Honeyed

Honey Ep.39 (SEASON 2)

"Mas Fahmi?. Was I angry with Aisha? ".

" I'm sorry Aisyah mas. Aisyah can explain everything to Mas Fahmi. Nothing has been changed in the least. God will be his witness. So Aisyah Please. Give Aisyah a chance to tell the true events ".

Aisyah came to me who was sitting daydreaming on the front porch of the house. Since yesterday's incident, I prefer to silence Aisyah. That's all I can do when my emotions are unstable. For many years I was the husband of Aisha. I never snapped at him. Or even to be rude to him. At least I just scolded a little, and even then I did not say hurtful words. But more to his advice. This time, the problem is very different. It involves other people in my household. It's not that I'm impatient and emotional. I think all men would feel the same way if they were in my position. My patience has been tested many times. I don't know, for this matter I really can't help myself. It really hurt my heart. I felt betrayed by my own wife. What other explanation will Aisyah explain to me. Obviously her ex-husband came to see you when I wasn't home. It is clear that the son of her ex-husband sent her to the same school as her daughter. And even she opened her veil in front of her ex-husband when there was no me. Then what was so unclear that he wanted to explain it to me again?. I hurt her heart so much. To be honest even I often shed tears without Aisyah knowing.

"Leave it alone. I don't want to be disturbed".

" But Mas. Aisha does not want any misunderstanding between us. What Mas Fahmi saw the day after tomorrow was not what Mas imagined it to be ".

" Aisyah listen?. What did Mas say?. They want to be alone, and not be disturbed".

"Mas, Aisyah please Mas. Hikk.. ".

Aisha was still beside me. This time it was added to his sobbing. To be honest, I can't bear to see the woman I love shed her tears. But really, the account has been trying to be ordinary. But in fact, jealousy and pain in my heart is not like the first time married to Aisyah first. Right now, my heartache is because Aisyah who already loves me, is suddenly stuck back with her past. A man who made me have to sacrifice and work hard so that love for him used to move for me. Which man can be patient, when he first became a newlywed, it turns out that his beloved woman still has feelings with her former husband. Honestly, I wanted to give up too. Like a wooden pole that has been weathered but forced to stay upright to withstand the heavy loads that exist. If not because there was a mother who continued to provide support and convince myself that Aisha would love me someday I might have chosen to step down. When I found out that Aisyah was pregnant, I felt that I was the happiest human being on earth. Can't be described how happy I am when I'm not. Happiness that rises, so many times I bowed to Him in thanksgiving.

This time, everything was reversed. In this instant I even felt that I was the most unfortunate human being alive. How not, a wife who I bledfully made to accept myself and love me sincerely. Suddenly reunited with her ex-husband, even showing his beautiful face in front of the man who once filled her heart. Which husband is not fragile and is devastated to see his wife do that?.

"Mas said, don't bother me first. I don't want to talk to you".

" Aisha did not want to go inside. If you haven't explained everything to me. Hikkks... ".

" Yes, let Mas go inside then".

I stood up and walked off the terrace. But Aisha held my hand and held myself back from entering the house. This time, I really don't want to talk to Aisyah. I was afraid of losing control and doing something I never even did to her.

"You come in, or you go in?!".

I said while releasing Aisyah's hand on my hand. Slowly, and not rudely.

" alright. Let Aisyah come in. Hiks. hikk.. ".

" good".

Answer's short.

Aisyah left me sitting on the front porch. Why is everything so soul-stifling. Leaving a scar so gaping. I don't get it. What else, I'll have Aisyah back with her ex-husband Fatih first. The riddle of fate that made me almost want to die just felt like. It will end what all these tests are like. My household and myself why should be tested with the presence of a third person?. I'll probably be able to take a lot of marriage exams, whether it's economics, health. But not with the ex. An ex is someone who should be left with his memories. Not even allowed to come like my wife did. If I wanted to, I could have hurt Aisyah. Because honestly, many women who even want to be Aisyah honey. Even Aisha knew that. But for what?. Aisha is more than enough for me. And never once did I want to have two wives, let alone hurt and betray Aisha.

"Abi?. Why is Umi crying? ".

Suddenly my beautiful daughter came from inside the house and asked her crying Umi.

" Oh that, maybe Umi is just flickering her eyes".

Forced to lie, even if this is not true. Marwah must not know if Umi and her Abi are not okay.

"Umi's Kasian. Abi why not help Umi?. Why would Abi sit here daydreaming? ".

" Abi is dizzy, son. Abi was afraid to even bother Umi. So Abi told Umi to go inside ".

" Hmmm... I hope Umi Wawa is okay, Abi".

"Yes son. Wawa went inside. It's cold outside, son".

" Dad Abi".

The sky seems to be crying. As if I knew my condition. The sky seemed to understand that there was a husband who sat full of wounds because of heartache. Wounded by feeling so betrayed by a woman who is loved so much. It's dark, it's getting darker and very dark. The universe may also feel that a man named Fahmi is not okay. A piece of wind carries a distinctive smell of soil that is first exposed to drizzle. Dilanda's dilemma is not wearing. Between hearing Aisyah's explanation or a sense of disappointment that has stuck in the soul. But, if I had to hear my wife's explanation, would she actually tell me the truth?. Or just to make myself happy.

"Mas Fahmi, enter Mas. The rain is getting bigger. The wind is so strong".

I did not heed Aisha's words to me. A great rain and strong wind was much more wearing than being jealous of a third person. Let me be physically ill, it is much more mending than his heartache. Heartache can damage everything, the body is also affected by the mind. Right now, looking at the sky that was crying profusely was much more calming compared to looking at Aisyah's face. Usually, it was Aisha's face that always made my heart calm. Even if I'm being hit with a big problem. Right now, how can Aisyah make my heart calm. He is the one who caused the displeasure in my heart.

"Mas, Aisyah please. Go inside the mas. Fahmi. Aisyah apologise. Sorry if Aisyah's wrong".

" Don't you please, Aisyah can talk about all this to Mas Fahmi. Hiks... ".

"Come in, brother. You will be sick later. I want to be here".

I said to Aisyah despite not turning my head in the least. Whatever I was to him. I don't want to see Aisha get sick.

" Hikk... Aisyah loves Fahmi. Really, please believe me".

"Get inside, Ayesha".

" Gold, what Mas Fahmi saw yesterday was not true. Please believe in Aisha. Hix... ".

" Once you have, you already know what is true and what is not. So you don't have to explain anything to me Aisyah. Come inside. I don't want you to get sick".

"Aisha will not enter. If Fahmi doesn't go inside either".

" When did you become disobedient to Mas?!. Ever since that man came back into your life? ".

" Athaghfirullah, not Mas Fahmi. Aisha had no intention of disobeying Mas. Aisyah... ".

" Just what?. Just feel happy because after so many years finally met your old love? ".

" Istighfar Mas Fahmi. Hikk.. Aisha is not like that. Aisyah only loves Aisha's husband".

"Mas self-conscious deck. I understand that Fahmi is not as good as Fatih. Fahmi is nothing compared to Fatih who is handsome, rich, also a graduate of Medina".

" From the beginning, Fahmi should know and be self-aware. That Aisyah is too valuable to be owned by a man like Fahmi. Aisyah's a woman who's too perfect for someone like me. It's okay, I'll stay here for you. Just like six years ago. A patient Fahmi must wait for an Aisyah to love herself like Aisyah loves her ex-husband. I am used to being hurt. You don't have to explain anything to me. Now, come in and rest in the room. The weather is very cold, the wind is very strong. The rain is also very heavy. Temani Wawa's".

I'm still in the same position. Talking without seeing Aisyah's face. Looking at the thousands of drops of water that had descended from heaven to earth, it was much more beautiful now. Seeing them at least I learned a lot, that the rain water that was dropped just like that remained patient and accepted his fate. Maybe I should also be like them, be patient with the circumstances and have to accept my poor fate. A piece of wind hit my face very hard, as if forcing me to be conscious. That my ex-husband is a much better man than I am.

"Why is it still here?. Enter Aisyah?!".

I know, Aisyah is still behind me. Although I didn't look at his stuff in the slightest. The presence of Aisyah I felt so much. Even without me looking in his direction. Looks like Aisyah has left and entered the house. Her sobs are no longer heard by my ears. My heart was like being sliced by a sharp knife, when I saw Aisyah crying. But what I can do, I deserve to be disappointed and angry with him. What Aisyah did yesterday, was completely out of bounds. Maybe if other men, will run out of patience already. There will be a great fight, beyond the quarrel of a mortal enemy who holds each other's grudges. But until this moment, I was still trying to hold back my emotions, still slightly ignoring the gaping wound in my heart, even though it was very difficult.

"Allahumma shayyiban nafi’an."

O Allah, pour out useful rainwater. (Sukhari).

I read prayer when it rains. One of the times when a prayer is granted is when it rains. I pray a lot for the happiness of the people I love, even though to make them happy I have to feel pain and heartache.

Should I meet Fatih?. Asking all the questions in my head. Questions about why and how it all happened. As bitter as any reality I get later. I'm ready to accept it. There are a lot of questions that I have not yet answered. If fate willed me to have Aisha for a while and then Aisha would be returned to her ex-husband Fatih, what should I do?. I'm just an ordinary man, very inversely proportional if it should be in peace with my ex-husband. I'm just a regular office worker. I got up in college looking for my own expenses. Because my father died when I was seven years old. When I was a kid, I didn't know what it meant to lose. When you died, Mom and I were forever, I was just crying. The only concept I knew at that time was that a dead person would not come back to life. It turns out that after starting to grow up, I just felt the impact of being so terrible because of losing a father figure in my life journey. I can't possibly charge Mom all the college fees. Mother is just a housewife. Falling awake, Mother tried to support her children. I was the first child, in my mind at the time was. How can I go to college and work. How should I live and support my mother and sisters.

"O Allah, if it turns out that Aisha, you will return it to her ex-husband. Why should I be the one whom You choose to keep for a while? ".

I said while wiping away the tears, the tears that I could no longer force to not come out dripping and mixing with the falling raindrops.