I'm Not a Shit Carrier

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Alisa POV.

I left with a heart wound. A wet wound from my ex-husband.

It turned out that the person I had mentioned in my prayer could not change. I really hope for him.

I was actually wrong. Wishing to humans is painful. I'mtired. I wanted to go, but I couldn't.

Fear of sin as well as my guilt for my three children. Though I really want if my household continues until Grandpa Grandma.

It turned out to be just a dream of all. A dream that will never happen again.

Because the two of us weren't together again from last night. The pain in my head is not present at the moment.

Most importantly I have to go and find a new place to live. Armed with the money given by Aunt Irma and Mama from Aceh, I can contract a house for a while.

But I was confused, where should I go in the morning like this? Where is the place I can go?

O Allah, it is very sad for the fate of my three children. Exiled and unconfessed by his Father and Grandmother for being born from my womb.

I don't know where to go right now. We just finished Ira's school to get Ira's letter.

And it turns out that it is very difficult to get because the new Ira school is not there yet.

Wanted me to cry to see the fate of my three children. What if we live somewhere else? Is no one going to bully my daughter?

Will they both be different at the new school, right when they make friends?

God, just imagine, making my heart hurt. It hurts more when I was picked up by him last night.

Huh! Now I still have to be strong to face my test. I'm sure after this there must be happiness following us.

Is not God purposely testing His servant? And in every test is He sure to slip happiness?

I believe about that. And I'm sure, after this must be happiness with me and my three children.

I'm just disappointed. Disappointed with myself. It turns out that breaking the parents' orders was a disaster for me.

Papa's.. Forgive Alisa Pa.. Alisa's wrong.. Alisa's conscious now.. Forgive Alisa Pa. forgive Alisa...

Alisa will come home when Alisa has succeeded later. Mama and Dad should always be healthy? Until where we will be reunited.

Trust and honesty are the foundation of a relationship. I remember these words.

These words are the message of Mama when I will leave for Medan to follow her when she was just married first.

I want to marry her without Papa's blessing. Because I'm sure, if what Papa thinks is wrong.

And true! It's not Papa who's wrong. But I'm the one here guilty. Without thinking long, I married a young man who even I did not know what his original character was like.

I can what? If this is my life's destiny.

I built a solid foundation when my household with him was already underway.

But unfortunately, the foundation had to collapse because of the problems that entangled him. I didn't expect, because of my lies, to have such a long impact on our domestic life.

My purpose is good. I don't want to ruin the relationship between the child and the mother. But unfortunately, even I was accused of being the perpetrator of the lie.

I don't actually want to lie to him. But I had to do it. If I talk later, he's gonna run amok and get mad at me.

And if I cover it up, it's even more guilty. I don't know what else to do. All my efforts to make my household not ruined, so it's free.

Because he never accepted anything I said.

The foundation that has been sturdy in such a way collapsed just because of the problems that surround it.

I want to keep it still can't. Everything that had been built was so sturdy, it shattered instantly.

And also when I intend to make it again, even all the materials needed are no longer there.

Whereas I need her to be my skipper in bringing a boat to sail until later in God's paradise.

I want to build my foundation back with her for the second time. But..

Can I build that foundation alone? He doesn't want to be with me anymore.

The foundation in the household it takes two people to be able to build it. They both had to complement each other's flaws. Not blaming each other when the foundation is rocking.

I am sad to think about this. I expect too much of man. And it turns out I was wrong.

I want to repeat it, but I can't. The foundation I built with him, was not strong from the beginning.

But since I'm chuckling if I can rebuild that foundation, then I try as hard as I can to make it happen.

Doesn't everything have to start first? Only after that was decided? Can the foundation be established by itself, or should it be both? Or should others intervene in building a foundation?

All of this requires careful thought. Living in a household is like sailing on the ocean.

If our captain walks ahead, we'll come forward. And if he goes to the right, then we will go to the right. Vice versa.

All of this is continuous. Sailing alone without the skipper also could not. Who drives the boat's dipper if something happens when they're already in the middle of the road?

All of this must be considered carefully before making a decision. I thought he could take me with my three children on his boat. Apparently not.

And it turns out I was wrong. The foundation I built shattered instantly before I even started it again.

He didn't want to take me with him. He just wants to bring someone else, not me.

And it turns out that building a foundation from the beginning was wrong, then arriving in the middle was finally collapsed as well.

Everything that is built without thinking about its approval, then all that is useless.

Even if you want to get up again, it will not be strong. Therefore, what has been destroyed cannot be built again.

To build a new one must throw away the old foundation. By looking for materials from elsewhere again.

In other words. If it wants to build a household with her, it can no longer. Because basically marriage is without the blessing of both parents.

And if you want to build a new foundation, then you have to start from a new person as well.

Must be rearranged everything. This is the story between foundation and love.

Building a foundation requires love in it. Without love the foundation would not be as solid as it was before.

It will falter when the storm hits it. This is my story that is full of twists and turns in the household heresy.

If I want to build a new foundation then it has to be with a new person. But for the time being, I don't want to build that foundation anymore.

I'll focus on the outcome of that foundation building. Because when I built that foundation, I got something special there.

Hopefully in the future if I want to open a new page again and also want to make a new foundation again, I have to learn from past experiences.

The past will remain the past. He will not return to the future with us continuing to remember him.

I forgive everything that happens to me because of him. The key to happiness is letting go and letting go.

Patience and patience must always follow. May I be strong in the future in educating my three children.

Goodbye my ex-husband. I'm goin. Go leave behind you who are not mine anymore.

I'm gone and I'll never come back.

Alisa Febriyanti's.

The End's.