Love Me Because of God

Just hoping

It is not just about love, but hope that twists as prayer in His sky.

—

“Thank you Ya Alloh for still giving me a chance to see the star of hope in every morning. And to you invaders of my heart, good morning.”

So usual Dinara start his day every morning before activities. The two sentences at the beginning of her daily routine had become something she had barely forgotten in the past five years. Just like that with today.

To him, every day feels beautiful. Full of hope and optimism. Wh why? Because there is him. Because there is love in him. Gana, the invader of his heart. The man had been a prince in his heart for nearly five years. His figure seemed to have been so fused in his soul that he could no longer turn to another man. For Dinara, Gana was an extraordinary man. Gana is the most important instrument in his life.

It sounds ridiculous. But that's how she loved him, loved Gana. Ah no, put it exactly. Dinara does not care if people consider him stupid because of that love. He's just happy like that. And for the last four years, Aivi has known Dinara's madness. Aivi was her best friend from the time she entered college until they had just graduated college at this time. Even so, Aivi never knew which man her best friend really loved all this time. He only knew that Dinara loved a man named Gana. Either that's for sure or not.

“You daydreaming? She again?” suddenly Aivi patted Dinara on the shoulder, waking her from her wandering reverie to the land of nowhere, looking for the prince she longed for. Aivi then sat next to Dinara while watching the passersby in the city park. Sunday mornings are indeed their regular schedule of going to the city park.

“Hah, did you ask what Vi?” Dinara.

“Emm was right my guess! How long will Gana make you like this?!” abugn.

“Like this? Why me? I'm fine.”

“Well, hopefully it's true you're okay. Don't let it be because of him, you're closing your eyes to reality.”

“Means?” Ask Dinara wonder.

“Yes, isn't the fact that you guys never had anything to do? And I don't know what kind of feeling makes you so upset. Love, curiosity, or just obsession?”

Jamb. Dinara's heart trembled at Aivi's words. He did not know why, there was pain that cut his heart. He wanted to cry to hear it. But, as much as possible he tried not to shed tears. Pilu.

“Di, are you okay?” Aivi looked at Dinara with a worried look.

“Mmh. Yes.” Dinara. But he lied. His heart is not good at all. To him, Aivi's words were a terrible blow that instantly awakened him to uncertainty.

Inner crying. It's so sad it feels. This time he was hurt. It's reality. Aivi had woken her from those dreams. But, Dinara could not be honest with himself. Dinara did not want to say what Aivi had said.

Five years of loving Gana in her own way was enough to drive her almost crazy. But Dinara loved the madness. He could not easily come back to his senses and let go of his love.

Dinara was silent. Not a word came out of his stupid lips. He is just thinking right now. Thinking about Aivi's words earlier. Thinking about her, Gana and her feelings. And also think about his best friend, Aivi.

– Why can Aivi say and think like that? Why is it only now that he comments like that after some time we were together? Did he get so caught up in my madness that he thought that? Or is my love for Gana so wrong in her eyes? Why? –

Dinara was amazed at his best friend. His mind kept wondering. Dinara felt that there was nothing wrong with her feelings for Gana. He just wants to love someone like that. He just wants to be a Dinara who with all his love and prayers managed to keep his heart only for a Gana only.

– Then why does Aivi make me look so pathetic? Hey, I've never hurt anyone with that feeling. I have never felt wronged by my love. Besides, I'm sure Gana never minded the existence of my heart that never touched her in the least. I never tried to touch Gana's heart. I just love her from the most beautiful angle I can think of, while keeping Gana safe and comfortable in her own world. Then, what's wrong? –

Aah, Dinara can't think too much anymore. His heart is still grieving. Maybe Aivi just loves him too much. Yes, maybe so.

One day, two days, three days, a few days passed. The days of Dinara passed as usual. But his days are so dull now. I don't know why. He lost a bit of freedom to feel deeply the vibe of his love for Gana. Well, ever since Aivi threw ‘unyuek-unyapnya’ about his madness, Dinara felt that at least there was a limit to his freedom. But maybe Aivi is right.

He was not angry at his best friend. No. gabe. Really am. He just felt it took a long time – somehow – to digest Aivi's words and then understand it. Dinara felt that what Aivi said was true, that between him and Gana there was not the slightest connection, but was it wrong if he loved Gana in his own way? That'sallthatis.

To be only you, I pray, To be only yous.

Mandy Moore's melodious voice screeching beautifully from Dinara's phone. Ringtones for incoming calls. Dinara opened the flap of her phone.

“Di.. hello.. are you okay?”

“Hallo.. assalamualaikum Aivi. You don't usually call. What's up?”

“Eh, waalaikumsalam. There's nothing. I just wanted to ask, have you forgotten about it?”

Deg. Whahuh? What did Aivi just ask? Dinara was really surprised to hear that. Really am. It's not that easy to forget, Aivi. Dinara spoke in his heart. He did not have time to answer, Aivi was already nyerocos at the end there.

“You should forget about it. It's enough Di. Love can ruin you, destroy you. You should forget about it. Ah, Yes Alloh. How do I stop you? Is it that hard? Really am. Please forget him. You have to start everything from the beginning. Open your eyes and heart. Forget him.”

– Yes Alloh. Why is Aivi acting like that? Wh why? Doesn't he know what he's saying is making me sick. Really makes me sick. Really am. Not that easy. –

“Hallo.. At? You still there? You okay?”

“Mmh. I'll try it.” Dinara answered at that.

“Good. I'm always there for you. Yes already. Assalamualaikum.”

Tut's. Connection interrupted. Waalaikumsal. Dinara sighed slowly. He still holds his phone. Again he found it difficult to digest and then understood what Aivi had said just now. Always has. His logic always works slower than his feelings. He could only shed tears. The pain of – of course the pain caused by the words Aivi last tempo – that he could almost forget, now back in his heart.

– Yes Alloh.. Have I looked like a crazy person all this time? Why did Aivi insist on being like that? Is he really that sick of seeing my madness? Yes Alloh...what's wrong with everything I've felt all this time? Andwhat? Aivi says that this love can ruin me, mendenakan me? No. gabe. Not at all. This love strengthens me. It changed me for the better. Gave me hope in every day. It gave me the breath to stay in solitude. Gave me strength in the face of life's problems. And most importantly, this love always draws me closer to You. Yes Alloh.. Does Aivi not know all that? Forgetting Gana is not an easy thing and it is not what I want. Not at all. –

Dinara's view is blurred. He not only shed tears, but cried as much as he could. He held his chest. Someone is sick there. Really sick. He stepped towards his study table. He opened the bag lying there. Enclosed by a handkerchief of light blue boxes. There was a small letter in one corner. Pana.

Dinara muttered softly alone. He held the handkerchief tight. Then, his mind turned to one night, five years ago. When he was seventeen years old. The time when he was not as he is now. When one thing changed his life.

Dinara was walking alone when an om-om tried to seduce him to come with her. How the om-om did not behave like that, Dinara's appearance at that time was more similar to the woman of the night. Plus he walked alone when the night was completely concentrated. Where is there a good lady wandering around midnight with such looks try?

Dinara desperately refuses – because she is not the woman of the night that om-om thinks she is - while the om-om desperately forces her. Dinara shouted for help. And at that time, a young man – who either happened to pass by or indeed had been sent God – approached Dinara who was trying to escape from the om-om.

“Please let him go Sir. He's my brother. She's a good woman and not the woman you think she is. Really sir, she's a fine woman. Only, he's not mature enough. Please don't bother him sir. You will regret doing it.” The young man said in a pleading tone to the om-om. The om-om who inexplicably believed what the young man said immediately let go of Dinara. He hurried to leave the place while grumbling, “Your sister's mouse. Maybe next time he won't survive if it's still like that.” The young man just nodded.

The atmosphere of the night was so quiet and quiet. Dinara who felt shocked by the incident cried as much as he could on the side of the road. The young man came up to him and pulled out a handkerchief from inside his pants pocket and tried to calm down. He then takes Dinara into his car and drives Dinara home. He asked the address of the girl. Before long, the young man's car arrived in front of a mansion. Dinara's House. They both got out of the car.

“I'm not that kind of woman.” Said Dinara who was still crying.

“Om-om earlier or any man would not dare to bother you if you did not run off at midnight like this and your appearance is not like that. But, I believe you're a good woman. Really.” The young man returned to his car. Leaving Dinara still riveted. His car sped away from Dinara.

Dinara. He looked around and found her alone. Then, he saw a handkerchief in the grasp of his hand. Light blue checkered handkerchief. His gaze was fixed on the writing sewn with black thread on one corner of the handkerchief. Pana. His heart rippled softly as he remembered the young man who had just helped him. A kind-hearted young man who was completely unknown to him.

Since then, the city has changed. His lifestyle, his appearance, his behaviour, he said, his thoughts. Everything is changing for the better. Really, the power of love is so beautiful. For years he had hoped to meet the young man who had saved his life. He always remembered that he had not been able to thank the young man, until now.

To be only you, I pray, To be only yous.

Incoming call. The shadow of the past then fades. Dinara wiped her tears. Then he opened his phone flap.

“Assalamualaikum Aivi's. Why again?”

“Waalaikumsalam. I forgot to tell you Di. Next week, come to my house. There's thanks. Oya, I'll introduce you to someone. Someone I love very much. Emm you must like it. Ah be careful, you can love her. hehe”

“Why?”

“Yes, because he deserves to be liked, loved. Yes already. Assalamualaikum.”

“Waalaikumsalam.”

Dinara breathed. Lately he has been breathing more often. I don't know why. He suddenly recalled his conversation with Aivi just now.

– Introduce me to someone he cares about so much? Liked it? Loved her? Wh who? A thanks? Ah, yes. Aivi will not be proposed. The person he was referring to was probably the candidate. Ja. So apparently. But why has he never told me before? What kind of friend am I? I have absolutely no idea what happened in Aivi's life all along. Maybe, because I was too busy with my madness. Yes Alloh.. Aivi, I'm sorry. –

A week went by so fast. But, for Dinara time so feels so slow. It was because his feelings were so uncertain. Well, that's.

Dinara has arrived in front of Aivi's house. Lots of cars there. It seemed, all of Aivi's extended family were gathering for the thanksgiving event.

Dinara stepped into the mansion. His eyes were immediately drawn into the house. There's a lot of people in there. And, Yes Alloh.Dinara's heart almost stopped beating. His breath suddenly cramped. He saw Aivi on the living room sofa. But, his attention was not on his best friend, but a handsome young man beside Aivi. That young man, Dinara sure never saw it. Yeah, how could he forget? But why is that young man here? And. and the young man looked so close to Aivi. What possible? Dinara suddenly grabbed his chest. Someone was gnawing at his heart again. This time it hurt more than ever.

– How could it be like this Ya Alloh? Why should Aivi? Why did Aivi have to be with Gana? And, they look really familiar. They were kidding. Aivi smiled, laughed. It was the perfect happy expression of Aivi. How come? Yes Alloh. –

Dinara is still standing at the door. His feet were paralyzed instantly. Her eyes hurt. So sore. But how would he cry at a time like that? Thousands of questions stifled his mind one by one.

– Has anyone ever felt when someone else's smile actually brings a wound to our heart? I've been. Has anyone ever felt when the laughter of others unconsciously makes our tears fall? I've been. Has anyone ever felt when the happiness of others is actually not – at all - making our hearts happy too? I've been. Yep. I've felt all that. On here. At present. I don't know what kind of feeling his name is. Clearly, this is really painful. –

“Dinara.. Have you come? Come here.” Aivi's voice suddenly resuscitated Dinara who was transfixed. Aivi approached Dinara and brought him in. For some reason, Dinara found it difficult to move his legs. Reluctantly he finally set his foot step by step. They sat down right in front of the young man. The young man smiled sweetly at Dinara. Dinara's heart grew more bitter.

“How, you like it don't you?” said Aivi while patting Dinara on the shoulder. Dinara did not dare to answer. If only Aivi had known, that young man had been the prince of Dinara's heart for five years.

“How, you like it don't you?” Aivi asked the same question again. But this time it wasn't Dinara. Except for the young man in front of him. The young man just smiled. Her face flushed. Dinara still doesn't understand.

“The name is Rida Lenggana. He's my cousin's brother. Ah, you must not remember? Yeah, where is it possible. You've been busy with your Gana all this time. Didn't I tell you that a few times? Rida, my cousin who has been studying in Turkey for five years and has a permanent job there. Geez Di, you really never listen to my story like.”

As usual, Aivi nyerocos without regard to the response of the listener. Meanwhile, Dinara felt disbelief in what he heard. He still has no voice.

– Cousin? Not a husband candidate? Geez, why am I so quick to conclude? –

“You know Di? I love him so much. He is a good man and deserves a good one. He used to love a woman he met one night on a city street. He said he couldn't forget the girl. But, fortunately, Rida is not like you who is very difficult to forget Gana. He liked you right away when I first showed you a picture of you four years ago. He liked you more when I told him so much about you. Every time we communicate, he's always asking for your news and asking me to tell you about you, all the things about you. But he forbade me to tell you. He wants you to stay that way, to judge Gana. He doesn't want to mess with your madness he said. But when he came home from Turkey last week, he finally asked me to introduce you directly to him. That's why I insist on wanting you to forget about Gana. I thought you'd like my cousin. You guys are very suitable.”

Dinara was silent. But this time the pain disappeared. Replaced by a feeling that I don't know what its name is. Happy, excited and what it is. All he thought about was how could this happen? Meanwhile, the young man before him met in red.

“I like the name Gana. I want to be called that. Really am. Ah, but no one knows that. Everyone calls me Rida.” The young man was silent for a moment. Then with a sternness he continued. “Emm.. What.. do you want to come with me to Turkey? Surely, after we got married here.” The young man named Rida Lenggana had just said the words he had long wanted to convey to the girl before him. The girl he's been fond of since he first met five years ago one night when he was enjoying his last night in his hometown before he left for Turkey. A feeling of relief, anxiety and happiness mixed in his heart.

Dinara was powerless to hold back her tears from falling this time. Let everyone see her cry at this moment. Because no one knew how he cried in his solitude, how he cried withholding all his feelings, how he cried in every hope he offered in his prayers. Let it.

Dinara pulled out a light blue checkered handkerchief bearing the name Gana – which she always carries with her wherever – from her handbag. While nodding he gave the handkerchief to the owner. “Thank you, for everything.” His words flowed while shedding tears. The young man smiled as he received back his handkerchief.

Aivi gawked at the sight before her. “Yeah, so all this time?”

—

And when the hope that we offer in each of our prayers is not answered by Him directly Yes or No, then in fact He replied, “Wait, I will give the best for you in time.”