Love Me Because of God

Star of Hope

My soul still dances in the middle of the beautiful night. I glare far away, singing the sound of nature. I feel this beauty is perfect. I almost fell.

“Mi..” call my husband.

“Iya Bi...” sahutku while throwing my eyes off the stars. I looked at my clean husband. He had just attended a thanksgiving from a neighbor next door.

“Ummi daydream again.?”

“Afwan..”.

I move my feet towards my husband. His body is very attractive, perfect. Again and again my heart speaks to Him for giving such a good husband.

“Aisha has slept Mi?”

“Bi Already..”

And I did not escape gratitude for the presence of my beautiful two-month-old angel, Aisha Alfitria Novanti.

Two years ago

Rian was riding his bike fast, but I was in his arms. Many times I blame myself for my actions. During this time the workshop friends often match us. Well, I made my relationship with Rian seem closer. Our hearts are clearly at war with each other. Rian himself was actually very reluctant about my presence. But because it rained tonight while no angkot passed, then Rian was forced to take me to a boarding place not far from the office.

“Mas don't speed” my door

Rian doesn't care about my words. Maybe his mind was full of criticism towards me. I don't know how much hatred is ingrained in his brain, or this is just my prejudice. Actually Rian just didn't want any gossip between the two of us.

“You what the hell is Sinta?” arini's reprimand on a cell phone.

I almost cried when my best friend said in a harsh tone to me. Since my return with Rian, the rumors about me have been getting sater in the office. That night we did nothing that was forbidden by religion. I was just driven home by a Rian. It was forced because of the rain and there was no one else in the office. Well... let alone this?

“If indeed you have released Rian yes do not half-and-half. Know you not if you are the talk here” continued Arini.

“That's Rin?” just plain, “I have nothing to do with Mas Rian”

“You can talk like that to me but the guy who saw you two, mana believe him”

“Somebody saw ya Rin?”

“Yes there, spy a lot”

“But honestly I didn't mean to approach Mas Rian”

“OK, as a friend I understand. But Sin...”

“I was wrong huh Rin?”

“Banget..”.

“While between me and Mas Rian.”.

“Boy friends of the workshop still like to fight you guys right? That's the problem”

“It was also just Rin's toy, so it was not quiet during the trip to Bekasi”

“Oh yes one more, now Rian is placed in Bekasi ya?”

“Iya, I myself do not know Rin about my boss's policy it”

“Padahan Rian has been working in Jakarta for a long time, suddenly moved”

“Any Kan Rin..”

“What do you pray for?”

“Don't expect Rian to be your soul mate”

“I have absolutely no shadow about Rian”

“There are other targets?”

I really don't know what this friend of mine is thinking. Why is Arini so different now. Why does he seem so afraid I will fall on a Rian, even though he used to be very supportive of my efforts to get close to Rian. Maybe Rian is not a good person to accompany my life, maybe…

I know him as a well-mannered person. He worked in Bekasi, and almost every day I met him in the office cafeteria. He eats more under the trees, he says more naturally. He is a very simple person. How my heart is not interested in him, while his speech is very polite.

“Ngekos where is Mas?” I asked him in the second encounter with him. The first meeting I went through with a smile and a nod of my head.

“I contracted in Bekasi” he replied without looking me in the eye. He really is an ikhwan. Subhanallah…

“Same wife Mas?”

“Iya..”

Honestly, my heart is slipping, wow it turns out to have a wife anyway.

“Hehe... not yet, do not have a wife” sahut, maybe he saw the wrinkles of my eyebrows. Or he saw my disappointment behind my gaze.

Since then I have always looked forward to his presence. Sometimes even this miss is felt when a day I do not meet him. If you miss me I will open my facebook page hoping he is online and then we will chat. Just talking about work.

At that moment my heart seemed to flowery. I realized I had fallen for a Brotherhood man named Alfian. I wonder if his heart has also been broken in me? But I dare not express my feelings other than that of the Creator. I've never been absent to tell him about Alfian, every day, every hour, maybe even every minute.

Is Alfian my soul mate, Rabb? if he is my soul mate, bring us close and show us Your power, but if not him, take it away and remove all my race from him.

“Suwe... suwe..” said Rian annoyed while staring at me.

I looked back at him annoyed. My work is still a lot and he is always in a hurry to travel to Jakarta. Indeed almost every day me and some friends workshop round trip North Jakarta – Bekasi.

Rian stared at his black watch, of course it had shown at eight p.m. His tired face was clearly visible what else in the silhouette of the night light.

“Sorry yes Mas” I'm also devastated.

I don't know what makes my anger always subside when I see it. Is it because I used to love him, or because I am lazy to get angry?

I see my phone has five miscalls, from Arini. And a message from Arini.

’You already know the candidate’nya Rian right? now he is treated at the RS, he said he wants surgery tomorrow morning’

I stared at Rian, “Mas sorryin Sinta yes.”.

Rian did not say, indeed he was too stubborn. Or maybe I'm the one who's outrageous. But I did it again accidentally.

A year ago.

I no longer write all the stories. This has to end. Rian and Alfian's shadow seemed to shift frequently. But I convinced my heart to accept what was, and what happened. I threw away my emotional box that had lasted over a year in my room. The box where I write story after story. Box as my happy and sad witness.

We often say the impossible words. Even looking at the impossible is all we don't want. Everyone can dream, they can hope. Just like the beginning I met my soul mate. I saw her as someone I couldn't reach, because she was so beautiful in my eyes. I could only look at him when he was in front of me. Don't say hello I'm even downcast in shame.

Now my soul mate is beside me, eloquently reciting the holy verses of the Qur’an. Ar Rahman's letter sounded so sweet in my ear.

Fabiayyi alaa irabbikuma…

Which favor of the Lord do you deny…

Even out of nowhere at first until this beauty is achieved. There was a chill running through my bloodstream. The fragrance of His love permeates in every breath of mine. I almost avoided all of these favors by following my ego. Life is full of His secrets. That was my wedding day to a perfect creature of God. I used to only be able to greet him from a distance without daring to greet him. Now he will always be with me and will be the priest of my life. Subhanallah…