Love Me Because of God

Become an Angel

The beautiful woman in Jannah with someone who wants to be loved is my wish, and it could be your wish as well. Achieving the ideal requires sacrifice indeed, as I am currently in the silent side of life, waiting for a man who is most suitable to be my companion, my comrade in arms, my companion, the priest and father of my children.

“The criteria you set may be too high huh?” A sentence that is always heard in my ear as a participant of the previous question when talking to a new friend. “Can you know your age mba?”

The first question I answered with a reluctant feeling but flat intonation, while the next question I just widened my lips to form a smile in response.

Sometimes, in my daydreams I get the same questions they have about criteria. The same moment, the question reappeared.

Is it wrong from my side, until now my prince has not come? I admit I have a lot of flaws.

That day when I started falling in love. (2nd class SMU)

“Wuiiihhh great, can 9.5 +++ (there should be three)” shouted Setyo while pulling my physical paper.

While trying to snatch from his hand, and jump because he was about 20 cm tall from my height “Iiiihhh... Balikin the paper, Setyooo... I was angry!” I said with a sullen face because I was desperate to hold back the action. “You're better, your value is 100,” I added.

Setyo who is maintaining my paper in his hand and screaming like an information spreader “Wooiii.. Susi can plusnya three niiihh... Look at it.. Let's see.” Instantly stopped being silent at my voice which was quite a shock to him. Meanwhile, Ms. Ida (a physics teacher) just laughed sweetly at our behavior. After that, Ms. Ida also spoke so that finally the atmosphere of the classroom that was crowded in seconds became controlled.

With a smile on her tiny lips she said “Kind calm, let's calm down.” When he calmed down, he continued his words. “Yes, I give Susi three pluses because each number she gives arguments why this answer is right and the other answer is wrong (ket : when it is a multiple choice), and, but unfortunately at number 20 Susi miscrossed so make the value reduced. But if Setyo is the answer is all”

Then the voice of Setyo again makes me embarrassed, “Cie-cie susi. But I just fell silent.

The sound of the school bell ringing signifies rest..

Setyo is a boy friend of mine who is quite uncomfortable for me. He is quite sweet, and his posture is high with mature brown skin, hemisphere hair and neat appearance. Setyo is my rival in this class for achievement. As if there was an agreement that occurred without writing, we became friends in the discussion and completed the problems of exact lessons but competence in achieving values. Unfortunately I'm not good at IPS lessons, while he can quite in that field.

The man who often irritated me was apparently unconsciously giving a speck of beautiful color in my heart. His attention, and other supporting factors even his mannerisms had touched me. And it continues until we graduate. He was admitted to Negri college with a major in electrical engineering while I continued in health but privately. Unbeknownst to me, Setyo likes to pass in front of my house on a bike. Yes I know because he told me when we gathered in an SMU class reunion after 4 years of our graduation. I felt that he was acting differently, speaking in a polite manner filled with smiles adorning the questions that rained down on me. Setyo worked in a gas and petroleum mining company while I worked in a hospital. We continue to talk about anything interesting. Next parted ways to meet again.

“Kring-kring... kring-kring..” shakes and hp tones break my current daydream. Turns out mom called me, like she used to ask how I was doing? And have I met anyone who would be introduced to the family?. Naturally, my age cannot be said to be young anymore. And the parents were already impatient to pet the grandchildren that he had not yet obtained from his biological children. Because my sister and I are not married yet. For me marriage is a worship and as a religious consummator. Marriage is the beginning of an organization that needs to have the same vision to then determine its mission and strategy together. Unite two minds that could have different insights and frameworks in one container called ‘household’. Household is not just for one month, one year or 10 years. But home is our career path for the world and the hereafter. Not only finished in the world when we die but also until later when in the jannah of God and happy forever with the person whom God loves to love me and I love him.

“What is ndok? Where have you been today? Meet who?” the same question as before, and my answer is the same as before. “aku is working on the task of ma'am, today just work and meet my patients and colleagues”.

Every day of mother's prayer in her prayer, may today my son meet his soul mate. And every night before the day he called to investigate whether his prayer was answered today or not.

Rama was my upperclassman in college, and we were involved in an organization together. Our intimacy became more harmonious. And it was time for him to make his point of asking me to be his companion. Rama is a mature man and quite wise, he is already well established in terms of economy. Simple and hardworking and systematical. His religion can also be considered to have a good understanding seen from the worship he usually does. Honestly, I was happy that he made his point. To me he was someone who lived up to my expectations, but unfortunately time was not on my side. My parents didn't allow me to get married because my college wasn't finished yet and there were many other considerations. Rama eventually married another woman. The woman is the best woman for him and suits him. I also concluded that the soul mate of someone whom God has set will come at the right time and with the right person. That's my belief

Almost 2x the marriage contract I almost faced. Ahmad had proposed to me at that time, our parents met and expressed the intention to marry us, our wedding date was set, too, all the advantages and disadvantages of each of us are already equally known. He also did not mind my illness. Yes I was diagnosed with hemophilia, and my heart was weak. “I will receive the susi as she” her message to my senior, when my senior reinstates her. But again God willed another thing about my soul mate. Only 7 days left, the invitation is ready to be distributed. As if lightning had struck me, the voice of the phone brought news that not only made me sad but also my extended family. My senior friend told me that Ahmad was stepping down to marry me. Time has healed our grief. Everything we leave to the Ruler of the Universe. Maybe I can't be a good wife. So I have to improve my worship and practice and learn more in household science.

The day returned great reunion from the initial generation until the last one graduated. I met Setyo back. Apparently he now works in Al-geria and continues his studies there. Our conversation is getting longer and deeper. We talked with other friends, but we just dissolved in conversation together, even in a crowded atmosphere, we were like just the two of us because of the language we used as if only the two of us understood.

The meeting also continued to the level of family friendship, our family turned out to be close. His mother was a close neighbor to his mother while living in the area of Yogyakarta. The friendship that took place was not only to discuss the future of me and Setyo, but also the reunion of my mother with her mother. Until finally our meeting was closed with the sentence “Ya already, if both of our children already like each other yes it does not need long anyway... Is not so de?” setyo's mother gave her input and set her sights on me. And it is supported by both sides of the family. I can only smile with embarrassment. It felt happy then, impatiently waiting for the time to come.

In August last year I was supposed to marry him, marry someone who has been coloring my life for a long time, and he grew up to be a man with a strong personality in my opinion, because it is in accordance with the religious teachings that I understand. He's like perfect to me. “My soul mate has come, thank you Allah” cried my little heart at that time.

Setyo has known me, even though we were separated for a long time. He also knew about my shortcomings. “Susi, I'll be home in August of this year. And I hope you are ready to be my wife” after a month has passed from that meeting with ‘skype’. Yes, we communicated by using ‘skype’ to talk about preparations that are only three months away. I answered him with pleasure. “Iya I will prepare for birth as well as my inner”. And we plan to meet at the illegal mosque in July. I left Indonesia and he left from Al-Jergeria.

Whether what Allah wills, the place and time we agreed upon before did not make us meet. We were at odds with the road as well as the time, indeed Mecca was very full, because many Muslims wanted to get a great reward by emigrating in the month of Ramadan. In the end, we did not meet either. I'm really sad. My worship became less solemn than before. My mind floated, my brain as if evaporating with the heat of Mecca that afternoon. I walked around the illegal mosque on the top floor, and I didn't realize how many rounds I was going. I really didn't know how I felt. The failure of the meeting made me interpret all sorts. Only God where I complain, where I depend, tells me all my troubles.

When I arrived in Indonesia and returned to work, I still tried to contact him, always I started. And he responded flatly. Although he often said “I love you, and I want to marry you”. My feelings are not what they used to be. I feel like there's something different about him. I feel like there is something behind his words. Until finally August arrived, and he did not come to Indonesia until August ended. I was panicking, thinking about my parents' feelings. They've prepared our house to look like a new house, their cattle to use at my reception. Even my neighbors who do not want to lose are happy waiting for my birthday party.

Until the end of September, there was no news from him, Setyo's mother just asked me about the news of her son. And for the umpteenth time Setyo's mother called me asking for his continuation. I'm rattled. I'm as if I'm stuck. Finally I poured out my heart to him (his mother Setyo). And before long he told me, yes that day exactly at 21 September 2012 at 16.49 minutes Setyo's mother cried so much when contacting me via mobile phone.

“please apologize profusely yes son Susi.. (Sound sobs cut every word he said).. I do not know what to say.. Mother had spoken to Setyo on the phone this morning… And mom asked about your wedding plans.Setyo loves you very much, but he does not want to make you suffer, and early next month he will undergo surgery in America with an expert doctor and at the expense of his office, the wisdom of God Almighty, healed with disability or can not be cured. (crying increasingly become)” I lived a thousand languages, felt how sad a mother listened to the news of her favorite child so. And I'm full of questions, and what about me???

Continue speaking “Im sorry Setyo nak Susi, Setyo does not want Susi to be sad, but Setyo also does not want to let go of Susi… But be sincere if son Susi looking for another companion, no need to wait for Setyo son.” (we both remain silent for quite a long time), I can not hold back my tears. My mouth is stiff and cannot move. “Mother sorry son, may Allah give the best for son Susi..” the conversation was finished and closed with greetings.

My soul is completely gone. I don't know how to convey it to my extended family. My heart problems, my parents' feelings, my neighbors' news. My eyes were swollen like a ripe tomato. I popped my eyes before I left for work, my friend asked me. Because indeed these eyes look still swollen reddened. Doctor Rahma, he was like my brother and my best friend, gave me fine words and felt a little reassurance of my soul's sorrow. I agreed with him, and I remembered my previous beliefs. The soul mate that God sets is the best for us, he comes at the right time with the right person.

I had a beam of courage to pass Setyo's news to my parents. They cried, they hugged me with a hug that made me comfortable in his arms, so that I did not feel sad about my problems. I don't want to get out of that hug, it protects me from the pain I feel.

Finally, my mother said.. “Wes, I don't need such and such a man. The important thing is that his religion is good and he is good with you. The important thing is that you marry, your worship can be more solemn” while releasing his embrace.

To this day, Setyo is the last man to propose to me. My idialism was not as high as before, but steady aqidah remained a priority in my choice.

I want to be the angel who inhabits the Ar-Rahman jannah, where the world's senses are in it, all the love I can get. My husband is my prince both in the world and in the hereafter. I want to be with him forever. I don't know who he is. I don't know.. Allah is the All-Knowing of the secrets both the unseen and the real. A belief that I still hold fast to this day. And I believe God's decision is the best for me. For my world and my afterlife. To ALLAH is my soul within HIS grasp.

“Good men are for good women.” may Allah gather this heart in love with HIM, and in upholding HIS sentence.