Black Pen

50

Slowly but surely, I was getting used to Doni, he was crazy, even though I was getting comfortable with him, there was not a single day I went through without him, he was a good man but I still did not love him, even his treatment of me that night was still recorded clearly in my memory.

The cold attitude I had shown him slowly began to change, the heart that was so hard as a rock slowly began to soften. Yeah, like nicotine I started to depend on it in a lot of ways.

All I do between comfort and impingement, I love Akbar but I start to rely on the crazy guy I call Doni. Isn't that sad?

3 Months ago I had a relationship with Doni, with freedom without rules, now I began to enjoy everything about Doni, the affection he gave, he gave, love and the fact that I started enjoying every inch of her body.

I have drowned in darkness, but a speck of light has become a light in my soul, though it only comes through a hidden gap.

Doni made me realize many things, he made me change in an instant, I have lost this slow alcohol and nicotine to become a true friend in my life. But, his body made me unable to let go even for a second. His love has really made me drunk.

I was terrified, I felt alone among the anxieties, I needed a way back to her, I needed a pedestal to run to my house, the most beautiful house I had ever lived in, the house that became a terrible prison in those days that I miss so much, I miss the cottage, I miss my friends, I miss everything I did in those days. I really thirst for the sweet voice of the santriwan santriwati I have met, I want to go home and scream for forgiveness.

I woke up from my fear, I saw Doni sleep so peacefully beside me, there was no burden even the fear he felt, I was so envious of him, she said, even he seemed to feel no remorse for what we did.

I tried to close my eyes to pick up my dream, a line of smiles I saw in the darkness of the night, Babe. Her face was so worried, her beautiful eyeballs kept looking at me, I saw there was a lot of disappointment that she showed me. My God, I'm really lost now, and so far? how come? just because slumbering among my powerlessness would lose Akbar's figure in my life, what do I think so far? what about my future? didn't I aspire to become a teacher in order to live another thousand years.

My tears began to drip down my cheeks, I drowned my assembling among all my sorrows, fears and worries. I've made them cry now. Oh my God I'm sorry, how could a great mama give birth to a disgusting princess like me?

What if I got pregnant and got married at a young age? 19 years? that's not possible. I was too young to understand a marriage that I never even knew how deep it was.