I'm Tired, Love Me

No more God

I went into a house that looked lonely,

“Mbak Sari? Mbak?” I'm looking for Mbak Sari

“Ya non, I am behind” replied mbak Sari

“Mbak this grilled fish please moved to the plate yes, I want to change clothes first continue to bribe mama” while passing to the room to change my clothes

After 10 minutes after I changed clothes, I saw fish and rice was provided mbak Sari for mama, complete with a drink.

“Buruan is eating fish, ntar is not good” I said while lifting a tray containing food for mama, who did not want to leave the room at all

“Non not eat?”

“Had eaten there” I picked up the tray, then passed to mama's room

“Ma ayok eat” invite me to mom who is daydreaming

“Mama kangen papa Rhey” said mama sad, abandoned by her soulmate for ever make mama lose the spirit of life

“If mama kayak gini papa must be sad ma, eat a little yes ma” becukku back

“When can you meet Papa Rhey?” Mom's question makes me sad

“Rheyna same who would you like if you were gone?” I said as if whispering

“You are an adult, you are an independent child, mama can not be far from your papamu”

“Mama must eat first yes, let all be a secret of Allah ma” mama just silent not responding to my conversation

“Did not the fortune, the fool, and death have been determined by Allah ma, we can only accept and live it” said I was wise when I was also not able to stand up straight to forget Vano son who just a few weeks left me.

I began to feed little by little the food on the plate, although not spent but for me mama already want to eat only I was grateful.

I accompanied my mom to watch TV after she finished eating, even though she did not focus on watching TV and just kept daydreaming, until half-ten at night she fell asleep, and I went back to my room to rest my body.

‘This feeling is wrong, but I feel comfortable around him, I feel cared for, I feel loved, but I don't want to ruin his family's happiness, he said, I have to stay away from him even though it makes me uncomfortable’ I said in front of my room mirror, why I was actually loved by him who already has a companion 😢

I lay down my tired body with all the trials I had to go through.

“Papa I miss papa” advice I saw papa smile at me

“Don't grieve dear, keep fighting and rest assured happiness will come” said papa stroking the top of my head

“Vanooo why pops opa? Later opa tired, come here son mama” I see my son is being carried papa

“Papa has met Vano, Vano is not alone and already happy, then you also have to be happy, for our sake” said papa while walking over to me, showing off their smiles that make me miss more

“Be happy you son, your life is precious, we love you” mama caressed my shoulder and smiled

“Lho mommy is also here?” I said I was surprised when I saw my mom there too

“Mama kangen papa and Vano” said mama while looking straight at papa and Vano who were playing in ignorance, with a smile that was developed, unlike when I bribed him earlier

“Let's go home” I take my mom back home, but mom keeps walking towards papa and Vano, and I see papa hugging mom and holding Vano, they laugh happily leaving me

“Maaaaaaa, paaaaaa, vanoooo don't leave me alone, I'm afraid hikss hikss”

I cried in my sleep and woke up in shock, I sat on my bed wiping my eyes that had been in tears, ‘Astagfirullah, O Allah may all this be a dream’. I saw the clock on my phone showing at four o'clock in the morning, I stood up from my seat and came out of the room to get a drink, and I saw that Sari was up and doing the dishes,

“Mbak” sapaku on mbak Sari while taking a glass and drinking water

“Iya mbak exhausted papa dreams with Vano” I said to mbak Sari and then drank the water I had taken

“Mbak later mama buy chicken porridge just yes in front of shophouse situ”

“Each non”

“Ya I've seen mama first ya mbak”

“Iya non, I also want nyapu first” said mbak Sari who has moved to hold a broom

I walked to my mom's room, saw my mom fall asleep in the same position as when I left last night, I approached her caressing her hand ‘cock cold mama's hand? Is mom cold getting AC in this room?’ I stood up and grabbed the AC remote and I turned it off, even though my heart felt uncomfortable with this atmosphere, I tried to think well.

I approached my mother again and tried to wake her up,

“Maaa, wake up praying together mbak Sari also” I said while slightly shaking my cold mama's arm,

There was no movement from my mother, my heart was racing faster, and without realizing my tears fell, too,

“Maaa let's wake up yuk, Rheyna dear mama” I'm still trying to wake up mama with tears that are increasingly flowing fast

“MBAK SARIIII mama mbak” shouts me calling mbak Sari

“There's nothing non” mbak Sari that comes with a jiggling run

“Mbak mama mbak” my tears are getting broken while hugging mama

“Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un” said mbak Sari while closing her mouth and then pulled me when she saw mama did not move with my shock

“Non fast phone doctor non” said mbak Sari tried to resuscitate me from my crying

“Doctor who mbak? I don't have a doctor's number to call” I said still with a roaring cry, as if my brain couldn't function normally

“Phone den Arlo non, he must have doctor” number said mbak Sari gave me a suggestion

I hurried to pick up my phone in the room and pressed Arlo's mas contact,

Tutt.. tutt.. tutt... tuut. when I was about to close there was a voice from across there,

“Hallo” his hoarse voice indicates he just woke up from his sleep

“Massssss mama masss” I said while crying

“Ha?” He was like confused and was gathering his consciousness “eh you Rhey, what is it?” With a slightly whispering voice, It seemed that his consciousness had returned

“Mama masssss, her body is cold I do not want to wake up mas” I said with sobbing

“Innalillahi Rhey, have you called the doctor?”

“Before mas, I do not have contact doctor mas, I am confused who should contact who early morning, sorry mas already interfered time mas” said I was desperate

“I call the doctor first, let go directly to your house, do not cry do not panic first, I am there now” he said who immediately hung up the phone

I went back to my mother's room and saw that Sari was turning over her already slightly stiff body. Mama's pale face with lips decorated with smiles made me cry and hug mama.

Seriate……

...Saddened first yes, there will be a happy time coming…....