Black Pen

96

It has been 4 months more than 10 days at my mother's house, there is no activity other than silence, watching Korean dramas, reading some novels by Tere Liye and playing with the Stars.

The boring days for a woman who used to live in the career world, my savings began to run low, personal needs such as skincare and soap ran out, even the next one-week Star ration I have used to buy kitchen needs.

In addition, the end-of-semester exam will be held in one more week, while I have not held a penny. The suddenness made me strap. It is not easy to be a single parent without a regular job by living a toddler.

"My iddah is up, am I out of the house?" I asked my oldest brother who understood the rules of religion.

They already knew that even agreeing to my second divorce, was Mama the happiest person to hear my divorce, she disliked the man so much because of his behavior that she thought was very bad.

"You can get out of the house now. Keep the trust of mama and papa, do not let them be disappointed for the umpteenth time, aa instead hope for now you are not close to the man first, just focus for your college, aka, aa will help as much as possible"

I nodded in understanding, after all my feelings were like death, how could I love a new man so easily.

***

Amidst my saturation, I tried to contact anyone who could take me out of this confusion.

At last..

"There's a job vacancy at my place, would you like to fill it?" The incoming message from Art, Art is Erika's close friend, Erika who introduced her to me the other day.

I also immediately packed up to apply for a job at the Art place. They need employees so much, so it's not hard for me to get into the Art work place.

Because I did not have enough money to rent a boarding house, I finally asked Art for help so that I would sleep in his boarding house until I received the first salary. Art approves it.

The first Sunday I worked, I spent it lazing in my room.

TRINGS

The phone sounds. Wake me up from the reverie.

"Ah make me surprised" I thought, I immediately took my phone to check who had sent me a message so early.

"Secilia Calysta" Akbar sent me a message through the Messanger app.

DEG

My heart was pounding so hard, my body was shaking so much, my mind was getting so bad. Whether happy or sad, that feeling fluttered in my heart and mind making me sweat cold all over my body.

"What's wrong?" I ketus.

"Such a jutek, I want nanya nih" replied Akbar who seemed very serious.

"Oh, what's the name? Cepet, I'm a time mace! " I replied cynically, I know for sure how the look of a Widow in the eyes of people, especially Akbar is married and has a child.

In the arrogant dwarf will be much better than causing a quarrel between Akbar and his wife, let alone his wife know very well our relationship in the past.

"I know you've been hurt by me, but this is not how you dong ! Why did you send my wife's neror message?" Akbar's question made me both shocked and upset.

For almost 5 years I have not heard from Akbar, he is lost in the earth. The last time I met when the age of the Star stepped on 6 months, when the celebration of Eid al-Fitr Doni invited me to celebrate at his mother's house, he said, although only a glance but an accidental meeting was powerful enough to make me always remember it.

And this morning he again sent a message through the wind, his presence carrying a sense of joy in my mind, although I realized the body now belongs to another woman I don't know at all and don't even want to know.

In his marriage Akbar has found happiness he has been blessed with a child, a handsome boy too. An established job is also a wife who always faithfully accompanies him.

Today history is repeating itself, while the unresolved past seems to find common ground, an answer to the thousands of questions I have kept for years.

Honestly, he's no longer attractive to me. It's just that my high curiosity makes me respond very well.

"Then who? The one who has our picture with you and me" he still insists on accusing me, isn't that weird. We haven't even communicated with each other so far, he suddenly came to me just to accuse me.

I try to correct this misunderstanding, I assure him of my unwillingness . I thought that way he would understand and not try to contact me again.

"How are you doing? Is your marriage okay?" He asked me a question again after I explained the accusations he gave me, it seemed he knew what was going on in my household.

"I'm fine and always in good shape, anything else you want to ask?" I asked once again hoping that he would not raise any questions that would be the reason for the conversation between me and Akbar.

"Nothing, it's just that I want to tell you a lot of things. But it seems you're afraid your husband's misunderstanding because of our conversation" 

His words intrigued me, what he wanted to tell me was what I wanted to hear. I guessed what he was thinking, what else he wanted to tell me if not the journey of life with his wife.

"I don't have Akbar's husband, we got divorced 4 months ago" Somehow it feels like I'd love to tell him if I'd been back single after my failed and messy marriage yesterday.

"Oh my goodness forgive me. I'm the same, our relationship is fractured even I seem to want to end it" Our conversation is getting interesting, not anymore the time we discussed but a personal life that he shouldn't tell others.

"Why ? Don't you already have everything? What about your son?" I try to care, I understand if he's just worried, because long before he told me I was in a difficult position just as he was the only one who kept us in a marriage was a child.

"Yes of course. However, my wife never took good care of me, even she was very brave against me, she was busy working while my son, Mother who takes care of it. Not only that, her family even held a lot of envy and spite towards me, my wife also treated my mother very badly . That's part of the many reasons why I'm eager to end it" Akbar's statement instantly made me realize the figure of Doni, perhaps that's also what makes him the reason why he dared to betray me.

"What about you ? Your daughter. How could you be so selfish as to let your household fall apart? Aren't you kasian to your daughter?"

JLEB

Akbar's question instantly broke my heart, if I could forgive Doni so easily. However, in reality there is no word of apology for a traitor whom I have given many times.

"I'm not as easy as you think, you can only judge me but you can't feel what I've felt, for that it feels like we don't need to discuss this anymore" I closed the conversation, choosing not to discuss the wounds I have buried deeply.

"You know? Even when we sleep my mind is only on you. I married her body but I don't know why I could never love her like I love you". Akbar's narrative certainly makes my heart float but also uncomfortable, how not? He told me something very sensitive, if only his wife had read the message, maybe his heart would have been torn to shreds.

I want to say the same thing, that I feel it too, I can't love Doni as deeply as I love Akbar. It's a little naive but that's the truth.

"Haha you, your wife will be angry" I reminded her not to talk too deeply about our relationship in the past.

"He won't be angry, nor will he care about me. Even now I almost never go home to see him. All he knew was that my money wasn't mine, he never asked me why I never came home. Can a woman like that be called a wife?" Akbar asked me a question that made me clumsy.

"I understand how you feel, our problems are not the same. What I think is difficult is not necessarily difficult for you, which I think is easy is not necessarily easy for you, and vice versa. For that I won't comment anything on this matter" I tried to comfort him as a friend instead of an ex or whatever. I really sincerely listen to his complaints.

Since several months of his presence in the Maya world, apparently curiosity has haunted him. He kept calling me on the pretext that they had split the bed. Several times I reminded her not to bother me or to reappear in my life.

The sadness I felt after my divorce with Doni was still lingering in my heart and mind. Although I can not deny I feel happy and sad with the presence of Akbar back.

"I beg you, let me be your listener, let me be your friend. I promise when you find your happiness, I'll go". Akbar kept calling me, though none of his messages were answered.

Several times I reminded him not to call me again. However, I know for sure how his nature is, he will not give up until he gets what he wants.

He was always able to convince me, all the time he gave me, there was not a single day he missed to contact me, even when he came home, as if he had found his freedom. I trusted him just like that, he gave me his shoulder to lean on. He became my penance in times of grief, no more sadness that I felt, all just about Akbar. He has re-entered my heart and mind and resides there.

I let that feeling grow on its own, like the happiest times when we were sitting in High School, all over again. Yes, I'm happy. Very happy, I can no longer describe the happiness I am feeling.

Every time he took off work, he would visit me. Even several times he had skipped work to accompany me . Sometimes I visit him to just invite him to watch or walk in the mall which happens to be a distance not too far from the office where he works. Our relationship runs normally for months and not infrequently our meetings end in bed.

I enjoyed it so much, it really got me drunk. I don't think I want to be away from him. He understands me so much, even I became a priority in his life.