Honeyed

Honey Ep.8 (SEASON 2)

Today the city of Yogyakarta is quite overcast. Though the wall clock shows twelve o'clock over thirty minutes. Usually in the current hours the city of Yogyakarta is quite blistering. At home I'm alone. Mas Fahmi my husband left for work since morning, precisely since eight in the morning. Fahmi usually comes home around two in the afternoon. I was just sitting there. Or even read books owned by Fahmi. My husband is one of those who loves to read. There are many collections of her books. I never get tired of being home alone. Because this has become a habit of mine, even when I was single. I'm the kind of person who is lazy to leave the house, if not very important. Let it be said kuper (less association), or other terms. Home is the safest place for a woman.

The age of my marriage with Fahmi almost stepped two months. Although it is only about a month over a week. Mas Fahmi is a humorous man, very patient, mature, and many good things I can feel from him. I am grateful, because there are still single men like Fahmi who want to marry and accept a widow like me. My household's failure with Fatih's mas, completely destroyed me. Especially after the arrival of my ex-husband and ex-Mother-in-law at my wedding with Fahmi. At that time my former mother-in-law and I even fainted and was unconscious. Honestly, behind my husband. I still cry a lot for my old house. Me and my ex-husband Fatih parted ways in a very painful way. Me and Fatih are victims. It was not our desire to part, nor was it my husband's. I mean my ex-husband Fatih. So painful is God's scenario to test my patience. I can only cry and sometimes daydream. It would have been better if Fatih really preferred Siska over me. Instead of having to swallow the fact, that Fatih mas was only a victim like me.

Even until this moment, my husband Fahmi did not know the real incident. He didn't know what was going on between me and my ex-husband. Mas Fahmi did not understand at all, what my ex-Mother and my ex-husband and my family were talking about when after the contract at that time. I understand, there must be a lot of confusion that is currently bothering my husband. I have not wanted to share this painful and painful story with my husband. Even I always prayed to God, so that my husband would never know or find myself crying and daydreaming behind him. I am not a hypocrite woman. Until this moment, I sometimes still remember memories with Fatih. I admit that. Very human for women who incidentally are sentient beings. Moreover, Fatih mas is a man who is able to melt my heart, when I am in the phase of not wanting to feel in love, there is no intention to think about the problems of men after my hijrah. And one more thing, my breakup with my ex-husband Fatih, was just a misunderstanding and we were victims of the crime of my greedy former father-in-law. So, this parting is so painful. Moreover, I am the type of person who does not forget easily. I'm still trying until this moment. I try to recapitulate my past, I try to accept, I work hard so that I no longer remember the figure of Fatih in my heart and mind.

I sometimes feel sad, I feel sinful to my husband. Mas Fahmi was so patient with me, his love for me was so sincere. Especially after my conversation with him when it rained that day. I felt a great love, affection, and sacrifice from a Fahmi for Aisyah. I'm sure, it's not easy for a single man like Fahmi to want to marry a widow. The reason is, if you want to. Mas Fahmi can look for akhwat (female pronoun in Arabic) who is single and certainly better in everything than an Aisyah like me. Little by little, what I expected would be a hill. Even so at this time, I gradually try to love Fahmi fully. I sinned, because behind my husband, I still often remember other men I mean that other men are my ex-husband. I'm sure not all women can pass this test. O Allah, it is not easy for Aisha to love and change her heart. Moreover, it has been two more years with Fatih mas first. I am trying to forget everything about my ex-husband. I even asked Umi and Abiku to change the phone number of the house, and their mobile phones. So that from the Fatih mas party no one can contact again. I want to love Fahmi who has now become my husband to the fullest. Even I want, my love that once existed for Fatih mas will be much greater than my love that I will give my husband Fahmi.

Stuff, all the little things that made me remember Fatih I got rid of. Truly, I was in a state of limp, falling awake I tried to erase everything about Fatih in my heart and life. Fahmi is a good man, I should be able to give her everything. I do not want to disappoint and hurt a man who has sincerely accepted a widow like me. I never broke up praying that God would help me immediately to remove Fatih from my heart. I don't want to love two people. It would be bad for me until it keeps happening. Well, I'm yaki. Aisyah is strong and able to love Fahmi mas with the best love.

For two months now, I've been trying to look great. Looks tough, and happy in front of Fahmi. How could I cry for another man in front of my husband?. What would it be like if Fahmi learned that his wife still can not forget fully the man in her past?, the man who is now only her ex-husband status?. I want Fahmi to be happy with me. Like him trying to make me happy. I know, Fahmi's efforts to keep making me fall in love with him. Without getting tired, Fahmi always planted the seeds of love and love in my heart for him. Marriage does not mean love has grown. I accepted the Fahmi mas in my life, not for my impingement because my fate was destroyed by the Fatih mas first. Really, I'm not that cruel. I accept Fahmi mas, because I ridho with morality and religion that is on him. God brought me together with Fahmi. God will also grow the seeds of love between me and Fahmi, I am sure of that. Growing the seed of love in the marriage bond will be much easier and more beautiful than an unclear and impure relationship. Surely Allah is not Ridho.

"Assynolt,". Greetings were heard from the front door. I hurried over wearing my veil and socks, then walked towards the front room.

"Toookkk,". The sound of the door being knocked was heard by my ears.

"Assynolt,". Say someone from outside the door. I glanced at the wall clock installed in one corner of the living room. It's only one o'clock in the afternoon.

"Waallaikumussalam warohmatulli wabarokatuh,". I said while opening the door.

"Bel,".

"Yeah mas. How come the tumben's home?,". I said as I greeted Fahmi and kissed the back of his hand.

I still don't remember Fahmi's voice. It might take some time. Once upon a time, a neighbor next door came to the house to give me souvenirs. Because his brother had gone home from Umrah worship. I thought it was my husband's Fahmi, and immediately said "Hallo dear". It turns out that what is in front of me is not my husband Fahmi. Shame is certain, so now if anyone knocks on the door and says hello I immediately open the door and see first who comes.

"Dad, mas kangen is with you. So I went home quickly. Hehe, man,". Still Fahmi's starting to nosy at me.

"Don't, what the fuck is mas,". I said while bringing the bag that was carried by Fahmi mas.

"Why have you been doing all day?,". Ask Fahmi while taking off his shoes and socks.

"Yes as usual. Cook, nyuci, tidying up, keep bathing, keep going while reading the book has mas Fahmi, last wait until you go home, deh,". I explained to my husband.

"You're tired of not dik?, if you're bored just say yes. Later we are scheduled for refreshing, sightseeing and short holidays,".

"Ngga really mas. Aisyah seneng's. And anyway, work. And holidays are only Sunday. It also makes his break mas,".

"Loh, I can permit the deck. No papa, really,". Say Fahmi to me.

"Yes easy. Aisyah does not want to go for a walk. Mas change clothes first well, that's the clothes Aisyah has prepared in the room. After that, later mas nyulus kedapur well mas. Aisyah's cooking for the mas,". I smiled at Fahmi and walked into the kitchen.

"Dad you?,". I answered while glancing towards Fahmi. Fahmi smiled at me.

"Jazakillahkhoyr (may Allah give you good, for women) yes dik for everything,". Suddenly, Fahmi's eyes glazed over when he saw me.

"Wa antum Jazakallahkhoyr (may Allah also do you good, for men) mas husband,". I answered with a smile and then continued my steps towards the kitchen.

Today I cooked sauteed cabbage and carrots, pasted chili, and some side dishes like fried milkfish, and shrimp crackers. I also make my favorite juice Fahmi. Carrot juice. My husband loves carrot juice. Unlike me, I like carrots but not for juice. If it's juice, I really like it with durian juice or red guava. My husband also used to drink more water. Oh yes, I also did not forget to prepare some fruits to start before I and Fahmi eat heavy.

I glanced towards Fahmi. Fahmi is very handsome. His skin was clean and white, his nose was pointed, stature was high, with thick eyebrows. While walking, he smiled at me. I returned his smile too. I pulled out a chair, and invited Fahmi to sit down. A plate of rice complete with vegetables and side dishes I gave to my husband.

"Eat the fruit first, brother,". Fahmi reminded me. Sure enough, I almost forgot to first eat fruit, before finally eating heavy food.

"Oh yeah, Ayesha forgot. Athaghfirullah, sorry. Thank you for ngingetin Aisyah. Hehe.., uh...,".

"Don't papa,".

Fahmi and I spent our lunch discussing and chatting lightly. Many people think that when we eat, we should not talk at all. In fact, talking while eating is sunah. Islam is a beautiful religion, teaching ease and most in accordance with human nature is circumnavigated talking or chatting when eating together. This makes the dining atmosphere more comfortable and more familiar. The Prophet asked his family at the time about what dishes were available. Then the family of the Prophet replied “We have nothing but vinegar,” so he asked to be prepared and began to eat it. Then said: “The best side dish is vinegar. The best side dish is vinegar”. [Moslem HR]. An-Nawawi explained based on this hadith, there is a sunnah talking while eating. So it is not true, if when eating it should be silent and not sound at all.

"Sir, when is Ummah (mother) ready?,". Ask Fahmi who stays focused with his plate.

"Huh?, you mean mas?,". Manya surprised.

"Yes, I mean when is Ayesha ready to be a mother?,".

I'm speechless. I didn't want to answer a question from my husband. I've had a miscarriage called. I lost my future son to my ex-husband Fahmi. To be honest, I'm still traumatized by the tragedy and the incident. Mas Fahmi until now did not know, that I had had a chance to get pregnant, but finally God did not intend me to lose the fetus in my second pregnancy month. I'm confused what to answer to Fahmi. For now, I'm still afraid to get pregnant again. Looking for the right words to convey what my heart and my thoughts are to my husband is what matters most. I do not want to make Fahmi disappointed if I choose the wrong word in answering the question that was just given to me.

"Emmh, I don't know. Aisha is still scared,". Reply resigned.

"Fear?, what the hell. Just ask. Don't think about it. Naturally, for women who have never been pregnant before it does make a little parno. All right, I'll wait for you to be ready to be a mother, brother,". Fahmi glanced at me and smiled.

"Ma-thank you. Already want to understand the condition and position of Aisyah. Sorry if Aisyah let you down,". I was down, I was confused how. If there really is such a reality.

"Well, why apologize, brother?, just relax. But I'm just asking anyway. Sorry yes, if the question makes Dik Aisyah so uncomfortable,". I apologize to my wife.

"Ngga papa mas's. His name is household. I want the presence of a child. May God leave that trust to us soon, yes,". I convinced Fahmi.

After lunch, Fahmi and I went on to take a nap which also included the sunnah. Honestly, I was a little hit with Fahmi's words just now. That said I've never been pregnant. I wanted to cry and apologize to her. Because I haven't been honest and told everything. Forgive Aisyah mas Fahmi, I said in my heart.