Don't Want to Be Pathetic: NIGHT BUTTERFLIES
Section 43
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"In this world there are a lot of good people and I'm not one of them" Ira said, because they were all still silent and staring at him.
"Ra, you want a story? speak even if I'm diem. I don't know what to answer and,,,?" susan answered with a confused face.
"Gini, my original story was told to Anggi. And I don't want to look sad because life isn't so lucky" Ira said, leaning against a wall.
"Nobody can be expected in this. At that time I was in 3rd grade Junior High, a virgin girl who was the same as the others. Heum, get to the point. Maybe about a week before the national exam the teacher is always my country to pay off the payment because of arrears, if not pay I will not be able to take the exam." the woman smiled, "Actually I also do not know and do not want to blame anyone in this case, only I regret myself and parents who can not be relied on. They can't help me when I need them. I also feel guilty about this because, I didn't tell anyone."
Open a bottle of water and drink it. "At that time grandfather was very sick, Grandma took it all. Taking care of grandchildren, making a living, managing everything, basically the situation is really bad. My father can't be contacted. Mother who is out of town and since marriage she does not care. I can't possibly add to the situation by saying about the problems at school. I'm not that nice."
They were still silent on what Ira was going to talk about.
"Gue had also forgotten a little since this was already 4 years ago. The point is not a person who can be relied on and expected, until I finally told ka Ayu that he had done that before finally stopping and working in a restaurant."
"Ka Ayu?" said Anggi furrowed his brows.
"We had economic difficulties at that time, but ka Ayu can give her sister snacks to school even though she has not worked. He said directly that he sold his tub*hnya. Just as I've been feeling before lately, it's like I have no pain, no pity, no happiness. Numb off! I don't care about myself, let alone anyone else.... Ka Ayu couldn't help because of her many needs and she also attended a favorite High School, the cost was greater." the woman sighed, "Have I told you the story is long?!" Ira looked at them.
"Don't say much, tell me everything!" susan said with mixed feelings.
Still with a racing heart and a still trembling body, "Actually ka Ayu didn't ask me to do it, she just told me what she was doing. But because I had no other choice and that I thought at the time was the most important money! pay for school, so you can take the exam and do not need to be rebuked. I told you Ayu if I wanted to meet those people."
"Then see?" ask Goddess.
"Yes! In the quiet of a cold night, I went in the same anter to a restaurant to meet the first time with people who wanted to meet me. Ingest,, I walked into the end of the dining and from a distance saw 2 men who were about 35 years old sitting while smoking waiting for our arrival. Suleng, introduce yourself. He just mentioned his nickname, the other guy I don't know who is because he belongs to Ayu ka. That night we just ate without talking about the purpose of the meeting, getting acquainted with the usual chatter." the woman saw the watch already showing the time at 22:32.
"Don't look at Ra's watch, just keep going" Susan said.
"Lou know his real name?" ask Goddess.
"Tau, it's a secret." Ira smiled at Anggi who did not speak a word.
"Gue came home with money, he said to change the gas money. When I went home I was silent about not knowing what to say, not knowing what exactly I was doing. The next day I go to school as usual and still get reprimanded for school money."
"Lo still don't say the same to Grandpa and Grandma?" ask Goddess.
"No, that day I went home from school the same day Ayu went to my father's house hoping he could help us with our problems."
"Can't she help?" tanya Anggi finally spoke up.
"Ka Ayu told me about my problem and her needs. But as we thought before, dad said 'Dad no money, if there is also in the mother' ka Ayu angry and ask to make it in the business. Maybe because between sacrificing myself and not, in his heart too he definitely didn't want me to do that. He rarely invites us to father's house, even he always says 'Suppose we are orphans, do not expect mother or father. It will hurt us' I always inget and strange to this day even though I know what the end will be like, but still always hope in mom and dad. People say: No one hurt me, I was only hurt by my own expectations. It really happened to me."
"Lo is a child who always hopes for parents, even though you know they will not be expected to be normal Ra" said Anggi.
"And after I came home Ayu tried to contact mom, but couldn't. My stepfather was a gambler at the time he was in prison, after all if you could call him didn't guarantee he could help. Until finally ka Ayu nanya 'Where? want no?' without much thought because tomorrow is Sunday and Monday my exam is yes. It's really dark my mind because of fear and shame, shame not really when at school when you are spending time in the cafeteria or hanging out together suddenly someone says 'Ira how's the school pay? later can not take the exam' not good and embarrassed also know not anyway?"
"Yes, it's too much for the teacher" Susan said.
"I thought so at first, and hated it too. But that's normal."
"The world is cruel, isn't it?" anggi.
"It doesn't have to be Ayu, it's my own desire."
"But at least," Ira cut "Ka Ayu is numb! he cares about nothing but his own business. That's what I'm feeling."
They're speechless.
"It doesn't have to be detailed, how does it?"
"My phone has used the plane mode, continue Ra" said Dewi save his phone.
"Sunday afternoon by evening, I went to the tourist beach area. At that time suleng had no contact with me, only through ka Ayu. Two young women go to a seaside hotel to meet a man who is the same age as his father. Haha funny isn't it? inget really,, arrived at a room and I entered with ka Ayu and looked at the contents of the elegant room. Even I sped abil gamar and the photo I saved on social media accounts, but deleted. It may be common to others, but it hurts me when I see it. And you know what? even though I deleted the picture, in my memory it was clear. Tied up hair, cursing jeans and a black tangtop covered in a levis jacket, a petite teenage woman sat on the bed smiling.. Heumm," Ira smiled at Anggi, but his eyes could not lie. She glazed over trying to hold back her tears from falling.
"Ra, I can't do it!" said Anggi with teary eyes.
"Haha relax, this is indeed a wound. But maybe it's good to tell because not all of those wounds will heal by time." Ira smile.
"Well, Ari's crazy about this woman haha." Susan teases.
"You know? there may be many more wounds than this."
"What's? already, this one first." said Dewi.
"Gini, seen from the window the man came over. I and ka Ayu to the living room to meet him, he came to bring some snacks and drinks that even to this day become my favorite drink."
"Gue knows it" said Susan.
"Without much talk the man hinted ka Ayu to exit the waiting room, he went out and closed the door. At that time my feelings immediately changed between confusion and fear, maybe because I was in a room with a man I did not know at all. What kind of background is it? is he good or not? until the man grabbed me by the shoulder and led him into the room. Heumm, cape, did you say a lot?" tanyakanya.
"Then?" Curious goddess.
"Then what else? the man turned off the room lights and I was carried up the bed, undressed me and,,,? this is what I have until now rasain. What does it feel like to have sex with a man we don't know? the one we don't love? who's even the same age as our father? that," Ira shook her head with a smile, "When I had that relationship, I felt nothing but pain and pain. It was the first time I did, people said: no two favors. Why do I feel different?"
Cold sweat, with the trembling body making the knees feel weak, the woman let out a long sigh and continued her story.
"His memory was dripping on my naked body, in my heart and in my mind it was just 'This is how it feels? it's a pain, it's my first and last experience'. The reality? man can plan, but God has reality...Huuhhh!" the woman took a deep breath, "After the man had finished going to the bathroom to clean himself and I was still sitting on the bed with my naked body covered by a towel. He came out of the bathroom wearing his clothes and turned on the room light, then told me to clean myself. At that time I was still embarrassed and reluctant to move because there he was, the man understood and then went out of the room waiting in the living room. I went up and saw there was blood on the bedsheet,,"
Susan cuts, "Due, there's Ra's blood?"
"She is the virgin of San." said Dewi.
"Don't think much and just know I went to the bathroom to clean myself, when I pee it was painful. Pain, numbness, feeling nothing. I got back in my clothes and came out of the room and saw the man sitting in a chair smoking. He offered me food and I just drank. Because of the pain and the feeling that is not because of, I want to go home quickly. He gave me the money and went out of the room first."
"Where is Ayu?" ask Susan.
"He was sitting outside with a hotel man maybe, from the doorstep I saw him talking to the hotel clerk and giving him some money sheets so did Ayu."
"Ka Ayu in love with that money?"
"Yes, he came in looking at me with teary eyes while smiling. Then we go home, without saying anything but I understand his heart must be in pain with what has happened. But he can't do anything and what has happened can't be fixed. Whatever he feels, there's no way he's not crying because he saw the little sister he loves has entered the dark circle even though at that time I haven't plunged completely."
"Since then, I've been trying to be okay, because everything is reality and it's happened. Others will never know how much I try to maintain this common sense and sanity in a time when the storm of problems continues to hit the body that is actually weak. All they know is to judge and look for my mistakes and then judge me." said Ira began to feel angry because of the circumstances.
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