Pursuing the Details of His Love Tasbih

Chapter 40 - A Different Night

After performing the Isya prayer, Ameer led the dhikr which then continued to pray with solemnity. They speak nothing but praise to the Creator.

"Oh God...." Ameer raised her hand and her face looked up. "Testue my marriage and Meizia, shower our marriage with Your grace. Guard our marriage from the storm we cannot face, protect our love to remain holy in Your name. And I beg with all my heart, and give us, the children of the righteous, filial and obedient sons to You. Which will always bring good, and always stay away from evil. Take our love to your heaven."

" O Allah, Your sin-drenched servant has come to You again." Meizia raised her trembling hand."

"I came with my empty heart, asking You to fill it with kindness. I face you with my stained soul, hoping that You will wipe it away with love. I know I had given up on Your mercy before, but now the angel you sent me has succeeded in drawing me back to my nature. That is, as a servant who will always long for Your forgiveness, Your mercy and believe that You will always give both."

Meizia's tears fell again, soaking the muke she was wearing. However, it was no longer a tear from being injured, but the tear was as if it was carrying out in his heart.

"AMERICAN."

When finished, the couple cleaned their prayer mats.

Ameer continued to look at Meizia who was now a busy snob in Ameer's room, the woman was cleaning the table, folding the clothes in Meizia's suitcase. He can do it tomorrow.

"What?" asked Meizia who saw Ameer keep looking at her since then.

"It's late" said Ameer, a subtle gesture.

Meizia knows what her husband wants, and maybe this is what all men want on their wedding night. Meizia has been busy trying to cover up her nervousness and fear, but now Meizia doesn't know she has to deal with it.

"Come here!" Ameer who was sitting on the edge of the bed extended her hand to Meizia. "When do you want to go back and forth, hem? Till tomorrow? Or tomorrow night?" kekeh Ameer who immediately made Meizia's face again blushed.

Although a little hesitant, Meizia welcomed Ameer's hand and her husband immediately pulled Meizia until she sat down by Ameer's side.

"You know what we're gonna do tonight?" ameer asked with a faint smile on her lips.

Meizia could only be bowed, her heart was pounding violently, her heart was trembling. "Look at my eyes, my wife."

Meizia's heart flowered immediately to hear such a delicate language, she slowly raised her face.

Ameera smiled, she cupped Meizia's cheeks very gently before finally giving a warm kiss on her forehead. Meizia's heart pounded even faster, even making her have trouble breathing.

Especially when Ameer brought her lips closer to Meizia's lips, instantly the shadow of the terrible past came back dancing in Meizia's mind, even as if mocking her at this time. Meizia pushed Ameer away until her husband moved away from her.

Ameer looked surprised, he looked at his wife with nanar.

"Meizia, what's wrong?" ask Ameer very gently. He was about to touch Meizia's hand but the woman who had just become his wife immediately shook Ameer's hand.

Meizia ran to the bathroom and she locked herself in there, leaving Ameer even more confused. He chased Meizia and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Meizia, what's up, honey?" ameer asked still very gently.

"Mayez!" call Ameer again. The sound of sobs slowly sounded, so bitter, it shook Ameer's heart. "I won't push if you don't want to" said Ameer, who felt that Meizia was afraid of him.

Inside, Meizia hugged her own knees, hiding a face that had been moist with tears on her knees.

"I ... I don't want to" said Meizia. "I ... Dirty, Ameer. I'm ... embarrassed."

Ameer's heart was ready to hear those words, even Ameer's knee was also weak and she dropped to the floor, she leaned against the door leaf.

"Don't do this, dear," asked Ameer. "Aren't you determined to forget the past?"

Meizia shook her head slowly, she was determined to forget all those terrible things but in fact Meizia was unable to forget her dark times.

"I shouldn't have married you" Meizia said in a choked voice, her chest feeling so tight and sore. "I'm really embarrassed." The woman's cry grew increasingly broken, she screamed in despair but Meizia tried to muffle the screams by smothering her mouth.

In fact, now he wonders what makes a woman like himself dare to marry a man like Ameer.

The demons seemed to continue to instill that doubt in her heart, reminding Meizia of her dark past.

"You are a holy woman to me, Meizia" said Ameer. "I never desecrated you before we got married, so to me you are still holy."

Hearing the sobs of the wife, without feeling Ameer joined in crying. He could understand what Meizia was feeling now, and Ameer did not know what to do to convince the woman that she remained holy.

While inside, Meizia now stands under the shower, she turns on the shower and rubs her own body roughly.

Angry, sad, disgusted, dirty and unclean, all those feelings again mixed into one. In fact, Meizia screamed under the Shower, hoping the voice and tears would carry her trauma away.

Ameer who heard the gurgling sound of water mixed with the cries and the screams of Meizia could only be silent, tears more and more flowing down her cheeks.

Ameer thought, Meizia might forget a little about her past after they got married. But now that Ameer realized, it wouldn't be that easy for Meizia to forget what she'd been through.

No matter how much Ameer convinced Meizia that she remained holy, it would not take away her own filth and disgust.

Now, Ameer chose silence because words would not appease his wife. Ameer let her cry inside until she was satisfied and stopped by herself.

Inside, Meizia did let go of her crying, she did not try to hold it back anymore.

"*What should I do now, Lord? I have just asked You to cleanse my soul of this stain, but now I feel that my soul cannot be cleansed. Is that true?"

"No, it shouldn't be true*."