Love Me Because of God

Don't Be Sad

My nights of the past month have been filled with prayers through istikharah. The prayer of hope is always begging in my obligatory prostrations and qiyamul lail. May God grant this prayer soon. Selfishness does not feel entitled to demand immediately come true but I believe Allah is All-Hearing. Bismillah…

Okay, my name is Fitria Isnaini. Commonly called Pipit Now I am still listed as a student of one of the private universities in Jogja. Not only that I also “nyambi” work in one of the junior high schools as an honorary teacher. I've been doing this job since I stepped on in the 6th semester. Well, living alone without a brother in Jogja forced me not to stand idly by relying on money sent from parents in Borneo there.

The final days of my recovery are in sight. I've been following KKN, PPL, thesis and a series of other tasks. Mid-July this year I will soon graduate S-1, Alhamdulillah, hopefully smoothly, Aamiin. But it did not bother my mind too much, although I also dag-dig-dug waiting for that special moment but deep in my heart tucked more obstinate thoughts. Two weeks ago my parents came to London. I really didn't expect it because either Dad or Mom had never talked about this before. They arrived at my hostel at about 3 p.m. After the maghrib prayer without ba-bi-bu at length both my parents talked about his intention to come to Jogja. Enough, I had guessed before, after graduation my parents wanted me to get married. Married Oh, who does not want to perform the sunnah of the Apostle perfected half his religion. But. but. hey is this not too rushed.July this year I am only 23 years old over 5 months and that's the age that I think is still very very very very young at all.

“pokonya cepet home yes nduk.” said lady beak from across there. “iya yes Bu, tomorrow Pipit soon slide this also new “ngepak-ngek” kok.” I replied politely. “yasalah, you continue again, this Mom wants to pay a salary at the house of Ms. Mawardi..” Say again by giving a sign to end this short conversation.

Haaahh. I took a deep breath. 4 years ago, in this city, I dreamed and harbored those hopes, trying to make up all about the dynamics of life. Well, I know you not only in days or months but years. To learn and discover the meaning of a struggle for survival. Found me with many lessons many things many people, college, friends, girlfriend. Boyfriend And now it's time for me to go back to the opposite island, yeah Borneo I’m coming

- 4 days later

“gimana nduk...there is already something that you see fit.” said my father started the conversation that afternoon in the living room.

“ini happens to be Mom there are photos and data from the ikhwan.” Add my mom while propping up sheets of paper and some photos.

I'm picking it. My heart was pounding with cold sweat attacking even trembling hands. I observed one by one the brothers in the photo and I read their biodies. I don't really understand what this all means. Why are my parents so adamant that I should get married. Though what, I am still young college also just finished work not yet get any experience of the outside world is still lacking. And more heartbreakingly, I already have a boyfriend. Bayu, well he's been my girlfriend for 2.5 years. He was on campus with me but he was different from the program and last July he also graduated.

One week before my return, I tried to tell him everything. But I immediately expressed that intention when we met at a cafe. I saw his wife's face, I looked at his two eyes. Faraway. Deep. My heart grew increasingly stifled, sick, all the memories with it that were blocking my throat from clogging the barriers between my heart, thoughts, and feelings. The thread of my tears broke the silence of the twilight. Bayu raised my face. Sticky-looking.

It seems Bayu felt a strangeness in me long ago the week before. My attitude is suddenly indifferent, judes and very sensitive. It's uncomfortable. However, she understood and did not suspect that I was harboring a painful secret. Even so, we still communicate well like dating people. Every night he calls too. Messaging me to be all right at home and taking the time to tell. He also greeted my parents.

I just kept quiet, held my breath for a few seconds and let go slowly. There's ait stuck in my eye patch. Be ill. I put the pictures on the table without commenting and did not dare to look at my parents. I'm so cornered in a situation like this. I wanted to run to the room but my body suddenly weighed stiff legs.

“nduk Pit ” Ask My Mom Suddenly. I was shocked and subconsciously left the two of them. Crying out.

healthy Partner RSJ, 09.30 a.m-

“kakak I said to the woman in front of me. Muhaima Safitri, my first and last brother. He's sick, mentally ill, to be specific. Three years in this hospital hoping to get treatment and be able to treat his pain. But to this day the results are still nil. It all started when my brother wanted to marry a brother from Padang. We had a wonderful plan already. Hajatan, recitation, wedding dress, gifts, food, decorations all useless when 1 day before ijab qobul the brother and family do not come. Sms and phone calls are done. Until we got word from the brother of the brother that the plane they were on had an accident. Abaghfirullah our family was “geger” not kepalang let alone my brother who immediately fainted when he heard it all. And this is, until now, all of that might be because my sister is stressed, depressed, frustrated or whatever is clearly her soul is disturbed.

“nduk, we did all this for your good. We want you to be happy.”

“iya Pipit knows Mom, but is this not too hasty, getting married this young. Not that I don't want to, but I don't think it's time yet. I haven't worked Bu, haven't devoted the knowledge I've gained for 4 years in Jogja.”

“Dad, Mother..I beg to give time for Pipits to take pikr. I'm not ready even though it's sunnya. Pipit..Pipit also has a girlfriend kok Bu.”

“nduk, you can date anyone as long as he's good. Good at heart of course, but for your boyfriend in Jogja it's sorry I disagree.”

“we do not want you to carelessly look for a life partner, this is definitely the best for you. We do not want your fate to be the same as Sister Ima.”

My heart seemed to stop, as if, so all this time the reason my parents told me to get married so that I was not like Kak Ima who fared crazy that would be a young stress because of the death of her future husband, O Allah.

As time goes by…

Before the ta’aruf process with the ikhwan who taught this tahsin I had time to’aruf with other brothers outside the city on my uncle's info. I reg and steady with him after I get the biodata about him. In addition, shalih, diligent njai, scholars he is also well established. As for the physicality of what I read, she's the ideal type that women look for. Well, who wouldn't be happy to be offered a brother like that. Now I just need to be patient and pray about all this.

But hope remains hope. The process didn't continue like my dream. Three days later I got the certainty that the Brotherhood was retreating. The reason is because of my physicality. Dear God, although I am very disappointed I accept this decision. Understandably, my physical is very not “berclass” my height is not more than 155cm my skin is also not as white as most other women. However, Alhamdulillah, I am grateful for His gift I raised the heart InshaAllah there is still a brother who receives shortcomings and wants to see the positive side of me.

Until one day there was an offer to ta’aruf again, with bismillah I welcome him. The process is a bit slow. I have to wait a week to get the biodegradable. My boyfriend said he didn't want to be rash because he was very careful. He is an S1 undergraduate in industrial engineering. About work he was impressed very demeaning. And I think that's an added plus for him. I told myself and my family what they were. Unlike the brother whose religious background is good. While I just had a small hood, even if you want to travel. I'm not a cottage child knowledge of the science of religion is very limited. Honestly I feel inferior, will my family background be my minus value to continue this ta’aruf process or God's miracle is on my side or even God plans another will

In the waiting that is enough to make me upset this, suddenly shocking news came from Bayu. Hey. I've forgotten about it, um almost I mean. A figure that is now a bit foreign in my heart. Well time to answer all I'm honest that my return to Borneo to accept this demand, the demand to get married. Funny yes I know this is very painful for him, for me too (formerly). I can't accept this fact of letting go of the people I love for the sake of obeying the will of the parents. The reason is simple, because Bayu according to Dad is not good for me. That'sthat's all. But all that I can understand slowly even though it takes time to set the heart.

Assalamualaikum, hi Pipit how am I hrp you're all right, um.. I know this is a tough situation for us but well I understand that from the beginning your family did not open blessing for me. No problem I can accept mski sick and trpaksa. let all brlalu. May you be happy with that plan. Oh yeah I've already got your replacement, her name is Intan. Pray for our lasting smoga. Wslams.

More or less like that text from Bayu. Maybe that's the last text from him right now. Reading it all made my mind go back to college. Suddenly my heart was not broken, though, the person who used to always accompany me in Jogja who always irritated me because of his indifferent nature “ngemong” when I acted spoiled who was always mature and authoritative when I felt tired which I had to leave it for someone else who now does not know its prestige has now got my replacement. O Rabby, in the midst of my uncertain hope, this still strengthens my soul and strengthens my faith. Because until now I still hold that hope. I do not stop praying, if the brother is my soul mate, may You bring me closer but if not, I hope I can accept this with a chest of air. Aamiins.