Love Me Because of God

I Married You Because of God

At 05:30

My steps are now getting lighter, before the seconds of my wedding day. It was as if I had new powers to embrace the future. Doubt that now no longer covers my heart, although I can not deny I still half-heartedly love him. But he was able to convince me to accept his proposal

That night, the last meeting we had before marriage, he said many things that made me reflect and sincerely accept him to be my husband.

“Maybe, for you I am not the man you expected Nay to be. A fairly short meeting, with a makeshift approach, at this time there must be a feeling of doubt in your heart” is not as usual, at that time he dared to hold both hands, hold tightly my fingers while looking at my face he continued what he wanted to say to me

“Only a sincere intention to bring you closer to God, which I have. Whatever happens I am ready to accept, if you want to undo our marriage 1 week ahead I sincerely Nay..”.

His eyes were so dim and full of tenderness, at that moment he looked so handsome like never before. His face looks a little clear. I was just silent, somehow suddenly my heart seemed to cry, “this is my way of life Yes Allah?”

I lowered my head for a moment, trying to hold back the tears that would come out of my eyes.

“Stupid, dead, windfall is already there to regulate, we humans just try as much as possible according to our ability accompanied by prayer, we just live what we have until now tried mas.”.

Smiling, I said those words, with a face that gave her hope.

There was nothing wrong with his dual status, his friendly figure made him have many friends. His current job as a workshop entrepreneur is also quite good enough to support me and our children later. His posture was large height, with a slight dimple on his cheek. His physique was pretty decent for a handsome man, but somehow I couldn't love him with all my heart. Maybe because of some of his nature that I do not like, right that he said “with a fairly short approach, I'm sure surely you have a sense of doubt in your heart at this time Nay..” hmmm… he is a little rough, irregular, and “kisruh” if said Javanese. He never snapped at me, but his tone was always loud and there was no subtlety at all. Not only that, I did not like his own attitude the most.

Once upon a time, when we went out together to just have dinner at a roadside stall. Finished from the stall “Nasi Duck Mr. No”, we did not go home immediately, stopped by a place of sale of bright moon and martabak meat, in waiting for the bright ripening of the moon and martabak, we met his ex-wife who now works in Surabaya. I mean approaching his ex-wife, just just chatting and getting acquainted while waiting for our snacks to mature. But with a tone that could not be smooth, he prevented me. Not only that, he even pulled my wrist firmly, until I almost fell in the middle of the crowd of other buyers. At that moment, I began to realize. His selfish and rude nature was so inherent in him, I was so irritated and irritated it felt. Never have I been treated as rudely as I was by a man who confessed his love to me. Three times in a close relationship with men, he was the roughest man among the three, and can be said only he was rude, while 2 close friends of my brother, before, so polite gentle and very considerate to me even though the ending is not serious of them. Hmmm, maybe this is my way of life. Yes Rabb.. I should not count his shortcomings before the second of Ijab Qabul which he will say in 3 hours, and do not feel my tears just flow on the cheeks.

“Lho kog even daydream..Inayah you cry son?” My mother came, and broke all my daydreams

“You're happy right Nak?”

(with a little sobbing while smiling) “hiks.. hiks.. happy mom, very happy it turns out my soul mate mas grace, (full of joking laughter but some are hidden) in wait-waiting from Jakarta uh from Surabaya area also”

“Mom never taught you to lie, hopefully what you say is really what you feel at this time ya son..” while hugging and kissing my forehead

At 08:20

Grace said the sacred pledge, behind the room I listened to her voice quite loud, with a sense of nervous unruly.

“I Receive Marriage Inayah Maghfirah bint Muhammad Ali with dowry a Tafsir Al Qur’an in cash”

Tears flowed back over my cheeks that had been polished with various powder and makeup, there was a sense of haru, happy, and also nelangsa. I was sorry and miserable, I convinced myself that he was the soul mate God had set for me. I believe through him I will be able to get closer to Allah and Rosulullah

This is the end of my long wait, I have not had a close relationship with a man for three years, and on January 21, 2003, I closed my free time at the age of 26 with him. The 32-year-old widower, childless introduced by my friend, divorced his wife in the first year of marriage because he had a PHK from his office. At the beginning of the introduction there was a little doubt in the hearts of my parents, but his attitude was easy to get along with my family, made my parents sympathetic and convinced him that he would be a good priest for his daughter.

Let me observe all this as worship, part of my efforts to draw closer to the Khalik. Fulfil whatever the plan of life of a man with all his efforts, if God never wills it will never happen. Because the highest power is in Him

At 22:30

The noise in my house gradually began to disappear. Maybe everyone has started to get tired and tecape’an with this wedding. Moreover, my mother who from 3 weeks yesterday had tasted making dry cakes as a hand of the invitees on my wedding day. I myself also feel pain immeasurable, starting from the head that must be wrapped in a hijab with real jasmine flowers for a day, she said, my cheeks are cramped because they have to smile every time someone gives me congratulations, so my body is upset not playing because all day sitting standing up.

And tonight there is something different in my room, there is a human male who will always accompany my sleep. Hmmmm.. Muhammad Rahmat, you are finally officially my husband today.

While I cleaned up the remnants of makeup, I started the first conversation with my husband

“Dibutin eat mas?”

“Engga’ effort, still full”

“Oh.. yes already” (by continuing to sweep the cheek)

“Dek..”.

I was a little surprised, I turned my body towards him, his tumbens duda called me deck

“What…? Me.?”

“Yeah, it's just the two of us here, when I call Dek Faris, your sister's”

“iya. yes... what?”

“you still haven't prayed?”

O God, I tremble at the question, but this is life, birth, growing up, marriage, family and death. It is also possible that I choose to live single forever, surely the family, especially parents, will be furious with me.

Either my face looks nervous or not, but with a little smile I'm afraid to tell him that I'm still not holy from menstruation.

“aku is still not holy from my period mas.”.

“Ehmm. I'm tired, I'm tired too, right? (he got out of bed and approached me who was sitting in front of the mirror) Mas sleep first, if cleanin make up ga need long remain beautiful really, really, read this first yes before going to bed dear” (hmmm.. he kissed my head after thrusting a white envelope that read “For my beloved wife”)

At 11:48

Finally finished cleaning myself, I put my back on the pillow in a slightly sitting position, I saw the envelope, then I saw the face of grace mas who was sleeping soundly beside me, I opened with a little trembling, my heart was pounding, my mind said the tumbens of this widower so romantic, use call-deck all, there is unfortunately again. I opened slowly and began to read one sentence after another

“Surabaya, January 20, 2003,

Bismilahirrahmanirrahim, By the name of Allah the Most Merciful, the Most Merciful

I wrote this letter when you were my future wife, and God willing when you read it, you were legal as my wife

Tomorrow morning, I will say the holy pledge for the second time. To you, Inayah Maghfirah, I have a lot of hope for our future.

Although you are not the first for me, but I really hope you will be the last until death to pick me up later. To be someone who will continue to be faithful beside me in my every laugh and cry.

Our introduction at home 6 months ago, made me feel good about you. I also don't know for sure if you really have the same feeling as me or just feel sorry for me. I don't know. For sure I still remember very well the sentence you sent by text, on the week of November 26, 2002, I asked you to marry me

“i will marry you because I love Ny”

There is a sense of pleasure mixed with confusion, why “because I love Him?” shouldn't “because I love you mas.?”

Honestly, your text at the time made me unable to sleep all night. I thought, could I marry a woman without love? As brutally and brutally as I was, there was never the slightest desire to force a woman to marry me.

But little by little I began to understand what you meant by Nay, so I never wanted to undo my intention to marry you, unless you refused. Not because I don't know myself by my double status, but because I'm sure, with you, my love for Him will go even deeper.

Nay... I am not a man who can be gentle to women, but I will try to be gentle to you, I also do not understand so well with the religion that I profess, as well, but I will try to understand my religion, so that our domestic life is better in the future, I also do not understand so much about loving Him, but I will try to love Him more than anything, not because of you but “because indeed I want to love Him more”

Inayah Maghfirah, you want to, come closer to Him together with me?

Alhamdulil bornabbil’alamin, praise be to Allah the Lord of the universe

Finally relieved as well, twlah I wrote everything that stuck in the heart for 2 months, after you sent the text.

Hopefully, after you read my letter, there will be no doubt that covers your heart to become my best friend. You do not have to try to force yourself to love me, because the more you love Him the Almighty, there must be love in your heart for me.

Through the household that we started to build, we both try to love Him more again, baby. Sorry if there are words that seem excessive, sssst... I can not be romantic “DEK”, to say all this directly I do not have the guts, so I choose the media letter. Impressed old school sich, but nothing than sms, thumbs mas pegel hehehe…

May this honesty be one way for the good of our new life amen

Who is now your life friend

Muhammad Rahmad

I covered the letter with a wet, as usual, the woman never escaped tears. There should be a happy mix after I read it, the good side of my personality starts to come back up. If he is confident like that why should I doubt?

There's nothing more I need to worry about, that's what he is, he's never been anyone else, he's been himself, and I don't have to demand him to be anyone else. For sure we have the same mission and vision in our new marriage, because we both want to love Him more.

I put the letter on the table, and the matakupun started to feel exhausted. Before I close my eyes, I kiss my husband's forehead while I whisper the word “I love you mas.”

Marriage should be good, not a doubt. If getting married makes it easier for me to get closer to Him, why should I hesitate?