Honeyed

Episode.57 (SEASON 2)

"Innalillahi wa innalillahi rojiun".

Everyone is crying. Including myself and everyone who knows my husband. My world is broken, it feels so dark. I never thought. God will take Mas Fahmi this fast. Like both feet, maybe I'm paralyzed by now. I can't move a bit. It is painful to lose a husband forever. I'm not ready yet. Crying, screaming Mas Fahmi already God called to return.

"Aisha, son. Let Fahmi go".

My mother calmed me down. Hugged myself tightly.

I couldn't help but cry. How could I possibly be strong, seeing the person I love the most had to be stiff in front of my eyes. I've been crying and screaming for Fahmi to wake up again. But Mas Fahmi just remained silent and did not move.

" Abi, wake Abi. Wawa wants to play with Abi. Abi hasn't met the baby sister. Abi wake. hiikkks... ".

My heart feels sliced to hear the roar and cry of Marwah who hugged her Abi body. A child who has to be orphaned in a very fast time. A lot of kids out there still have a father figure. My daughter has to lose her Abi in this fast time. How will I explain to my second child when he was born into the world. What would I answer if he asked where Abi was. Really, I don't think I'll be strong enough to face the day to come. How can I face life ahead without Mas Fahmi. A very remarkable male figure. The most painful parting is a separation of nature. Farewell who will no longer be able to see his smile, see his laugh, also look back at the look of his happy eyes.

"O Allah, why have you taken the husband of the servant so quickly. Hix.. ".

My words are interrupted by crying.

Marwah continued to hug her Abi body which was stiffened. Marwah invites her Abi to joke, then cry again when she does not get a response from her Abi. The innocent little girl, she even kept screaming and waking her Abi. I could only sit in the corner crying. My energy is almost over. My tears kept flowing as soon as I heard the news that my husband had lost. Mas Fahmi had regained consciousness, but a few hours later his condition again dropped and critical. The glimmer of hope that came back in my life suddenly came back crumbling and came back in complete darkness. My husband is still on the verge of uncertainty awaiting his destiny. Fahmi even glanced at me. She shed tears when she saw me. It happened, a few minutes before finally Mas Fahmi was unconscious again. At that time, I was only able to wave slowly, and give a smile to the man I love so much. I thought, Mas Fahmi will recover and re-assemble with me. It turned out that my husband chose to return to his Lord. My husband came home, with no smile on his face anymore. He fell asleep for a long time, cold, stiff.

"Mother, Mrs Fahmi... ".

I kept crying like a baby in my mother-in-law's arms. This tough woman did not even shed a single tear. Even though I know, his life is ruined. Mother must have been very tormented over the passing of her son. After the departure of my father-in-law, my mother-in-law has to sincerely lose her much-loved son. All this is not easy, this second even I still hope that all this is a dream. It's just a nightmare and it won't come true. Drizzle like her accompanies the suffering that is plaguing the soul. Usually drizzle like this, Mas Fahmi and I are joking in front of the terrace or in the garden behind the house. Sipping a cup of warm tea. But it will never happen again. My life partner now chooses to precede back to his Rabb.

"Umi, help Wawa to wake up Abi, Umi please".

Marwah kept whining at me. Asking me to help him wake up Abi's stiffened body.

" Let Abi sleep, son. Abi is sapping".

"Umi, Marwah wants to tell Abi. There's a lot Wawa hasn't told Abi. Abi why don't you get up. Hikks... ".

" Ssttt. Don't be noisy, Abi is sleeping. Tell me later that Abi's awake".

"Umi, help Wawa. Abi why shut up".

I felt half unconscious. My husband is asleep now. Very quiet, to the point that Wawa's voice was not heard.

"Oma, why is Abi Wawa silent Oma. Wawa wants to talk. Oma please wake Abi up".

" The pretty grandson of Oma. That's right Umi said, son. Abi Wawa's sleeping. Sleep and won't be able to wake up again".

"But why Oma. Wawa, Umi, also Oma will definitely wake up after sleeping. Why didn't Abi wake up?. Oma, did Abi die?! ".

" Yes my grandson, Abi is dead son. Abi Nya Wawa was happy to meet God. Wawa has to be a strong boy. Although Wawa no longer had Abi. Wawa should stay cheerful well son. Soon baby sister Wawa will be born. Wawa should be a strong sister".

I glanced at Mother, who finally shed her tears as well. Mother like her was not strong enough to endure her suffering anymore. Moreover, I have to explain to his little grandson. That Abi from her granddaughter has died. It's not easy, but Marwah has to understand. That his Abi can't come back to life. Marwah will not be able to feel the affection of her Abi anymore. He will be a slightly different child among his friends who still have complete parents. Perhaps, Marwah would also feel envious someday. When he saw friends his age playing and was picked up by his father. Can't seem to imagine how my family life would be without Mas Fahmi.

"Young....!!. Don't leave Asiyah. How can Aisyah live the days of Aisyah without Mas Fahmi!!. Mas Fahmi has promised, will invite Asiyah and Wawa to shop for baby supplies. Why did he break his promise. Hikk... ".

I was silent then suddenly screamed and cried very loudly. It feels really painful. My life is paralyzed, ruined. My pregnancy is getting bigger, how painful it is to go through labor without a husband figure.

Accounts are not bemoaning the majesty. Because I know it's not allowed in my religion. No, I am not rejecting destiny. It's just that I still can't accept it. Not being able to be is not the same as not accepting.

"Aisha, strengthen yourself, son. Poor kids. Have pity on your husband Fahmi. Fahmi can be tortured for the lamentation of his family son. Remember son, the Prophet said, Whoever is mourned, he is tormented because of the lamentations that are addressed to him. (CHR. Bukhari 1291 and Muslim 927). Don't be like this, baby, pity your son. Ikhlaskan".

I haven't finished my words yet. My mother-in-law hugged me and Marwah. The three of us are strengthening each other. Support each other. Until I finally got a little control over myself. I can be a little calmer, even with the suffering still gaping.

"Of course, we're just waiting our turn. At this time God chose Fahmi who first met with Him. Sooner or later, we'll also catch up with Fahmi son. Right now, your husband just needs a prayer from us. Fahmi doesn't need lamentations and cries from us, Aisyah. Pray as much as possible to take your husband away, ikhlaskan him. Fahmi nak's funeral is soon. Look at your husband's face for the last time. Invite Marwah to see her Abi for the last time too. Mother's message, don't cry when you approach your husband's body".

My head nodded slowly, a sign of understanding what Mom just said to me. I braced everything to see my husband's body for the last time. Before the end, the body of this man I love so much will be covered by a lump of earth. My little Marwah was carrying, I walked with a grunt towards the corpse of Mas Fahmi lying down. More and more mourners are coming to each other. My husband is a good man, it is evident from the many mourners who today come to offer condolences to me and also my mother-in-law. The rest of the tears on my face and Marwah's face I removed with my palm. I sat down, lowering Marwah from my sling. A piece of cloth covering my husband's face, I opened it slowly. Even with a trembling hand. My heart was strong enough to see and kiss my husband one last time. Mas Fahmi's face was very shady, just like a person who was asleep. The corner of her lips was like she was presenting a smile to me, to Marwah, also to her second child in my stomach. I rubbed my hair slowly, which for almost seven years I have often been by the side. I'm used to combing Mas Fahmi's hair, because it's one form of husband and wife romance. This is the last time I'm brushing this hair. My hands down rubbed Mas Fahmi's cheeks. This face always brings me a happy smile. And last time I kissed Mas Fahmi's forehead for the last time.

"Marwah, daughter. Kiss Abi cheeks, son. Later Marwah can no longer kiss Abi if not now".

I told Marwah to kiss her Abi's body one last time. Marwah just kept quiet, and followed my orders. My daughter is so strong, Marwah doesn't even cry when she kisses her stiffened Abi cheek.

"Assalamu'alaikum Abi, good-bye. Abi was happy in heaven with God. Marwah loves Abi very much. Abi, we will meet again in God's heaven. Abi take it easy, Wawa will take care of the baby sister. Wawa will love Umi, Oma, also the baby sister. Wawa was no longer crying. Oma said, if Wawa kept crying. Abi will be rebuked by Allah. So Wawa did not want to cry, Wawa did not want Abi to be scolded by God".

Crumple already. Devastated to hear all the words of Marwah in front of his body Abi. Either be proud or sad. Marwah is so mature, she can even be that strong. As for me, I am very fragile. My tears urged to come out, again I remembered my mother's message just now to me. I can't cry in front of Mas Fahmi's body.

"Yes, son. Umi closes again, Abi's face".

I said to Marwah. I was unable to linger looking at the extremely pale face of Mas Fahmi.

" All right Umi, let Abi sleep well".

Both of my hands moved, pulling back the cloth to cover Mas Fahmi's face. Some relatives were already preparing to bathe my husband's body. I chose not to bathe Mas Fahmi's body. Not strong, I'm afraid I can't control myself.

"Sit kid".

" Dad Mother".

I sat with Marwah. Mas Fahmi's body was taken to be bathed. The process of bathing Mas Fahmi's body, lasted approximately thirty minutes. All the memories with Mas Fahmi in this house, back scattered. And again I have to keep waking myself up. Reaffirming to myself that my husband is now dead.

"Why so soon have you abandoned me and my dear children".

I'm lirih.

" Aisha, come on, son. Fahmi's body is finished in the bath and salatkan. Can you walk to the funeral or not?. If not, don't force it. You're home only".

"No Ma'am, Ayesha and Marwah went to the funeral. Aisyah strong Mom. Aisyah wants to take Aisyah's husband in her final resting place. Aisyah wants to take Aisyah's husband".

" All right, son. Come".

I walk side by side with Mom. While Marwah was carried by one of the family relatives who also participated in the funeral process of Mas Fahmi's body. The distance from the house to the public cemetery is not too far away. At least, I was still able to walk in a condition of being pregnant plus physical that had actually begun to show protest. Not for a moment can I fall asleep. It seemed that my eyes did not want to lose a second to accompany Mas Fahmi in the last moments of my togetherness with my husband in the world. Although I actually feel very scared and pretty traumatized. Many mourners also took my husband's body to the funeral. I watched for myself, the times where my husband's body was put into leisure. I hugged Marwah who was crying to see her Abi body put into the ground. Trying to strengthen my daughter, even though I myself was very fragile and very broken. Gravediggers, little by little, struck my husband's body with the ground. Until finally, the body of the man who for seven years accompanied my life, covered his entire land. I can no longer see the body of Mas Fahmi. Everything will only remain memories. Memories of a lifetime I will never forget.

"This kid, sprinkle Abi's new house with flowers".

I said to Marwah. This kid doesn't ask much. He took a handful of red rose petals, and sowed them over his Abi tomb. It was done not once, but several times.

" Abi, this Wawa love flowers well its new place. Let Abi seneng ".

Said Marwah as he continued to sow flowers on the mound of earth, his tomb Abi.

Some mourners started to go one by one. Until only three people remained. Me, Mom, and Marwah. The three of us let go of Mas Fahmi with a prayer accompaniment and a few tears. Many people say, the cure of longing is to meet his people. But my longing for my husband, I can only channel not through meeting, but only with a prayer that will never bore me the sky so as to treat my endless longing for my husband, he said, Fahmi.

"Good way my love. Aisyah is very lucky to have been the wife of a man as good as Mas Fahmi. Be calm and happy in Heaven. Aisha will take care of our children. I'll take care of Aisyah, Mother. Aisyah, Marwah, our second son-in-law, and I love you so much, Mas Fahmi".

I kissed a tombstone that read Fahmi Al-Farizi bin Hanggar Prayitno.