Black Pen

65

The weather was very hot, making light enter the room, through the window slit that I accidentally opened every morning. The breeze swept through my pitch-black front hair, but my eyes were still closed. Doni patted me on the cheek, in a low voice he tried to wake me up, his face filled with worry. My thin body he rested on his chest, occasionally he stared at the window, with a tired look that he always hid from me, worry and confusion continued to envelop him.

For half an hour I slept in Doni's lap, he let his body hold my thin body.

Slowly I tried to open my eyes, both my hands moved slowly, my head felt dizzy, my eyes felt swollen, my chest was very tight. Doni lifted half of my body, making me sit up leaning on his chest.

"What's going on? what news made you cry unconscious?"

Doni asked me a few questions that confused me, I don't know what answer I should give him.

"I'm fine, aren't you supposed to get back to work?" I tried to cover up the truth that he shouldn't have known. Obviously it's none of my business or Doni's, but it's breaking my heart to pieces as if it's leading my ego to meet him. The man I've loved ever since I sat on that MA bench.

The presence of baby Bintang was apparently not enough to make me forget Akbar, it took me how much longer to be able to classify his departure, how can I accept the destiny that God has outlined. Then, the reality was bitter what else I had to accept besides the news of Akbar's marriage that made my knees weak instantly until I fell on the floor I was peeling.

Every day my body is with Doni, serving him like a wife, joking around to laugh together, playing with baby stars, as if we were the happiest family on earth. But deep down in my little heart, I drowned with a name that would now share my life with a new person whom I did not know at all, not even a little bit I wanted to know. There was a lump of hatred that I kept in my chest, which incarnated into a blind jealous flame that should not exist.

Doni came back to work with a thousand questions in his head, he gave me time to control the emotions I was feeling, he knew exactly how I was, when the emotions overpowered me he would leave me alone. He knows me more than myself. Doni has proven his great love for me, he always tried to obey all my desires, he understood me, he understood me, even patiently facing me even though he knew I still loved the man I always adored in front of him. Which I always compare to her.

"Yes, he just told me" My tears rolled back down my cheeks, which I hope is a nightmare that doesn't really happen.

"Do you know who the girl is?" Ask Iwan who seems he did not expect that his close friend since sitting in the High School will immediately release his bachelor.

"No, knowing it would hurt me so much, you know I still love him" I replied with a broken heart.

Ever since I knew Akbar, Iwan has always been my vent, we always communicate even though Azmi has broken up with him. Even when I was married, my friendship with Iwan was still quite good.

"I heard that she lived in the same village as your husband, are you going to attend?" Iwan kept asking as if he knew every answer .

"No, I live with my husband . Maybe he won't let me out of the house without his permission from now on. How's yours?" I asked him back, hoping this conversation would end soon.

"I won't come, I have to work" Iwan replied briefly. I just read it before I finally slam my phone really hard .