Mama For Mikaela

THIRTY TWO

On the bench of the hospital garden, in the shade of shady trees, befriending the moonlight that peered timidly from behind the black cloud, Segara sat alone.

It was 11pm, he should have gone to rest because last night he did not sleep at all to keep Micah in high fever. But, he didn't do it. Segara instead sat here, leading himself towards more of the hassle he created himself. He was constantly thinking about more things. About Michaela, about Karenina, and the girl Kelana he last saw holding Micah in a lonely hospital hallway.

Words after words thrown from the lips of Arkana, especially those spoken last afternoon before Lana had resigned herself, became the topic most raised by her own head. It was as if the string of sentences was the only thing he had ever heard, which he had learned throughout the 27 years he had lived.

Sighing time and time again should be effective enough to help him unravel the contents of his mind that were like a tangled thread, but right now, even sighing as much as anything could not really affect much. Instead, he ended up reaching into his pants pocket, removing a pack of cigarettes along with his lighter.

In the past days when his head was too noisy, cigarettes would be a last resort because he believed there were still many other ways he could try. But tonight, when he had no way of coming out of the labyrinth he created himself, cigarettes became his last stop. For a moment to stop, a moment to pull over, before finally plunging back into the storm inside him that somehow will stop.

Cigarette smoke billowed in front of his face in a fast time, mixed with the cold night air and laden with loneliness. Although faint, Segara could feel there was so much grief that came to him when the wind blew not too hard hit his lethargic body.

The tobacco he smoked many times, sometimes in slow motion, sometimes greedily as if there was no tomorrow for him to enjoy the twisting of tobacco again.

Amidst the boisterous contents of his head and the smoke that came out in his respiratory cavity, Segara suddenly made silent a thousand languages when vague, he seemed to be able to hear the voice of Karenina. Yes, the dead Karenina, whose body he had delivered himself to the pit with tears that poured out without being prevented.

When he turned to the side, Segara found Karenina in a long white dress sitting with him, looking at him with the most shady eyes and a sincere smile that never lost its trademark. The night was so dense, there were no stars and the faint moonlight above them became the only lights other than the garden lights that seemed to need replacing. But in her view, Karenina seemed to shine. The entire body of the woman was surrounded by light, which was even able to make Segara forget a cigarette tucked in between his fingers, slowly getting burned out.

“Ren,” really, he knows this isn't real. The State is a rational human being. He does not believe in mystical things such as ghosts or mythological creatures that are often raised to scare children. Because if he did have the ability to see ghosts or something, he would have long ago used that ability to summon Karenina, who for not a second in his life he never missed. “Sayang.”

Karenina just smiled. Though if it may be a little presumptuous, Segara wanted the figure to at least speak to him. No need for grandiose, just echo his name with his soft and soothing voice. But the name of the figure was just a hallucination, Segara could not demand more.

The second that Segara twisted his body in order to look at Karenina more closely, the cigarette in his hand had already been completely forgotten. The thing that was originally a runaway is now helplessly lying on the grass, waiting for its end to pick up when the burning embers that burned out of him are completely extinguished.

“Ren,” call him once again. He reached out his hand, about to touch Karenina's bright-looking marble cheeks. But his touch never arrived, because before he actually moved his hand any further, Segara decided to stop. “Sorry, I still miss it as much as you.” He then lowered his hand that had floated in the air.

The breeze of the night becomes a witness when a smile rises decorate the face of Segara who looks very tired. Caring for children alone, still have to take care of all the problems in the company, plus other missions to find who the perpetrators behind the discomfort of his small family life is not an easy thing to do. So far, Segara can still survive, but that does not mean he is not exhausted.

And so, that night, along with the shadow of Karenina who could only look at him in silence, Segara shed his tears once again. He was fragile, much weaker than what he showed people.

While only 10 meters from where he sobbed, Arkana stood pecking with a cigarette that had not been lit.

So Arkana thought, the decision to bring someone into the life of Segara is the most powerful way, to help the man immediately recover from his loss. Or at least, when the sadness comes back to say hello, the man will have a shoulder to lean on. So that he would no longer have to cry alone like the one that night Arkana witnessed.

...****************...

Three days into the treatment, doctors finally allowed Micah to be taken home. The child's condition has improved, even much faster than doctors previously thought. The drugs prescribed for him were not all used up, but the boy was already looking cheerful again, especially when he jumped from the patient's bed and entered into the warm embrace of Lana who had been busy dealing with his return.

“Miss Lana not to day care?”

Lana turned her body, looking at Arkana who had just appeared from behind the door while carrying a transparent plastic bag containing 3 stacked strofoam.

“I permission to come noon.” Lana says that with a thin smile that is perfectly reviewed. From behind Arkana's back, a few seconds after he finished speaking, Segara appeared in a light blue shirt with his arms rolled up to the elbow. The man's hair was neatly arranged, much different from his chaotic-looking appearance during these 3 days.

“Gue has to go to the office, there is a short meeting.” Said the man, from his gaze fixed on Arkana, it was clear to whom the man was speaking. “Please take care of Micah for a moment. Before lunch, the meeting should have been late and I could go home.”

Arkana just nodded. There was not much he could say to Segara because honestly, he was reminded of the scene where Segara cried sobbing in the hospital park last night. Suddenly, Arkana felt her chest tight. He does not know how heavy it is to be Segara because he was never in the position of the man, but if you want a little pretentious, it must be very not easy.

“Miss Lana want to be with me? I can drop Miss to day care before leaving for the office.”

Offered so, Lana shook her head while smiling politely. “I'm allowed to enter during the day, sir. Later, after driving Mikha home, I just left for day care.” He repeated his sentence because it seemed Segara had indeed not heard what he had said to Arkana before.

“Oh, okay then.” Then Segara walked over, only to put a kiss on the cheek of the kingpin Micah who was still holding Lana tightly. “Daddy to the office first, yes, dear. You are the same Om Ar first, do not be naughty, do not hurt again.”

“OK, Daddy!” Micah exclaimed as he nodded in understanding. Really, there is not the slightest bit of pale face left that for 3 days haunts Segara. He was grateful for that, of course.

Segara was anxious, so he damaged Micah's hair before leaving for the office, leaving the euphoria behind his back growing as he moved further and further away.

“Ren, you are not jealous if our child is close to another woman who is not you?” The country whispered the sentence in its heart, hoping whatever it was—no wind, rain, even blazing sun—was willing to convey the question to the beloved, Karenina, then come back to her with an answer.

Seriate