Honeyed

Honey Ep.13 (SEASON 2)

Who wants to be trapped by the pain of the past?. Swallowing all unwanted pain comes, all alone?. Continually covered in painful, bitter memories?. I'm sure no one wants to go back to being stuck with a deadly and very painful memory. So did I, a woman who had fought and survived for the fullness of a household, who was willing to suffer for love. But in the end, it is still me who finally has to give up and give up everything I have started. Right now, the people who had existed and lived in the past that I was desperately trying to forget, suddenly with just a letter. Oh no, but with three letters, I had to jump back and cover myself with the bitter memories I had buried in my heart. Who is the one who comes back from the past, without remembering the pain of memories that once passed with blood and tears?. I'm an ordinary woman, she's a creature whose memory is so extraordinary. Especially considering the things that once broke his heart and life. As strong as I can not remember, if I met again with people who became actors in my dark story first, I must still remember. I can't possibly avoid that.

"Mas?, what are you doing?,". I approached Fahmi who was busy sitting on his desk duty.

My husband purposely made room for himself to do everything about his work. You could say the mini office, in it there are many files that are arranged very neatly. There are so many piles of paper that I never know what all the papers contain. A desk, complete with stationery and friends, also adds this simple room to be more like an office. Of course, Fahmi put a picture of me and himself in one corner of the room. I once asked, why put a picture of me and himself in the workspace?. The answer is quite simple, but so able to make my soul float and very happy. The answer is "To encourage me to make a lawful living for my wife". Which woman did not tear her eyes to hear such an answer from her husband?. While many men made his wife as the backbone, my husband was so keen to make a halal living to be able to provide me with food that has a lot of blessings. Not an open secret seems, if there are currently a lot of instant work but illegal. Easy work to get rupiah, but not blessings and Allah is never free, because it is the wrong way. But my husband, he was trying to find a lawful job, so that what he gave me was worth goodness and blessing by God's side.

"Mas is finishing up a bit of work. Qodarullah (Destiny of Allah) was in the office and was not completed. So bring it home. Sorry brother, time with you is reduced,".

"Oh so. It's not why mas. The spirit of nggih mas. May God make it easy, so it's over soon,". I said while nodding my head.

"Jazakillahkhoyr (May Allah give good to you/woman? wife,".

"Wa antum Jazakallahkhoyr. Aisyah stay in kedapur for a while well mas,". Pamitku on the Fahmi mas who is still focused on the papers on his desk.

"Yes baby,". Answer Fahmi briefly.

I passed by walking out of Fahmi's study. I want to make a cup of warm chocolate for my husband. In a state of many burdens, or many things in mind, chocolate is able to provide a calm and comfortable effect. So that a little becomes a drug for the brain that is working hard. Anyway, the weather out there looks like it's going to rain heavily. The wind and lightning were terrifying. I have not been able to tell about two new letters sent by my former mother-in-law to Fahmi. He is busy with his trust. Maybe later, if Fahmi has finished taking care of all his tasks. But, it's good I ask first, afraid of Fahmi mas in a tired condition and not in the mood after dizzy working on his office duties. Later there will be misunderstandings that occur.

"Mas, Aisyah make warm chocolate for the mas. Drink yes mas, at least let mas a little relax in the midst of dizziness is doing office tasks,". I put the cup of warm chocolate that I made on the front desk of Fahmi's mas.

"MasyaAlloh, thank you very much dik. Thank you for always serving me well and lovingly,".

"Sama-sama. Drink yes mas, Aisyah to the room first. Later when it's done tidakin yah mas. I mean Ayesha, later on Ayesha,".

"Dad darling. Most recently it is also finished. I'll continue first, yeah,".

"Dad, man,".

I walked towards the front door, it was my custom. To control all doors and windows when going to sleep. Yes, the goal is, just in case. We will never know what will happen in a second. I went around and checked, Thank God everything is locked and safe. I'm not in the room, I prefer to wait for Fahmi in the TV room, while reading the book.

Ah, why am I suddenly so missed with that kid?. The thought of Azizah suddenly came without saying goodbye and excusing it. Is he married?, or even already have a baby grandpa?. What was the boy doing there, it felt very missed with Azizah. Really very missed. Ever since I reported that I was going to live abroad a few months ago, I have now never had any communication with Azizah again. Is he still as chatty and annoying as he used to be?. When can I see you again Azizah, miss sharing everything with you. Very good people, hope you are happy and well there. Did your husband get a Caucasian?, when to return to Indonesia?. Ahh, I can't feel my tears dripping from all my memories with Azizah. Really, really miss him. If I meet, I'd like to ask him from A-Z. Spending hours with her, joking, laughing, even crying with her like she used to. Very happy with his silly and reckless behavior. Eager to tell you Zah, that your best friend who once ran away for a few days at your house, has now found a new man who is amazingly good. I'm sure you'll also be surprised to hear my current life story. Miss your laughter, miss your frown, I miss everything about you my friend Azizah.

"Hiks... hicks...,". I wiped my tears.

"Darling?, why cry?. Is something wrong?,". Ask Fahmi who suddenly came from behind.

"No mas, Aisyah suddenly stricken with kangen and longing very big on good friend Aisyah. His name is Azizah, it's loh mas. What Ayesha said yesterday, Aisha fled to Cirebon,".

"Loh, you want to meet?. Ayok mas take to Cirebon if Aisyah kangen,".

"Would not mas. Azizah has moved in. The last time he said goodbye to Aisyah, if she moved abroad with her other family,".

"Ohah, far dong deck. Don't you have her number to call?,". Fatih then followed and sat down beside me.

"If there is any, Aisyah does not cry rich gini mas. Aisyah had never had any communication with Azizah again. That's why I miss that kid,".

"If you miss, send your good prayers for her dear. In shaaAlloh if prayer, it will certainly reach the person. If the body is unable to meet, at least our prayers go to him. As far as any distance, prayer is bound to come,".

"Dad, Aisha always prayed for those whom Ayesha loved,".

"Waaahh, mas enter into it dong. It means mas, mas also prayed to you means dik. Hehe.nz...,".

"It must be my husband. Never break Aisyah's prayers for Fahmi's mas,". I said while smiling at my husband.

"MasyaAlloh, thank you my wife. Did he say he wanted to go to the room?. How is it in the TV room now?. Or did you move from room to room?, sir?,".

"Ngga kok mas, emang Aisyah deliberately wait here. Oh yeah, are you tired?,".

"Yeah, but if you're tired, it's easy tomorrow. No papa, really,".

"Dear, snob or just tell a story. What's up?,". Mas Fahmi was so serious about looking at me and looking forward to what I wanted to tell him.

"Mas, this morning. I was taking a shower and getting ready to go to work. Suddenly Aisyah's phone sounds. There was a call coming in from Umi. Keep telling me, he said there were two envelopes coming from the post office courier,".

"Letter?, from Jakarta again?, from your ex-husband's mother again dik?,".

"Yeah, that's right the last mas guess. The two envelopes came from Jakarta and were all from Mother Aisyah's ex-husband. Mother asked, when will she take it?,".

"What did you say to me?,". Fahmi was curious.

"Aisyah asked for help to Umi mas. To put it in the closet drawer in Aisyah's room. Mas?, it looks like Mother is indeed in a difficult condition. Mother even up to three times sent Aisha a mas letter,". I tried to convey the unrest of my heart from this morning to Fahmi mas.

"Hmmm. If it's not urgent it's impossible your ex-husband sends you three letters dik,".

"Then how's mas?,". I asked for Fahmi's decision.

"If Aisha wanted to help them. It's okay, honey. Mas inter and accompanied Aisyah to Jakarta,".

"W-didn't you mind?. You're not kidding?. Or does Aisyah mean, have you thought carefully?,". I'm trying to confirm what Fahmi just said to me.

"Aisha, we must help others who are in trouble. Though honestly afraid, my wife is stuck in the past again. But it's okay, dik, mas will always take care of you, and accompany you continue,".

"Mas?, Aisha simply followed all the orders of the mas as long as it was in goodness. During the riddho. Aisyah nurut and manut mas. But Aisyah asked for help, Fahmi did not misunderstand. And don't ever go far from Aisha's side,". My eyes glazed over, why is Fahmi's heart so strong and kind?.

"Bismillah, our intentions are good. To help our beloved brother. God will take care of us. We face whatever will be in front of us. No wonder, mas will always be next to Aisyah. Don't you be afraid, the time to do good is afraid?,".

I know, Fahmi just wants to calm my heart that is not care. To be honest, I also understand, if Fahmi was very afraid of losing me. But his good manners can defeat his fear. Which man can allow his wife to meet her ex-husband and ex-in-law?. Heartache is certain, fear of loss especially. But my husband tried to put aside everything related to himself. Simply put, Fahmi tried not to be selfish. I'm actually scared myself. All those bad and very painful memories are still clearly recorded in my brain memory. Really traumatizing. If my husband's Fahmi mas can be that strong, then I must also be strong. As long as Fahmi's body stood by me, I believed the past would never manage to break through again in the vortex of my new life. I must prepare my heart, if at any time all the memories that used to be urgent and attack me mercilessly. I have to be strong, right Fahmi said. I am willing to help, so I cannot be afraid to do good. Face everything, life will indeed be more challenging because of a test. I repeatedly tried to convince my own heart, to strengthen my own feelings. Bismillah.

"Bismillah mas, during mas ridho and always beside Aisha. Aisha dared to face everything,". My words are steady, while leaning my head on Fahmi's shoulders. I felt Fahmi stroking my head and cheeks gently. It feels so comfortable.

"Yes, so when are we going to Jakarta?,". Ask Fahmi.

"Wait for a work holiday, right?,". Answer's short.

"Don't, the sooner the better. Looks like your former mother-in-law really needs you. Before late. Later try to apply for permission first to the superior. Bismillah, I hope you get a two-day pass,".

"Mas?, seriously taking permission again?. I'll get angry later,". I reflexively raised my head towards Fahmi's face.

"Seriously dik. Do good, don't delay. Before I change my mind again. It's okay, baby, I'll get permission again. In syaaAlloh. Don't worry, Dad,".

"I'm sorry Aisyah. Aisha even carried around the time in Aisha's past,". I feel guilty.

"Don't apologize, dear. This happened after we got married. This is a problem, too. It's all right. In shaaAlloh, tomorrow I want to say take permission. So we can get to Jakarta soon,".

"Kaznaw,". Those are the only words I can say from my mouth. My tears can't hold me anymore. Just fell on my cheek. I sucked my head again on Fahmi's shoulder. Fahmi and I were quiet together. We were busy with each other's hearts and minds that were rumbling because they held back the bad taste.

"Sik, break yuk. I have to work tomorrow,". Fahmi asked me to rest. Sure enough, tomorrow my husband has to work, and just finished doing his office duties. I'm up to forgetfulness.

"Astaghfirullah, forgive Aisyah mas. Aisyah even forgetfulness. Come on, break, take a break,".

"Yes, no papa. Yuk, man,".

Me and Fahmi, rest approximately when the wall clock shows at 22:00 WIB. May everything be spit out and waged, I said in my heart.