I'm Tired, Love Me

Why I

I went back to my mother's room and saw that Sari was turning over her already slightly stiff body. Mama's pale face with lips decorated with smiles made me cry and hug mama.

30 Minutes passed and then Sari opened the door of someone who turned out to be a doctor. The doctor is welcome to enter the mama's room between Sari's parents,

“Excuse me mbak” greet the doctor is polite

“Doctor please mama me” I said while crying, and trying to believe that my mama was okay.

“I chek first ya mbak” said the doctor who approached towards the mama, began to peek mama's pulse, mama's neck, mama's eyes, then the doctor breathed heavily

“I'm sorry I couldn't help, her mother died about three hours ago mbak” doctor's words like a blow to my head and heart, why should I lose again

“Mamaaaaaaa” I screamed to hug my mama, but someone pulled my hand and clutched my body tightly

“That's a pity, don't burden the way” said the voice I've known so much lately that's the voice that adorns my days

“I have no more sayings mas, Vano, papa, now mama” I put my head up to that face, his hands turned to wipe my tears that continue to flow, then re-hugged me kissed my forehead. I buried my face in his chest, my hands holding him because I felt my heart breaking losing those I loved in the near future, as if the universe was not on my side.

After the doctor wrote a statement of death, Mas Arlo took care of the funeral by first reporting on RT and RW, then some neighbors began to arrive, when the mother was finished in the bath and in the caravan.

Mama was buried next to Papa and Vano, I was only able to stay still with tears flowing. Sister Sari hugged my shoulder because Arlo was standing behind me, she didn't want the neighbors to talk about me if she was the one who hugged me because the neighbors knew who my husband was. Quite a neighbor whispered because he did not see Bagas at my mother's funeral, no need for neighbors to know the destruction of my household.

After the funeral, we went back to my mother's house. I sat on the living room couch silent and daydreaming about my situation, Vano left me, Bagas left me with another woman, papa left me, and mama left me, I couldn't live alone.

I walked into the kitchen with a blank look, picked up a knife and was about to rip my tone, but he grabbed the knife and threw it away, with an annoyed face he scolded me

“Don't you crazy Rhey, you think your parents and Vano will be happy to see your stupid actions?” Angry at me

“I have no one else, all left me” with tears that broke again, he hugged me again

“There's Sari, there's me, we're still here for you, you're not alone” her voice comes back soft and her hands are back caressing my head

“But you are not mine, you will return to your wife mas” I said in tears

“I'll be there when you need me whenever” he says reassures me, I just keep crying until I limp down unconscious.

When I opened my eyes and spread my gaze around, I found the figure sitting in the chair beside my bed, with the head placed on the bed and his hands tightly grasping my hands, ‘why is he God, why is he the one who should be by my side, he who I will not be able to have’, I said in my heart.

When I was about to let go of his hand grip slowly, it had instead awakened him

“Lho is awake dear, sorry I overslept” he said as he rubbed his eyes

“Mas not working?” I remember this was the weekend

“Most work problems right I have” he said smile “eat yuk, it's noon you have not eaten from morn”

“I'm not a laper mas” I said sadly

“Must eat, you must be strong for the sake of your parents and Vano” he reminded

I came back just shedding tears. My tears slowly, slowly,

“There is nothing wrong with crying, even you have to cry if you feel unable to hold it in your chest, but even crying you need energy, and that energy you can get from eating, you need to cry, eat first after that continue your crying again, I will be here as long as you cry”

“No way mas, you have to go home kasian mbak Lila and children”

“You lied to me! You lied to your wife” said I don't like it

“You need me more than he currently”

Mbak Sari went into the room carrying a tray containing a plate of rice with a side dish of fried shrimp flour, and,

“Excuse me den, I brought you a meal for non Rheyna” said mbak Sari politely

“Iya Sari bring here let me who bribe” he said on mbak Sari

“This den, I just clean up first den” after handing the tray to Arlo mas, mbak Sari out again from my room

“Let's eat first” he said while offering a mouthful of rice

“I ate alone, I'm not a little boy” said I took over the spoon

“That's dong pinter, I wait here until the food runs out”

“But this is too much mas, eat me not as much as this”

“Yes already if not exhausted later I finish, the important thing is you eat aja” he said while stroking my hair

“Mas can ask for help?” I asked on the sidelines of my eating activities

“What aja for you I will help” the rubber starts

“Papa and mom used to tell me, if they're gone then they want this house to be made into an orphanage”

“That's cool, so what do I need help with?”

“They said in Jombang there is a very remote orphanage that needs a place, and they want to move the orphanage here, can you help their transfer?” I said to explain my parents' deceased wishes

“It can be so if that's all, then let me tell my men to take care of it, but if this is made an orphanage then where will you stay?”

“I plan to sell my car mas, the money I use to contract a smaller house with mbak Sari” said I explained my plan

“Living in my apartment only yes, than you have to sell your car also” he said giving a quote

“Don't mas, I've had too much ngerepotin mas Arlo” I said hankan

“I'm even happy to be able to help you, I don't want you to be difficult as long as there is me” he said attention

“But mas..” I was about to interrupt when his hand pulled the plate I held

“Well, that's actually a laper right, a plate of abis own” he said smiling while poking my nose

“Eh yes I finished ya” I said back embarrassed

“Moving my apartment yes, so I can come often, if here or in the rented house I do not feel good coming every day, you will be the talk of neighbor”

“I think first yes mas, I also have to talk this same mbak Sari dulu” I said while drinking water that mas Arlo thrust.

Seriate……