Love Me Because of God

This Book I Borrowed

In a few days my best friend Iren will have a birthday, after a week we and Azam the idol of his heart are busy looking for gifts.

The night 3 days before Iren's birthday, Azam asked my opinion about what gift he should give to his heart, I was confused. What gifts from our best friend has not been thought of. Urgent thought another message came from Azam, he decided to buy a doll. He asked me and other friends to accompany him tomorrow to our subscription store. I so remember the incident one year ago, before Azam got Iren like now he was also busy and confused thinking about gifts, last year he made Iren a bracelet of his own work. And he asked me to give it to Iren, he didn't want Iren to know that he gave the simple gift because Iren's status was still with the others. although finally Iren did have a hunch that Azam gave it.

On the other side of the night I had an incident I never expected, Azri decided to leave me. I don't know what caused it, just a week ago he said he loved me. But now, the feeling he lost even made the cause he left me.

“ya already, you do not need to apologize as well I am okay, really”, I do not know why it was thrown, when in fact this heart is so unwilling to take it off just like that, especially for illogical reasons like this.

A few months ago I did say that I no longer want to date, just eliminate the status of dating and the wrong way to get along. My reason makes sense, in my religion there is no term dating. and I didn't want an unnatural relationship.he agreed, and we agreed with rules like no walk alone, there should be others as long as not alone. Islamic dating? there will never be. Last sentence of the night “never promise to always love people, because it's hard to make his bones, like gini”. he just kept quiet without replying to my short message.

That night this inner so many regretted ever dating Azri. I was just in stay just like that, just a lot of sweet promises made. Unconsciously from earlier he decided me, my tears still have not stopped flowing from my eyes.The biggest possibility at the scout show tomorrow my eyes will be swollen because of crying like this. but at the bottom of my heart tucked in relief, my status is no longer dating. I think, I should be grateful, all this is the way from God to get me out of the bondage of courtship. finally this heart is grateful even though it is in pain. God decides all the best behind all of His mysterious scenarios.

This Sunday morning the schedule of scouts. And rightly my guess, my eyes are swollen. But I'm sure before going to school his swelling will disappear.it feels when I meet my friends including Azam, it seems, want me to tell you everything that happened last night, but I postponed it.

In the middle of the show scouts. in tucked a game.the rules make a circle and scream as loud as possible about what the most hateful thing.then that comes to my mind at that time is a liar and traitor. at that time Azam looked at me suspiciously, but he tried to hide it by making a smile mock him.

After the scout show ended, we immediately traveled to the doll and accessories store to look for Iren's gift.and Azam dropped his choice on a pink doll large enough to be hugged along with a music box. along the way I just kept silent not much said. When all have gone to their respective homes, I must be in line with Azam. I think this is the right time to tell Azam. My appearance that can not be compromised again turned out to have lured Azam to speak first.

“ngapain lu toke? very handsome you from earlier. What's the problem with Azri?” azam asked suspiciously, slightly luring me to smile, but my heart was still very messed up.

“men lu tuh, why the hell he giniin I” confided me to Azam. I immediately handed my phone to Azam. it feels like this mouth is no longer able to explain everything. let Azam know through my short message.

Within a few minutes he read a short message that was on my HP screen with eyes that occasionally widened while blabbering “ini tragic toke”.

“kok can like gini tok? what's the problem?”

“gue does not know, I really do not know. Just a week ago he said that he still loves me, but last night he just said that it was gone, I don't know. And don't want to know more about him.maybe gini suratan from God. Maybe he is bored and can not memgejalanin different school relationships kayak now” it feels can no longer this mouth explain everything. slowly even tears that berlinang explain everything to Azam. I tried to hold my cry.Our position was in the middle of the crowd.

“loh, tok do not cry, ntar on my side again that makes you cry. I no longer have candy nih. really, do not fret that dong lo. mending you calm yourself aja deh” he was worried about my situation like that, he slipped a little humor.

“ya already, I'm tired of thinking this all am. thanks you already want to hear everything.new lo among the friends who know this. don't tell me first ama lain” I told Azam

“Oke Toke. but you can't ya drag on sad. I don't want to see you cry mulu. There are many other more important things you need to think about.” Azam's advice trying to give me spirit.

“Oke bro, I unplug first yes. be careful lo go home.” “sip toke”

After a while after I was left, Azam began to pay attention to me especially lately I often get sick. I was confused why he was so attentive to me, when he was Iren?

The more often he visits me to borrow books. Whether it comes to the house or just at school, whether the devil is seducing, the, I was consumed by seduction almost every week he came to my house to borrow a book even though I realized I could not khalwat (two-duaan) Abaghfirullaahal’adzim

A one-time..

When I was still immersed in the sea of disappointment I had with Azri..

“toke, ntar we can talk for a moment?” that short message I read

“ya already, ribet very lu am, what is the use of this mobile phone? say it again.”

Shortly after that, my phone shook

“yah..Toke is important, need face to face tau”

I was more confused what exactly Azam wanted to talk about to the point that he did not want to convey via sms, had to face to face.

“mau why am? Is that important to me? you have to face to face”

“aduuh this toke is important, this is also for tokeee..”

“no, I'm just alone at home, don't want to. just say via sms!”

The more stubborn I seem Azam still wants to face to face.

“ya already, but don't mess with lo, we are not mahram, and don't have bad intentions!”

“oke toke. wait me there y.”

Shortly afterwards the sound of knocking on the door was heard gnawing at the ears.Yes it was Azam

Her voice blared I beheaded my name “Assalamu’alaikum.. Zefii.”

I walked to the door while astonished, tumben he did not call me “toke” may be disinclined with neighbors around if he called me with the usual call.

My heart was slowly beating faster.. Oh my God, protect me.. He's not a mahram to me..

“wa’alaikumsalam. bentar Am”.

Dugm! it felt like my heart was pounding more and more as I had to look at his face when I opened the door. His face was adorned with his smile widening.

“mau said what the hell lo? splinter! not long. Not good to see people, we are not mahram, sin also if the intention is wrong, let's say what?”

I kept pushing Azam

“u.. yes, yes patient dong Toke. but do not cry ya toke?”

“emang want to say what the hell am? Cepetan!”

“gini nih Toke, sorry yes before.this is the problem of Azri. instead I want to add a wound lo ya... but as a friend I just want to say.. Azri now there is a new girl. plis do not cry”

I was silent and just looked up at the attic of the house..

“keep the same business as me what? I've nothing else with him.” I replied a little annoyed at Azam.I don't want to know anymore his affairs

“iya I know toke if he has another girl it does not matter anyway, but. the problem is he already wants to be the same girl, the girl, the core problem is that girl is your own friend” said Azam his voice slightly swallowed

“si.. who?” ask me curiously. Which friend would do this to me? my mind drifted somewhere.my mind was filled with the faces of my best friend. Iren's.. Alya. and I don't remember anymore, dreg!

When I never imagined my best friend, Azam said his name

“Sheza, tokee” his face was grimly disappointed. It was clear Iba Azam's taste when he saw me listening to his explanation.

I can't say much “Ooo” I replied slowly

“gue tau this is painful for lo toke. but it will be more painful if you know this from others. mending me who said this to lo. yaa as a good friend lo. plis toke I do not want to see lo cry, I do not have a thousand money now.” looks mixed a little anxious, but a little want to entertain me anyway.

“eh, I did not cry.” I tried to calm myself. I hold all the tears that want to come out of my eyes.

“nah it, your eyes began to glaze toke. I do not want to see lo cry.” Azam tried to calm me down

“lo know where it all comes from Am?”

“ya I know is toke. people Sheza or Azri both the same story me.”

“ya already, just a moment adzan ‘Ashar tau. ngapain lo is still long here.. rumah sono.. ntar Iren angry again.”.

“Ahh... Toke do not know? if I was not the same Iren again.” Azam's face turned moody

“Haa? Since when is Zam?”

“Long time Toke.”

It seems that if I continue to interrogate Azam about – ending – contact and Iren will not be fun.

so, I decided to get there sa “ya already, Patience Bro. lo do not have to think of it anyway.”

“iya.. Makeup ya”

“gue also makasi lo Am.”

“we are bestfriend forever toke. yes I have unplugged first, Wassalamu’alaikum!” it looks like he's headed for his bike while giving me his thumbs.

I closed my door and everything was shed.

I can't believe it! never thought! Sheza..

I was washed away in that sadness, Azam's explanation kept ringing in my head.. But that's not what I should think about. Adzan ‘ashar has arrived. I know the place I complain only to Dzat who has my soul.. ALLAH

Then when I wudhu’ only unbearable tears all spilled! the faces of the two people came to my mind!

God.this is my path.I know what you plan is the best.I was left behind probably because you want me to go back to You on the right path. notya STMJ Praying Continue to Read – Dating – Jalan.then now I have to hear the betrayal of my best friend..

I must be grateful for all this, there will always be wisdom behind whatever you have given us, O God. The problem of betrayal may be God taught me to be patient, sincere..

THANK YOU, DIVINE

Since that painful event..

Well. circumstances. I myself. Azam himself..

He noticed me more and more, starting from the morning “tok? have you gone to school? breakfast?” Up to “good night toke have a nice dream”

Seeing the attention of Azam who was as important as it was at first I felt uncomfortable!

That's an exaggeration Am!

“ngapain anyway you noticed me until immediately? are you the same as me? I don't need your excessive attention just because you pity!” I was a little upset when I met him at school.all started from the condition of my body that is not fit, then followed by the rainy weather. suddenly appeared 1 message from him “toke lo do not rain-rain ntar lo more sick, I do not want ya!”

“iya, lebai lo I do not need at kasianin kayak gitu”

“oke, thanks Am, but I ask not to overdo it, eat in ingetin 3 times a day. This is what is”

“up to you, I will do anything to keep my best friend, you do not think Sheza is the same Azri again. they are just unimportant people, okay”

“ya deh”

“hm, toke ntar me to your house huh? Want a book minjem.. okay?”

“iya, don't macem-macem lu” I replied judes.

For several months he has been to my house often and every day calls me to know my situation.

If you borrow a book to my house, no longer for a moment like before. Now it's been longer.there are just things he wants to talk about.

Until one time..

He borrowed my book again, but he asked me to take him to the road, he did not know at that time I was recovering from my body's incompetence.

I walked down the street with a book that Azam would borrow. Along the way I was confused, thinking about me and Azam lately. Looks like it's getting closer.

Tin-tin is! it feels like I've been walking in the right place but why are the bikers behind me that I haven't seen, still warning me with a jahilya horn.

And when I look back..

Azam!

Yes it was Azam, he deliberately surprised me

“ada-ada aja lo! not usually like gini”, I'm annoyed

“alah toke. life it can not be seriously mulu..lo her serious mulu, so I have a little surprise that.. hehe” he grinned with his prickly grin

“lo think I'm still upset what? your assumption is always so!”

“not it's toke. but it's also a little bit.. hehe, o yes I want to say same lo toke.”

“mau say what else lo? I don't need any more info about Azri and Sheza!”

“not only about Azri and Sheza, there are still others, if Azri's problem with Sheza they no longer feel better” Azam's mouth is busy revealing everything with chatter.

“Biarin! it's none of my business, what's the other problem?”

“hmm. This is our problem, as it seems between us the longer there is aja different”

“iya, I know it”

“lo know?” Azam tried to look at me, but I tried to take my eyes off to another place, and then I walked further and further away from him

“eh toke here, usual again, usually lo if talking to me during this usual aja”

My heart is beating fast.Oh my God, I don't want to fall in love anymore, I don't want to be stuck anymore! falling in a Dating!

“gue ordinary aja kok”

I still – stay – at my place, astonished and nervous to stand to see Azam on his bike.

“Toke, as long as you know I love lo” Azam speak more seriously than usual

Suddenly I was shocked, and I just thought of it as a joke. he usually also said it like that through a short message.so I just think it's normal even though my heart has asked for forgiveness! in the trembling of anxiety, in shock.

“ah, I want to go back. why two-duans here looking for sin!” I immediately turned my back and brought home a sense of anxiety as well as Azam's startling words.

It seems like the seed of love that grew unnoticed from the beginning is gnawing at my heart, yet I am afraid! really scared! I don't want to fall into the arena again – courtship or TTM -.

The night Azam sent me a short message like always “already late? pray ‘isya?”

Then I chimed in on all of that with my usual message.

Then he asked me about my response to his talk this afternoon.

“gue isn't sure, you're just kidding, right? when you are always excited, I even say dear Gituan” I am still not sure about Azam

“generate tokeee”

“emang since when do you love me?” I was curious and interrogated Azam

“since I often make you cry, one year ago.when we class”

“alah I do not want to think about it, I do not want us nyape TTM-an let alone dating!” I tried to be firm

“gue tau lo trauma” is only Azam's answer

“not! I just don't want to break the rules of our Religion.”

Elapsed

Just one more short message

“asal lo tau toke.. I did not ask you to be my girlfriend. why do you say that? besides love is different. I still love Iren!”

I didn't understand the demeanor, so why did he tell me everything that his heart was still for Iren.

I'm pissed!

“eh I just told you that you are really Azam! whatever you, why you even angry with me”

She was worried, not expecting me to get angry with her

“open it toke, I am not angry kok” he returned reply

Day by day it turned out that everything still has not changed, except my feelings for Azam. just getting weird.how could I possibly fall for my own best friend? Oh my god. help me.

Again, Azam borrowed my book. He went home. But I was not as usual to him. I just peeked at him a little. no longer dare to look at him directly. no longer want more burning taste!

And again! he said something that surprised me.

“toke don't be like me, you don't need to be like me, like to ngusir me. I'm serious I love you. you must think if I still love Iren. not toke, you need proof? do I need to update everything on facebook and tell everyone if I love you!” his eyes were on me but I was just looking at the ceramics of my house.

I'm silent

Without a word

What am I supposed to say?

“toke? lo ngerasain what? I really am! what should I do to make you believe all this?” Azam.

Then I still can't believe it..

Day after day, the seed of love began to grow..

I can not deny. increasingly flowery days.

Is this maybe going to end up dating? no way. don't get it!

And it turns out. Endless dating! i'm grateful.. God saved me..

One day that was damning..

Azam said something painful!

“toke, can I be honest?”

“gue still nyimpen ama Iren.”

I was surprised, what have I been doing all this time? why did he say that he had deleted Iren's contact and told me about his feelings for me.

“nothing I'm used to in giniin!”

I think he's selfish. He started to ask me for Iren's contact again. Then I gave it. after that cuey..

He no longer borrowed my book

No longer looking at me as before.

My heart is not a book you can borrow!

Now Azam I hear has got a new one.

Without telling me a single word.

I am saddened, but lucky to have been saved by God.

He was selfish, I thought. He thought my heart was like a book he always borrowed and gave back.

I did not easily forget all that. Now my friendship with him is full of excitement..