Honeyed

Honey Ep.19 (SEASON 2)

You know?, it feels like an empty, dark room?. This is how my home felt after moving my only son to a mental institution. If there's a bad mother, maybe it's me. Let it be, the world condemns and condemns that I am an evil mother. Bad for having the heart to put his son, let alone his only son into a mental hospital. It's okay, I will accept all the insults and insults with a chest. But, they never know. How honestly my heart breaks. They were never in my current position, or even they had never undergone consecutive trials like the one God had given me and my family. Everyone could only see from one side, and ignore the other. They could only defeat, cornered, and curse. They never know how I am as a mother. How do I fight for a piece of meat that comes out of my own womb. Had they known, how it really happened, maybe they would have understood and then cried for my forgiveness. It's been almost two weeks, at home this big. I just live alone with no one, empty of leaping. Crying?, it feels like my eyes are bored if the problem is crying. Really, I never imagined at all what it would be like to live alone like this. Missing my son Fatih?, that's for sure.

Until this moment, I am still very disappointed with Aisyah my former daughter-in-law. He didn't even respond to any of the letters I wrote and sent to him. What was his heart made of?, how much heartache and resentment were rooted in him?. Didn't my son and I even apologize to him and his family. Why doesn't he have the slightest empathy for me and my son Fatih who until now had a psychic problem for loving him too much. That's how people are when they have something new. It's easy to forget the people who fought for him. I saw that from my own ex-daughter-in-law. I see, it's none of her business anymore everything related to me and her ex-husband who is my own son. But aren't humans social creatures?. Aisyah will one day also need help from others as well. I can only pray, may my heart not turn around and hate Aisha with all her hate. Really, I've been very hurt.

Today, I plan to see my son for the first time since he entered the hospital I have never seen him again. Not that I was cruel, but actually my heart could not see my son who used to be very gallant and loved very much, then I had to be forced to put into a mental hospital. Which mother's heart is not broken?. Seeing her baby cooped up in a room and gathering together people who might have been worse off than my son. I've long withheld longing for my son Fatih. He's all I have now. No matter how he is, he is still my flesh and blood. As her birth mother, my love for her and my love for her will never change. Even if my son is at his worst, he will still be my son whom I am very proud of. Muhammad Fatih, Mother believes in you my son. You can pass this test. You can get up and move on with your future. Your prayers for you never stop.

"Hallo?, man?,".

"Yes hello, I'm sorry is this right from an online taxi agency?,". I confirm the number I'm on.

"Is it true, ma'am, how can I help you?,".

"So sir, I'd like to book a taxi for one o'clock. Couldn't be yeah?,".

"Where is the address, ma'am?,".

"Housing Griya Permata, road Prof.H.Bunyamin No 55 Jakarta,".

"Well Mom, one o'clock in the afternoon right I'm in front of Mom's house. Sorry about whose mom?, but?,".

"With doctor Layla, sir,".

"Oh well Mom, thank you,".

The wall clock in the corner of my room just showed me at half twelve. I've prepared some of my son Fatih's favorite meals. I prepare vegetable soup, fried chicken, and sambal. That's my son's favorite menu. The fruit and the pudding I prepared for Fatih. She must have missed her Mother's cooking so much. To be honest, I'm preparing my heart and my mind to meet Fatih in a mental hospital. I want to share, but with whom?. I no longer have anyone I can take to share my sorrows. My tears were no longer able to hold me back, when I remembered how happy I was when I was able to laugh with my son. When will this great storm pass from my life and the life of my son?.

"Derrrrt... derr... ,". My phone's shaking. There's an incoming call from Dr. Heru. What did he suddenly call me?.

"Ha-hello doctor Layla,". His voice is very familiar to me.

"Hello doctor Heru. What's the matter doc?,".

"What's the state of your son's development?,".

"Either doc, I was going to see him. I've never seen my son in a mental institution. It's nothing doc, as a mother. My heart breaks to see my only treasure in such a condition doc,".

"Yes doctor Layla. I understand how you feel. Of course it's natural, if you feel the pressure is quite great,".

"Yes, doctor Heru. Thanks doc, what's up doc?, tumben once you call in at this hour?,".

"Oh yes, doctor Layla, I have information from a doctor I know abroad,".

"Then?,".

"So there's an international go treatment that can handle your son's case doc,".

"Which country is a doctor?,".

"Netherlands doc,".

"You're not kidding me, are you Doc?. The procedure is how is the doctor?!,".

"What am I kidding about this time doctor Layla. The procedure is as usual doc. Just need the last lab results or a checkup from the last hospital to take care of your son,".

"How long is the treatment time doc?,".

"Not long doc, it only takes seven days at most, for your son's Fatih case. Because the psychic disorder experienced by your son is not too severe, and relatively easy to be cured according to the analysis team of doctors there doc,".

"Thank God, doc, when will my son be brought to the Netherlands for a doctor?,".

"The waiting time is long, Doc. Because this treatment is relatively new and there are already many that even from the last months have been waiting in line,".

"Can't my son come first?,".

"It doesn't look like Layla's doctor. I tried to lobby my acquaintance. But he said he still had to take the queue,".

"Alright Dr. Heru. Thank you very much for the information,".

"Look this doc, just prepare the documents and files to register your son there. If it gets to Fatih's turn. Later from the hospital will contact directly to the hospital where Fatih your son was last given an examination,".

"Okay, good doctor Heru. Thank you very much for all your help,".

"Okay, same doctor Layla,".

My son can recover if taken to the Dutch windmill?, within a week only?. But what about his turn for so long. Do people from other countries also bring their relatives to seek treatment in the Netherlands?. All right, I'll keep the files and documents needed for my son's examination in the Netherlands. Hopefully there's a miracle, so my son doesn't have to wait too long to get treatment there. I took a deep breath, this is how a mother struggles. Never dead and tired to fight for his son. To make the happiness of his heart.

"Excuse me.... Tokk.. tokk,". I heard knocking on the front door.

"How are you?,". His greeting was very disgusting.

"You want to come here again!!,".

"You want to meet Fatih, where is he?!,".

"He's not here!!, go!!,".

"Where is Fatih?. I want to meet him,".

"I told you. Fatih is not here. And don't ever bother us again!,".

"Where are you going?!,".

"It's none of your business!. Go!, or I'll yell out loud!,".

"Please scream!. I'm just here to see Fatih!,".

"I don't think your ears are deaf!. Fatih's not here!,".

"Where is he!!!, Where are you!!,".

"I don't know!!.

I think my heart is going to fall out. Sweat in my body. It is not the father of online drivers. I honestly panicked. I was so scared. Why did he come to my house and look for my son. What's he got to do with Fatih. I will never tell you where my son is. Even if my life is at stake. It was enough to suffer Fatih to accept all the trials that exist. It never will. I have to hide Fatih, no matter what condition this man may be in, he must not know. Fatih my only son, he's my treasure that I currently have.

"Toot.. toott ... tott ..,". The taxi driver online called me. Thankfully, the taxi driver was not late.

"Surge!!,".

"Sir, please bring my things, sir,". I said to the taxi driver online after locking the door.

"Good Mom,". Answer the online driver.

I got in the car and didn't look at the bad guy anymore. It feels like my heartbeat is getting irregular. What more is this, O God. My son's problems haven't healed yet, why are there more trials and trials coming to me. Can't I breathe a little?. At least until my son can recover and get treatment from the Netherlands?. My tears are no longer able to hold. I no longer thought of the driver who kept glancing at me through the glass. Maybe he was confused, seeing me who had just cried and stared blankly at the car window. Let it be, what matters is that I feel a little prickly after crying. And I could be better prepared to meet my only treasure. I miss my son very much. What is he doing now, eating?. Or has there been progress for the better?. Hopefully, Mommy always wishes you the best for my son.

"Mom, I'm sorry to ask. Why do you keep crying?,".

Ah, finally the driver kepo too. She chose to ask me, the reason why I kept crying during the trip. Maybe his mind pityed seeing me cry incessantly.

"It's okay sir. There's a lot of burden,".

"Oh, may you pass all the exams quickly and the burden is well Mom,".

"Aamiinu. Thanks sir. Oh yeah, is it a long time, sir?,".

"No, ma'am, we'll be here any minute. No fifteen minutes will make it to his hospital,".

"Oh, thank you sir,".

"Is this mother a doctor who practices in a mental hospital?. It seems like you come there often?,".

"Oh yes sir, sometimes I have practice hours there,". Answer lies. I cannot tell you about my son's condition.

Finally, I arrived at the hospital. I rushed down, brought the things I had brought for Fatih, and paid the fare to the father of the online taxi. I walked into the hospital lobby to the information room.

"Excuse me, I'm doctor Layla. I would like to see a patient on behalf of Muhammad Fatih,".

I said to the hospital staff in charge of the information room.

"Oh yes, doctor, please go straight to the room. Should I take you, Doc?,".

"Oh, no-no, no need to. Thank you very much, yes,".

"Together doctor,".

I've been coming to see you for two weeks now, my son. I walked down the hospital corridor, towards the room where my son was. I can't wait to see it. This is how it feels to miss a baby. I'm used to being away from my son Fatih. But this time different, the condition of Fatih is not in good condition. My heart will never be calm. A few minutes walk, finally until I was in my son's room getting treatment. I reported to the guard nurse, and then asked permission to meet my son.

"Fa-fatiihh,". My voice is raucous, my body is trembling. It didn't feel good, seeing my son sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. His gaze was blank, he was no longer mentioning Aisyah's name. Now he is more likely to be silent, sometimes crying, sometimes smiling. That'sallthatis. I strengthened my heart to draw near to my son. He was unaware of my existence. Still daydreaming without any response.

"My son, forgive Mother. New Mother can come and see you, son. Not the bad mother dear, only the heart of Mother is not strong. Son, Mother please. Rise up son, forget Aisyah. He doesn't even care a little about our condition. Empathy does not have it. Well, son, get up, and find a better woman than your ex-wife Aisyah. He's evil, son, there's not the slightest pity in him for us dear. Mother needs you son, let's get well my son. Fight everything. You are born from the womb of a woman like Mother, you must be able to rise. My son, Mother is currently frightened. That person son, that person came to see Mother. That guy's looking for you. What is going on with you, son?. But Fatih don't worry baby, Mother will never tell where you are dear. Fatih fought, son. The Lord's Prayer is always there for you,".

My tears are no longer able to hold. I was crying, I was so excited. I tightly hugged my son's body which was also not moving. But Fatih shed tears. She was crying too. It feels so bad, do you understand and feel what Mother said earlier, son?. I feed my son, thank God he will open his mouth and eat with me. I'm happy to be eating with my only son. Even inside a mental hospital.