Black Pen
77
I look at the innocent faces one by one, there is a big feeling I feel, how not ? it was the first time I stood in front of so many children, when faced with a killer lecturer for me it was common, what about children? with a character that is confusing. Yes the name is also children, some are easy to cry, some are temperament, some are hard to keep quiet, some are bring , some are looking for attention and many more. 40 Children with 40 different characters, and a teacher is required to be able to control them all, respected but not feared.
"Come on, just kids. They're like Dwarves, you just have to follow their every whim, then they'll follow your lead" I thought, I'm a little tempramen so unsure of this work. However, if giving up is an option then I cannot conquer the world.
"Good children introduce the name of the teacher's mother is Naura's mother, I live in Bandung. From tomorrow you will learn with Mother. Any question?" April ma'am was still standing next to me she looked at me with a faint smile.
"You are beautiful Mother anyway" said one boy who sat on the corner bench, seems to be the one who talks a lot and is most active among others.
"Cie ciee, Arfi has a crush on the new Bu Guru" A couple all sound together to applause .
For a moment I was silent in breathing, my red cheeks held back the embarrassment, the feeling of nervousness and confusion that never went away.
Ms. April seemed to understand my feelings, she took me back to her office to talk about a lot of things.
"Mom, how's your life going, so you're a great person like this?" I ventured to ask , to be closer to her .
"I know everything you've been through, I'm a psychologist, I've taught in a lecture room. I can read someone's mind, even without you telling a story, I can already digest the deepest regret you're feeling". He continued his talk, when I looked down, I shed tears that I could not bear, lately I was very easy to cry even in front of strangers.
"I've met a lot of people in my life, drunkards, murderers, gamblers, even those who get pregnant out of wedlock. Those who are lost, must be embraced and directed.
Our conversation is getting interesting, somehow. I was like hypnotized, I told you everything I've been through, the dark journey of life, the worst side of my life, the Black Pen that keeps filling the white sheets of paper that represent my thoughts, feelings and hypocrisy.
I poured out all my feelings, anxiety, fear even my incompatibility that made my soul tremble violently. Something I've been craving for myself reveals everything, everything I didn't want to experience, everything that almost drove me crazy, attempted suicide, a burning grudge , and the injuries that were inflicted left me with a deep trauma.
Ms. April was silent about everything I said, once in a while she nodded her head, she was so enthusiastic about listening to my story that sometimes without me realizing I was throwing away the tears of suffering I had experienced.
"Let your mass be a secret to both of us, thank you for trusting me. Everything will feel beautiful when we move. At the age of 17, I was in rehab for taking heroin. Club nights are where I spend time with friends. The lack of parental affection and attention plunged me into the darkness of the black world that had ensnared me. Do not be discouraged everyone has a mass, you, me and all of us who live on the face of the earth. But, from today you have to do a lot of good, do not constantly blame yourself, give yourself a chance to fix it. The spirit yes" He looked at me seriously this time.
The bell also reads that the learning hours are up, all children are scattered out . Together with their disbandment, I also took part to go home soon.
