I'm also giving up

Dispart

•

•

•

Days changed, and my marriage with Tian still went flat like this. Nothing has changed since our marriage. Until I think, until when will I survive?

For almost two months Tian and I were married, but during that time Tian never thought of me as his wife at all. The man completely shut himself off.

Me, Nayara Syila.

Never thought I'd marry a guy as annoying and cold as he is. I thought getting married with Tian would make me forget the past. But in reality it was wrong, precisely the wound that had not been completely dry began to gap again because of the man's behavior.

"Yes, baby ... Please don't cry like this"

"I'll never touch her, and I won't fall in love with her. I promise."

"I just love you, I'll love you forever."

"Wait a minute, soon we'll be together."

I shouldn't be surprised, I should be normal, I shouldn't care what that guy says. Yeah, should. But ... somehow when I heard the sentence that Tian uttered while on the phone earlier that I believed that it was the woman named Mentari, made my heart slightly melt. What does that say?

Is Tian planning to end this marriage soon?

If that is true, will I soon be a widow?

Then, what should I say to Mom and Dad. I'm sure they'll both be disappointed and even embarrassed. How can his daughter who was just one month married now has become a widow. Just to imagine it felt like I couldn't. I won't be able to see their disappointment, I won't be able to see their sadness, but the only hope they both have is to see me happily living together with Tian.

No. I don't want to be a widow now. I have to keep this marriage for at least another year. I have to endure even if Tian doesn't think I exist, I have to endure even if the man treats me badly, for the sake of both me and my family, I have to endure.

I should be able to make Mas Tian want to see me.

******

"Why did you bring the coffee?"

Ask the guy. He looked at me not like it, but I ignored it.

"Mbok Iyam was busy in Mas's kitchen, so I brought his coffee here." Reply origin. In fact, I myself asked Mbok Iyam to make and deliver the coffee that Tian asked him directly.

"But I told Mbok Iyam himself to drop off his coffee."

"You want me or Mbok iyam, just the same, Mas.!" While entering his room. It makes the man even more unhappy to see it.

"Don't just go in my room."

"I'm not just going in, you're here, and I just want to deliver this coffee." I lifted up the tray that contained a cup of hot coffee on it.

"Now you can get out." He said, pulling the coffee cup out of my hand.

I smiled, looking at the man up close. "Does Mas Tian need anything else?"

"No."

"Do you want me to bring you a snack here?"

The man took a deep breath, "No." Replied annoyed.

"That's your dirty clothes let me take you guys, Mas?" Without fear I went even deeper, towards the place where the man usually kept his dirty clothes.

"Don't touch anything here."

"I'm just taking your dirty clothes, Mom."

"No need." He looked at me sharply. "Let Mbok Iyam do the job."

"What's wrong, Mom.?" Gruntsku annoyed.

"Because I don't like." There's a pause in between his sentences. "Don't do anything in this house."

How many times have I heard Tian say those hurtful words after almost two months of our marriage. Every day, even every moment, it is just the spicy words that I always accept. Never once has Tian been friendly to me, let alone to say hello, giving a smile feels reluctant to do.

Do you know that I am a woman? I have a heart that can feel pain. I also have feelings that she should take care of, and I am not a strong woman either.

In reality, I am a weak woman. But I will strive to be a strong woman in front of that man. I can't show my weakness in front of him. I will stay strong and survive for my family.

Just like now, I tried to make the man look at me and assume I was in this house.

After coming out of Tian's room, I went back to the kitchen to help Mbok Iyam who was cooking, preparing dinner for me and also Tian. It just so happened that today was Sunday, and it just so happened that the man was at home, not out as usual.

This is the first time Tian and I have been able to have dinner together at home. We even sat facing each other. Usually the man never eats at home, after work Tian will go straight into the room and confine himself until early morning.

"Mas ... what do you want to eat?" I volunteered to help him pick up the rice and side dishes, even though I knew that Tian would come back to refuse.

It seemed that the man felt strange when he saw that there were various dishes on the table.

"I can do it myself."

I kept quiet and allowed the man to take his own food. The atmosphere of this dinner was so quiet, all that was heard was the sound of spoons and plates clashing against each other. I occasionally glanced at Tian who was feeding the food into his mouth. While eating like this the man was still cold, he did not look at me at all, his gaze was only on the plate in front of him.

Somehow I felt happy, without even realizing it, my lips curved into a smile. But that smile did not last long as Tian took out the food from inside his mouth.

"Mr ..." He shouted a little, I was confused why Tian to call Mbok Iyam.

"Yes, Sir. Why?" Asked the woman a little stunned as she ran a little.

"Who's cooking?"

"Eum ..." Mbok Iyam glanced at me at a glance. "Bok yourself, sir." I then made me cringe. Though not Mbok Iyam who cooks, but me.

"What's the matter, sir. Is there something wrong with the cooking?"

"I don't like it."

"If so let Mbok Iyam change, sir?"

"No need." Tian stood up from his seat, he looked at Mbok Iyam and me in turn. "From today Mbok doesn't have to work in this house anymore."

Not only was Mbok Iyam surprised, but I was too. What does that say?

"You mean, Mom?" I asked in disbelief, while Mbok Iyam just looked down.

"I don't like it when people start not hearing from me."

"All right, sir.!" Mbok Iyam nodded. And I can't let Tian just fire Mbok Iyam. Is it just because of the cooking I made that Mbok Iyam had to lose his job? No, this can't be allowed. After all, it is not the fault of Mbok Iyam.

"Mas ... Why did you fire Mbok Iyam? What's wrong Mbok Iyam?"

"It's none of your business."

"Kalo because the cuisine is Mas Tian to fire Mbok Iyam, it is not his fault. Mbok Iyam is not wrong, I cooked all this food. Me, Mas ..." I then made the man smile slanted, he looked at me sharply while hissing.

"How many times have I told you never to do anything in this house?"

"Why Mas? I just wanted to help. Was I wrong to prepare dinner for my husband?"

"Don't mind you wife I can do it at will in this house."

"I am your wife. Remember, we're married, Mom."

"Stop acting like you're my wife. I'm sick of it." His touch then made me shut up for a moment.

I should have been okay, I should have gotten used to hearing spicy words coming out of his mouth, but ... for some reason, my heart felt pain when the man I thought of as my husband said so.

"What's my fault, Mom?" I asked then with a soft tone, without feeling my eyes were already glazed. If usually I will be strong and will not cry, but this time no, it looks like my eyes are no longer strong to hold it, the clear liquid thrashed, asking to be taken out immediately. And in the end, I cried too.

Tian who realized that I was crying, hurriedly turned his gaze to the side.

While Mbok Iyam, the woman who stood not far from me was looking at me pity.

It seems, there is no longer any reason for me to maintain this marriage. Is it maybe time for me to step down?

Yeah, I better step back from now on.

"All right, Mum." I took a deep breath. "Tomorrow .. I'll talk to Mama and your Papa."

At once Tian immediately turned his head, looking at me questioningly. With Mbok Iyam.

"Maybe, our marriage can only last here." I looked at that face briefly, before then I said again. "I'll tell them we both decided to split up."

...****************...