The Hurt

Breathe Without you

If I could go back, I would be happy. If I were invincible for my selfishness first, it would be fine. Why do regrets always come at the end? When everything happened. If I could go back, I would have fixed every mistake that ever happened. Should it all end like this?

Life in this world is not eternal. All this time, maybe I was too lulled by all worldly affairs without ever looking at a very important affair that is the business of the hereafter. All this time, I was only concerned with myself who without me knowing had made the people around me tormented.

Lord.Let me go back…

***

Days have passed, years have changed, but the girl is still lamenting the departure of her lover. Ever since the big fight that happened a year ago, which finally took the life of her lover, she became a poor girl. All his life was spent watching videos where he and his girlfriend were there. Regret is the reason why it can be like that.

His attitude that almost no spirit to continue the life caused worry from his friends and also friends of his lover. Losing someone you love is not an easy thing to do. It took a long time to get rid of that sadness. But does life have to stop here?

“alah ras, sincere senses, maybe this is the best way for him, he must have calmed there” said tone

The girl was still silent, not a word was spewed from her sweet lips. His face looks chaotic unkempt, his thin body adds to the concern in the minds of his friends.

“ras... want to get to when you kayak gini? I am sad to see you constantly moody, do not want to eat, do not want to say anything” said tiara with a hoarse tone

“ikhlasin naga ras.. he was calm there, do not loe make his spirit is not calm with loe attitude like this” said meyli

“ras... please, do not keep gini, let's eat race... eat” said Nindya with hysterical cries.

The girl's friends continued to persuade her to eat and rose from her slump. While the friends of his girlfriend who was notabennya guy all just looked at the girl with a sad and worried look.

The girl still said nothing, her eyes fixed on the screen before her. Video of her and her boyfriend. There they looked happy, laughing together, and the lover had a sweet kiss on his right cheek, they were enjoying the moment very much. Instantly, a single tear fell from his eye. He did not try to wipe the tears with his hands. He continued to focus on the video. Even his eyes had not blinked for a long time.

Tears also fell from the eyes of his friends. They don't know what really happened to their best friend. What kind of quarrels made him so frustrated.

I need you senses, now

Only that word came out of the girl's sweet lips

***

I could only look at her and mourn her grief at my passing. I would love to tell him that I am well and that he does not have to regret the quarrel that happened between us before I left.

I wanted to hold her, wipe her tears, bring her into my arms, remove the pain that I had described in her heart, which made her this way. Really.the situation at the moment is very worrying. She who used to be a beautiful woman, attractive appearance with ideal body weight, turned into a woman with a raucous face, chaotic appearance and weight that almost like a malnourished person.

Lord, let him see me for a moment, allow me to speak to him even for a moment, allow him to feel my existence, allow me and him to meet.

I couldn't see it, I decided to stay away from it. I went to his backyard, looked up at the clear sky and sat on the swing where he and I spent a lot of time together. I want to feel rebellious, but what a force, all this is the destiny that you gave for me and him. I can only mourn my fate and those around me.

After my tragic passing, I can only make my loved ones suffer. A thousand cries I saw from them, my parents, my boyfriend, my friends, and everyone who knew me. Want me to scream and tell them that I'm okay but how? My world and they are different.

***

The girl was named Laras, Larasati to be exact. She is a 20-year-old girl who is studying semester 3 at one of the universities in Jakarta. He has been in a relationship with his girlfriend Indra Sinaga since they were in High School. Laras is a cheerful girl, has a high spirit, she is also a madman girl, staying away from parents is not a problem for her.

Laras and Indra want to make a decision to continue living together, but both are still burdened with their obligation to study, after all, the decision requires careful consideration. This often leads to a fight between the two of them.

Indra is a guy who wants to live free. Free to hang out with anyone, free to do whatever he wants. While the barrel, he felt that the free attitude applied by the senses had made him forget himself. That made them fight big. Until finally, the event happened.

“aku? Why me? You are! You who always do not care about me, always ayik with your own world” said laras

“you are the ones who don't understand! You think it's easy to keep living with you” said indra

“you think I'm happy living with you? Huh! You want to win by yourself, you know!” barrel-spoken

“ras... Try to see yourself race! Agape! Ngaca!” indra

Indra passed leaving the barrel that kept chasing him from behind. Indra entered the car with a face that still looks full of anger.

Then, the senses also rewind the car without seeing the situation behind it, and. the event occurred, a car from the opposite direction hit the car that was being removed from the senses of the yard. The accident managed to take the lives of the senses right then and there. Baras saw the incident firsthand, he screamed loudly, the tears kept flowing. The state of the car senses badly damaged, blood is pouring everywhere, the citizens who saw the accident have been trying to bring the senses to the Hospital, but what power, what power, Indra died before arriving at the hospital for medical help.

From that moment the barrel changed, he continued to moody. Never wanted to eat, and did all the activities that he should still do until now. Everyone closest to him always tried to persuade him, but he still refused, even the two sense parents did not succeed in making him release the senses. The shadow of the quarrel continued to cloud his mind, never leaving.

***

Oh my god, give me a chance to meet him, at least just to say that I'm fine so that he can live in peace as well as me. Please put me in his dream.

Barrel went away, he sat in the kitchen while holding a drink. I tried to get close to him, and I sat next to him. I forced myself to hold her cheek, she felt it, she held her cheek, oh god.. Is this a sign that you are beginning to approve my intentions?

Laras went back to the edge of the pool, he sat there alone, my friends and his best friend had gone home, college affairs they could not miss. Now, I was sitting across the pond, playing with the water and there was a balloon there, I managed to hold it after several failed attempts. Then, I looked again at someone who meant so much to me. He turned his back, but I can still remember his face.

I walked closer to him…

I need you ndra, now…

I heard that sentence again from her sweet lips, when I sat down next to her again. He immediately moved on right then and there, I could only notice him slowly disappearing behind the door.

I walked in the direction where he was going, this time he broke down the couch. That cry is still visible, I can't stand to see it continue. I replaced the pillow that he used to be my thigh, now his head is just above my thigh. And now I can clearly see the sadness.

Lord, let me come back for a moment.

***

One year has passed, I still can not accept your departure, whether until when will I continue this way? The spirit continues to come from my best friend and your best friend, but I don't know. To be honest, I couldn't bear to see my best friend tear up as she persuaded me to eat, starting all over, without you standing by my side. It's heavy for me to accept all this.

If you were still here, I would try to understand you, accept you for who you are, accept everything you want to do. If I could still be reunited with you, maybe I'd be a little calmer, or maybe I could go back to being who I was, like my best friend and your best friend wanted me to be. Indra.

The girl closed her eyes, asleep in her dreams. Suddenly, a bright light burst into his dream, at the end of the light stood the person he was just talking about.

“indra...” said the girl smiled.

“ras... Finally, god gave me that opportunity and for you, maybe I have not much time, all I want to say is, stop punishing yourself like that, look at you? I don't see that at all right now. Ras... Go back to living your life, don't think about me, I'm fine. Your life is still a long race, take advantage of it, don't you want to reach your goals first? Forget the fight, I don't want to remember it, I hope you'll forget it too. Ras... I love you, although the body is no longer together but rest assured, I am always in your heart, I am always near you, whenever you want, I am there for you race. Please, get up and live your life as you should. That's my last request for you, I hope you will live out all my requests so that I can be much calmer” said indra

The girl ran over into the arms of the senses. Indra hugged her tightly, stroking the girl's hair softly, just like the previous requests the senses had made. Now, he can embrace the beloved, take her in a warm embrace of his body and he can wipe away every tear that flows from her eyes, perhaps he had also managed to remove the sore wound he had painted in his lover's heart.

“promise me to keep my last request ras” indra said

The girl nodded and started smiling

“I say yes, take care of yourself.. Never cry over my departure again, I want to calm down without the shadow of your cry, I want to see you smile like this always, forever” said indra

“I promise, but.. if I miss you, may those tears still be there” said barrel

Indra just smiled, frowned his girlfriend and slowly walked away into the light that had brought her to her lover, the grip of the hand was still not released until finally the senses disappeared behind the bright light.

The girl again let out her tears, but this time it was tears of happiness as her desire to meet the lover had materialized. He was determined in himself to keep his promise to his lover. A smile slowly emerged from him, he was back in his sleep.

***

I was sure that the barrel could wipe away the tears of my parents, my friends and everyone I loved after the meeting. I hope it's true.

Goodbye, I love you…

***

The days after that brief meeting have passed, leaving a trust to be carried out. The girl had promised, and she was determined to keep that promise, for the sake of her lover, herself and those who loved her.

The girl began to rise, her appetite had begun to exist, her weight had gradually normalized. At first the friends did not believe the change in the attitude of the girl was quite drastic. The girl did not want to open her voice about her meeting with the lover. Let them both know.

At that time, the girl's friends were in her house. Almost every day they visited the girl, precisely since the departure of Indra which greatly injured the girl and was like a daze who did not know what to do other than daydream and keep daydreaming, lamenting the departure of the lover he loved so much. The girl opened her voice, breaking the silence that was going on there.

“guys, sorry well I have made you worried, the departure of the senses is so heavy, but now I have tried to mengikhlaskan senses, as you say, so that he can also be calm there, the problem of the quarrel I will try to forget it, now help me to return 100% to be who I used to be.

“alhamdulillah race, finally loe want to rise too, I was very happy with her” said tone

“iya race, we are very concerned about this loe change, we certainly help kok” said dennis

“by the way, NisMeFaMa can I ask you please?” barrel-spoken

NisMeFaMa, it is a true friendship genk named GaNisMeFaMa. GaNisMeFaMa stands for member of the group. Indra, commonly called Naga is shortened to Ga, Dennis is shortened to Nis, Amec is shortened to Me, Fare is shortened to Fa, and lastly Dharma is shortened to Ma, and so becomes GaNisMeFaMa. Unfortunately, the abbreviation Ga has passed.

“apa races, as much as we can help kok” said amec

“anterin me to home ortu his senses well, all of us out to mausoleum” said laras

“wah it mah gampil” said fare

“mild fare” dharma

“ye.. It's up to me donk” said fare

“hahaha” everyone who was there laughed at the small quarrel between dharma and fare. The girl named the barrel also laughed after this long time was only in her slump. It made his friends relieved.

That very day they all set out to meet the old man of the dragon or senses. There, laras intends to tell her about her meeting and senses to her parents.

“mother... a few days ago, senses came to see me, I had time to hug him even though only briefly” said barrel to dragon mother

Mother looks shocked and in disbelief

“what's barrel mean?” Ask the mother

“laras, we know the departure of dragons is so heavy for you to accept, but do not let all that makes you like gini dear” said father

Laras smiled, he understood the meaning of father's statement

“father, mother, barrel tau.. yesterday-yesterday the barrel was like a person stressed because of loss of senses, someone who had been filling the days of the barrel, but at this time what the barrel said was true, it is true, barrel is not kidding” said barrel

Father and mother looked at each other, barrel smiled again

“laras meets the senses in the dream mother, father. Indra came to see me to say he was fine, he also asked me not to blame myself as I did yesterday, he asked me to forget all the bitter memories that happened before his departure, and he also asked me not to grieve, and I'm sure it's also aimed at the people he loves” barrel take a breath, then continue the talk “indra do not want us to continue to be in sadness” he said that without realizing his tears had flowed rapidly

Both parents sense so, they can not resist crying when they hear the barrel speech. Mother immediately embraced the candidate of the mantu (is it still possible?). They all cried, no matter how long…

While outside, his friends were looking at the photos left behind and still neatly arranged in the middle room. A photo of someone who has been and always been together in all circumstances, both difficult and happy. In the photo he smiled sweetly, sweetly, on the left-right side of his parents who were landing a kiss on his cheek, a kiss that signaled the warmth of the family. Among the photos, they also saw a photo where they were there, a complete GaNisMeFaMa photo, without exception. They smile, laugh, cry, grieve together, everything is in a large enough picture frame that can accommodate all the photos of their memories during High School to college.

Instantly, tears came from their eyes, the memories were so beautiful, they had never imagined before that they would lose any part of them. Along with the gaze that still continues to be fixed on the photos of memories neatly displayed by the senses, they embrace. But then they realized, they should not cry, because it would make the senses restless if he saw those who were falling crying over his departure and they did not want it to happen.

“happy way ndra, we are here always praying that you are calm and accepted there, you do not have to worry about us, we will be fine, just fine, loe should also be fine there” said dennis

“ga, all the memories that we have gone through together, starting from cooperation on repeat, until small businesses to add pocket money, all of that I will never escape” said amec

“ga, even though I am here always make you angry, but I am proud to be your best friend, you are a good brother to me, when I do wrong, you are, loe do not hesitate to give me advice even if I am late, you also do not hesitate to punish me in a loe way, which makes me aware and never repeat my mistakes again, he said, I thank you very much the same loe ga, because indirectly you have changed my messy attitude into a better person” said fare

“gue does not know what to say, which is clear I really like because you already want to be my best friend, I just hope all the goodness loe to us - we will be answered by Him, he said, loe very good ga, thanks for all the spirit of support loe to Iu” said dharma

The four friends embraced again, making the friends of the barrel also cry.

“you eight why?” Ask the barrel that came out of the sense room with the two parents that he had already considered like his own biological parents

The eight companions were shocked and immediately let go of their embrace and immediately wiped away the tears that fell down their cheeks.

“we are okay kok” said dennis

“oh, we go to the tomb yuk” said barrel

“yuk” says all

Right then, they set off towards the grave of the senses. Before going to the tomb, barrel with both parents senses, stop by the flower shop, buy flowers to sow on the tomb and buy flowers to put as gifts. After that they continued their journey to the tomb of the senses.

Upon arrival there, the barrel sat in front of the headstone of the senses, his tears occasionally dripping but he kept on using his hands and tried to smile

“ndra, I'm coming. I'm coming with your parents, and your friends. How are you doing? All right, like you told me? I hope so ndra. Indra, I love you, although I know we can't possibly be together anymore, but I can still keep you in my heart, even lock you forever in my heart, can't I?” those tears were flowing too

“i was determined to let go of you, let you calm down there, you calm down, I certainly can, there are friends, your parents. Oh yes, I will also not stop to love both your parents until here alone, but until death also takes my life and we meet again there” said Baras

All those who heard it also cried, the question came from their minds, why should this couple be separated?

For some time they continued to cry in front of the grave of the senses, but then they compactly wiped away his tears and turned them into a smile. The last smile they gave before leaving the grave of senses.

***

Thanks for the barrel, I know you can. Your cries signify how much you love me, I'm flattered to see it. Thanks for the flowers you gave me, I really like it.

Baras..of course you can keep me even lock me in your heart, because I am the same, has locked my heart only for you. Although our bodies are no longer together, our hearts are still the same.

To my best friend, all of you are also the best friends I have ever had. I will also never forget all the memories that we have been through together, be it a difficult time to laugh together. All those memories are precious to me, because you guys I feel more meaningful. A thousand loves and apologies to you.

Maybe after this I will leave quietly, seeing your last smile makes my heart feel at ease.

Goodbye to the world, thank you for all my life you have always given me such wonderful memories that I will never forget.

Goodbye barrel. Now my heart has been relieved and perhaps my efforts to Breathe Without you will soon be realized. Good bye all…