I'm Tired, Love Me

Vano's birthday

Two more weeks Vano is going to be his first birthday, mama called me this morning to ask me if I was going to celebrate Vano's birthday or not,if not then mom and dad are going to celebrate Vano's birthday, I said if I I'm going to talk about this with Bagas first, mama asked me to update her immediately.

“Well is there time to talk?I want a phone call, about Vano”'s birthday I sent a message to Bagas

Ten minutes later

Papa Calling's…..

“Halo pah?”

“Hemmm what's with Vano's birthday?” Ask Bagas indifferently

“Gini pah, this morning mama phone nanyain what birthday Vano will we celebrate or not, because if we do not celebrate mama who want to raya’” said I explained

“Ya already let mama aja rayain, some boys are still a year old also will not understand, waste money aja” said Bagas make me disappointed

“Ya already if that's the reward, then I will convey to mama if so” I said with a disappointed tone

“Yes if so I'm back at work again” said Bagas ended his phone call

‘Yes Allah what's wrong Vano so that his papa is indifferent and pay less attention to him’ I spoke to the makeup mirror in my room.

“Assalamualaikum ma” I contacted my mama

“Wa’alaikumsalam nak,gimana jadi” said mama directly to the point asking about Vano's birthday

“Kata Bagas do not need ma,Vano is still small yet understand nothing ma” said I explained to mama

“Yes let my mom order on M*D yes son, you just count how much you want to invite,tomorrow you pass the amount to mama ya nak” said mama decided to celebrate Vano's birthday

“Later definitely ngerepotin mama equally papa lep” said I was sad

“Vano mama's first granddaughter, see her laugh just happy mama”

“Patience son, no matter what you are going through, remember that God is always there when you are in need, and we your parents always open our hands to you and Vano” said mama full of emphasis, saying,even though I didn't tell my mom anything, even when Vano was hospitalized I didn't tell my mom, but I'm sure she always felt like I was in trouble, like I am.

“Iya ma, then I count first yes ma, no matter how many will be invited” I said to divert our conversation

“Iya son, yes you have played Vano first there, mama want to accompany papa ngeteh first”

“Iya ma,Assalamualaikum”

“Wa’alaikumsalam” said mama who then I disconnected her phone.

***

2 Weeks passed….

Today is Vano's birthday that falls on a Saturday. I have sent an invitation to the Bagas family via chat in whatsup and for the family mama and papa I ask for help mama to send it.

“That you do not forget later in the afternoon at five Vano birthday event on M*D” I remind Bagas who is going to breakfast by wearing neat casual clothes.

“Ya already if so pah” I replied with a smile

We were silent like two people who were in a dispute, I could only keep quiet while stealing glances at Bagas who was focusing on his phone while occasionally smiling at his phone screen and eating his breakfast.

“Ya I already left first if so” said Bagas ended his breakfast and rushed out of the house

I can only smile and hope that all will pass.

The clock in the room showed at three in the afternoon, I had finished preparing the clothes that I, Bagas and Vano were going to use, but Bagas had not yet returned home, I had tried to contact him but there was nothing he picked up. I decided to take a shower first while Vano was still asleep. After finishing the bath and slightly polishing my face with thin makeup, I finally woke up Vano slowly, because I was afraid if we were late to arrive at the event site.

Until four in the afternoon Bagas had no news, finally I decided to leave without Bagas, Sari was also ready to come with us, we left the three without Bagas.

On the way to the event location Bagas sent a message

“I went directly to the location, I did not have time to go home first” said Bagas cuek without any word of apology. I who read the message was only able to breathe as much air and exhale it slowly.

Sister Sari who was sitting next to me holding Vano who was playing her cars, looked at me as I read a message from Bagas when we stopped at the red light,

“Sabar ya non” said mbak Sari who made me surprised and replied with a smile only.

Shortly after we arrived at the event location, Bagas arrived. There were already mama and papa, not long after that the Bagas family also began to arrive one by one.

The show began, Vano was very happy and applauded when singing happy birthday song.

In front of his family Bagas acted as if he was paying attention to me and Vano, unlike his treatment while in our house.

The happy event for Vano was finally over as well, I said goodbye to mama and papa,

“Ma,pa thank you for a festive party for Vano” I said to my parents

“Together dear” said mama while hugging me “be patient with whatever happens” said mama when hugging me, which I only answered with a nod, because my tears already want to slide down

“Ya already papa same mom go home first yes, do not forget to take Vano to play at home so the house is crowded again” said papa

“Iya pa later we play at papa” house “ya right Vano? Want to play house oma same opa huh?” My word on Vano”

“Ma…. Pa....” babble Vano who is in papa's hold, because mbak Sari who is helping Bagas insert gifts that Vano can.

After mom and dad got home, I got ready to go home,

“Pah, dinner at home?” I asked Bagas who would also get ready to leave

“I still have business so do not go straight home” replied Bagas who then kissed Vano who was in my arms now, just a glance Bagas kissed Vano then passed away.

I knew something was going on, something that if I found out would definitely make my heart hurt, I didn't have the courage to accept that fact, she said,which makes me have to go back to silence and assume everything is fine.

Seriate……

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