Love Me Because of God

Surya Drowned

June 26, 2010

I smiled looking at Surya, the young man running around happily along the waterfront while cheering, “Weeey! Dengaaa! Received my application! Yuhuuyyy.. Hahahhaa”. Surya told all the maids downstream at the port. Also on all beach tourists who are sunbathing, playing ball, sand and waves. Surya was happy with one small nod, which meant agreeing to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.

He said, “My love for you that I have been holding for 10 years, finally welcome also”. Really that long? I can hardly believe it.

“You are smart Nis, so I always try to learn as much as possible to be much smarter than you. You are diligent Nis, then I strive to be much more diligent than you. You never skip the jama’ah prayer in the mosque, so I try to always arrive at the mosque first, even I try to become an imam. You know why, Nis?” I nodded in response to my ignorance.

“Because in order to be a husband to a great woman, I obviously have to become much more great than her.” He said while staring at the pounding waves of the pier, the foam looks beautiful sparkling in the light of twilight.

Again I only respond to his words with a smile or a small laugh. Wordlessly. In the sky, I saw the sun drown. Being a silent witness is a piece of the story between me and Surya.

28 June 2010

“Mamak and my Father are willing to wave you for me.” Surya's eyes sparkled happily when he told me. Short I commented with a smile, “Alhamdulillah.”

“When are plans to go home?” I asked him that afternoon.

Surya frowned, thinking. “Maybe later tonight,” the answer is casually accompanied by a jail grin.

“Alright,” I said seriously. “I'll tell my whole family to leave home before you come tonight,” I'll lie. Surya's face shriveled again, confusedly she protested, “Kok is that?” Apparently he fooled my words.

I'm laughing, “One-empty.”

July 1, 2010

Our family are fishermen. In one week my father and Surya's father usually go to sea twice. It's just that these weeks the weather is not good, the sea breeze is too strong and the risk of drowning is greater. There are occasional storms.

And I just heard from Father the ship that Surya's father boarded was wrecked in a storm. With a little impetuous I ran towards the funeral home Surya. I saw him sitting limp on the porch. His head drooped to the point of almost touching his knees, while both hands supported his weight, pressing on the floor he was sitting on.

He raised his head when he heard my voice calling his name. “Nis, my father died at sea, his ship was hit by a storm,” Surya said with sad eyes. Her eyes turned red and her tears spilled down her cheeks. The afternoon drizzled, as if the sky was crying with Surya.

July 12, 2010

I was petrified on the edge of the pier. Staring at Surya who was standing at the end of the ship's veranda, waved his hand. He was about to set sail.10 minutes ago, when Surya said goodbye to me, somehow my little heart ordered this mouth forbid. I said, “Don't sail, Sur.” but Surya just smiled soothingly and said that everything will be fine. I can't prevent it.

Since his father died, Surya became the backbone of his family. He replaced the father sailing in the ocean. But that day my gut feeling wasn't good. Worry ceaselessly struck my heart. All day I did not leave the dock. Waiting for Surya to return. Even though we have another 3 days of marriage, why is Surya still insistent on going to sea?

I've decided to keep waiting for him here, at the docks. Until Surya comes back tomorrow morning.

July 14th, 2010

“Nis, who is patient yes.Surya and his ship seem to be missing. Probably drowned in the waves last night. As befell his father a few days ago.”

It's the second day I'm standing on the verge of the pier. Staring at the vast ocean, while hoping the ship that Surya boarded soon returned. I'm unmoving.

“Still ‘seems’ right? It's just a possibility. Surya is definitely back.”

“Nis.. You've been here two days.. Comeing! Let's just go home. Surya will not return..” once again Desi coaxed. This time he no longer used a word hinting at the possibility.

“Surya is definitely back.”

July 15, 2010

I should have married this morning. Surya should now be saying the ijab in front of the ruler. We should have been a couple since today. But all of that is just ‘supposed’. There, at this time I who wear my full bridal clothes, stand on the dock, still waiting for Surya back.

“Nis, let's go home.. Surya won't be back. The ship has sunk.” Desi persuaded again. Everyone was increasingly convinced that the Surya ship was indeed sinking, when the third day remained no sign that they would return.

I just shook my head.

“Nis, your mother is very sad to see you like this, go home.. At least for your mom.” Added Nila, another cousin of mine, trying to help Desi persuade me.

I keep flinching. But is it really what they say? No. gabe. Definitely not. Surya won't lie. Everything's gonna be fine. He must have kept his promise.

“Nis.. Come onl.. Don't act like this.” Desi is getting tired.

My heart is also beginning to doubt. Should I get here waiting? Is it true what everyone is saying that my Surya has drowned? Will Surya not return? But why is my little heart still reluctant to order this leg to move? Why is it that behind the doubts that have begun to infiltrate, I still believe Surya must have returned?

“Just go home first. If Surya doesn't come back until the sun goes down. I'll go home.”

Clock change clock. Still no sign at all. Every time I leave the dock to pray, I always hope that when I get back I will find Surya there. Smile at me and say, “See Nis, I'm home, right?” But I still can't find him at the dock. Still welcomed by the calm sea, without the sight of a single ship sailing closer.

Is Surya really drowning?

Towards maghrib, Desi comes again. I promised to go home with him.

“You see, right, Nis? Surya will not return,” he said firmly to me.

I'm down. I have to let Surya go. They may be right. My sun is drowning. It seems they were right. Surya will not return. But as my legs started to move, from a distance I heard someone yelling at me, “Nis.. Comehere! I found Surya!”

I immediately ran in a row towards the direction of the voice that called out to me. My heart is happy, Surya is not lost in the ocean, he is back. The closer I got, the more my heart was beating. Is it true that someone who appears to be lying on the sand of the beach is my Suryaku? Is he still alive?

“Surya?” My tears flowed softly on my cheeks, when I saw that the young man was really Surya, with his tattered clothes and pale face submerged in water for decades, his body looked weak lying on top of a – stick that seemed to be a fragment of the ship's wall.

A few minutes later, the young man slowly opened his eyes, with his barely audible voice he said; “You see right, Nis? I returned. I'm definitely back to marry you.” I smiled and cried happily together. My little heart doesn't lie, Surya did come back.

At that time, the sun sank in the beach sky – is not Suryaku but solar in the sky. Once again a silent witness to a piece of my love story and Surya.