I'm also giving up

About feeling

"Sorry, Fi. I'm late."

I looked at the clock that was coiled around my wrist, ten minutes passed from the time I promised to meet Raffi. Yeah, after last night, Raffi called me early in the morning. The man in front of me asked me to meet at one of the cafes near the hospital where he worked.

Raffi initially wanted to pick me up, but I refused on the grounds that I would also go out. I don't want to bother him. And this is where I am now, because of my guilt that has always ignored it, so now I fulfill the wishes of Raffi. I don't know what Raffi wants to tell me until he makes an appointment this early.

"Sorry ..." I don't know why I feel so guilty. Not just for today, but for the days before. Ever since that time I have been avoiding him. Not without reason, I avoided Raffi because I was uncomfortable with the attitude of his family who did not like me. Besides, there was another reason that made me want to avoid it. I don't want to make Raffi depressed and shunned by his family just because of me. And also about feelings.

"Why keep apologizing?"

The man in front of me gave me a big smile.

"Do you feel guilty about me?"

"Hit ..." My head nodded.

"You feel guilty for always avoiding me, don't you?" Guess it, and it's true.

I stared at Raffi regretfully, inversely with Raffi who was looking at me shady as usual. I couldn't look into those narrow eyes for long. So I decided to lower my eyes.

"Why did you stay away from me, Ra? Is it my fault for you until you keep avoiding me?" It was her fear that made me look back at her for a moment.

"You're not wrong, Fi."

"Then? Why don't you see me again?"

"I'm .. I'm just--"

"Is it because of my family?" Raffi asked, and I nodded in response.

"Rb ... Please, don't think about my family. I don't want us to be far away. Especially lately you've been avoiding me. I can't, I'm tormented. Ra!" It was me who made me feel bad.

"I'm serious about you. I love you. Ra!".

"fi ... " Mygot. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to get hurt like this. I just don't think I deserve you. I can't, Fi." I said with a shaken head. "I don't want to see your relationship and your family fractured just because of me."

"I don't care what they say, Ra. I just want you to stay by my side, we will fight together to get the blessing of both my parents. And that's-if you love me too." At the end of the sentence.

Raffi wants to fight for me. In fact, that's not the only reason why I can't accept her love. There are other reasons that might make the man get hurt again after knowing it.

But I have to be honest now, I don't want to make Raffi have hope while I can never open my heart to him.

It was my fault that gave Raffi hope?

No. gabe. I used to think of Raffi as my brother and my friend. And Raffi knows that. I never gave her any hope. Although I know, Raffi repeatedly admitted and said that he loved me.

"Can't you really open your heart to me, Ra?"

I'm silent. Stare at him full of regret.

"So now there's no hope for me?"

"Sorry." That's all I can say.

"Do you still love your ex-husband?"

I'm back in silence. And Raffi smiled wryly when he saw that I was just silent.

"Allah ... Maybe I'm too selfish just thinking about my own feelings." Raffi took a deep breath to relieve the rumble in the chest. "I just wish you could find your happiness, Ra. I want to see you happy, even if it's not with me." Raffi stood up from his seat. "I have to go now. Because this morning I'm gonna have an operation."

"Hopefully it works, Fi. And I'm sorry."

Behind his fluffy smile, I knew Raffi was hiding his disappointment. He left, but before leaving, Raffi stopped right next to me.

"If you are not happy. Don't blame me for taking you back."

******

In fact,

After Raffi's departure a few minutes ago, I still feel at home here enjoying a cup of Coffelatte on the table. I don't know why for now I just want to be alone, I don't want to do any work. And luckily, today there is no schedule for me to work on.

I stayed in the cafe for a long time, and finally decided to go home. But when I opened the door of the cafe, suddenly my steps stopped. I stared straight ahead, staring at a black sedan in the parking lot. Making sure my vision wasn't wrong.

"Hi ..." Her soft greeting while waving her hands up.

I walked closer to him. "What are you doing here, Mom?"

"It just so happened to pass by, and it turns out you're here."

I squinted, looking at him in disbelief. "You're following me, Mom?"

"Difficult." Ketusku while throwing away face.

Tian chuckled, then approached towards me.

"Because you're here, what if we copy first?"

"Aren't you working?"

"There's still time, though." He answered while looking at the clock that wrapped around his hand.

"I want to go home. Mas."

"Temenin I'm copying, Nay."

"No. no.!" Reject me. "You're alone."

"Well, I'm anterin you're home!"

"Eh .. What?" Not wanting to give up, Tian withdrew my hand first before I rejected his wish.

And inevitably I decided to get in his car. During the trip, Tian asked me to stop working as a DJ. He said, I can work anywhere as long as I don't at nightlife venues like that. He said being a Dj was too risky for a woman like me. I don't know why for now I can't be angry. Moreover, the current Tian is offering me a job. He asked me to work for his family's company.

"Mas ... Why are you going this way?" I asked as Tian's car drove through the direction towards my house.

"You come with me first, Nay."

"Where? I'm going home. Get off me, Mas."

"I'm taking you to the office."

"Magapain?"

Tian glanced over, before then he looked back at the streets. "Temenin I work." He said with a spoiled smile.

"Dnh ... Why do you also work? there's no work."

"Who knows you're interested in working for my company."

I turned both balls my eyes were lazy. "As far as you are, Mum.!"

Again, I saw Tian laughing. The man does have perfection that cannot be denied. Especially when he saw the two dimples on his cheeks that appeared made Tian even more handsome.

Arriving at the courtyard of the high-rise building, Tian led me inside to the lobby. Tian only nodded as everyone gave him their respect. While I could only duck when those employees were looking at me right now.

"Why is that kayak nduk?"

"I'm ashamed, Mom." I answered half a whisper.

"Let's not be ashamed, here hold me?"

"Gn ..." I'm hissing. "Well you."

Tian chuckled. The two of us walked together regardless of the gazes of the people there. However, just as he was about to head for the elevator, Tian's steps stopped abruptly. The man shook his head while looking straight ahead with a sharp look.

"Dance?"

Yes, I saw that Tari was talking to the secretary and his personal assistant Tian there.

Upon realizing Tian and me, Rama hurriedly approached us. While Tari still stands there. It seemed like Tari wanted to get close, but seeing Tian being so cold made her unable to do anything about it.

"Good morning, sir!" His greeting, the man glanced at me then nodded his head. "Good morning, Miss."

I smiled broadly, but my smile did not last long as Tian looked at me sharply.

Rama cleared his throat slowly.

"The woman was here.?"

"Sorry, Sir. She said Miss Dance wants to see you."

"I don't have time. Tell him to leave now."

"But, Mister-" Rama shrieked as Tian looked at him.

"Good, sir."

...****************...