Chandanas

Rock (1)

With tears welling up in her eyes, Roka walked quickly to the motorbike she had parked in the garage of Naya's house. Roka still did not put on her helmet perfectly as Naya rushed out of the house and ran towards her.

In surprise, Naya gripped onto Roka's arm, "Where are you going? What the hell is this?" Naya scrunched her forehead, not understanding what was going on.

Inside, her stepmother was also sobbing with a trembling body, reluctant to say anything other than a slow sob. Naya felt clueless and was going awry. Therefore he tried to hold Roka to stay behind to give him an explanation related to all this.

Roka jerked Naya's hand, ignoring all the girl's attempts to hold her away. Without hesitation, Roka drives her motorcycle away from Naya's house at high speed, leaving the girl alone with her two teary eyes in her garage.

Roka drives at a very high speed. He gripped the handlebars of his motorbike very tightly while tears welled up in his eyes. His heart felt crushed by an invisible hand. His chest tightened as if something big was overlapping him, trying to make him out of breath.

Roka really did not understand why this could all happen. Of the many humans who live in this world, why should his mother have an affair with Naya's father? With the girl's father who made her want to change. With the girl's father who made her start willing to learn and realize her mistake. With the girl he loved. Wh why?

Roka bit her lips to dampen her sobbing. He now felt like a piece of feather wandering in the wind. He could no longer feel his body and soul. Everything feels bland and sickening. He could not understand how cruel the world was toying with his life. How cruel fate turned his feelings upside down.

A moment he was angry, a moment he felt as the happiest person in the whole world, a moment later he felt like someone who only had a body without a soul. He no longer felt anything, like something important had been taken from him, leaving behind a huge gaping hole in his chest.

During the minutes of shedding so many tears along the way, Roka arrived at Kiran's house. He parked his motorbike and rushed into the house. He walked quickly to Arda's room - where he had been sleeping all this time -, ignoring Kiran who tried to get him to talk.

Roka then slammed herself on the bed of Arda's room, covering her face that was still slightly bruised by using a pillow. His eyes were hot because they shed too many tears. Roka even felt like she had forgotten the last time she cried over something, but surely she knew full well that she should not cry. The woman who had destroyed him and his father was not worthy of mourning. Her tears were too precious for that unfaithful woman.

In the midst of her crying, Roka again remembered the memories of that childhood that could not be said to be beautiful.

His mother was a gentle and loving figure, yet somehow he always avoided his father as if they were both strangers living in one house. At one time his mother will be very attentive and pamper Roka, but at another time his mother completely ignored Roka as if Roka was a figure he never wanted her presence.

His father was a very busy and hard-willed man. His father was a very firm yet gentle man to his son. Although the Father is always busy and rarely has time with Roka, but he feels very loved when he is with his father. Roka felt valuable because her father never ignored Roka as much as the Mother who tends to have a volatile nature. Roka does not understand what and why, but certainly it makes Roka feel a little distance from her mother.

As the years go by, the more Roka grows, the more distance she and her mother feel. Every time they were eating together, his mother no longer took the side dishes or just asked about how the days passed by Roka, his mother always left the dinner table sooner and left him alone with Father. Whenever Roka asks her mother to go to school, the woman is always willing and enthusiastic at first but almost always breaks her promise at a time that Roka never expected. His mother always acts as if she loves Roka, but after all the expectations she gives, she always disappoints Roka in the end.

The highlight was that night. At that time Roka was already a dozen and had been sitting on the bench of Junior High School. He knew that his parents fought quite often, but it never lasted long and severe.

It was a quiet night in the dry season. The air is quite dry and windy. While playing the game in her room, Roka heard a commotion coming from the lower floor. With all the fear in her heart, Roka stepped out and left the room. He walked up the stairs and looked down, where he found his father and mother fighting with each other.

At first they just throw each other sentences in a high tone, until his father began to offend about the affair. Roka knew what cheating was, she was already big enough to understand the meaning of the word. He already knows enough that cheating is a very bad deed in a household.

Roka was still peeking at the quarrel of the two while praying for her mother to deny her father's accusations as she startled the woman nodded and said, "Yes! I cheated! Thenwhat? What do you want to do? I never loved you. I'm always tormented here. I was tormented while I was with you!"

Shortly after his mother finished the sentence, the sound of glass objects that were deliberately broken began to sound loud to make Roka frightened. He shuffled beside the stairs while covering his ears. She cried softly while burying her face between her knees.

"Go from here, don't ever come back here again! Don't you ever see me and Roka again!" Roka trembled when she heard the loud clashing of her father's voice. He shook his head slowly, not wanting the Mother to leave him.

The sudden uproar disappeared, changing with the sound of shoes that were initially faintly heard gradually getting louder and louder in Roka's ears. At that time his mother with tears briskly walked up the stairs to go to the room and pack her things.

Rosa found Roka sitting on one of the stairs while looking at her with tears. Rosa throws her face away and tries to ignore Roka when her son catches her leg, trying to stop Rosa.

"Don't go, Ma. Don't leave Roka," Roka said on the sidelines.

Just then Rosa felt powerless to leave Roka, she was about to duck down to hug her son when suddenly her husband pulled Roka into his arms.

"Roka, listen to Papa, son. This woman is no longer your mother. Let him go and get the life he's always wanted. For him we are nothing but a prankster. Let her go with her affair, in this house there's enough of you and Papa. That way everything will be fine!" Roka looked at her father's face, then looked back at her mother.

Roka with tears still flowing, shook her head slowly while looking at her mother. He didn't want his mother to leave. Roka pleaded with her hands clenched together, she did not want to lose her mother. But as the father said, Rosa shook her head slowly and then walked quickly to her room.

After packing all her things, Rosa ran out of the house without saying a word. He offered no explanation or defense at all. Roka still expected an explanation from her mother because she still wanted to trust the woman. But in fact the woman just kept quiet and left, as if she agreed to all the accusations her husband had made.

Roka never saw Rosa again. He realized that for his mother, Roka was nothing. The woman prefers her forbidden love to a baby born from her own womb.

---

"Ka"

"Roka!"

"Udah morning?" Roka asked in a hoarse voice.

Kiran snorted, "Udah noon Bwang!"

Roka growled while stretching her muscles, then got up from the mattress and walked towards the bathroom.

Kiran glanced at Roka in surprise when she found a slight swelling around Roka's eyes, "Gue wait at ye's dinner table?"

Roka cleared her throat from inside the bathroom, showing her approval. While Kiran walks slowly towards the dining table, Roka observes her face from the glass in the bathroom. The bruises around his face had begun to fade, some small wounds had also dried up.

Roka stroked the wounds slowly. He remembered Naya, "Ha.. Why is life like this anyway," Roka wailed while stripping off her clothes to clean herself.

After changing into clothes, Roka walked towards the dining table where Kiran had been sitting waiting for her ever since. Lazily, Roka pulled slowly on one of the chairs then sat there limply.

Kiran raised her eyebrows, she realized something was wrong with Roka, "What's wrong? How did you meet the camer?" ask Kiran.

Roka was silent for a while, was sorting through the right words to tell Kiran everything.

"Naya's biological mother is dead, so her father is married again," Roka sighed as she glanced at Kiran who was now taking rice and side dishes for herself.

"Continue?" Kiran placed a plate of food in front of Roka and then took it for herself.

"Naya's stepmother was my ex-nick," Roka dragged the plate in front of her, scooped the rice and fed it into her mouth.

Kiran stopped her activity, her hands still clasping tightly to the rice pouch as she fell silent to digest Roka's sentence, "Former nyokap lo Naya's mother? Do you mean ap-Aunte Rosa married her father Naya?!" Kiran screeched as she realized the meaning of Roka's words.

Roka nodded weakly, "Gue doesn't know what else to do. Just by cheating if the person who cheated on the woman was the bokapnya Naya aja I was not able to see Naya. How am I supposed to do?"

Kiran was still gripping with her shock. Of all the possibilities, why should it be like this. It feels relieved to see Roka slowly starting to forget her grudges and disappointments to the Mother, but her best friend now actually has to swallow two bullets at once. Kiran was completely inexhaustible with their way of life that was too winding.

Kiran continued her activities while thinking, she then sat down and looked at Roka, "Lo ever said if you never said anything at that time? Maybe now is the time to listen to the story from your side. Maybe that's how you understand why he's like that" Kiran tried to be as neutral as possible on this.

Roka grieved, disagreeing with Kiran's suggestion, "The only reason that person never wanted to explain to me was because he had no defense! All of my accusations are true. He was never happy with me, just like me. What else do I need to hear from that guy?"

Kiran scratched her non-itchy head, "Keep what? It is not possible to continue with Naya if you do not want to see Naya's stepmother who is also lo's mother."

"Former mother!" roka Correction.

"Bodo is the same as Naya. Bokap he has stolen the figure of a mother from me, even the unfaithful woman is now already his mother. I don't want to deal with him and his family anymore. There are so many women out there that I like!" roka said with complete confidence.

Kiran was silent for a moment. If to be honest, he himself is confused how to deal with all this, "The wrong bokapnya Naya, again I say do not leave blame to someone for the actions of others. You have to think about Naya's feelings too."

Roka put down her spoon, "Thus I have to be the same Naya? Marry her and be her father's ghost? So my ex-husband's ghost is? It's crazy kali. Can modar I live in their circle! You thinkin also bokap me, how does he feel if he knows I like the same child cheating Mama? My quayeng for a long time, talking about it already belibet gini!"

Kiran massaged her temple, she felt dizzy with all this, "Honestly I was also confused. This is your future and your decision. I'm all the same because you know what's best for you. I can only give advice and decisions everything is on you. Anyway don't get to you hurt yourself," Kiran decided not to interfere too much with Roka's personal matters.

"I'm going to Bandung soon, to my grandmother's house. Want to come along? Who knows if you'd want my mom's advice?" Kiran just remembered if today she would go to Bandung.

"Oh, my mood is not good anymore. I'm afraid I'll be there again. Lo go alone?" Roka again picked up her spoon, continuing her breakfast as her stomach repeatedly let out a loud sound of hunger.

"Gue took Chandana," Kiran grabbed a glass of water then sipped at her quickly.

"The blue is love," Roka smiled hearing Kiran's words.

"Gue try to tell this story to Mama and Chandana huh? Maybe their opinion could be the solution for you," Kiran still could not just hands off. He was sure that even though Roka looked relaxed and fine, his best friend would not be able to deal with all this on his own.

"Yes. I believe you will always do what's best for me" Roka glanced at Kiran while smiling arrogantly.

"It's so dirty."