100 Days of Being a Widow
Section 67 Time to love you
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Rania shook her wet hand because of that cry. Rania passed by just leaving Bu Yayu who was lamenting for her son. Rania did not come to seek revenge, nor did she come to grudge. He just wanted to know about this family, yes the Delita family, which was suddenly allowing his son to marry a two-child widower. No matter how one gets hurt. No matter why he became a widower!
Rania is well aware that revenge is an act of sin. However, he also realized that to treat his inner wounds was to see the person who incised the wound in his heart suffer. He thinks it's human.
***
Rania went back to the car. There was Jean who had been faithfully waiting for him since then. Jean's eyes look teary looking at Rania. But Rania looks so cold.
"Are you satisfied, Rania?"
Jean asked, not looking at Rania.
"I'm satisfied. Those who hurt me are slowly breaking down!"
Rania replied with a cynical smile.
"Then, God, if they are happy again, will you be sick again?"
Rania was stunned, why would Jean say such a thing?
"You mean Jean?"
Jean did not answer. He turned on the vehicle's engine and gas tanked...
Rania pondered Jean's attitude. Along the way there was not a word said from him, making Rania even more clueless.
***
At a rest area Jean stopped her vehicle. The day showed it had been evening, adzan magrib reverberated. Jean was still cold, but invited Rania to pray together. After the prayer, Rania felt hungry stomach. Unlike usual Jean did not invite him to rest and eat since lunch. They just stop for prayer then continue again .
"Jean, are we not just filling the stomach first?. I'm hungry".
Rania lirih. Jean never acts this cold, making Rania go awry.
Jean then walked towards a resto. Walking first, ignoring the awkward Rania with Jean's attitude.
Jean ordered her own food. Rania ordered it herself too. They just eat, without talking. Jean also looks good with her device. Rania actually wants to talk to Jean. However, he saw an inappropriate situation. They were at the restaurant and the atmosphere that afternoon was very crowded. Finally, Rania decided to talk while in the car later.
After the meal, Jean paid the bill, still the same silence, though he paid for all the food bills. Jean walked back to the car.
"Jean, tell me what's my fault?"
Rania hopes to get an explanation from Jean.
"Your fault..hemm..." Jean just sighed. Then start the car and go at a moderate speed.
"Rania, until when can I follow what you want?"
Rania was stunned by Jean's question.
"Jean please to the point. I don't usually talk stale!"
Answer Rania. Actually Rania has a feeling about the direction of Jean's conversation. But he tried to learn to listen to it directly from Jean.
Jean was silent...
Before long, he stopped his vehicle on a beach that was passed. Jean got out of his vehicle, sat on a rock. Rania followed Jean.
"You know Rania. How I try to make you happy. Do anything so you can be happy. Become a full father, not just a connecting father. Just for you, 'Rania".
Jean then fell silent. His eyes were not on Rania. He took a look at the beach that lay outside in front of him. There are some fishermen who are pulling nets towards the sea.
Rania sat down next to Jean. Allegedly right. There was an ambush of guilt filling the chest.
"I just want you to feel happy with me!"
"Jean I've been happy with you".
Answer Rania.
"No Rania. You're not happy with me!"
Jean smiled cynically.
"If you're happy with me. You will easily forget your past!"
Jean's words made Rania realize it turns out that all this time he was so selfish.
"You've only been thinking about yourself. You don't care how much I want you to love. Without touching your past!"
"Jean, I just want you to understand how sick I am because of my past. I just want you to understand my feelings, and my efforts to heal the Wounds of feelings".
Jean this time looked into Rania's eyes. The feeling of disappointment was now evident on his face.
"Please understand how I feel, just be patient for a moment!"
Said Rania who began to shed tears. The pain that Jean saw was probably just on the surface. Deep in her soul, Rania has a very severe trauma.
Seeing that karma paid off, it had treated the wounds inflicted. At least make him believe that God is all-successful.
"All right!"
Said Jean. He then threw a pebble towards the beach, like he was trying to let go of his upset.
The mood became quiet. Only the occasional pounding of the waves broke the mute atmosphere between the two. Jean didn't talk to Rania after that. He simply pulled Rania's arm and returned to his car. The journey continues.
Rania does not know how much the disappointment has taken hold of Jean.
All he saw was Jean's cold attitude.
***
At home, the two are greeted by Azka and Zidan. Jean behaves as she always does, warmly and lovingly with the children. It was not seen that he was being disappointed with the mother of these children.
Jean still drives Azka and Zidan to school, accompanying the children on bicycles and swimming at times. Nothing has changed, only the attitude towards Rania has changed. Cold even a little talk.
Rania, who was very focused on her past, now realizes that she has wasted the happiness that lies before her. He realized that God had replaced his sadness with new happiness.
***
A deep night mixed with fog enveloped the earth. The moon is covered in fog, the stars dim. Rania's heart felt lonely. Although still one bed, but Jean no longer touch Rania, a week. He wanted to seduce Jean, but was still reluctant. How he had to recreate the warmth that had been lost on Jean.
My jean is gone
His soul, not his body
Turns out I need you
Not just your body
Not because you exist
Because you fill the soul
Look at me who's starting to learn realize
Your existence is not only on the side
But you really became yourself
Which I want
which I need
Without you, it turns out,
I can what?
I cannot create my own happiness
It turns out you answered him
Who can fill the soul
Come back like before
When you just knew me
And be patient for me
Because I need you
Need your love
A poem for Jean. Rania then wrote it down in a piece of paper. Put it on a table he put in the room. The table he decorated with a bouquet of red roses and dishes in the form of steak and orange juice. The children intentionally fall asleep quickly. Rania hopes this surprise will soften the rigidity of her relationship with Jean.
Seriate...
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