Chandanas

Section 32

"Kiran, you're beating me, right?" Ratih shook Kiran's shoulder slowly when he found the man was like he was drowning in a daydream.

Kiran looked back at Ratih. He was now really confused as to what to say. Even after he refused in public, all this time Ratih still likes it? Kiran was inexhaustible realizing how loyal and kind-hearted this beautiful girl before her was. But Kiran what about that? Of course he can't let Ratih like him any longer, he can't.

Kiran realized that she would only give empty hope if she did not tell the truth immediately. With trembling lips, Kiran tried to make Ratih understand and stop liking her.

"Gue doesn't understand what's on your mind until you like me after all that. But I can't. I do not want to give hope to you, which obviously there will be no hope at all. I don't want to be liked and like anyone, Ratih. I hurt too many people even when I didn't do anything. I hope you understand and stop liking me. Lo good woman, cheerful, fun and even faithful, lo perfect. There are many people out there who definitely deserve more love and heart. But that guy wasn't me. Sorry, Ratih. Excuse me. Sorry."

Ratih rubbed the clear hair that fell from the corner of his eye. Even though he knew something like this would happen, he still could not feel any sadness at all. Ratih touched Kiran's cheek with his flattened fingers, then whispered softly, "My feeling is right for me Kiran. I like everyone, I like you. It's painful. But it's even more painful to see the person I like suffer from fear. Even though it's not for me, you have to open your heart. Allowing someone to heal you, curing this lo heart."

"Gue didn't ask you to return this feeling. I just want us to be friends like this without you pushing me away. Simply so that I can see and make sure that the person I like is really happy and okay," Ratih continued, he lowered his head to wipe his tears.

Although Kiran was silent while staring at Ratih without much expression, she wiped away a tear. Never had he heard such a beautiful and sincere sentence come out of one's mouth. If only his heart and mind were not only filled with Chandana's figure, Kiran would without a doubt try to open her heart and feelings to Ratih.

But too late for Ratih, Chandana has first entered into his life as a beautiful figure. The figure who was now able to make him talk to Ratih was previously unable to at all. Kiran felt bad about having to hurt Ratih once again. He felt unbearable.

"Thank you. Good things will always be answered well, Ratih. God does not sleep, and I know you will be with someone who really deserves you. Thank you very much, "doubtfully, Kiran grabbed onto Ratih's shoulder, hugged him briefly while rubbing the girl's hair, then got up and left the bonfire.

Ratih still sobbed softly as he looked at Kiran's departure. The man walked slowly through the darkness to disappear behind the villa fence.

From the other side, Roka saw everything. He saw how Ratih and Kiran were talking seriously while hugging each other at the end. Somehow Roka felt like she knew what they were talking about. Somehow Roka felt this was the thing that would later bring good to Kiran. Therefore Roka remained seated in place and did not wish to catch up with Kiran at all because consciously or not, Chandana had gone out of the fence long before Kiran stepped in the same direction.

---

The night atmosphere in the mountains is very different from the city. In addition to the cold wind that pierced to the bone, in the mountains there are many animals at night. Along the road that Kiran passed, the sounds of crickets and frogs were heard alternately. Breaking the visual silence presented as far as the eye can see because there is nothing but trees and paved roads that are getting uphill.

Kiran had no idea what he was trying to do right now. He just walked the path without knowing where to go. At that moment Kiran thought back to what Ratih had said. He even recalled the hug he had unconsciously given to Ratih.

Kiran rubbed her head in frustration, she could not believe what she had done, "Aaahhhh stupid! What a difference lo same sambel uleg who stole the opportunity!" Kiran cursed herself.

But in retrospect, at that moment Kiran just wanted to calm Ratih down. He could not think of any form of gratitude let alone what he could give to the girl other than giving her a hug, his first hug. Yes, Ratih has made her name as the first girl Kiran hugs besides Kiran's own birth mother.

As he continued to walk, Kiran digested all the words of Ratih, then compared them to the words of Bagas. The point of the problem now is that he must be able to open himself, show all his true nature without the need to try to be someone else and cover up the problem. He must start to be liked and liked so that his heart softens. If he wants to heal, he must try. He does not have to try to heal alone, he can rely on others for it.

And of the many people on this earth, the first person Kiran comes to mind is Chandana, because only the girl feels different. Only Chandana makes it wrong, only Chandana who keeps his mind every night before going to bed, only Chandana who does not make him feel panic, Chandana also makes him slowly want to change. If the center of all this is Chandana, then Kiran must continue this journey from where it began.

Kiran continued walking through the darkness. Down the paved road that continues to climb upwards until finally he arrived at a field that is not too broad. Apparently the place is the end of this hill, because there is no more plain after the very end of this field. Of the many things that were seen by him, the one thing that surprised Kiran the most was the silhouette of a girl sitting there.

Slowly, Kiran walked over as slowly as possible so as not to make much noise. But still as hard as he tried, the sound of shoes rubbing against the grass and some small twigs could not be muffled. The girl turned her head just as the wind was blowing from the east, fluttering with her hair down.

The girl was still in silhouette until they were only 3 meters away. From there, Kiran could clearly see the familiar face under the dim light of the moonlight. Chandana with her lips tightly clenched was looking at Kiran with her eyes that looked slightly swollen.

She's been crying? Kiran sat in place. He fell silent because he could not resist being fascinated by all the beauty that existed. The beauty of the small lights below, the beauty of the moon and its rays, and the beauty of Chandana.

For about half a minute looking at each other, Kiran decided to walk closer, then sat a few inches away from Chandana. The closest distance he's ever taken so far.

"none. Just sit. Why are you here?" Chandana glanced at Kiran at a glance, then also stared straight down there.

"I don't know why I came here. I just walked and suddenly got here. Perhaps nature understands that I am wanting to meet you" Kiran said slowly. His heart started to beat faster.

Chandana turned to her, "Why would you want to meet me?"

Kiran smiled nervously, "When I was a child, I always smiled, I always played with the other kids with pleasure. I had no hesitation in doing things that could please others," Kiran decided to tell a story even though Chandana did not ask. He wants the girl to be the first to hear everything from Kiran's own mouth. He wanted Chandana to be the reason for him to be able to tell stories after a long silence and harboring.

Chandana doesn't mind listening to Kiran. Chandana looked at Kiran with her gentle gaze even though her two eyes were slightly swollen, while the man did not dare to look at Chandana and just stared straight at the empty sky that was before him.

"But it seems, just playing together and doing good is not enough for some children. They said they liked me. They want me for themselves. I don't think too much about it, we're still kids, so I think it's only natural that they play around with it. At first it was only one, but the longer such children kept growing. They start to envy and hate each other, they start to compete with each other and fight over what they shouldn't be fighting over. Me," Kiran felt her throat dry up. His memory seemed to bring him back to witness that terrible thing again.

"And then, all their debates about me reached their peak. That day, I played ball with Roka and other friends. There are 5 girls fighting each other on the school playground. As it grew increasingly rowdy, the children began to gather. The crowd knew that these five children were debating who I liked the most among them. Then one of the children lost control and pushed the other one down into the concrete barrier. The poor girl was bleeding and her leg was broken. I didn't even know them and was still playing on the pitch when other kids ran up to me and pushed me down. They say I'm a troublemaker, I'm a big loser," Kiran felt water welling up in her eyes.

Chandana was still staring at Kiran, and she started to tear up.

Kiran took a deep breath and then continued, "I still don't understand where my mistakes were when without me noticing people were starting to move away. They insult me every time I show up. They said I had made the girl paralyzed. They say I made them like me by giving them false hope. As far as I can remember, I was just smiling, just happy to play like the other kids. But it seems like with just that, I have been able to hurt someone. At first I was upset that I didn't feel like I was doing anything, but the longer I heard it, the more I believed that I was the culprit. I am guilty of smiling a lot, I am guilty of doing a lot of good and being kind to others."

Kiran unconsciously began to shed tears. The burden seemed to fall with the story and all her tears, "Slowly, I began to become a poor man. I started to ignore everything and didn't say much. I felt it was no different to be friendly or not, everyone would still hate me. So I chose to be quiet, not caring about others. Because at least I didn't hurt anyone. I don't give any girl hope. I hated myself even more when I failed to take care of my sister. I feel unworthy of life, I feel like I just want to get out of everyone's life."

Kiran was still staring straight ahead as Chandana moved her hand to Kiran's back, about to wipe her. Not yet he had time to do this, Chandana again put his hand on the thigh, he canceled his intention.

Kiran, who was unaware of this, was still busy wiping away the tears as she continued, "I started looking for something that could make me rise, and it was a book. Time went on and I became hard on myself and others. By the middle of this year, I had begun to soften and began to be able to socialize with boys. But I still have doubts and do not want to be normal with women at all. Until one day I borrowed two books from two different places. In both books, I found the same name, your name. Chandana," Kiran turned her head, and she realized that Chandana had been tearful with her.

Why is he crying anyway? Kiran bit her lips, feeling guilty for making Chandana cry.

With hesitation, Kiran moved her hand towards Chandana's cheek that was soaked by tears. Shortly before Kiran landed her finger on the girl's cheek, Kiran asked, "Can I wipe away your tears?"

Chandana pulls back to see Kiran's movements, but after hearing Kiran's question, Chandana looks a little hesitant. He paused for a moment, then said softly, "May, Kiran."

Kiran's heart nearly slipped out hearing Chandana's approval. A great sense of happiness spread throughout his body. And trembling, Kiran touched the girl's cheek gently. He began to wipe away the tears on Chandana's cheeks which turned out to be so smooth and smooth. Somehow, Kiran's body bristled while her hands continued to tremble. He felt a kind of electrical current at his fingertips, he did not understand how it could be, he even tried to think of a scientific explanation for the overwhelming feeling of happiness he felt.

On the other hand, Chandana looked down embarrassed while playing her fingers. The magical thing was that he was not afraid of Kiran. He would probably scream if it was another man. Yet he felt fine even happy when his skin came into contact with Kiran's delicate fingers. More than anything, Chandana always feels safe and comfortable near Kiran. He also felt an unusual heartbeat. This whole feeling was only the first time he felt in life.

After making sure there were no more flashes of tears on Chandana's cheeks, Kiran rushed to pull her hand before she had a heart attack. His ears were red while his cheeks were heating up.

"You haven't finished your story, Kiran," Chandana said softly.

Come on, which way was it?

Kiran scratched her nape while trying to remember to where she told her story. The physical contact he had just made with Chandana completely dissolved all of Kiran's concentration. His sadness because remembering dark times was replaced with happiness matchless. He wondered how he could feel so happy just because it was as simple as wiping away a girl's tears.

Oh yeah, until I found Chandana's name, right?