The Hurt

End of School Love

Love, I'll wait

Do you still love a man who hasn't responded to you in years?

Yeah, I never get bored waiting for her, I'm really captivated by her.

Sometimes I'm too selfish not to be close to another just because I'm waiting for him. Instead of being perfect, the heart I have for him to perfect, I want to fight for him.

“fir, you have a chemical package book?”, ask dimas.

“eh no, a minute yes I take first”.

I was wearing a headset almost unconsciously someone asked me to talk.

“ini the book dim”.

“oke borrow yes, I will finish the subjects I return kok”

Pinched my right cheek and he immediately went to bring my chemistry book. Not to forget also before I loaned it I had time to check if there were any strange records in the book.

Dimas is a tall guy who has charisma, smart, big hair, friendly, funny, and he has a leadership spirit. that makes the younger class crazy about him when he leads an organizational activity at school. He's a strict upperclassman for leadership, and he even teaches me a lot.

It did not feel like it had been almost 3 full years I studied at this school, a place that taught me various things including love.

Only a matter of months I will not enjoy studying in this school, all I will leave to continue to a higher level that is college.

The memories I will leave behind, disappear with the traces I can still see.I will always remember about this school and I will always remember him.

It does not feel like we will face UAS after UTS passed 2 months ago.

The teaching and learning process is no longer routine to do with 12th grade because the teachers understand enough to give us a little relaxing time.

I sat in front of the class running my playlist, suddenly my gaze stopped on the tall man in the black jacket, yes it was dimas and...what is he doing with you? it seems like they were talking seriously. earlier I saw her boyfriend andini fighting with dimas. Yeah, maybe they solved the problem.

“woy! geliatin who the hell are you?”, suddenly shinta surprised me.

“dih makes a surprise, that's the dimas what's the problem?”

“oh it.. a little problem with her boyfriend because he makes his girlfriend andini jealous when he does not mean it like that, just misunderstand”

“oh so... tomorrow there is a match futsal school we are against the methodist want to follow watch not?”

“oke, meet at school ya go to his futsal field together with invite others also”

“oke. Now let me go to canteen”

While leaving the place to talk earlier, it turns out that my gaze can not be separated from the figure of the man in the black jacket. I was too curious about what they were talking about.

—

I saw that figure, in the middle of the futsal field of the ideal tall man with the number 15, yes it was dimas.

“ayo aunt aunty aunty!!! glory-glory aunty!!”, cried shinta cheering one of the players who was also her close friend.

The three friends from the first time came always noisily and frenzied, while I? from the first time I entered the futsal court the main thing I did was just look for that tall figure.

I don't know what makes my view can't be separated from his figure.

He had seen many times but this time I realized that I was not just amazed or sympathetic towards the seoraganization of friends.

“horeeee wins!!!”, exciting kids. Yes finally the match is over and my school is entering the final round, there is still one more match to decide the top three.

“from earlier why are you quiet? from earlier who was thinking?”, suddenly dinda invites me to talk.

“eh.. really, I'm not ngeliatin anyone. guy if playing futsal turns out to be cool also yes nda”

“ya yes, all this time you go where?”, ledek dinda.

The competition is over, and it is getting more and more crowded. Even to meet the same players from our school was difficult, we finally gathered again at school.

I don't know what makes me pay attention to dimas lately, I don't know I'm just amazed or more than amazed when almost every day we meet.

“thank you for watching us earlier, you kocak yells like that ha ha ha”, dimas said while holding back his laughter.

“eh I don't have a shout, shinta, dance, dinda tuh yelling at you continue” he continued while laughing as well.

“iya deh important thank you very much yes, the day after we have a match again to get into the final do not forget yes. I met them first ya”, he said while rushing to leave us.

Dimas cautioned, maybe he needed a break and maybe he was too tired to talk to me that almost every day for 2 more years he talked to.

Sometimes talking to him is comfortable, although sometimes he mocks more than serious talk, but still it is not my obstacle to stop admiring him.

It only felt when I wanted to end this way I just realized that he was indeed a man who had been in my heart but I never confirmed it.

Starting from the activities of the school organization which happened to be its chief executive is dimas, at that time he often left his mobile phone to me, he often left his phone to me, then during the meal with his hungry sanking I ate outside and he was upset, continue I also feel guilty I'm sorry he's sorry he keeps going so even though his phone is still the same me.

Not only that, but there are many other things that really make me fall in love with the ideal tall man.

Sometimes, it's hard to tell which moment's attraction and true love are. Those two things seem to have no difference.

—

The final school exam passed and the national exam was in sight. The more days I can't help but feel like I'm still pretending and keeping my attitude in front of him. I'm not talented at not pretending to like you.

That afternoon during the break I was sitting in front of the class with a girl who he reportedly once liked, he said, besides they are close like their sister brother is also in class and he is also a close friend of my own.

For some reason, suddenly he passed continuously nyamperin tuh chick keeps him cringing head tuh chick. What am I secretly jealous of? Continuing to try to hide my gaze not to eat them as a result I was caught wet again writhing him cynically, then he also saw me with an empty view.

Then he doesn't talk to me, it's different, it's not usually like this.

I tried to get used to it as usual, but as a result I couldn't hold back my feelings anymore, the more awkward I was the more certain that he knew the truth.

As the saying “sefar-away squirrel jump must fall also” well if this, as cleverly hide his feelings must be revealed as well.

Time is money, the more I don't have time to talk about my feelings the more I'll regret it later.

She never knew how far I felt about her, he also never knew what I was waiting for for 2 years starting from the first time being a upperclassman in the eleventh grade all felt amazing when expressed, he said, I was just his usual friend, his chatter friend suddenly the wind brought a gust of love maybe he would feel uncomfortable with me. Love is never wrong.

“shin, what do you think if I express the same feelings of people I never expected?”

“just-just so long as there is a code of conduct ha ha ha who is that person?”

“people closest we”

“who? are you sure he's the one all this time?”

“iya, and stupid after almost finished like this I just realized”

“aku so more curious, who the hell?”

“dimas”, I tukasku quickly and briefly then immediately I did not look again at the curious view of Shinta because of shame.

“why do you like him? so all this time he's been the one who kept you waiting?”

“I never realized it either, I never even told you about this right.”

Shinta just fell silent like there was something she did not want to reveal to me, I did not force, I kept telling her about what happened during these two years.

Everything felt fleeting, and too quick to reveal, besides he never makes a positive response to my attitude but I don't know maybe he's too uncomfortable with friends who become in love or he has another heart.

The more days pass, the less days become mine. The usual but now it becomes unusual.

I stretched my legs while listening to the song following the flow of melow music, still I felt his warm greeting, still I felt his pinch on my cheek and still I can translate his typical laughter. suddenly the new dimas came directly sitting in front of me and doing the same thing as me, stretching out his legs.

And finally we faced each other and our two feet met each other, a sudden awkwardness I did not have the guts to invite him to talk and he also experienced the same thing to me. Highlighting her eyes was no longer ordinary towards me, you both stole each other's eyes and I was getting daring to start talking.

It's like selfishness, nobody wants to start. Everything's getting weird. Silence, silence, there is no sound between me and him. There's only him with my friends.

The more day I get anxious about what I have to do in front of him, the more I feel guilty about ruining this friendship. He's the one who doesn't know how long I've kept him and the one who never wanted me. Maybe I should reveal it right away.

Today is the farewell day of class 12 of the school year 2011/2013 this event was held exactly 3 days before the implementation of the National Examination.

“good morning fira, beautiful once today look feminine” suddenly shinta surprised me from behind.

“you have just once praised me, you are also more beautiful than me loh”

Fira Asifha is a girl who is not a tomboy but also not a new feminine once she is called feminine because she never wears a short dress.

“dimas has not come yet shin?”

“already, she was handsome once today, I alone was almost captivated by her”

Smiling at me shinta also hugged my elbow.

Shortly before the event began, all 12-row classes were in pairs to enter the event building. Unexpectedly, everything was painful when it was passed in front of me hand in hand with the girl whose head was in the elus-elus before me, Arista goddess.

The more the atmosphere was silent, the more the tears wanted to wet my cheeks, but the heart strengthened me to stay firm at that moment, trying to smile ignoring the sadness, trying to keep the gaze invisible, so that I could not be seen, although not as easy as imagined but not as difficult as it looks.

I saw that tall figure in the corner of the stage, I was eager to talk to him, finally with all my heart I gave myself up.

“do you see shinta not dim?”

“I don't know, he was the same as me but after that he disappeared. ”

“hem yes already, where are you going?”

“i nyari arista, I want to express love to him” whispered with a smile.

“you sure? well hopefully smoothly yes” I try to cover everything, I try to cover the taste.

“yakin dong, thanks a lot ya” while throwing a smile then he left me who was crying in the heart.

All busy with their own affairs, my gaze and the gaze he always met turned out to be useless, I always thought that it was a sign that he felt the same way about me.

For moments like this it is very dear if there is no perpetuation, photos together dimas for example. But he was upset, he called me not to take pictures but told me to take pictures.

I was silent at the end of the event, when the prayer he was beside me I had touched his fingers accidentally, but you just laughed a little and left without knowing how happy I was to be able to touch your fingers.

In circumstances, my distance to you is not far but the distance of my heart to you that makes far, far away, there's a difference I feel but you don't feel it and it's hard so I can't help my feelings make things change, you're not like you used to be joking around.

Really, in a situation like this I would like to shed my tears but that is not a possibility for me because this is not the right place to do it.

I ask myself, can this 17-year-old girl be afraid of losing her chance to express her feelings? Sometimes I I over-exert my will to stand firm and be an optimistic girl to get her love.

This cloudy but never rainy afternoon brought me into turmoil, I was increasingly powerless to resist my jealousy. How could I not feel the intensity of my heart beating when I heard that he was going to express love to a woman I never expected? Should I be a selfish person to forbid him from expressing love to the girl of his heart?

I could only stare at him from a distance in this corner seat, with him having sex and with me holding back my emotions seeing them joking, laughing as if no one was hurt, and joking as if no one was unhappy. The sky grew more and more indifferent, according to the content of my heart. I felt his steps towards me, I felt his warm greeting towards me, without me noticing, he was beside me now.

“image we both no” He looked at me with a smile then called someone to take a picture of me and him. I saw her friend hiding her smile watching us both take pictures.

Maybe something that I consider a pleasure is an habit for him, it's because he doesn't understand the meaning of the attitude that has changed, that I really love him.

“dim, can I say something?”

“what do you want to talk to? Yes can”

“but don't be surprised ya?”

He's getting confused and a little awkward - he seems to know what I'm about to say. I told myself, I took a breath for a moment to start.

“have you not felt my attitude change towards you lately?”

“taste”

“I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable”

“what's wrong? why are you apologizing?”

“you remember? When we first became friends?”

“ya I remember, during our meeting in an organization right. Then why with that meeting?”

I am like a cactus that hugs itself, feels its own love, feels its own pain.

“from there I began to admire you since then, I think it's a normal thing but the longer I realized it was not just awe. So for 2 years of harboring feelings you never knew, I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable with my attitude. ”.

“hah? you...seriously?”

He just stared at me who dared not look at him. Slowly my eyes began to glaze over.

“you don't have to answer me, you just need to hear all my confessions that have been pretending. I don't need answers, I just need understanding that you already know please take care of my feelings.”

He just kept quiet, silent, and silent. The rain finally fell on the street in front of the building. The whole time we just kept quiet and the more I couldn't hold back my feelings even as I tried to hide these stifled tears, it turned out that I wasn't talented to pretend I didn't hold back my tears.

As time went on, the wind kept blowing, I got more and more agitated what happened after I expressed my feelings. Whether he'll come after me and say he has the same feelings as me or he's chasing me to say “sorry I like arista, instead of you” the sentence is too sharp to get into my heart.

As time went on, I never spoke to him again after the events of “I loved him” yesterday. I began to forget about you who were far away, and we began to separate because for the sake of each other's achievements. Should be a permanent “kita” instead of “aku” and “kamu” separate.

Something that has been revealed even though the results are not as expected will be relieved if someone has the intention to not lie to his feelings again.

—

Eve in this region brings love, a wind that conveys feelings, and a trace that leaves memories. Yes I remember about 7 years ago when we first met, close as friends and we met again in our respective futures and in this place again, the first place I admired you I thought was just awe.

I wear my white shirt with the status of a writer and you wear your uniform with the status of a police officer.The future we reunite with, uh, in this humble place but it's been an incredible start for me.

“hai fir, you how are you?”

“hai also dim, thank God I'm good news.you?”

“same as you. How do you feel after 5 years we didn't meet?

“should I answer it?”

“no need, I already know ha ha ha”

“ya you haven't changed since. How far along have you been with Arista?”

“not as far as anything, you think I shot him at that time?”

I fell silent and looked at him in confusion, without thinking about anything else I kept trying to convince him of what he meant.

“i rejected, I like her but I think she has the same thing turned out not”

“hah..”.

“you, how far now you feel with a man a few years ago is he still in your heart? is he still the one you're fighting for?”

he said while laughing. I didn't answer, I just smiled and didn't look at him. Am I wrong to fight for you, even if I don't say?

In the clouds I carried him back flying, staring at everything in the sky I was again carried flying by his love. I'm back, back like when I first fell in love, obviously I'm enjoying his smile right now. We were reinvented in this place successfully.