Love Me Because of God

Carving Dreams In My Destiny

The night grew late the sound of crickets in the yard sounded so crowded as if they were singing a song that was able to bewitch the people who heard it so they fell asleep and lived in their dreams. The blowing wind also does not want to be inferior to the sound of crickets, so supportive to roll the body in a warm blanket.

While the people were being lulled by their night dreams but not for a beautiful woman named Fatimah Az Zahra, it had been several nights that she could not sleep, sometimes the feeling of fatigue and drowsiness very often approached him because his activities demanded knowledge in the boarding school Ulumul Qur’an for a full day, but when he laid himself on the bed and tried to close his eyes again the shadow of the face appeared and was present as if the shadow was dancing beautifully in his mind and kept repeating like that until it looks like a rerun of a story in a soap opera that displays scenes of the characters.

Zahras. As it is the people who used to call her, her name is beautiful as the person, her face is beautiful, a Sholehah woman who is so strict in maintaining the rules of Islam in her life. Zahra comes from a simple family, both parents work as farmers who have to support their three children, but from his family he was able to learn about how life, how difficult it is to live life, how difficult it is, how can we survive without straying from the corridors of Islam even though we are in an increasingly modern age.

The night was so silent that perhaps the people were asleep, but it could not persuade his eyes to shut, slowly he got up from the bed and decided to go to the bathroom and take ablution, “Maybe I better pray and ask for guidance from Allah.” thought Zahra.

A moment later he was standing on his alphabet with a plain white face, he intended to perform Tahajjud prayer and ask God for guidance on all this. Before praying he had a glance at the wall clock hanging beside his bed, “It was 02:00” he said slowly for fear of waking up his friends who were also in the room with him.

Zahra became more and more lulled in her prayer, verse by verse that she read so beautifully heard in the ear, and, understand Zahra was a Qari’ah also a hafidzah in his cottage and he understood very well the meaning of each verse he read.

When he came across a verse describing Allah's promise to include his faithful servant in heaven Zahra was pleased and so wished that he belonged to that group of believers. And when he found the verse of the Qur’an which describes the hell which is reserved for the disbelievers and hypocrites he felt so afraid, so, he was afraid and shed tears crying with as much as he could when he read the verse. And in Zahra's heart he’a may he not belong to the class of the disbelievers or hypocrites.

Ba’da prayer Zahra raised his hand up and read do’a which is usually read after the Tahajjud prayer, then followed by his outpouring to his beloved lover, Allah Swt.

“Yes Allah.who are the people who can be my companion in life, both in joy and sorrow, when laughing and crying, when happy and sad, when happy and sad, and the most important thing is to be my companion in worshiping You, in performing the Sunnah of Your Apostle, and in expecting Your Ridha, O Allah, become a priest for me and for my children.” pinta Zahra softly in her tears.

“I want him to be my soul mate later. I felt he was the best of the good among all the men I had ever met. Let me hope for him and hang my hope on You, O God, even if he is not my destiny in this world, then allow me to be with him in the Hereafter, let us both be together in thy heaven.” Such is the holy love of Zahra, the love of the servant of God which he bestows upon the All-Knowing of the heart.

Slowly he felt a drop of warm water had flowed gently on both of his cheeks, again the face appeared in his mind dancing beautifully in his mind.The face of a man who was none other than his own ustadz, was his own, a face that looks so honest, responsible, mature, handsome, and very worthy to be made a priest in the family with his prayer. The face that is always desired by most santriwati in her cottage. And it is this face that has recently always appeared and haunted Zahra's mind. It is certain that the person is ustadz Hafidz, an Egyptian Cairo scholar who successfully completed his S1 and S2 programs there.

Zahra still remembers the last few weeks when Ustadz Hafidz entered his class to teach the Science of Tafsir Al-Qur’an, ustadz Hafidz looks very different in his attitude especially this is aimed at Zahra himself and not other students, so Zahra feels to be the one and only woman who is the most special compared to the women in this world.

He still remembers with the eyes of ustadz Hafidz who accidentally met with his gaze, he still remembers when ustadz Hafidz said “I want to marry a woman who even though only an ordinary santri, he still remembers when he said <TAG1>, although later only worked as an ordinary teacher but his job is halal”. He still remembers the words of ustadz Hafidz when he taught and rightly stood before him Zahra “Ya Allah, right now her people are in front of me, I want her to be my soul mate not someone else, because she is better than others.” This is what ustadz Hafidz said, although ustadz Hafidz does not mention that the name of the woman is Zahra but somehow Zahra's feelings always say that the woman in question is him without him knowing how the real Ustadz Hafidz feels about him how.

All the words spoken by ustadz Hafidz have been held so firmly in mind and have always been ringing in Zahra's ears, so even though he tried to forget it but all it will appear again, and again the face of Ustadz Hafidz will be imagined in his mind Zahra. This is God called love.

Zahra then laid his body on the prayer mat that he had used to perform prayer, without him noticing his eyes began to shut and finally when dawn arrived he was awakened from his sleep. Such is the habit of Zahra that he did if he could not sleep by performing prayers and finally he fell asleep on his own prayer mat.

Today Ustadz Hafidz teaches in his class Zahra, and Zahra is so agitated and impatient to wait for the arrival of ustadz as well as the man he greatly admires and he hopes to be his match.

“Asslamu’alaikum.” said ustadz Hafidz in a very polite tone of voice, he had seen towards Zahra and just then Zahra glanced at ustadz Hafidz, their views met at that moment, too, Zahra glanced at ustadz Hafidz, but then the two people immediately lowered their faces. “Astagfirullah al ‘adzim..” Zahra directly pronounces istigfar.

As the lessons were taking place ustadz Hafidz always tried to keep his eyes away from Zahra, and so did Zahra. They both know and understand the law of religion, even though their relationship is a teacher and student, but they are afraid so they still try to keep their eyes. because most demons tempt humans from the gaze of our eyes that we never try to control and we control to see the beautiful but forbidden for us and finally when both eyes are already mutually meet and look then the eyes will turn into a gaze that is so tempting for a servant to carry out the motions. It all starts with the eyes. Naudzubillah…

Fate seems to say something else, what Zahra had hoped for all this time was not in accordance with reality. Ustadz Hafidz wanted to marry another woman, a woman who was very beautiful, kind, and no less important she came from a rich family. a couple that is very compatible if the two of them are together which makes others amazed if they see the two of them together.

Then should the person who keeps his feelings in the heart kill those feelings, bury them in all hope, throw away all dreams, and throw dreams that have been engraved in every do’a.

“Yes Allah..should it be like this, should I give up everything, this is the answer of all my do’a, this is the answer to all my hopes?” lirih Zahra resignedly.

“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women (after all), and good women are for good men and good men are for good women (after all). (Q.s An Nur verse 26).

But what about Zahra and ustadz Hafidz, are not they both good people, is not Zahra is a woman who is pious and ustadz Hafidz is a man who is pious, then why can not be together. Why did destiny have to destroy the ark of hope that Zahra had built with great difficulty, which was rooted and sourced from his heart.

“All the answers are clear, I am not destined for him and he is not for me. I do not blame fate, I do not prejudice against God, and I never blame this feeling, either, because I believe this is the most beautiful feeling He has ever given me.” Zahra said in silence.

It is true that not always something that we consider the best of the best will remain and will be the best for us, because human choices and judgments are often wrong and even wrong, but God's choices and judgments are the best of the best, and everything God determines is the best for us as his servant who resigned in accepting his destiny.

There will be a love story out there, there will be someone who is always waiting for you and expecting your presence. Someone whom God has chosen for you, someone who will faithfully fill the emptiness within you like a faithful moon accompanying the night, and a faithful sun accompanying the day, like a faithful rain accompanies a cloudy sky, like the chirping of a faithful bird accompanies nature. And it will be like that your love story will someday, a time that we do not know when it will come to us, but that time will come. Leave everything to God.