Love Me Because of God

Half

“Tonight is your birthday.” You said remind me that I'm exactly 21.

“We will do as usual.” You said you were tricking me into making a sound.

I just looked down as if I was looking at a small cake in front of me. Even though that's not what I'm looking at. Not that cake, not anything in front of me. But I looked deep into my heart. What really ripples in it.

“Good.. I have one cake, you too.” You said you might not stand my attitude.

I started to focus a little bit on what you said, even though the fret in my heart has not gone away.

“We have a different cake.” You directed me to look at the cake in front of us.

I saw the patience of your gestures, I saw the sincerity of your eyes, but somehow my heart seemed frozen.

Using the knife you held, you cut your me into two halves, as well as mine. Then, half of me you give me and half of me you take for you. It's always like that.

“Why should it be like this?” You ask me like I know I don't understand what you're doing.

“So that each of us knows, you know what I feel, I also know what you feel..” You answer your own questions while looking at me sharply.

I understand what your gaze means. Youlove me. Loving me so much. For a second, those words could shake my heart. But a second later my heart turned around. Kulirik the man who sat among us. We are not both, but three. Not just you and me, but him.

“You can't know what I'm feeling just by eating half my cake.” I finally answered your words.

I wept. Seeing my uncontrollable feelings, you suddenly left. That is you, unable to see the fall of my tears.

“You love me?” Ask him after you're out of sight.

Feels claustrophobic. How can I breathe freely, if the person I love and the person who loves me, both of them ask questions that hit my heart.

“What do you think?” He urged me to speak.

“You don't love me?” I asked back at once indirectly the answer to his question.

“Your destiny is not me, but her.” He said break my heart.

After that I ran looking for you.

It was a relief when I saw you prostrate in the mosque where you and he used to congregate together. It wasn't her refusal that made me run for you, but your prostration that might have opened my heart and led me towards you. I began to understand why you were still by my side even though I hurt you so much, why did you still love me despite the anxiety wrapped around my heart. Because you see me in your prostration, because you dream of me in your istisharah.

I also have my heart.

I accept your proposal, I want to marry you, I will hold your hand and follow your steps wherever you want to take me. I choose you, not because I lost my way to not know where to go. I chose you, not because of the depth of the wound to numbness in the heart. But I chose you, because God willing you are the best priest for me.

As you wish, I say it in front of him, the man I once loved and became the bridge between our loves. He is your brother, the one who even loves me cannot be with me because he belongs to someone else..