Love Me Because of God
The Inappropriate Love
“Love never asks to wait. He took a chance, that's courage or welcome.”
(Ali bin Abi Talib)
The quote seemed to answer my doubts all this time to a man, call it Rizal, who had made my tears fall without him knowing. True said an anomin that; “We will not know when, to whom and how we can fall in love.” and it happened to me.
I never imagined before that I would like Rizal who was none other than my closest friend all along. How can I like someone who hasn't met in a long time? But the truth is that person feels the same way as me? Yes, Rizal and I have not met for a long time, maybe about two years more but we often communicate through a social network: TWITTER.
Maybe that's why the feelings between us started to appear, but is it that easy that love is present in someone?
I know Rizal has a girlfriend, but all this time I feel communication between us in a reasonable level as friends. I did love Rizal back then, but I didn't expect to be his girlfriend because I knew dating was the way to get close to adultery. But everything changes when Rizal suddenly expresses his feelings to me. I was happy, happy and forgot that there was a woman who was hurt, Yuna, Rizal's lover.
Love is blind, but I have eyes, so I don't accept it. I try to take it as a joke. But Rizal's efforts in convincing me that he meant it finally forced me to answer. Refused it. Not because of Yuna, I had completely forgotten about Yuna's existence, but because my heart was hesitant and my principle was not to date.
Since then I and Rizal lost communication, not long. A month later he called me on my phone, texted me just asking for news and other unimportant things. I think Rizal broke up with Yuna because she called me back.
Communication between us was back. Our relationship, which was frozen, has now melted.
Until one day we accidentally met in a city shopping center.
“Why did you reject me La?” Rizal asked suddenly with an expression of disappointment.
“I just don't want to date.” My answer.
“But we can ta’arufan?”
“How about Yuna? Anyway why should I? Just find another.”
“Because I love you. I want you, not the other.” Rizal.
“Isn't there anything else that makes you like me? Then Yuna how?”
Rizal was silent for a moment then looked at me, “you are good, beautiful that's what I like.”
Hearing Rizal's reply made me a little flattered to the point that my heart melted. But why didn't Rizal answer my question about Yuna for the second time? Did they really break up, so Rizal did not want to discuss it again?
“Where is La?” ask again.
“Once, in fact what do you think I feel is also.”
“Really?” Rizal smiles.
“I have to go home,” I said deliberately to divert the conversation.
“I take ya?”
“No need, I brought my own car.” I just left Rizal.
The heart cannot be lied to, I like Rizal. And Rizal may have known my true feelings from my answer back then. We were not dating, but Rizal promised he would be faithful waiting for me at the deadline.
Rizal often gave his attention to me through sms because we rarely met. I was happy with the attention Rizal gave, but I did not return all his attention with the same text. I express my care and affection that has not been lawful to him through prayer in almost every fardu prayer. For me the feeling of love does not need to be spread just so that he knows that he is the only one, but enough God knows that I love him sincerely.
One day I opened my twitter account, and I saw a photo Rizal uploaded a few hours ago. The photo shows her hugging a female artist, I know the artist is her idol but I don't like the pose of both of them, I feel it's excessive. My heart is sick and jealous. But my jealousy I endured, I realized that I was not who Rizal was.
Oh my God how can I trust him, if nothing has hurt me?
My tears did not hold my power, when it was also immediately I logged out, immediately then I turned off my laptop. Suddenly my phone shook, a message came in from Rizal.
Rizal : good night.. 🙂 again what is la?
Me: gk lg apa2. Knp?
Rizal: you know ko jutek anyway. I'm slh what?
Me: nothing.
Rizal: oh yes..
Whahuh? Yea already? Is that the only reward? Surprisingly, this guy is really insensitive to the attitude I show. My God, I must how while I cannot contain my jealousy, then I repay it.
Me: to me being faithful is easy, it's just that I can't hold back my jealousy.
A little long Rizal finally replied: but I believe sm km ko La 🙂
I snidely read the last text reply from Rizal. He doesn't understand me at all, is this what he means? How stupid of me who is easily lulled by his persuasion. We used to change our minds before the feelings between us arose. Our conversation was on, so I felt comfortable. Rizal often makes the reason for this match as proof that he and I are right, as thought. I don't believe it, I often avoid saying that it's just a coincidence. But Rizal has a thousand ways to make me crumble and can't dodge anymore. One day we had a conversation on the phone.
“Are you still waiting for me?” I asked suddenly while switching the phone from the left ear to the right ear.
“Of course. Why?” Rizal asked back.
“There is no such thing as a momentary feeling, over time all will accumulate into a real feeling.”
“But your wait is uncertain, not one or two months but several years. I'm not sure you'll be able to. Back away!”
“We do not know what will happen in the next month or two, but at least we are already planning.” Rizal keukeuh's.
At least? Is that the answer from a man? What kind of man is he who is uncommitted and full of uncertainty? Doesn't she understand that I'm just afraid that I might lose her love one day? Is there not a love that is everlasting except the love of God for His servant and the love of parents for their children? That's why I asked him to step down, I just didn't want to dissolve into disappointment when in the end we weren't a match..
“Ya is up..” Again I cannot escape.
“OK, then I'll close the phone. Wassalamuaikum.” Rizal's voice across the street sounded happy for what reason, but I didn't think it was because of me.
“Wa’alaikum greetings.”
I don't understand why it feels so hard to make Rizal give up. Maybe because there is no binding relationship between the two of us, so there is nothing I can break.
Sometimes I feel his sincerity, so I think he really meant it. But I'm confused, I don't want to think about my own principles. And again I hate Rizal's flamboyant nature. What he said to me was completely contrary to the reality he was doing. He often acts on his twitter account, bermention with other women with friendly conversation. Maybe he thinks I don't know. So she easily said I was the only woman she wanted. Though I know how she behaves towards other women, I read the romantic words she mentions towards other women, I know she sms often, phone with other women from her tweets. But why else would I be powerless with her seduction of me? And I hate my helplessness! He really played me! The highlight was when I found out that she and Yuna had not broken up yet! When I accidentally read Yuna's tweet, she wrote on her account: @yunaamara: I don't like you seeing each other at all, especially with the heartless “LAILA”!!
Laila's? That's obviously my name, which she means I'm Laila.
My chest is tight, it hurts! God, what have I done to Yuna? Why can I play with fire with him, the man who clearly belongs to someone else? I really feel guilty, I'm sorry Yuna..
The day after that, I decided to email Yuna via a message on Twitter. I want to apologize and speak kindly to her that there is no connection between me and Rizal. I didn't want to be overwhelmed by this feeling of guilt, even though I didn't think I'd experience a love story this complicated. Now I'm gonna end this.
To: laila_asyifa
To: yunaamira
Assalamu’alaikum..
Sorry before, I hny want to explain well2 bc kmu. But I beg you not to be angry first yes, please.. It's about Rizal.
I don't read km tweets that offend me, so don't like the closeness of me and Rizal. As a fellow woman, I know how you feel, I understand I'm outraged, but really between me and Rizal there's no connection whatsoever, we are indeed close since long ago because we are sdh brfriend dr SMP. Crena is simply heartbroken2 because of God, I apologize for my outrageous attitude.. I hope to judge if you have a chest to forgive me jg smata2 because Allah Swt.
I promise I won't interfere with your relationship lg..
Please forgive yes 🙂
After typing the email I ventured immediately to click the send button. And a few seconds later the delivery message appeared, my email was already sent! Suddenly I was anxious, afraid that Yuna would not forgive me. I waited for an hour and there was no reply. I decided to log out.
Tomorrow I open my twitter, and I check the inbox turns out there is a reply from Yuna. I hesitated to open it.
To: yunaamira
To: laila_ashifa
Wscs..
Yes, I've been sorry ko dr first jg 🙂 sbnrnya I jd doubt sm Rizal, aplg I gk bs forgot sm the incident wktu taun new.. Mm dsni hard signal. If you want a story2 about Rizal, text me. This is my no.: 085332XXXXXX
New year events? Mean what? Ah already.
To: laila_asyifa
To: yunaamira
Thanks yun 🙂
nothing pngen I tell ko, I gk mw broken your hub. Whoa yun, Allah must be a good man for km, whoever it is 🙂
Yuna retaliated.
To: yunaamira
To: laila_ashifa
Aamiin, same with la 🙂
After apologizing to Yuna, there was like a cool breeze that relieved my chest. At least I won't continue to be haunted with guilt because Yuna has forgiven me.
Now I'm really going to stay away from Rizal. I think this has all proved that Rizal is not a good man. I have to be honest..
It is true as Said Ali bin Abi Talib said that love will not ask to wait, but take chances or welcome. And I chose to invite Rizal to maintain his love for Yuna. Because I believe a soul mate is going nowhere, and God must have prepared a much better man for me with the love that is certainly worth it. It's not the inappropriate love I felt for Rizal.
And I'm so grateful that I'm able to stick to my principle of not dating.
The good is for the good, for it is better that I strive to be good in order to get the good.
