Mama For Mikaela

FORTY-FOUR

One day, there was a conversation going on between Segara and Karenina. More or less it's like this, “What if one of us dies first? What will stay do?”

That day, on the veranda of the house, while watching the sun slowly descend to the west side, Segara so confidently replied. “If you die first, I will stay. I'll keep you in my head forever, not replace it with anyone, no matter how lonely I get. Because you should know, my love is over at you.”

Then just like that, Karenina asked another question. The woman asked, what if Segara died first? Would she expect Karenina to do the same?

And without any hesitation, Segara shook his head. With confidence, with his heavy voice that became his own opium for Karenina from the beginning of their meeting, Segara said, “If I die first, you must marry again. You must fall in love again, happy again with a man who can love greater and greater than me. Because even though I am dead, I still live with the happy energy of you. Don't be sad, don't cry often, just remember me occasionally as proof that I still live, even if only in your head.”

As she knew Karenina, the response she showed that afternoon was a success to make her laugh. With pouting lips and glaring eyes, the woman slammed a punch hard enough on her arm, blabbing incessantly that what she said was the most absurd thing in their entire time together.

Because, how could she ask Karenina to marry again, when she herself is not willing to open her heart if the woman dies first?

That day, their debate about the answer Segara gave continued until the sun completely sunk, leaving a tinge of orange that in a short time had been swallowed by the depth of the night. Only to bring them to a decision that, Segara will not change the answer.

Back then, they didn't have Micah. The conversation took place long before the child was born into the world, where the only center that Segara believed was indeed Karenina.

Then look at him now. As the years changed, even though his heart was still so hard not to fall on anyone but Karenina, he still reneged on his own promise. He remarried, with a woman he never even imagined would be present in his life and Micah, long after Karenina died.

Segara knew she was well aware that Karenina was not an evil human who would actually be willing to let her drown in loneliness over her disappearance. But still, the guilt over the refusal of the promise is still often disturbing Segara even though it has now been a week since his marriage with Lana was held.

Every time the guilt came, Segara would repeatedly remind himself that he did everything for Micah's sake. Merely just to make his son get the affection of a mother, as the child always whines every day.

However, when he found out how much Micah seemed to love Lana, even never again asked about Karenina to him, the guilt Segara had actually grown bigger. She was afraid, what if her daughter would grow up forgetting everything about her own mother? Although from birth the child did not have any memory of Karenina, but Segara always tried to tell a lot about the woman. Hoping that as she got older, there would be more stories about Karenina that Micah could remember for the rest of her life.

If it's like this? How will he continue his story? If Micah doesn't seem to want to hear anything more from him.

“Daddy,”

From the end of the 2nd floor staircase, Micah called out his name. Segara twisted his body, turned to look at the boy who now walked slowly down the stairs while tightly grasping Lana's little finger. The boy's hair looks neat, pinched one and leaves only a few strands that can't fit into the bond. The pink flower dress below the knee that the child was wearing looked charming, just as beautiful as the smile that was now on her lips.

“Daddy want to go to work?” ask the boy again, when his little legs stopped in front of Segara.

No matter how noisy his head was, Segara knew he would not be able to resist all the beauty and the faith that Micah showed. No matter how annoying the boy was on some occasions, he was still Michaela, the fruit of his love with Karenina whom he loved so much.

So after nodding his head, Segara crouched down in front of Micah, landing a fine swipe at the top of his son's head. “Be a good girl, okay?” a message he always sent to Micah whenever he was about to leave for the office.

The template, the child will only nod his head, assented every dish that his father gave and cheerfully took the hands of his mother, he continued, leading him to take Segara to the front gate.

But today, Segara did not want Micah to just stop at a nod of the head, then let go with a bright smile that spread to the ears. Segara wants to at least get a warm hug, which he feels missed more often lately.

Without speaking, he hugged his daughter. The little shoulder was a stop for his chin, he was leaning there, so comfortable as if the weight of his head was not something heavy for his daughter to hold on.

One full minute. Segara even counted every second he spent hugging his daughter, then let go of that hug with the same kind of unwillingness he had to let go of Karenina.

“Daddy is leaving, huh? No need to drive forward.” Because Segara could not guarantee he would not turn back to embrace Micah once more.

“OK, Daddy. Be careful on the road.” Babble the boy, then landed a kiss on Segara's right cheek. A warm kiss that miraculously managed to erode the sadness that accumulated in Segara's chest to half as much.

There was no longer a sentence that Segara could say to his daughter, nor to Lana who stood behind Micah's body, watching everything in silence.

Segara got up, turned his body and immediately swung his steps wide. A saying of pleasantries that he used to say to Lana did not come out this morning. He left without knowing that even until he arrived at the front door, she was still nailing to her withered back. Busy wondering, what's wrong with her husband?

...----------------...

Routines in the office are just like that. File after file keeps coming, as if it never ends. In terms of business, it looks good. More contract files are coming, doesn't that mean that the company has managed to get more people to put their trust in a partnership? But in terms of humanity, it looks rather cruel. He had to go overtime a lot, making his chances of meeting Micah less and less.

“I guess, just got here this time. For some of the things I have said before, please follow up.” Segara closed the map containing meeting material with one of the divisions.

At the long table he sat in the center position, making him able to look at one by one of the 9 division members who attended meetings related to their latest pyorek better.

“Good, Sir.” Anesti, who was sitting closest to his chair, replied. The woman also cleaned up her own files, then resigned followed by her other colleagues.

Segara still did not get out of his chair, observing one by one his employees out of the meeting room after bowing as a sign of respect.

However, out of the 9 people who rushed away, Immediately found one that still held on to his sitting position, seemed not intending to get up and rush back to the workspace like what his colleagues did.

That person is Pamela, whose existence Segara often avoids while in the office so that rumors about them do not spread worse.

“Someone you want to ask again?” tanyanya, when Pamela never let go of her gaze. “I have 15 minutes left before returning to the room, so if there is any question, it can be asked to me now.”

“Ga,” instead of following the flow as an employee and boss, Pamela instead returned to say her name as a friend. “How are you?”

Random. But that's how sometimes a Pamela behaves. Don't forget that they were childhood friends, so when such a random question suddenly came out of Pamela's lips, Segara was no wonder. Usually, the woman will ask so when her mood is not good. Maybe he misses his mother, or there are other problems that Segara does not know.

So, getting rid of the professionalism that he maintained well for some time, Segara moved from his chair, moving to another chair that was located right next to Pamela. “What's up?” tanyakanya.

Instead of answering, Pamela instead burst into her arms, suddenly, making her almost lose her heartbeat because she was so surprised.

If they were outside, Segara would not mind giving Pamela a hug. Because the woman also often gave him a hug, especially in the early days of Karenina's departure. The problem is, they are now in the office, so inevitably, Segara was forced to withdraw as soon as possible.

“We are again in the office, Mel, kamu—“ Segara speech is not finished, left hanging in the air because he was even made silent when he found Pamela's face was wet with tears. The woman was crying, without a sound. “Hey, why?”

Pamela did not answer. The woman lowered her head, so deeply to hide her wet face from Segara's perspective. There was no sound of sobbing at all, but Segara could see Pamela's shoulders shaking violently.

Segara knew, under such circumstances, there would be no point in urging Pamela to tell her stories. So instead, he walked away leaving the woman to the door, only to return to his side after locking the meeting room door and lowering the roller blind to make sure whatever happens inside this room does not leak out.

At first hesitated, but then Segara held out both hands, hugging Pamela while patting her back as a sign of comfort. He let the chest of his field be the place where Pamela spewed out tears, no objection though he finally felt the light blue shirt he was wearing get wet.

Pamela who Segara knows rarely cries. In the past, in High School, when the woman first broke up though, no tears came out of her twin netra. So if the crying can be this severe, Segara knows the problem is serious and it will take time for the woman to be ready to tell a story.

Minutes passed, until finally the cries of Pamela slowly subsided. Segara still did not let go of his embrace, letting their bodies remain stuck until then Pamela who pulled away first.

When Pamela lifted her face, it was there that Segara found her in the most chaotic state of her life. The net is still watery, now looks swollen with a reddened color. The lower lip was injured, spitting out blood spots that made Segara believe the woman had bitten her own lip to dampen the sobbing sound.

“Other times don't like gini.” Segara grimaced as his hand touched Pamela's bloody lips. It must be painful, no doubt about it. “It doesn't matter if your stuffing voice hits this room, Mel. I'm the only one who's gonna hear."

“I'm shy.” Little Pamela, while wiping the remaining tears that are still standing on her cheeks.

Segara exhaled slowly, following along to help Pamela wipe the trail of tears using her cold big palm. “Then why, anyway? I won't cheat on you just because you cry.” After that, Segara pulled his hand back.

“Stay, I'm ashamed. In your eyes, right, I am wonder woman, never cry.”

“Who said?” Segara. “Although yes, it still does not matter to you cry. Let alone you who are female, I as a man often cry. Yeah, you're also the one who used to see me cry, right?”

“I am still crying,” I Pamela after being silent for a few seconds after listening to Segara's speech.

“Yes, cry again. Want to be hugged again?” Segara offered to spread his hands wide, but Pamela shook her head.

“I have to go back to the room, not good with the others.”

Just like that, Segara again lowered his arm. “You sure you want to go back now? Your face is still ugly.” He said while pointing at the face of Pamela who did not want her shape.

The appointed do not accept, immediately throttling with the eyes that swerve. “Emang no one crying still beautiful?!” sewotnya.

“There, Karenina.” Segara Chirps.

Karenina Again. Inner Pamela, then the more she throws her lips. “Basic bucin.” Her lips.

At that sneer, Segara chuckled. He was relieved that at least Pamela could already sneer at him, wasn't that a sign that his heart condition was already much better? “Yes already, back and forth, but wash your face first so as not to be caught out crying.”

Pamela got up without saying anything, so Segara thought the woman would do as she had directed before. However, instead of going out and going to the toilet to wash her face, Pamela grabbed a bottle of mineral water on the table, one bottle that was still sealed was then taken to a large glass window on the opposite side. Without saying much, the woman opened the window and washed the mineral water on her face, leaving the rest of her tears to fade along with the free-falling water into the streets.

Segara could only shake his head at Pamela's behavior. Then as the woman returned to her side, putting the half-empty bottle of mineral water back to where it was, she sighed.

“Jorok.”

“Biarin.”

“You just stay out, keep walking a little to the left already met the toilet, Pamela.”

“Away. If I go out I meet people how? Isn't it ashamed of me if anyone sees my face cry?”

“Reason alone, emang basic you tuh jorok.”

“Serah.” And that's how Pamela ended their debate. Always say whatever, just like most women. “I go back to the room first. You stand by, yes, fear I will cry again later fitting home work.”

The order became the last, as a closing that drove Pamela away from the meeting room which was immediately silent after her disappearance.

A few minutes later, Segara also left. The work is still a lot, he must finish immediately if he does not want to overtime again.

...----------------...

“Lo from where?” it was a question that was pointed at him once Pamela got to her study. He came from Prawira, the most avid who loved to pester his life. Doni once said that Prawira did it because she liked it, but Pamela didn't believe it. After all, even if it was true, he didn't care either.

“Rooftop, smoking.” Pamela answered as completely as possible because she was too lazy to answer Prawira's other questions. Then, he walked to his cubicle and immediately sat on a chair, looking back at the computer screen displaying a row of numbers.

“Mana, no smell of cigarette smoke, tuh!” Pamela flinched, reflexes pushing Prawira's body away as the man suddenly lowered his head, advancing his face to sniff out Pamela's neck from a few inches away.

“Don't be brash!” Pamela sewot's. He stood up again from his chair, ready to punch Prawira's face which this time his prank attitude was outrageous.

“Casual, times, just so doang. I don't want nyium lo or anything.” Instead of feeling guilty and apologetic, Prawira instead said it lightly, making Pamela inflamed and almost completely floated a raw fist if only Anesti did not immediately come to divorce.

The woman put up her body, became mediator before the actual scene of a fistfight occurred in the workspace filled with 5 people. “Udah at 4, better finish your work so you can go home pangko.” Said the woman while stretching both arms to the side, preventing Pamela or Prawira to get closer to each other.

Pamela gave a loud snort, her gaze cast sharply towards Prawira who still did not look guilty. You insolent!

“Mel, sit.” Quest Order Anesti. Oh, no, it might just be a suggestion because Anesti said it in a slow voice. While to Prawira, his tone went up several levels. “Lo too, back there to your desk! Don't bother Pamela!”

Prawira returns to her desk grumbling. He looked even more upset as Selly and Doni stared at him. Being the center of attention for something that is not good, who would be happy?

“What? Want me to **** both of you, huh?!” next, then throw his buttocks into the chair, then busy with pressing the mouse many times.

While from her seat, Pamela was also still upset. If there was a chance to throw a fist into Prawira's face, he wouldn't waste it.

“Udah, back to work again. The lice kupret it let me take care of.” Whisper Anesti, then the woman passed.

Sure enough, just like the sentence she whispered, Pamela saw the woman punch a hard punch on Prawira's shoulder before she sat down in her own chair. After that, I don't know what kind of debate is going on between them because Pamela no longer cares.

The computer screen in front of her still showed a row of numbers, and because it made her head back dizzy, Pamela decided to close the Excel file and let her computer in the earliest view.

Back to work what? He will just roll his head on the table, waiting for the clock to come home so that he can continue his crying in Segara's arms. In 2 minutes, Pamela closed her eyes.

Seriate