TRAPPED IN FORBIDDEN DESIRES

88. Traumatizing

Since Delano's death, my health has been deteriorating for two days. It feels like Delano's shadow is haunting me. I always wake up in the middle of the night and cry alone. So much guilt did I feel for my ex-husband, that I felt trapped in the guilt itself.

"Honey. You have to eat, right?" ask Dios and I answer with a headband.

I admit Dios was very patient facing me who was on strike apopun right now. I completely forgot there was a child I was carrying.

"Honey. Let's see me! look me in the eye" Dios said as he grabbed both sides of my face. I looked at Dios' face and looked into my husband's eyes.

"Aren't you worried that I'd be jealous of seeing you like this? it's been two days that you ignored me, ignoring Marta. Even you also ignore our two children who are in your stomach. Poor them yank,"

"When do you want to be like this? if death can make you remember me, I'd better follow Delano alone,"

Hap

I immediately covered Dios' mouth with my palm. My tears rolled out while shaking my head. I then ran over to drown Dios while sobbing. Dios stroked my hair and occasionally kissed the top of my head.

"I'm sorry" I said on my sobs

"I'll forgive if you finish the meal" said Dios, who I immediately carried with my head.

Dios then painstakingly fed me until it ran out. When I finished, I grabbed Dios' hand.

"Honey. We're going to Yogya tomorrow, right?" my many.

"Suddenly? you don't want to let go of Delano for 7 days?" ask Dios and I answer with a headband.

"Why. Hem?" ask Dios.

"I'm afraid you're jealous." My answer is original when that's not the real reason.

Hearing my answer, Dios chuckled.

"Honey. I'm not that petty. Besides I took you from him, I should be the one apologizing to him. But unfortunately I didn't have a chance to say it was the same to him" Dios said.

"Why hurry if you still want to be here. I'm okay" continued Dios.

I breathe heavily. Actually, I don't want to stay here long. Being in this city made me think more and more of him, and the more I remembered my betrayal of him. And when I think about it all, my guilt will come back.

"No brother. I want to get out of town quickly. This afternoon we go to Delano's mother's house to say goodbye. Maybe we'll be back in a long time. We also went to visit the Delano district" I said.

"alright. Now you rest! you have been sleeping less for two days. Let me feed Marta first" said Dios.

"Emm." I nodded and followed Dios' advice.

Dios then helped me lie down and pulled the blanket for me. Because I have been sleeping less for two days, then I fall asleep very quickly.

Time showed at 3pm, when Dios woke me up. He didn't want to stay overnight while visiting Delano's funeral and the home of my ex-husband's parents. I hurried to get up, and cleaned myself up to look fresh. Then we went to the funeral first.

"Ano. I'm coming again for you. Are you okay there? I hope God opens the door to your fullest forgiveness for a good person like you. Maybe my words are too late, but I am truly sorry for all my sins against you as long as we are husband and wife. I've forgiven all your mistakes, too, Ano."

"Tomorrow I'll go back to Yogya. I will start a new life there with my husband and children. I will visit you again every time I return to J. Calm down there, huh No? may you be at his side" my body shook with sobbing. I can't forget the good times with him, and all the good things he's been to me all along.

Dios embraced my trembling shoulders, to calm me who again felt guilty. Dios even helped wipe away my tears with a piece of tissue she might have prepared earlier.

After I was relieved enough to shed all the weight in my heart, Dios and I left and continued our journey to Delano's parents' house. Just like me, it turns out that mama Delano is being shaken right now. When I came, he immediately hugged me while sobbing.

I saw a change in the house. In the guest room there are many photos of Delano on display. There are even our wedding photos printed in large sizes. I honestly feel bad for Dios. I'm afraid he's sorry about it. I looked at him, but he nodded his head with a smile.

There is another one that looks like a new change. Now Delano's parents have dared to open the windows and doors without fear of being gossiped about again. Neighbors of Delano's parents have also started to be friendly again with the Delano family Maybe they are already aware of their mistakes.

"Ma. Caren is here because tomorrow Caren and her husband will fly to Yogya" I said as I broke my embrace with my former mother-in-law.

"So fast?" the question that seemed to be there was an aura of surprise.

"Yes ma. Caren's husband had left her business too long ago. If there are more people, the employees love the club. If there was a Dios, they would not need to be confused to find a solution if there was a problem." Reply potluck.

"Yes, ma too. There's no way Caren's been here long. His parents no one takes care of that, "timpal papa.

Looks like mom breathed. It was seen that the woman was very sad to lose Delano. Because after all, Delano was his only son, he must have felt very much at the loss of Delano.

"Yes already. Be careful if that is so," said Mama.

"So Caren stopped by Delano's funeral. Caren promised, when I come back here later, I'll visit Delano's grave and also visit mama" I said.

"Ma sure." My answer.

After a long conversation, we finally said goodbye to Delano's parents to go home. We will prepare clothes for our departure tomorrow.

"I'm sorry, brother. Because Delano's parents posted our wedding photos in her living room. I didn't think they would," I said.

"Why should I apologize? I understand the feelings of his parents. Perhaps in doing so, guilt and loss can treat the pain they feel."

I lay my head on Dios' lap. Dios gently stroked my hair. Suddenly the sleepiness attacked again. I didn't realize when I had broken through the dream in the dark.

*****

I sighed as I looked at the view from the top of the plane. The more the pilot raises the plane, the more my heart feels like something's missing. The shadows of my memories along with Delano had disappeared far away with my plane soaring high on the plane.

"Do you still feel the weight?" ask Dios.

"No. I'm sure Delano wouldn't like to see me in a protracted sadness either." Reply firmly.

"Then go to sleep. The trip is still quite long," said Dios.

"Emm." I nodded and obeyed the words. Dios.

After a short trip, we returned to Yogya. I can't wait to tell my parents a lot. Of course they were very surprised by the news I brought. Especially papa. He still remembers when he had a fight with Delano, when we divorced in court.

"What a pity for him. He is still very young and productive. But why did he have to choose such a shortcut," said papa.

"He's a good guy actually. Friendly and polite. Papa if you remember the incident in the court, so very sorry," continued papa.

"Ano must have forgiven papa. Papa don't think about it anymore" I said.

I was so afraid that papa put too much into my mind, making his blood pressure rise and causing him to fall ill. I decided I didn't want to extend my story, and immediately went back to my room.

When I opened the door to my room I saw Delano putting Marta in the crate, because Marta was asleep.

"Come, baby" said Dios.

I approached slowly, and went straight up to the bed. Dios patted his thigh, so that I lay on his lap.

"Will you tell me about you and Delano when you were dating? I was wondering how to date young people at your age" asked Dios.

"Eh? I mean, it's sa-sama." My answer.

"But I want to hear what he has done to you" said Dios.

"Nothing special. We dated very healthy. During the dating of over a year, we never even kissed." My answer was laughed at by Dios.

Dios did not believe my words at all. My eyes bulged because I didn't like to see him mocking me. And Dios' laughter subsided for a moment when I saw my lips pucker.

Cup

Dios kissed my lips, and a little me.

"Are your lips really a virgin when you were dating?" ask Dios.

"No need to tell ah. You know nyebelin. It seems that you're dating Vika often kiss." My answer.

"Not just kissing, we even do it often. But unfortunately I wasn't lucky, I wasn't the first person to do that to her" Dios said.

"That's the basis of her brother aja yang oon. I know that used goods are even stocked for 5 years. Surely you are very satisfied with planting with him? not every day?" tanyaku.

"Yes." Yeah."

Dios's answer really made me angry and jealous. I was so upset to imagine her moment of intimacy with another woman.

"It's just the past" Dios said.

"In the past, but I feel very disadvantaged because I got super used goods," I said.

"But the super can satisfy you" said Dios.

I pinched Dios' stomach, and she laughed out loud.