Love Me Because of God

Not Time yet

Assalamu’alaikum wr.wb

Dias, it seems like our relationship has gone too far. I feel like too much harm is going on between us. Maybe we better end this. Excuse me…

Deggs. I looked up when I read the short message on my phone screen. My throat was stuck for a moment. The message I just received really surprised me. I've been reading repeatedly and ascertaining the truth of the text. Even I really hope it's not a text from him. However, the reality is that everything feels so far from hope. That sms was really from Arif that he was pointing at me. For Dias and not for anyone else.

My head almost broke while reading the message. My world seemed to collapse and crash instantly. I don't even understand why Arif suddenly texted me, after a long time he never returned the text I sent him. What exactly does all this mean? Why is there no clear reason for him? Didn't he even give me an explanation? Did I mean nothing to him anymore?

Really, I can no longer hold back these stifled tears. It all just spilled. I cried sobbing, alone, in the corner of the room. My heart was completely broken crying over this painful grief. Apparently, he really did not want to continue this relationship. He had already ended the story that had just been written in a new leaf. The relationship that has been established for more than 1 year turned out to be completed here. All the stories between me and him, he's really finished.

God, is it wrong that I put my heart on him? Is it wrong if I keep expecting it? Why does this harsh reality have to happen to me, at a time like this? Why did you let these newly blooming flowers of love suddenly wither back? Wh why?

I'm getting sobbing sad. Grievous. Disillusioned. Crushed. Injured. All of those raging flavors fused together in the chest. Tightness, it hurts my mind so much.

—

July 12, 2010

Krringg!!!

My working clock rang at 04.15, indicating dawn had arrived. The call of the people at dusk, has been echoing since a few minutes ago. With my eyes still not fully open, I rushed to fetch water to immediately perform dawn prayers at the mosque. As usual, I never forget to bring a small mushaf that I will use for tilawah once after the prayer later. This is my daily routine every morning. I always used to use my twilight time to wait for the morning before I left for school. At least fill free time to look for rewards and kindness.

At 06.15. I'm getting ready to go to school. The atmosphere of the Kartini road that I used to walk through still looks so quiet, foggy with the morning air that still feels cold. Then the vehicles have not crowded the streets. I actually slowed down the speed to be able to enjoy the atmosphere of my journey towards while feeling the cold air of the road on this sunny morning. The wind was so sharp that it entered my body. I really enjoyed this atmosphere. But when I was in the middle of the journey, the pleasure was suddenly lost when an unexpected incident happened to me.

Brukk…

A motorcycle suddenly grazed me from the back, making my bike run uncontrollable. At that moment I fell down, fell on the paved road.

“Aduhhh..” exciting me hard.

I saw the biker who had just grazed me stop right beside me. He turned off the engine and immediately helped me who fell.

“You ain't papa?” a voice appeared faintly in my hearing.

“What? It's like he said no papa. Don't see if I fall down like this, my inner” is upset.

“You are...” I looked up and... Oh my God! An angel looked at me with her beautiful eyes. So handsome and made me suddenly speechless and fixated while looking at him. Really, it was the first time I saw such a perfect person.

“Hei?” the angel waved his hand in front of my face. “Sorry, aren't you pa pa pa? Any injuries?” ask again. He was really looking at me at the time.

“Eh? Oh.. I.. Yes, I don't pa pa.” Reply slowly. I immediately got up while setting up my upside-down motorbike. He also helped me and somehow suddenly my heart was beating so fast this time, while staring at him up close.

“Sorry to make you wretched. I was a little dreamy. Are you hurt? Your bike how?”

“No, I think everything is fine,” said I was still in a daze.

“Mm..sorry, tell you what, this is my phone. If something goes wrong later, just call me.

“Mm..sorry, I didn't want to run away, but I happen to be in a hurry now. Or maybe I can ask for your phone number,” he said pulling out a piece of paper and pen.

“Eh?” I was stunned for a moment.

“085728562369,” answer me slowly.

“085728562369 Ok. I'll call ya” he said. I nodded slowly.

The guy left after saying goodbye while spreading his beautiful smile to me. Really, this is the first time I've seen such a good-looking angel. God, why was it so fast? If only it could be repeated, I want to stare at him longer, my mind is wondering.

—

SMA N 2 Development. A high school with its excellent accreditation, has a school building that looks very spacious. The building stretches from the north to the south end adjacent to the Prosecutor's office. Seen from the front, there is a basketball court located in the middle of the school building. Just to the north, there are six two-story classrooms lined up neatly. Detailed from the PKN classroom to culminate in a Javanese language classroom. A garden that is arranged in such a way, looks so shady and beautiful, decorating the school environment with shade. It is clearly reflected that this school is an adiwiyata-based school.

I immediately rushed towards my class located in front of the hall. The room is not much different from other classrooms. Tidily laid out with a whiteboard attached at the front.

I'm almost 5 minutes late for class if I don't hurry. A moment after that, a teacher entered my class. A man in his service uniform stood in front of the class explaining the mathematical formula in the first hour of my lesson. He looks so serious and so authoritative. Mr. Suhirman, he is a Mathematics teacher who is currently standing in front of the class.

“Payment made in such purchase is five percent if..”.

I looked at the white board that was being tulisi numbers by Mr. Herman when explaining the mathematics of the buying and selling chapter. But my thoughts are not at all fixed on that formula, the number or the other percent, but on a human figure resembling an angel whom God had met with me this morning. I still remember when she put out her beautiful smile on me.

“...When if at 15% discount, then the purchase price is ten...?”

Aargh!! What the fuck am I? What are you thinking, Dias? Focus on..

“Apriani Dias Ramadhani. Try, what price should be paid after the discount?” ask Herman suddenly. All the class views were on me.

“Eh? How many? Ten, sir,” I replied accordingly. At least Mr. Herman had said that.

“Ten what?”

“Ten... million, Sir,” I said slowly.

“Ya, right. True my guess if you were daydreaming,” said Mr. Herman. The whole class laughed. Mr. Herman looked at me in a daze. I was the only one who was embarrassed without being able to do anything.

***

I took a long breath. My mind was focused on the incident I had just experienced this morning. At first glance I remembered a guardian angel. Yes, the helper angel that I myself forgot to ask what her name was. I smiled to myself remembering the incident.

Beeps…

A message came in and broke my daydream. New number. I frowned full of questions. Without a second thought, I immediately opened the message. My eyes popped out at once reading the contents of the message. She's she?

Oh my God, could this be just a dream? She call me? My mind is smiling.

From: 085729098765

Assalamu’alalaikm. Hi, I'm Arif, who didn't accidentally hit you on the street. Sorry, that was in a hurry. How are you doing now?

I smiled reading that text. Arifs. The angel was named Arif. Immediately, my hand was moved to save the number and reply to a text from him.

To: Arif (085729098765)

To: Arif (085729098765)

Thank goodness then. Engg... If you may know, what is your name? If you look at the uniform you wear earlier, it looks like you are a student of N 2 High School Development.

To: Arif (085729098765)

I'm Dias. Yes, I'm from High School 2 Development. Which High School are you from? And if you can know why was I in such a hurry? Afraid of being late for school? he

To: Arif (085729098765)

I'm from SAPA. SMA N 1 Development. He he yes, understand the first hour there is a repetition, so must be prepared. Eh... listen to SMAPA there is a poetry reading contest? Registration has not started yet?

To: Arif (085729098765)

Ohh. Yes, I happen to be her role model. Registration was recently opened. Wh why? Want to follow, right? You can, hhe

To: Arif (085729098765)

Ja. It's going there tomorrow to take part in the race. Wow, what a coincidence, hhe. Okay I'm listing you. Engg. insya Allah tomorrow afternoon I stop there to take care of the files. Thanks before.

I smile. This all feels like a dream. That angel I just knew, is coming to school tomorrow for the race list. That means I'll see him again. Yeah, met a kind-hearted angel named Arif.

My smile spread out instantly. I can't wait for tomorrow just to meet Arif, my guardian angel.

This morning I was excited to go to school. Unlike usual, I look at myself in front of the mirror like this. I silently looked carefully at my appearance. For a moment, a shadow flashed by me about that guy. Arifs. I don't know why I thought about it again.

“Dek, spout dong down. It was noon, nih,” shouted brother Ahmad from behind the door. My daydream broke out instantly. I rushed to snatch the bag and caught up with Mr. Ahmad who was waiting outside to immediately leave for school.

From a distance I saw an Arif walking towards me. For me, Arif who was yesterday, is still the same as Arif who is now. He looks perfect despite his simple appearance.

“Assalamu’alaikum wr. wb,” greet Arif slowly.

“Wa’alaikumsalam, wr. wb, come alone?”

“Neg. I'm the same friend, but he's late. Maybe it'll be here soon. Oh, yes, these are the registration files requested. If there is less, you say so. Let me complete immediately,”

“For a moment, I check first,”

It didn't take me long to check the files. I don't know why my heart was beating as I turned to look at her. Our views met for a moment.

“San, sorry late. Have you been waiting a long time?”

“Neg. This just came. Coincidentally directly found the model,”

I looked and switched. An old friend appeared before me. He was not so foreign to me, for I knew him well.

“Farah?”

“Dias?”

Arif turned to look at me and Farah. He seemed confused to see the two of us.

“You two know each other?” ask Arif.

“Know. Good though. Dias is my close friend from Junior High, San,”

I smiled at him. And look, she returned my smile, as if understanding.

“God, how perfect he is. Her smile completely dropped, my inner” in heart.

—

My acquaintance with Arif can be said to be brief. It all started with an accident. And I don't know why my relationship with him has continued until now, until finally the message came to change everything.

“Dek, you why?” greet someone from behind the door.

“Kak Ahmad..”

“Hey, what happened? Why are you crying?”

“Arif, sis. He ended it all,” I'm getting sobbing.

“Wait, wait. Ending up? Aren't you guys dating?” ask brother Ahmad wonder.

“Emang, sister. But we're deket,”

“Oh, so so. Yes, brother knows. Then you cry it because of him?” ask Ahmad again. I nodded slowly. I showed you the sms I just received to brother Ahmad. But the man in front of me laughed at me.

“Yes, geez, deck. The problem just goes downright crying. Basic crybaby,”

“Ih, brother Ahmad instead of entertaining, even dropping. Wear another laugh,”

“Hehe joking. What's the benefit of crying because of a guy? Try to think. You are the same Arif is just friends, nothing more and nothing less. We also know that he is the chief rohis. Take notes. K-E-T-U-A. So it's only natural that he says like that to you,”

I'm speechless. What Ahmad said is true. I even put that aside. I shouldn't be lamenting fate just for losing like this.

“If you are a match, you will definitely come back again,” he continued smiling. My mind was finding a little bright spot from him.

“I think brother is right. I shouldn't be sad and crying over all this,”

“Well, you're conscious, now. That's why he stopped crying his blood. Not yet time to know you're starting,”

A thin smile spread from me. Though this heart aches, yet I will try to forget all of this, yes, with a new step and a new leaf.