I'm Tired, Love Me

Bereft

This morning, as the doctor visits to check on Vano how shocked I am by the doctor's statement,

“We're moving it to the ICU now, it's his son's coma” the doctor said in a loud tone

“Good dok” said the nurse responded immediately

“Mother did her child not cry or have a seizure earlier?” The doctor asked

“No doctor” replied I started to panic

“My son why doctor?” I asked who began to shed tears

“This is a coma bu his son, because there is no response when injected drugs, he should move bu”

“Yes Allah Vanoooo” said I was hysterically calmed by Mbak Sari who rubbed my back

“Sabar non calm first” said mbak Sari who tried to calm me, although I know she was as surprised as me

“Please save my son doctor” I spoke with tears that started to break

“I try as much as we can ma'am, I excuse me first” said the doctor ended our conversation

Vano was immediately transferred to the ICU room, I who was still in shock sat on the floor of this hospital room, accompanied by Sari who knelt beside me and tried to calm my tears.

“Non patient yes, let us pray together for healing den Vano”

“Vano mbak, Vano is struggling mbak” I said with a still roaring cry

“Iya non, let's help den Vano to fight non” mbak Sari keeps giving me spirit, and I can only nod my head weakly

We take ablution to perform Dhuha prayers. We prostrate ourselves, pleading for Vano's recovery. With tears still faithfully adorning my cheeks.

After I finished praying, I locked the ICU room and asked Sari to wait for me in Vano's nursery. Before I went to the ICU I contacted my parents, reported Vano's condition and asked Vano for help, I contacted Bagas' parents and my best friend Retno, more and more people are praying for Vano's recovery. All of them I contacted were surprised, as there had not been a week ago they met the cheerful and laughing Vano at his birthday party.

I stared at Vano from behind the glass of the ICU room, his body filled with tools that I only saw in the movies now I see him for real, surrounding my young son. My heart ached staring at my son, my spirit was fighting for his life, and I as a mother could do nothing but pray to our owner.

An hour later from me, I told my parents about Vano's condition, they're at my side right now,

“Ma…. Pa…. Vano...” My tears broke again when my parents came to me in the ICU room

“Sabar yes son, a lot of dhikr for his recovery” said mama when hugging me and caressing my back, giving strength to me

“Where is your dear husband?” Ask papa who did not see the figure of Bagas beside me, because papa and mama first came to the hospital room Vano and mbak Sari told me where I was in this ICU room

“He didn't come home when I brought Vano here” said I looked down sad and embarrassed because as a wife I don't even know where my husband is

Papa just kept quiet listening to my answer. Maybe you don't want to add to the burden of my mind anymore, and choose to leave me and my mom in front of the ICU room.

Currently at 13:23, I who was sitting with my mother and the middle of my life was shocked by the sound of the footsteps of doctors and 2 sisters who walked quickly, who were, I looked in a hurry and my heart was beating fast, my vision was turned to the glass in front of me. I did not understand the medical device but what I saw was a device that showed a line that usually went up and down and walked it became straight, my eyes turned to Vano whose stomach no longer bloomed.

“Mother parents son Vano huh? Please enter bu” said the nurse who only I can answer with a nod of my head

“Patient mother yes, mother's son is dead, forgive us for trying our best” the doctor's words are like a lightning strike for me

“VANOOOO” I shouted and hugged the child who always accompanied my days

“Doctor please doctor, save my son doctor” I beg the doctor, shake his body

“I'm sorry ma'am, I've tried my best, but God loves my son more

“Vano why stay with mom? Who's your mommy? Let's wake up Vano we play together again nak” my tears increasingly growling to shake Vano's body to want to wake up and a moment later I fell unconscious.

When I realized I was in the hospital room with my mom waiting for me.

“Ma vano sure heals ma” said I who came back crying

“Ikhlaskan son, do not be beratin the road so he can calm” said the mother who joined in crying

“But who's meeting me now ma? All this time Vano is my spirit ma” said I with tears that continue to unravel

“You have a mama, papa and God son. Remember son, Vano is only a deposit from God, and now is the time for you to return what Allah has entrusted”, my mother's words made me realize that all in this world is the care of God, whether it is a treasure, whether it is a treasure, throne, even a couple.

Papa approached us in my nursery, here there was already Mbak Sari, Bagas' parents and mama, here,

“The body is finished in the bath, papa has also taken care of all his administration, let's take Vano to his final resting place” said papa gave news to bury Vano

“Iya pa ayo” I said weakly

I took the ambulance with my mother and mother Sari, while my father took the car alone, and my car was carried by Bagas' parents. We all headed to Vano's funeral.

Arriving at the funeral turned out to have many Bagas family including Mbak Lila and mas Arlo, and other Bagas family and family mama and papa.

There was Bagas there too, waiting for our arrival, out of nowhere he knew that his son was dead, I did not want to think about Bagas at this time only Vano filled my mind.

I again cried bitterly when Vano was put into a burrow, my tears broke because of the loss of the child who always accompanied me. Bagas hugged me,

“Mah strong, please yes mahasian Vano” words Bagas make me emotional

“Poor? Where were you when your son fought for his life? Where were you when your son called you? Where were you when your son needed your hug? And now you say pity? Still got your heart?” I was angry, I broke all my emotions and cried bitterly, no matter how many people would know our problems, I no longer cared. My eyes blackened again, and I was unconscious again.

Seriate……

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