The Hurt
Failures
I slowly unfolded the binder cover from inside the pile of clothes in my closet. On the first sheet is clearly visible my old writing, a wound story with a picture of “Teddy Bear” in the upper right corner. This date was two years ago, written clearly on the left of the paper on that first page.
At first glance remembered the memory when the date in the binder writing occurred. It rained that night. It was as if God had indeed planned the failure of the order of the schedule I had arranged the day before. Though in the daytime the geothermal source shines very hot, indicating that it will not rain that day until night. Now I realize, God has arranged everything so that my plan is canceled all.
I remember Verli's promise to take me to see his mother that day. A little surprised indeed with his attitude the last week before the event occurred. He was more attentive than usual. Sweet attitude.
“Later I SMS you yes yanq, if I am ready to pick you” Smsnya present fill my mobile screen.
“ok. What time do you pick me up?”
“ya later I give you news dech”
“you again what sich yanq?”
“aku again to bed.”
“haaah? What time do you want to pick me up? It's almost one” hour I started to bleed. At what time he picked me up, at one o'clock in the afternoon he was still lying on his soft bed. While I from earlier paced tidying up clothes and make up q.
“Sayanq. Patience, I'll tell you. OK?”
I'm really upset. Soon I'm my scoopy stater.
“Uukh,.. know not sich? Verli tu really-gener ngeselin..!” my Oceh when Mini opened the door after hearing my repeated greetings.
“Please deh non, do not get angry here yes. I'm not a tau impingement place?” Reply Mini with lazy tone.
Aq immediately went into his room, by grabbing a bolster pillow with Hello Kity, q threw my body on top of the mini bad spring.
“Yaa ella... You are already beautiful, koq even fell asleep? Where are the non?”
“Verli tuh ngeselin. He promised to meet me at his door. But in mulu’. He usually falls out at 11 p.m. It's almost 2 o'clock he's still not nongol. From earlier said he wanted to ngabarin if he was ready to pick me up. But where..?”
“Maybe there is still something to be prepared as nyokapnya. Want to meet the candidate mantua. Hihi”
“I want to ride a dream here”
“OK. Ayooo mama temeni bobok” said Mini teasing me.
Tut…
I soon got my phone that I had just slipped under my pillow.
Honey, last night I picked you up. Mom just came home
Accepted :
16:12:27
Today
From
Chayanq q
Oh, my God, it's four o'clock. But he canceled an appointment. My blood was already on top of my head. Tears almost spilled because they held back emotions.
“Mini darling, I went home ya” I shook Mini's body hoping she would wake up soon to hear my cry
“eemmm.. Yes, ati-ati yaa. I was very sleepy. See You darling”
Ukh. Tega you are Min. I'm upset about tau’? wake up my dong. Pinta in my heart.
I don't know what God's plan is today. I just stepped foot inside my palace, rained down in the wind that pierced into the bone. This is a bad sign, I thought. Hopefully just think of me. I hope that.
Justright. The rain is getting heavier. My thoughts and feelings are getting worse. Verli still does not give news, even though the timer on my phone screen has shown the number 19:19. It must have been rain which would have been the main reason when he called me later.
tut...tut..tut.. immediately I sambar hp me after the tone of the SMS rang.
“Yanq, Rain :(”
What say. RAINED OUT. Rain, I know koq, I grumbled in my heart. I was silent for a moment thinking about the words I would type for that annoying SMS reply. Too many emotions that I will convey through the tiny screen until I finally decided to call it.
“Hallo” Soft voice full of typical Verli calm is heard.
“You are yes... Don't playin my feelings donk!”
“Yanq, rain. You may not want to rain when you meet your mom? I'm afraid you're sick”
“Iya I know koq if it's raining now. But it was your fault. I have been waiting for you since noon. But you procrastinate mulu’. I think you intentionally dech..!”
“Yanq... pls dong ngertiin me. dikit aja”
“should be until when do I understand you…? you are the one who can never understand me..! Do you want to know me as your mom?!”
“OK. OK. I was wrong, I'm sorry”
“Bosen know horrified apologies from your mouth. That's always all you do..!”.
“So I have to how?”
“As far as you want dech how. I follow what you want. I know koq, your mama would not agree with me. so you procrastinate mute from earlier.”
“Yanq instead of gi..”
“Why not say from the first if the reality is that emank. Surely I won't expect much from you and maybe now I've been mengelupain you.”
“Yanq, dreadin first. I'm really-I'm sorry. I don't know if the truth should be like this. You really, mom, I can't accept you. But I love you Ve..”.
I was just saying it, but it's true. My tears are no longer able to hold. To express emotions in the form of insults I was not able to. Those words almost came out but got stuck in my esophagus.
“Ve... Pliss don't cry. I also have a hard time doing all this. Honestly, I love you so much Ve..”.
I didn't answer anything. I'm just trying to win my heart.
“Ve... Veli.. we live this relationship secretly yes. Ve. Pliss answered me. Yanq...”
Verli's soft words made me even more sick. The tears that were almost held back even more freely flowed.
“Ki.. Pu's..Tuss.. I..ngat..Ver, Hu.kummm..Kar..mu pass..ti...ber. En.lak a.ta.. p..da a.na.kmu to.lak a..ta..u pa....da a...dik.mu..a..la..sa...n pass..sti a...ka.ka.n le.bih me.nya…kitkann” it's hard to die I'm trying to make a sound
“Yanq..
“Gak..!”
Tut…
I turned off my phone connection. I shed all the wounds in a blue handkerchief a birthday gift Verli gave me. Using it even makes the sweet memories of yesterday etched clearly in the shadow of my eyes. Now I fold the handkerchief neatly on the inside of this Binder cover.
Lucky after his departure, God brought me together with Dino. The perfect man who would be the father of the fetus I was guarding in my womb. I thought I was going to die, depressed or even crazy after parting from Verli. Once again I am truly grateful. Maybe if we were still in a relationship, I would never find the best priest like Dino.
Lately I heard Verli's only sister had gotten pregnant without knowing who the father of the fetus was. I regretted ever taking such an oath. Maybe this is God's proof, the law of karma must apply.
