100 Days of Being a Widow
Dinda Part 2: Metamorphosis of Dinda
Linda was under a very heavy pressure. His age may not be worth the test of life he has to live. Married at a young age, became the backbone of the family, abandoned, then in honey.
Status in Dinda ID card is virgin. But in reality, she is no longer a virgin. Her sadism was taken only for the sake of a religiously valid marriage. For her, her virginity was cheaper than the prostitute women on the street. With just a fake qobul ijab and a 1-sheet red money mark, one could easily taste the body of a girl. If you are satisfied, you can be left out. Wanna sue? mom can? sue who?, demand where?. No religious court would accept the suit. Isn't the practice of underhand marriage illegal?!.
Dinda's condition that never improves makes a big family pity. Some blame Dinda's father and some consider this to be fate.
Yes so. Why the practice of serial or underground marriage is always fertile and cultured. Because although not a few who experience domestic failure, in fact they still consider this is part of destiny.
Uncle Dinda is a "sluggish" salesman". Ramban is a type of animal feed for goats or cows that comes from plants that are commonly grown around the yard of residents' homes in Lumajang Regency. Usually, Uncle Dinda named Parto is depositing money on Jean every week three times. From this introduction to Jean, Mr. Parto knows Rania and Rania's activities as activists.
Rania feels sad about Dinda's situation. Without being asked by the NGO, Rania immediately jumped into the field to check on Dinda's condition. In fact, Dinda is still very difficult to communicate with.
Rania explained that the practice of early marriage is prone to failure.
Rania and her NGO colleagues are increasingly eager to voice the marriage movement quite old and "Married in KUA and assisted MUA". The movement calls for the practice of early marriage to no longer be adopted. Children who are married early will not reduce the burden of the family, it could be that he will become a heavier family burden later on.
Underhand or serial marriages that are not legally recorded in Indonesia have a number of negative effects, especially for women.The negative effects of serial marriage include,
The woman cannot claim her rights as a wife who has been violated by the husband because of the absence of permanent legal force against the legality of the marriage.
The absence of clarity of the status of women as wives and clarity of the status of children in the eyes of the law.
Siri marriage tends to make one partner, especially the husband more free to leave his obligations.
Sexual abuse of women as it is considered a momentary expulsion of lust for men.
There are many violent acts against the wife.
"So it's clear, father and mother, that the failure of this marriage is not just a matter of fate. But there is an element of human intervention as well. Divorced at a young age, let alone having a baby. If the status of the baby is not legal in the eyes of the state, then he will not be able to have a birth certificate. If you don't have a birth certificate, then this child can't go to school!"
Rania for the umpteenth time spoke in front of the village community. He works with the Implementer of Family Planning Field who has offices in each Sub-district. Not infrequently, the voice of Rania is much opposed by the village elders.
Some people, especially in Lumajang Regency, consider that marriage at an early age is better than getting pregnant out of wedlock. Both have no negative risk.
If he is afraid of adultery, then forbid him to date, limit his struggle, and give him a busy life that can deprive him of useless activities. By marrying a child who is not old enough, it will only make him unprepared for household problems. Coupled with an unauthorized marriage, where should he sue in case of unwanted things?
***
That morning, though,
Uncle Dinda went to NGO Sehati to consult the law about what his nephew experienced.
Ma'am Martha let out a long sigh after listening to the uncle's explanation. Then Ms. Martha explained about marriage under the hand or serial marriage in Indonesia.
In Indonesia, marriage is regulated in Law Number 1 Year 1974 About Marriage. In Article 2 Paragraph 1 of the Marriage Law it reads "Marriage is valid, if it is done according to the law of each religion and its beliefs."
Meanwhile, Article 2 of Paragraph 2 reads "Each marriage is recorded according to applicable laws."
Under the Act, a legal marriage is a marriage that is performed under the rules of religion and is legally registered by the state. That is, siri marriage violates Article 2 Paragraph 2 of the Marriage Law.
In addition, serial marriage violates Law Number 22 Year 1946 About Recording of Marriage, Talak, and Referral. Siri marriages are not supervised by state marriage registrars.
So in the case of Dinda, NGOs can only help in terms of her psychological rehabilitation. But in the demands of marriage, this cannot be done. Because since the beginning has violated the laws of law in Indonesia about the law of lawful marriage.
***
Mr. Parto bowed lethargic. He no longer knew what to do to help Dinda out of her grief.
Rania suggests that Dinda be evacuated to a place far from the source of the trauma. One of the best healing ways for a while is to keep her away from things that traumatize her until some time. If it is calm and can be invited to communicate, then it can be helped for the process of handling the advanced stage, which is learning to be ready to face the reality of his life.
A relative who lives in the Bandung area suggested that Dinda be brought to his place. He would hire Dinda in a canteen he managed. Previously, Dinda will undergo treatment first, at least so that Dinda can be invited to communicate.
After passing the family agreement. Dinda was finally brought by his family to a region in the Bandung area. Dinda is also still under the supervision of NGO Sehati. This client is within the scope of Rania's work. Thus, Rania's extended family requested that Rania accompany Dinda for several weeks in Bandung.
***
First day...
Rania invites Dinda to tour the city. Dinda was invited to a different atmosphere than usual. Rania invited to one of the places that became the icon of Bandung. There is a flower show there. Dinda who began to be able to walk and move to take care of herself. Although he still often found, Dinda moody and pensive.
At dusk, Rania was packing to return to Lumajang. Dinda suddenly appears in front of Rania.
"You're going to go, brother..."
Ask Dinda in a weak tone.
Rania looked at Dinda, and tried to find the right words so that Dinda understood that her duties would be replaced by her extended family in Bandung.
"Yes Dinda. I have to get back to Lumajang. Forgive me for not being able to accompany you all day in Bandung. But you take it easy. Niken tea has promised to help you".
"What should I do, Rania?".
Ask Dinda. He is still in the process of psychic recovery. So often experience confusion and lost direction. The presence of a companion and family determines the healing process by up to 100%.
"You'll get job training at the Work Practice Hall. Later, you can open a salon and MUA. Niken Tea is his business in the field of wedding organizers".
Rania said excitedly, so that Dinda contracted her spirit.
"Can I do it, Rania. I often feel empty. My life's in vain".
"No, Din. You are precious in the eyes of your family. They love you and care about you. Look at their struggles so you can rise. Walk ahead. Running after falling behind. You can turn into something new. Let go of painful time. Related to the feeling of empty and easily confused, opponents. Don't let him control you. Slowly it will disappear. Then get busy with the positive. I'm waiting for your good news".
Dinda stared blankly as Rania's body entered the carriage that drove her back to Lumajang city. There is an optimistic feeling, that Dinda will grow well in the city of Bandung. Relatives who live in this city are more aware of the psychic condition of Dinda. They gently guide Dinda to realize that she is precious.
Week passed. Dinda has participated in activities at a Work Exercise Hall owned by the West Java Provincial Government. The field Dinda chose was cosmetology training. Teh Niken is Dinda's cousin who painstakingly guides Dinda to be able to follow the lessons given.
Niken is a well-known MUA in West Bandung area. He also has a wedding organizer. It is very agile and dexterous in makeup. Built-in burn that makes Dinda turned out to have the same ability as Niken.
Niken hired Dinda on her wedding organizer. Dinda holds full preparation of makeup equipment. He also shared his duties with Niken. For the Prewedding photo procession, Dinda is the MUA. As for the wedding, Niken is the MUA.
Gradually, many loved Dinda's makeup. Dinda is getting busy. His self-confidence is increasingly fostered when many people praise his skills in decorating. Amazingly, Niken also teaches how to handle complaints, so we can still work. There will be no perfect man in this world. There will always be tests. Some people like it and some don't like it either. Strong and strong is the key so that we are always sane people in this world.
A few months passed. Rania is also preoccupied with the activities of other clients. Rania got a promotion to become the main extension officer in the NGO Sehati.
One afternoon when Rania was giving the classic motivation to prospective young marriage participants is quite old. An assistant told Rania that there was someone outside who wanted to see her.
"Say wait a minute mba Ayu. I'll see him in a minute. I finish my job first".
Rania told her personal assistant. After the task is completed. Rania also went to the living room to meet the person who wanted to meet her earlier.
Rania was a little guessing who came across this. He could hardly recognize her. Very beautiful with natural makeup. She was wearing a pink flower dress. His eyes were wearing brown soft lenses. The woman smiled freely at Rania. Implying that he had recognized Rania before.
"Sorry have we met before?".
"Yes Rania. I'm Dinda?"
"huh...Dinda ...?. Dinda's in Bandung?!"
Really surprise...Dinda changed drastically. Dinda had dared to set foot in Lumajang city. Approaching the source of the trauma that once made him lose his way.
"Rania, I've come to prove your hard work. It turns out the world won't collapse with me losing my husband. The world is still on my side. I did a lot of MUA training in Bandung and Jakarta. I was told about personality by Niken who is also a single parent. I struggle to get up. Every time I feel alone, then I'll see how Niken continues her life without a husband.
I've changed Rania. You've changed the way I look at life. I learned to find the blemish behind the disaster. Behind a problem. It's good to get out and get up.
I became the best for myself. Learning to apply makeup, I also learned to make up for myself, my own personality".
Dinda said.
"Have you met your ex-husband?"
Brisque slowly. He did not know Dinda's mental development, so he gave voice to challenging questions.
"Of course, Rania. I've met that man. He barely recognized me. With a voice he just knew that the woman in the village event was me. Yep. We met at a village chief election. He did not come with his wife. I heard that his wife had returned to Malaysia, sued for divorce from Hadi. Karma has happened. Their marriage was only a corn. The woman did not accept our customs and culture. The woman did not want to live a simple life, following Hadi's income. He is used to Malaysia. Spoiled by the dollar and the current lifestyle.
It looks ugly in my eyes. Or my taste of men who have been much different. I don't know. I don't want to think about that. I'm happy with my life now".
Dinda. He told me with passion. There was no look of sadness on his face.
Dinda has metamorphosed. It is never too late to fix fate. Early marriage, not having enough formal education, is not a barrier to change one's fate. Look at the various opportunities. Take training. Even at the government-owned Work Exercise Hall, it usually provides a variety of free training. Ability to hone lifeskill. So that after attending training, the community is expected to be able to be absorbed in the world of work, or open vacancies for itself aka entrepreneurship.
The Work Exercise Hall or BLK is an infrastructure and training facility to gain skills or who wants to explore expertise in their respective fields.
In general, BLK opened several vocational fields such as, Vocational Motorcycle Engineering, Vocational Computer Technician, Vocational Computer Operator, Vocational Fashion, Vocational Cooling Engineering, Vocational Graha, Vocational Hair Beauty, Vocational, Vocational Skin Beauty, Vocational Bridal Makeup, Vocational Grooming and so on.BLK can also facilitate for expertise in the field of foreign languages such as, English, Japanese and Korean Language (Wikipedia)
Each region in Indonesia has a Center for Work Training Center managed by the Labor Agency. Even this training is given for free to job seekers with various educational backgrounds and ages.
Dinda has prepared herself to continue her education. It's okay to be late, rather than not at all. This was the second chance God gave her. The opportunity to continue the ideals, even though through a different path.
When Dinda spent the month in Pursuit package C, she also met some mothers who returned to school. Their reasons vary, ranging from the standard needs of work, to anyone who wants to continue their studies like him.
Dinda convinced herself to get up. He remembered the words of Rania,
Do not be narrow in your heart and mind. You are precious in the eyes of those who love you.You become ordinary in the eyes of those who only know you, and you are bad, only in the eyes of those who hate you.
Dinda, you can!
Connect ....
