Love Me Because of God

All the Will of God

ALLAAHU AKBAR ALLAAHU AKBAR..!! at 04:40 in the morning, I opened my eyes, listening to the beautiful morning prayer. This heart feels calm and peaceful when the prayer signifies the time of prayer to worship Allah SWT has arrived. From the night, I could not rest in peace because my head hurt and my body felt like I was going to have a fever, dashed after hearing the beautiful chant of Adhan coming into my ears. I remember when I was a kid. I was playing in the yard with Abi, who then heard this heart-wrenching chant. It feels like I want to shed tears hearing the melodious chant that is so able to make myself amazed.

“Abi, what is this melodious voice?,” my question to Abi. Abi smiled and approached me.

“Alhamdulillah, prayer time has arrived. Nisa, it is the Adhan that signifies the time of prayer has arrived. We as Muslims must pray when the time comes,” Abi told me.

“But how does it feel to be calm and calm here, Abi? it was time to play again, Nisa did not understand anything, but. when the melodious voice that Abi called the Adzan was heard, here it felt calm. Why Abi?,” my lot is plain with an innocent face while pointing at my own chest. Abi held my little shoulder and smiled.

Memories of the past. I immediately got up from my bed and then took Wudlu water to purify myself of the hadats. When finished, I put on a prayer mukena that is useful to cover the aurat. I remember very well the words of Abi, if we are praying aurat we must be closed. Abi taught me a lot about Islam. Abi taught me prayers, prayers, fasting, etc. While Ummi always advises me to keep the speech and always do good to others. O God, thank God, You have a Father and a Mother so glorious in my eyes. Who always draw near to You and teach me to always draw near to You.

I pray that Abi will have a place with Allah SWT, to be one of the inhabitants of heaven. I pray to be given patience and strength in the face of all the trials that Allah SWT gave me and to Ummi. When Abi died, I was devastated. My heart was so sick left by Abi who always accompanied my days and taught me how to become a Muslim. Especially when Abi died, Ummi was so sad that he fell unconscious next to the corpse of Abi who had been forgiven. Seeing Ummi who suffered so much for Abi's departure, I was very sad. All I can do is pray and leave everything to the Khalik, who created the earth and its contents and who created the living things that exist in this world. When Abi died, I was angry about why God took Abi's life. However, I remembered Abi's words in the hospital and immediately asked Allah for forgiveness for my attitude.

“If Abi is gone, Nisa equals Ummi don't be sad, huh? don't be angry, don't be disappointed. All who live will feel dead. And all living things that Allah has created will one day return to HIM. Nisa just as Ummi must be more patient in living life, even when the trials of life come you must continue to pray. When trials and problems come, Nisa never think that Allah does not love Nisa and Ummi, instead Allah is very dear to Nisa and Ummi. Remember, Allah SWT will never give trials beyond the limits of human ability. When sad or happy, Nisa must remember God. Never give up prayer and keep thinking of Allah. Nisa understands, right what Abi said?,” Abi said in a soft voice.

I shed tears remembering Abi's words. I pray that Abi be kept away from the terrible torment of the grave and the fire of hell. O God, I thank You and thank You for bringing a Father like Abi. I am so grateful to have sholeh and sholeha parents like Abi and Ummi. May I be a good Muslim like Ummi. Amen, Yes Rabb. After the dawn prayer, I took Al-Qur’an and began to read the holy verse of Al-qur’an. Then remember again when Abi taught me to read the Qur’an and told me to memorize the short surahs contained in the Qur’an every time I finished teaching. When we were children, we must have been told a story before bed by our parents. When other children asked to tell the story of Cinderella, snow princess, rapunzel and other children's stories, I asked Abi and Ummi to tell the story of the Prophets and Apostles. And there are so many valuable lessons I learned. Subhanallah, I am grateful to have a small sakinah family, mawaddah, warahmah.

Morning time. Neighboring chickens crow with other chickens. The birds chirp among the branches of the trees. The sun began to rise in the Eastern horizon warming the morning of the day. The clean air was still refreshing that morning. I opened my bedroom window, breathed clean fresh air, saw the people who started walking down the street in front of the house. I grabbed the brown bag I bought last year, muttering “When to start the day with Bismillah.”.

“Nisaaa. Come breakfast,” call Ummi from the dining room.

“Iyaa, Ummi,” sahutku while wearing socks and then out of the room to the dining room. The aroma of toast began to smell, Uuhh.

“Morning, Ummi,” my friendly greetings while looking at the breakfast dishes that Ummi has prepared at the table.

“August, son. Come sit,” Ummi let me sit down to enjoy breakfast made by Ummi.

“Wah, I think it's good, nih. Hehe..,” godaku.

“kok kayaknya, anyway?,” asked Ummi with a facial expression that was deliberately made to frown.

“Iya, huh. This toast must be delicious.kan made by Ummi,” my praise while laughing. Ummi smiled at my praise. God, it was nice to see Ummi smiling like that. The last time I saw Ummi smiling was when Abi was still around. May Ummi always smile like this. It was nice to see Ummi smiling again. Thank you, O God.

“Nis, you want to go to work now?,” asked Ummi while applying a piece of toast with fruit jam.

“Iya, Ummi,” I replied as I sipped a glass of warm milk. Slowly Ummi's face turned silent, flat.

“Ummi why silence? there is a problem, yes Ummi?.” I asked slowly while looking at Ummi's face that changed. O Allah, Ummi just smiled now Ummi looks sad again.

“Ah, no really, son. Ummi is just lonely at home because you leave for work early in the morning and come home late at night. Try there's still your Abi, Nis. Surely Ummi will not be lonely continue,” Ummi said sadly. His eyes began to glaze over indicating soon Ummi will shed tears. In fact, Ummi's eyes are swollen. I could not bear to see Ummi sad, then I held Ummi's hand.

“Ummi.. ummi don't be sad. Ummi ain't lonely, really. Allah is always near His servant. Allah is always in the heart of His noble servant Ummi. And also. Ummi does not need to worry about Abi. Abi must have found a beautiful place in Heaven. Abi also must be sad to see Ummi sad over him. Abi will not be happy if Ummi is always sad over Abi's departure. Ummi, we can't be sad all the time. Abi's departure is the will of Allah SWT, and we must be sure it is God's best plan for both of us. Ummi also remembered, right what Abi said? Abi says we can't be sad if Abi leaves us later. We should only pray to God that we may be given patience and strength for God's trials. So, Ummi no need to be sad again huh?,” I told Ummi. Ummi wiped her tears and smiled at me.

“Ummi is grateful to still have you on the side of Ummi, Nis. It does not feel like you have grown into a sholeha child like Abi's longing for Ummi,” said Ummi smiling, but still leaving tears in the corner of his eyes. I smile. Then greet Ummi's hands bidding to go to work.

Daytime. The sun is shining. Some people try to take shelter in the shade. A woman shaded under the trees avoiding the sun. But not with me. I don't take refuge in the shade or under trees. I was shaded enough with my hijab and my clothes, protecting me from the heat of the sun. But who would have thought, that was the day I met a man who is now a priest for my children.

That day, I met Mas Shawwal after coming home from the office. We met while I was waiting for a taxi on the side of the road near the office. Mas Shawwal was picking up Sarah, his little sister who was sitting in Elementary School. I remember when I was in High School, Sarah was a baby. I often see Mas Shawwal holding Sarah on the porch of his house. Right then, quietly tucked in my heart a sense of admiration for Mas Shawwal. Subhanallah, while all young people of Mas Shawal's age are still tangled with foya-foya, dating here and there, Mas Syawal chose to help his mother take care of Sarah and perform congregational prayers at the mosque. I was amazed by Mas Shawwal's personality that was different from other boys. That's why I always pass through the area of his house by riding a bicycle just to see Mas Shawwal. Remembering the incident, I felt funny and embarrassed. Well, his name is a teenager must have felt a sense of admiration for the opposite sex. I have also been advised by Abi and Ummi if the likes are not prohibited, but must be within certain limits. I also understand what Abi and Ummi mean, if I may like the opposite sex, but I cannot do what the young do, which is COURAN! Abi and Ummi said that courtship is justified in Islam, but is done after marriage not before marriage. Dating before marriage is adultery and adultery is a heinous act. I am grateful, growing up in a family close to Islam, close to Allah SWT. My teenage years I went well and right, all because of Abi and Ummi's guidance.

“Assalamu’alaikum,” His speech is friendly to me.

“Wa’alaikumsalam,” My answer is still with a look of astonishment.

“Sorry before. I want to ask.you're Nisa, right?,” asked. I frowned. How does he know my name? who her? his face looks familiar.

“Iya. Sorry, who are you, huh? how do you know my name?,” my question back. The man smiled broadly.

“So you're Nisa? Nisa Annisa, right? Nis, it's me, Shawwal. Remember ga? we used to go to the same high school. Shawwal,” He said a little pleased. I was surprised to hear his confession. Then I looked at his face. Astagfirullah, he is indeed Mas Shawwal.

“Mas Shawwal? I'm sorry I didn't recognize Mas Shawwal's face. Subhanallah, Mas Shawwal has not changed. I'm the one who forgot,” I smiled.

“You haven't changed either, Nis. Thank God, after all these years I just met you here. How are you, Nis?,”

“Alhamdulillah well, Mas Shawwal. How's Shawwal, how good is he?,”

“Alhamdulillah, I'm fine, Nis,” he replied. The car door opened again, this time a little girl hooded out of the car.

“Kak, how do we stop?,” ask.

“Oh, yes, Nis. This is my sister Sarah. Sarah, know this is Nisa's sister, Shawwal's high school friend,” he said introducing us. I smiled and said my name. Sarah also smiled as she politely shook my hand. Sarah is a polite little girl, I can also feel that Sarah is a good boy.

“Nisa, you just got home from work, huh?,” asked Mas Shawwal.

“Iya, Mas. Here I am waiting for a taxi. I don't know if Mas Syawal is coming. I thought who you were, Mas turned out to be Mas Shawwal,”

“Your house is still old, right? I'll take you home, and there's so much I want to talk to you about. Can I take you home?,” politely.

“Oh, no need Mas Shawwal. Fear ngerepotin,”

“Ngga, really. Not at all ngerepotin. I'm glad I got an old friend home. Than you are hot here, it is soon Dzuhur prayer time, right?,” asked. Shawal asked him to take me home. At first I did not feel good to have to trouble Mas Shawwal, but considering the time of Dzuhur prayer is soon to arrive, I accepted his offer. We went home that afternoon. On the way, many things Mas Shawwal asked. We talked about our education and many things. In an instant, we became familiar again just because of the meeting that afternoon.

Arriving at home, I invited Mas Shawwal to stop at home and I introduced him to Ummi. When the dzuhur prayer time arrived, we decided to pray together at home. Me, Ummi and Sarah became his makmum while Mas Shawwal as the priest at that time. I know, all the events of that day, the meeting was the will of Allah SWT. Allah SWT reunited me with Mas Shawwal. After praying, we kept telling stories just adding intimacy between my family and Mas Shawwal.

The days passed quickly. Mas Shawwal turned out to be the new manager in the office where I worked. What an incredible coincidence. I am increasingly convinced there is a reason why Allah SWT wants Mas Shawwal to meet me. Although a manager, Mas Syawal was not arrogant and arrogant. He remains friendly to anyone, whether it's an employee or an office boy in my office. Therefore, Mas Syawal is loved by everyone. Everyone liked his good personality and was not arrogant. Me and Mas Syawal are getting closer, because we work in the same place. I became confused, when the feeling I had felt a long time ago now reappeared in my heart. Oh my God, what is this? why did this sense come back after all these years I hadn't seen her? Forgive me for this unrighteous feeling, O God! I cannot like Mas Shawwal without a clear marital status. How can I like a man when I am not married to him?

Every night I pray. I pray that if he is my soul mate, bring him near me, O God. Ridhilah this feeling, because indeed the noble servant is a servant who loves and is loved because of Allah SWT. However, if he is not my soul mate then do not let this feeling continue in my heart. I am sincere if indeed he is not my soul mate, not my future priest. O Allah, You are the One who rules everything, sustenance and even a soul mate. All that man can do is pray and beg thee O God.

Until one day. One day God answered all my prayers. One day I will have great happiness. All by the will of Allah SWT. Shawwal mengkhitbahku!! he wanted to make me his companion, like Adam and Eve. He wants to be a priest for my children. She wants me to be a mother to her children. He also said why he continued his education abroad if it turns out his ribs are nearby at this time. He wants to marry me. Subhanallah, my tears trickled down hearing his words in front of Ummi and his family. I am very happy to hear that Mas Shawwal wants to marry me, wants to build a household with me. Ummi saw me crying full of novelty then hugged me: “Now you are not little Nisa Ummi anymore, son! but you are now a future mother to your children. You will be a “Ummi”, as Ummi,” Ummi whispers me those words gently. I'm very happy. In the midst of that happiness, there was one sorrow that struck my heart. That happiness turned out to feel incomplete, when I remembered Abi who was not at that time beside me, feeling the same happiness.

Abi, if Abi were here right now, all my happiness would be complete. But I know, Abi must be happy in heaven there, seeing his little daughter who is about to marry a man like Abi. Abi, Mas Shawwal will be Nisa's husband, just like Abi who has become Ummi's husband and father to me. It feels like Abi is here, completing all this happiness. Accepting love, Abi has been guiding Nisa all this time, teaching Nisa various things.

O Allah, Thank you for meeting me with Mas Shawwal. Ridhoilah our marriage. For we both love each other because of YOU, O God. And all this is done by YOUR permission, which can separate us only You, O God. I'm grateful to you for bringing them into my life. Amen, Yes Rabb.