I'm Tired, Love Me

Don't

Silence began to envelop this room, I felt the breath of Steve who initially slowly turned into a deep, long breath,no matter how long Steve's hand hugging my arm began to loosen and fall beside his body…..

“Darling...” My heart suddenly thumped, I called Steve but there was no answer.

“Honey,ayo breakfast. You haven't eaten yet, have you?” I asked still with the feeling and the heart beating fast.

I woke up from a sleeping position on his chest, watching Steve close his eyes and smile my tears just flowed away.

“Darling let's wake” I started caressing her cheeks, but there was no movement whatsoever.

“Darling me please let's wake up” My tears are getting broken.

“Darling I beg you not to joke like this.” I shook his body, but still there was no movement.

“Sayang...” I screamed that made Sari run to my room.

“Non what's wrong?” Tanya mbak Sari with a look of panic.

“Steve mbak,dia..” I paused my remarks.

“I woke up but there was no reaction whatsoever mbak,liat mbak he did not breathe.” I put my fingers in front of Steve's nose, to show Sari.

“Yes Allah Sir, what is it?” Sari's mother was crying with me.

“Let me call Ambulance.” I said while taking my phone.

When panicking, the brain and hands are not synchronized, the brain commands the Hospital phone but the hand presses the other phone button.

“Iya hello Rheyna.” The voice across there surprised me.

“Sorry I got the wrong phone, I want to call Ambulance.” I said I'd turn off the phone.

“Wait for Rhey, what do you need Ambulance for?”

“Steve mas, Steve..” Just hearing my tone of voice he can know the possibility that happened.

“You wait at home, don't panic let me call the Ambulance. Om Agus let me have IGD.” ready

I just nodded that was obvious Arlo wouldn't know my answer.

I sat down quietly beside my husband, crying beside his still body not moving a bit.

“Honey, I beg you not to leave me.”

“You know the kids really need you dear.”

“Non, actually what happened? Ask mbak Sari.

“Steve got terminal brain cancer mbak, I just found out last night.” I explained a little to Mbak Sari.

“Ya Allah sir.” Sari's mother closed her mouth not believing what happened to Steve.

15 Minutes passed, and the Ambulance was in front of our house. The security guard who had been notified by our household assistants immediately opened the gate of our house. Some medical team went straight to our room with ushered by mbok fitri. When several medical teams saw Steve, they looked at each other and one of the medical teams in charge of examining Steve, shook his head at his colleague.

“Mother, we will take her to the hospital first.” Said the medical team.

“Do whatever is best for my husband.” Reply quickly.

After moving Steve to the blankar, they pushed the blankar towards the Ambulance. I saw Arlo beside the Ambulance.

“Rhey..” Mas Arlo came up to me when he saw me coming out the main door following Steve's blankar being pushed.

I just cried staring at Arlo's mas.

“You want to join Ambulance or with me?” I simply replied by pointing towards the Ambulance.

“Non, I accompany ya?” Sari offered to.

“Do not need to mbak,mbak Sari wait here aja yes, please keep the children yes mbak, do not say anything especially to Junior. Just tell me we're out for a minute on business.” I gave instructions to mbak Sari.

“Good non.”

Ambulance had walked out of our yard, and followed by Arlo's car behind him, the sirens had been lit with a loud sound and a fast tempo, indicates that in Ambulance there are critical patients.

There's an oxygen mask attached to Steve's nose and mouth area. I held Steve's hand while sitting next to him in the Ambulance. Suddenly I felt a slight movement of Steve's finger as I held his hand.

“Darling...” I tried to call him he had no answer, just a little smile on his back from his lips covered in an oxygen mask.

On the screen the heart and pulse monitor suddenly sounded loud and long, which initially only reads “tit...tit...tit” some time once , and now reads “tiiiiiiittttt......” makes my heart even more unbecoming, he made,I'm scared and confused.

The nurse was busy with tools that I didn't know were working. Suddenly the Ambulance door was open, we had reached the IGD hospital.

The nurses swiftly lowered the blankar from inside the Ambulance and immediately pushed it in. I got off aided by Arlo, and I half ran to line my steps with Steve's gurney, suddenly in front of the ICU room I was driven by Prof. Aguses.

“Please wait here Rheyna.” Said Prof. Agus blocked my steps.

“But Prof...” Profs. Agus had already left me before I finished speaking.

“We just wait here, Rhey, let Agus check on your husband. Pray that you are given the best.” Mas Arlo took me to sit in an ICU waiting room chair.

Tears that still flow with a brain full of thoughts, mouth that never ceaselessly call His name,in a very soft and almost inaudible voice I said “If this is the best for me according to Your will,so I sincerely Allah” I don't know what I think until I can say it like that.

I just remembered mommy and daddy, I haven't contacted them yet and haven't told Steve about his current condition. I immediately pulled the phone out of my sweater pocket, I was still wearing the same clothes as last night. I pressed the calling button, no matter how long it took for a voice across the street to answer.

“Hai dear,tumben call mommy at this hour? It's still three hours low.” Mommy must have been sleeping when I called her.

“Steve mom...” I replied with a balanced crying voice.

“Steve why baby?” There was a worried tone from mommy's voice.

“Steve unconscious mom.”

“What? Oh no Steve.” I heard mommy crying across there. “Wait for mommy same daddy now buy tickets there dear.”

“Yes mom,Rheyna wait mommy. Take care mom.” I hung up the phone with Mommy and was still waiting anxiously.

Time went so slow as I waited for the certainty of Steve's condition, there was not yet 1 person I could ask about Steve's condition.

30minutes passed, and when a nurse walked out of the ICU, I hurried to my seat and approached the nurse.

“Sus, how is my husband?” I asked, to stop the sisters' hasty footsteps.

“Doctor is handling it ma'am, please wait ya ma'am. Excuse me.” The nurse returned to her feet quickly leaving me stunned by my husband's indistinct condition.

“Sit Rhey, just wait for Agus for more.” Mas Arlo roused me from my daydream. I returned to my seat again.

15minutes after the nurse came out, now prof. Agus is out. The face was flat, even sad.

“Prof. How is my husband?”

Profs. Agus took a deep breath, then exhaled heavily.

“I'm sorry Rheyna.” Shaking his head and looking down.

“Do Not Prof. Don't.” I was crying hysterically.

Seriate…