but to return his smile quickly because I didn't like portraits.

Me and my friends went straight to the locker room for the next lesson after the game.

“Truly tiring match” Sani said with a smile

“Only there is a match that is not tiring?” I said with a small laugh and they laughed while talking about humor about basketball games.

“Heh!” Keryn CS said cynically.

The other basketball players immediately approached me while putting on a face worried that something might happen.

“What's up, Keryn? What's going on here? Don't you want us to win? It should be lo seneng, because the same cave of friends is able to make our school win, and the name of your school will become famous” said Sani broken

“Heh diem lo Sani, Lo it does not need to chat me dong!. This is also my school, not lo school!” Keryn snapped

“Keryn.. Keryns.. It's so strange, lo.. Did you not win the school? Ok if that.. So next time I don't have to train them.. You will lose and be happy. Isn't that right, Keryn?” I said with a small laugh without hesitation in the company of my friends who nodded in agreement.

“It's up to you to say what, what's important, I don't want to have a rival in anything. I need to be the number 1 person in this school! Understand!” Keryn snapped

I just smiled ignoring Keryn's words.

Because his nonsense was not listened to, Keryn clicked and left.

“We have to find a way to make the name Ziudith jatoh, so I have no more rivals!” Keryn said as she walked towards the classroom.

I understand that I started a war with 2 people! So I'm very careful in everything. I started to rarely go out and continued to fill my free time with drama practice, basketball practice, dance practice and study. Soon after, I started to soy sauce and lack of sleep, then it caused my face to be very pale and I started to limp as if not excited at school. I was too tired to do anything, I walked straight to the cafeteria, not only half way my body could not move anymore, I was too limp to do that until I fell unconscious into the arms of Joeg (the man who always photographed me).

“What the hell, why should I be the same?! Haduhh ngerepotin aja nija.. Huff” Joeg said as he scratched his head, put on a face wash, and head bobbles. Finally Joeg decided to take me to the UKS. When he got there, Joeg immediately threw me on the mat. “Basic.. So the girl ngerepotin.. Where you weigh again.. How much weight do you have?!” Said Joeg talking to himself while looking at me who was not yet awake.

“lo it's really pretty, but ngeselin.. Just try to be my girlfriend.you are really, really sweet .. The cave cannot be close to you.. If only I could decet lo Dith” said Joeg who then fell silent because he saw I had been conscious and a little moaning pain.

I who have now become sober can only look at Joeg dumbfounded while occasionally showing a dazzling smile. Joeg who had been nagging and blabbering not clearly suddenly stopped talking while breathing deeply, Joeg suddenly gawk-degan really squirming my face that had just turned out to smile. Joeg felt that smile he had seen before, Joeg knew that smile.. But why would that smile Ziudith have? How could? Joeg who had earlier looked in surprise as I called out to him.

“Hehh makasi ya already nolongin I” said with a smile, and once again Joeg can only swallow while constantly staring at that smile. Now Joeg remembers he once had a true friend, a friend who always accompanied him in any circumstances that in the end they just ended up because they never text again, meet again and do the silly things they usually do. That person is Ivana. “He was Ziudith's Ivana? But why do I never know? Why is that little face I never wanted if she was my best friend? Is that maybe the reason I am happy when I see it and happy if I get the picture?” Inner Joeg from earlier. And finally it was broken again because of my voice.

“I don't think I'm at home in the UKS.. You want to take me to class?” I said while raising an eyebrow.

“Ehm.. Yup.. Besides, I don't want to stop people who are sick anymore.. Moreover, you girls” said Joeg a little wonder. The way I raise an eyebrow, it's exactly the way Ivana raises her inner eyebrow Joeg.

“Ehm.. You're Ziudith right?” Asked Joeg doubtfully

“Iya kok loe tau anyway?” Ask me wonder

“Yes must have known.. You're the only girl who dares to challenge Carlos. After all, you are also famous as a smart student and have a myriad of achievements, right?” Ask Joeg convincingly

“Ah.. Not so many times either.” I said shy cat

Instantly the atmosphere became silent. I looked at Joeg who had been dumbstruck earlier, I looked at that face, feeling familiar with that face. But I still don't want to, I feel I have known Joeg.

“Lo Ivana isn't it?” Said Joeg asking doubtfully while ducking

“Ivana? How do you know I'm Ivana? I'm called Ivana it's SD and SMP only times.. Ivana was gone after I SMA.” I doubt a little

“Why did you change that nickname?” Said Joeg suddenly putting on a cynical face.

“Emang why? But answer my question first on this one... You know where?” I said high-level wonder

“Lo have forgotten I Iv?” Said Joeg with a sad face

“Lo? Wh who? What is my Junior High? Or maybe you temen my SD?” Ask me to investigate

“Hemm.. I'm Jo Iv! Your best friend who you call so often! We first got to know when we were a class at the tutoring place. Have you forgotten that too?” Asked Joeg to hold back his tears

“Jo? Lo Jo's? Whahuh? Am I dreaming? See you again? Hah no way.” I said half in disbelief

“Lo not dream.. You meet me here. In this UKS, in this school, in this city.. Gua wants nanya, have you been mengelupain me and try as if you do not want to see me again?” Joeg asked making an instant silence, there was only the sound of the clock.

“Stop being quiet, don't pretend you don't know me! Or do you want me to pretend I don't know me?” Joeg said breaking the silence.

“I tried to talk. But I can't, my mouth's like it's locked tight!” My word is broken

“Do not pretend!!”

The Joeg Pillow. I went back to class and assumed nothing had ever happened. Tomorrow and a few days after that incident Joeg never paid attention to me again, every night I always think of Joeg, What Joeg did What Joeg was doing, What Joeg was thinking. Joeg continued his silent actions for days and often made me hold my breath to avoid falling tears. I forgot about the war with Carlos and Keryn but continued to pursue Joeg who was getting further and further away. Joeg just didn't want to be with me for a while, so he stayed away from me, but I miss him a lot.. I want to be close to him.

I passed by the canteen and found Joeg walking not too far in front of me, I tried to equate my steps with Joeg, but I stopped because someone was holding my arm.

“Apaan anyway!” it was me who made everyone pay attention to me

“Ngejar who the hell lo?” Said Carlos, who made me realize that I look like a fool, running, it's not clear what is being pursued.

“Gue doesn't chase anyone! Why?” I said judes while letting go of Carlos' grip on my wrist.

“Hahh, it's not my lo” concern

I was still chasing after Joeg who finally realized someone was following him, and Joeg stopped his steps immediately and immediately looked back, Joeg could already guess who had surprised him. I'm glad to see Joeg stop his steps. I try to think clearly and positively, in my brain there is only one sentence “Joeg is my friend”. And I immediately ran and wanted to scatter towards her, but Joeg propped up and turned his back on me. I ducked down and tried to hold back the overflowing emotions, and Joeg turned his head, with a very uncomfortable look he kept looking at me like that until a few seconds later I realized, he doesn't want me to be with him.

I ducked as I continued walking, going somewhere, I could hear the sound of her long breaths and it was very painful for me. I kept walking until I finally found an empty bench in the middle garden of my school, I sat there and kept ducking hoping it would all disappear when I opened my eyes, hoping it would all go away, Carlos, Keryn, Sani, Katrin, Jessy, Sisil, Richie, Derra, and especially Joeg. Wishing I had a great accident so I couldn't remember anything, and I'd easily forget Joeg, that's what's in my brain right now, huh.. That's my only hope.. My chest is tight, my chest is sore, especially when I remember the first time I met Joeg, it was so impressive but I forgot about it, but there is something worse than forgetting about it. Joeg hates me, he hates me, Joeg doesn't want me to go back to his life again.

This afternoon I went home on foot, I kept walking no matter what, not even Carlos calls, until I finally passed a park where I had spent time there with Joeg, both of you.. I bowed my way to the garden and sat on the bench remembering all the frowns I had done with him, all that fad was clearly visible in my shadow of my past so pleasant that I was sure it would never be repeated. “KRIIKK!!” The sound of the snap surprised me, and I sat “Don't again, don't be his shadow again” I was wrong, I'm not hearing my memory, there's a man who actually photographed me, there's a man who actually photographed me, but this time I did not know him, I think I could forget my problem by getting acquainted with him and it seemed that the man was engrossed. He was stunned for fear that I might get angry with him, but I gave him a smile giving a code that I wouldn't mind in the portrait. He smiled at me to reply and returned to photograph me, then came to me intending to introduce himself.

“Hai.. Sorry before the cave did not ask your permission to make a motret lo.. The cave was afraid you would get angry, but you did not mind.. Eh sorry knowin Rico” Said Rico start

“It is not possible, know also the Ziudith cave. Um.. Greetings yes.” I said with a smile. Again, it turned out that Rico was amazed by my smile which I realized had enchanting power.

“You’re smile like an angel” The words were thrown from Rico's mouth involuntarily. I looked at Rico in astonishment.

“Lo also said what?” I said curiously that it turned out to be able to disperse Rico's daydream instantly

“Nothing.” Rico said cover up.

I talk all day like someone I've known for a long time. I don't want to think if I come home late what's going to matter. Even Rico said no female friend had ever managed to get so close to him. The more the day we added to our schedule, my relationship with Rico was close and became very close, until one day he asked me to move my hair, because he said he'd never seen me at the booth. I followed him with pleasure, after I untied him he said it was better if I scrunched my hair every day. I didn't like it but somehow I wanted to do anything for Rico, since we first met we were always together and got to know each other much more closely, until one day Rico decided to transfer to my school, and somehow I felt very happy for him. She was so happy when she told me about it, my relationship with my friends at school was very unusual, I who rarely hold a cell phone and prefer to spend time in the library is now changed to spend more time sitting under a tree that is quite shady in the middle of my school garden while occasionally reading novels, however, I had more phone calls or smsan with Rico before Rico moved to my school. All my friends seem to be away from me including Joeg who is getting away, I can't understand, I'm the one who's been away from them or those who are away from me? I was really confused, but I didn't think about it because I didn't want to complain in front of Rico though and didn't care how far I was with my schoolmate as long as I was close to Rico.

My days became more crowded when Rico moved to my school. When he introduced himself in front of the class, all the girls were amazed by his handsome face. I don't like this, I don't like it, I don't want any other woman to pay more attention to Rico than me. I'm lucky, Joeg didn't sit with me back then he'd rather sit down with Richie. I really don't care who Joeg wants to sit with, the important thing next to me is empty and it's a sign Rico will sit next to me, finished the introduction I smiled at him and he returned my smile, he did not care about the number of girls who kept calling him and asking him to sit next to him while busily driving away his compatriot, Rico continued walking while looking at me smiling and snatching the chair next to my stool, I know all the girls in class are jealous of me.

Joeg seemed to realize his efforts to get me to chase him didn't go well, even now I don't care about him at all.

“I didn't lie?” Rico said to disperse my daydream

“Hehe, he.. I thought you were just kidding. I'm so happy!” I almost screamed in front of him

Ricopun immediately silenced my mouth quickly, because he realized that the entire class was watching me, including Intan who was teaching.

“Is there a problem Ziudith?” said Bu Intan probing with a sharp look

“No ma'am. Sorry I am keceplosan.” I said while bowing.

I didn't realize it was behind his worried face that he was silencing his mouth with a small laugh, I narrowed my eyes looking at Rico with anger. But my gaze seemed to turn into a guilty look after Rico smiled at me. I realize Rico is “THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE”. That thought also came when I met Joeg at Junior High.

Happy Winters..

On that cold morning, autumn had now turned to winter. I don't want to get out of that cold bed. Even though my mother had called me many times, I still insisted on not getting up and instead pulled my thick blanket. “...Marry me Juliet you’ll never have to be alone.. I love you and that’s all I really know. I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress.. It’s a love story baby just say yes.” My hp voice then woke me up. I know who else called me if it wasn't Rico.

“Halo..” Said Rico at the phone end

“What?” My word is vague

“This morning I picked you up, as usual.. But I just woke up so I just wanted to take a shower.. What are you doing there?” Rico said at the end of his phone

“How much time is Co now? I still sleepkk” I said faintly, lazing

“Udah cepetan bath, entar I nyampe your house you must be ready okay?” said Rico excited

“Ckk.. He deh” said I don't want to refuse

I immediately took a shower and prepared myself for school, I styled my hair for the booth, tidied it up so that my hair was tidy. For some reason since Ricco told me to do that, I don't want to break my promise.

“Ziudith.. Mama mama deheng you turned into her hair, although new hair neat but mama mama mau seneng.. You mean you've started realizing you're a girl? Mama is very cool you have started to turn into a little softer” Mama said with a smile

“Asaan hell ma” My word shows I don't like

“Sayang.. Ki.” Mama's speech was interrupted because of the sound of Rico's motor horn and Rico's voice calling out to me

“Ma Ziudith leaves ya” My pamphlets against mom

I immediately went out and found Rico there, but she did not smile, instead, Rico pouted to see me. I did not understand until I finally realized in front of my fence Joeg was also ready to pick me up, I saw Joeg smiling at me. I was really confused which one I should choose, I don’t understand, why suddenly Joeg picked me up? I kept getting up, but I didn't care about Joeg, I got on the bike, I realized that Rico smiled a lot, he was very happy, unlike Joeg who just bowed angry.

After a few minutes of Rico running the bike I just realized Rico and I wear the same sweater, happy my heart, I began to dare to hold onto his waist. Moments later I realized Joeg wanted to be back with me, but what could I do? He's gone too far, it took me a long time to get back to him. I already have Rico, right? Why am I with Joeg when I have a replacement? I realized Joeg was not an option, Joeg was not the right person to be by my side at the moment, all I needed right now was Rico. Yes only Rico, not long after the wind blew very hard together with the snow that made me very happy, I continued to tighten my embrace to Rico who had continued to smile, I realized how much I needed Rico beside me. I kept smiling, when I got to school, Rico smiled as he said

“Can't this Snow make you happy?” Said Rico who parked his bike with a smile and looked at me

“Snow can make you and your parteners verry close” I said with Jail, and I was surprised when someone pulled my hand away from Rico.

“Ivana, why the hell are you more choosy with Rico than I have known you for a long time. You just knew Rico, but you immediately believed it!” Said Joeg removing my smile

“Because you can’t make me smile again, Rico always make smile if he’s near me, but you? Can you make me smile just this time? Only this time Jo.” I said to hold back the anger that I wanted to spill earlier

“Is that all he is? Where do you know?” Jo said trying to unmask me

I didn't care about Jo who kept calling me, I kept walking beside Rico, I wanted to be with her. Always was. Always, I hope he can stay longer in my near, forever. When I was with Rico far enough away from Joe, something pulled me and made me almost fall. I know it must be Joe's hand, I've prepared my angry face. Joe looked at me with disappointment, anger, and it felt like at that moment I had lost my angry face to a guilty face. I bowed while walking backwards trying to get away from him and back facing forward and I found Rico stunned to see my cold nature to JO.. I'm aware of that. I am useless! My screams in my heart, Rico who started to realize that I was walking started running after me and likened his pace to mine. I looked at him with hope he showed me that smile, which always kept me calm. Not long after, he gave me that smile. I smiled at her, I smiled at finding her smile. I, who had originally walked bent down and down, could only smile while walking straight and breathing out, because I felt that was the only way to make me a little calmer.

I'm famous for judes but do you know that I'm a person who believes in the power of magic. I love everything that has to do with magic, and right now I'm reminded of that. Until I was eager to ask Rico “Ric, Do you believe the power of magic?” That's what I want to ask, which in the end I just swallow myself. I'm just silent but does anyone know any of Rico's moves I always notice.

Rico knew me very quickly, not even two weeks into my school and sat with me, he could already copy my signature and writing style. He knows a lot about me, but me? I just know he likes to eat chiki in class when his lessons don't start, I know he likes to fall asleep in history and yawn 32 times during physics class, I know he likes to sneak pictures of Intan's mom during Biology lessons and the kids are worried that the smuggling of his camera will be caught by many teachers and many will imitate him. That's all I know about it, can it be included in many categories? Rico seemed too closed off for me to know him, he wanted to know me more deeply but he never allowed me to know him more deeply.

But all of those things I never made a big deal about, I always smiled around him. I was never easily angered, judes, anyway all my old traits related to judes were gone somewhere after Rico was by my side. I also know one thing that maybe no one knows about this, either, Rico always hid it from everyone because he said he just wanted the person he really loved to know. And he told me about it, “I REALLY LIKE WINTER.” That sentence he said to me, I know exactly in Paris there is rarely winter so Rico is always looking forward to winter, he always jumps in the garden behind my house while continuing to smile, so he always looks forward to winter, I'm so happy to see that. I can't stop smiling seeing that, I realize “WINTER” is everything for him and for me right now and I think it could be forever.

Start Of One Bad News ..

It didn't feel to me that time was passing so fast, that Joeg and I were like people who didn't know each other. Joeg is busy with his own world who loves painting, and reportedly Joeg is in love with Keryn's friend Jessy, reportedly they are just a skit at first. Jessy just wants to know if Derra likes it or not. Apparently, it was fruitful, Jessy realized that Derra apparently did not care about it, and it was Joeg who became his escape until finally they both really liked each other and the relationship lasted until now.

Everything has really changed, without realizing it everything is in pairs. Joeg-Jessy, Sisil-Tarjo, Katrin-Richie, Sani - Richie's friend who attended school in Bandung (Jerry), Keryn-Carlos, and now only me and Rico are still hanging. A lot of people ask me what our relationship is, but what do I have to answer? If there is no connection between the two of us. It feels like I said “Y” when they asked “You're dating Ricko?” that's what I want. While with Ricko, Ricko always shut down most of my friends who wanted to connect with me. I was happy to always be around him, but on the one hand I felt very attached to him, he always asked me to preach to him every time I was in my circumstances. However, that never happened to him, he just kept tying me up. I don't know what makes me feel at home in that bond. However, until one day there was a quarrel between me and him. He who insisted on pulling me away from Carlos kept ignoring me who kept asking him to stop until he suddenly threw my hand in anger, I didn't want to see him angry, I immediately chased after him and begged him to listen to me. He just kept quiet and didn't want to look at me, until he was even a month old he was hostile towards me, I only met him during class and went home from school.

He continued to do the silent action for days and weeks. He did keep doing his daily life in my house that is trying new cuisine made by mother, and arguing about the business that dad just opened with him while playing chess and drinking black coffee favorite of father. I couldn't stand it when he laughed with my father, and Ricko and I weren't real Parisians. We were Parisians moving from Indonesia when we were kids. Ricko and I didn't know him when we were in Indonesia. I only knew him when I was in Paris, when I cried myself in the park and he took pictures of me. That was the first time I knew him, and he was the first person who could make me so calm around him.

I cried every night, when he didn't reply to my text and re-rejected my phone. I don't understand what he's doing. Tomorrow at noon somehow I suddenly want her to call me once. When I wanted to call her first, suddenly my phone had sounded . “...Marry me Juliet you’ll never have to be alone.. I love you and that’s all I really know. I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress.. It’s a love story baby just say yes.” That's my phone ringtone, I langung grabbed my phone and lifted it.

“Rick.” I spoke to make sure, but I only heard a noise at the end of my phone.

“Zi.. Can you hear me?” Rick said on the end of the phone that only I faintly heard but I was still able to hear it.

“Rick.. ce qui se passe2? ce qui ne va pas avec vous? why est-il the encomber?” I said with great worry

“Zi.. All gone .. All gone .. Ma maison a brule et elle est toujours la3” Said Rick who was being pacified by the surrounding residents. I knew his house, but he never let me enter his white house which from the outside seemed clean and very neat, the house which I had never owned before had been burned to the ground..

“J’ai technology la, attentant4” I said quickly, all I thought about was “Rick.. Are you okay?”.. Arriving there all residents explained the chronological story of the incident in detail to me. I nodded in understanding at every word they said, I shed my tears little by little and I tried to hold back and I finally succeeded.. Rick just sat with his head bowed down looking at the ground, he wasn't crying at the time. I just kept stroking his shoulders and his back, trying to understand that everything was going to be okay. In the end, he lifted his head and smiled at me, that dazzling smile was still there. Are you that strong Rick, are you really that tough guy? Quest’-ce que vous avez vraiment difficile de renoncer5? Inner me constantly.. Rick did not cry at the funeral of his mother's corpse, he just squatted down and continued to stare at the land that had now buried his mother. His father and brother simply abandoned him, his father said he could not take care of him anymore, and his father only gave him a little money, at least could only stay in a three-day 2-star hotel.. I offered an empty room in my house, my father and mother also allowed it even with pleasure, at first Rick hesitated but finally he decided to stay at my house. He, since I'm the only one he has right now, should he be aware of that.

This afternoon Rico walked into my house, my father and mother happily accepted. I immediately carried all her luggage into the empty room that now belonged to her, while I was cleaning his room and clothes he just sat down sweetly with continued smiles to my father and mother who trus KEPO with his family - his circumstances - and much more, when I was very tired my father and my mother even told me to hurry because of the pity of Rico. “Let him take a quick rest tonight”, said my father and mother with reasonable care not if I immediately rose in blood because of father, mother, mother, and Rico himself doesn't care about me alone working hard to clean the room.

That night my room clock showed at 23:15 but I could not fall asleep because my body was very sore, then I decided to go out and make a glass of hot chocolate for me to drink yet I went down into the kitchen my steps stopped because I heard a heavy breathing sound that I heard from in front of Rico's room, if you just hear a glance it's like the sound of someone who is having the flu, but I know exactly it is the sound of heavy breathing from someone who is crying. I knew immediately when I heard, not knowing why it was possible because lately I have been experiencing it a lot, I peeked into the half-open room. I saw a back that looked very fragile, I immediately walked back and continued my intention to make hot chocolate but the hot chocolate I did not make for myself but for Rico.

When I returned to the room I saw his bowed back and very fragile, it turned out that seeing Rico crying like that was very painful much more painful than I was left behind by Joeg. It turns out that all this time I was wrong, Rico was not that strong, he was just an ordinary man who could also cry. I tried to hold back my tears and walked closer.

“Rico, here I make you hot chocolate” I said nervously while holding back tears

“Oh he thanks Zi” said Rico who was surprised and immediately wiped her tears quickly

“No need to remove her tears, tears are beautiful kok” I said without thinking

Rico just smiled and picked up my hot chocolate, the sweet smile was still on his lips, I could only sit next to him biting my lips and looking at him trying to finish my hot chocolate. I murmured in my heart “Why do you have to hide the hell who wants to cry? Why not just reveal when you are sad?” After she finished my hot chocolate she returned the glass to me, and returned smiling.

“Cock this hour hasn't slept?” Rico said as he continued to show his sweet smile.

“Can't sleep, my body pegel all” I said plainly. The next one was laughed at by Rico. In directly rotating my body that was facing him to be behind him, in directly massaging my shoulders with full feeling, very comfortable. If I could every day I'd say my body was all sealed up so he'd massage my shoulders again like that. Realizing Rico started yawning a few times I immediately took her hand off my shoulder and told her to sleep because it was late at night, again she just smiled.

She laid her body on the bed as I took off the blanket and covered her, then turned off her bedroom lights and wanted to go back to the room. “Zi, you want to not every mallem shroud me like gini?” Rico said that surprised me and made me very happy. I simply replied with a smile and closed the door of his room as he walked back to my room.

My father and mother were very attentive to it even I thought it was too much and I should know what would happen if I let her stay in my house, yes like this whatever I do is completely ignored, so I think it's only natural that since then I haven't been so kind to Rico. I've always been neglected and it seems like Rico is happy to see me ignored by my own father and mother. I also often vilified Rico in front of some friends who were sitting near me and they were all possessed by my slander, and began to stay away from Rico, until one day I was caught by Rico mocking him. I was so embarrassed and felt guilty he only gave me 2 words after that he did not see me again in say “TEGA KAMU”.

I ran to the toilet crying, my mouth shut, I leaned against the wall, I was devastated I was sorry I shouldn't have let this happen. I'm too careless, I'm too envious if I don't let my mouth speak badly like that, Rico won't hate me like this! I couldn't stop thinking how she felt hearing that I was betraying her.

When I returned to the classroom I looked at Rico who was pretending to be busy reading the novel I had borrowed yesterday from the library, I walked over while ducking back to my seat, I kept looking at Rico who seemed unconcerned by my presence, as I started opening my mouth and trying to start the conversation he immediately closed my book and spoke to Derra the friend next to my bench, I realized he didn't want to talk about the bad things I had done. Stupid me, I repeated my mistake for the 2nd time, enough Joeg to walk out of my life! Do I have to let the same thing happen to my relationship with Rico? I have been blinded with irihati!

I could understand Rico's feelings at the time, but suddenly my sad thoughts disappeared and turned into negative thoughts. Why do I feel guilty? Am I not someone who doesn't care about other people's feelings? Mumbles.

But unlike my heart, I was stupid, letting my mouth hurt my feelings, other people. I am a fool! I murmured in my heart.