100 Days of Being a Widow

Part 27 POV Azka

"Mom.mama...."

I screamed as hard as I could. My body was still weak, but because of my mother, I became very excited to be with her.

I thrashed, kicked and hit the woman who tried to pull my body. Aunt Pina. The latter woman was always with her father and tried to take my mother's place in my father's heart, and my heart and Zidan's. He did not realize that no matter how hard he tried, he would never change the position of his mother. Mama Rania is our forever mother.

I tried to hold my mom as hard as I could. However, the two guards pulled the body of the mother, keeping it away from me. My mom and I were finally separated. The longer I stay away from my mom. I saw in the distance my mother screaming, crying, falling. Mama fainted ....

Mama was hurt again. If this is the case, I can't do anything. I just pray that God helps my mom. May God take care of my mother. Forgive me, God. I have not been able to defend my mother. But, I promise to be your protector, if I grow up.

My small body, has been able to digest what is going on. People hate mama, people want to hurt mama. But even so, only the ones who really love us, full time.

Since the separation of mom and dad, I was forced to become a precocious adult. Forced to digest memory from the time I was four to six. Maybe, goodbye is the best way for mom. As the oldest boy, I couldn't bear to see my mom crying every day.

I remember when my mom lived in the old house. Mama who was cooking water for us to take a bath, scolded uti for cooking the water too long. Though the water is soon hot and ready to be lifted, but instead turn off the stove. The water's not hot yet. I had to take a cold shower, even though my body was shivering. The water that Mama had cooked, I gave it all for Zidan's bath. Let me be, I'm bigger than Zidan.

Mama often held hunger for us. My mom's body is more full. It does not mean that my mother eats a lot. When my mother fed us, I knew that she was hungry. Since morning, she had not eaten. But my mom prioritized us. Mama ate, after all the work was done. Cook, then wash, mop, wait for others to eat first, then mama eat. The one who spent the money was my mom. I little know about it. I don't know why, I understand that.

My mom always wanted me to be like any other kid. Like being able to participate in Tahfidz teaching activities at a special boarding school for children. To be able to send me there, mama sells rice for santri-santri.

I lost my mom physically. However, my mother managed to fill the void of my soul. Mama Rania's education has made me a mature child. Happy six-year-old, I have been able to take care of my sister, share food, snacks, toys, even I try to love Zidan like my mother loves him.

Every night Zidan couldn't sleep. Mom used to tell us a story before we went to bed. I replaced my mother to tell stories. My mother has taught me to read since the age of four, and now I have been able to read books without spelling.

Zidan also often cries every night, wetting his bed and if so, Uti will be angry when he finds his bed wet in the morning. So I put a cloth under Zidan's back. The cloth was Zidan's former baby. My mom always uses it.

A lot has changed since my mom left. Replaced with Aunt Pina and other aunts who often come to the house alternately. Sometimes Uti proudly introduces me. They even openly talked about my mother's ugliness in front of me. I, the little one, had come to the thought that one day, I would defend my mother.

It didn't take long, I was already in the car, my cries getting stronger, this time not because I lost my mama, but Aunt Pina purposely pinched my thighs while my father was off guard, he said, with no sense of sin, he tried to persuade me to shut up. I wanted to tell him to Papa. But, Papa seems to trust this woman more.

I fell silent by myself. Tired, already very tired. It feels free to cry.

***

In the corner of the room, I saw Zidan. When I called her, she cried hugging me. We were separated for a few days. But, Zidan looked very moody. He looks sad.

Zidan, my brother, is not as firm as I am. He's easier to moody than I am. He does not want to eat and his emotions often cannot be controlled, so uti always assume that Zidan is a bad boy.

***

One night, I had a dream about my mother. Mama called us. I woke up from my sleep. I saw Zidan was crying sobbing. Apparently she was also a dream of my mother.

That night I wanted to find my mom. But don't know where. I tried to wake dad up.

"dad..."

"dad...."

This time it worked. Dad's up.

"What's Azka....?"

Dad, I want to see Mom. I'm kangen. I said while whining, crying. But...

"Azka, you don't ask about your mama anymore!, sleep, you start school tomorrow!"

Then dad went back to sleep. While I'm not.

***

The morning has arrived...

I'm ready to go to school. Zidan came to take me, carried by , Tati, our new nanny. I've been planning to do something. Something to meet my mom.

I asked about the whereabouts of mama on the Rangga ibunga. Thank God, last he knew that mom worked at Latifa's cake shop. Actually, I'd love to borrow Rangga's mother's phone to contact her. But I feel like I'm reluctant to do it. So, I decided to ask, where is Latifa's bakery address. After being explained, I still did not understand.

"Mom, if you want to go to the Latifa bakery it goes up what yes".

I asked Rangga's mother.

"Yes get in the car, Azka. You can ask to take papa or the driver"

" When you take public transportation, ma'am?"

"hemmm..why is public transportation good?"

"Because papa can't. So Tati's mba will take us on public transport".

"Then, you will take the 05 from here. Then get off at the Square. And connect with brown angkot. Later request to be dropped off at Latifaa Group Store".

"Yes ready mom. Thank you, Mom"

I had to lie to Rangga's mother. There's no way to be honest that I'm just gonna be there with Zidan. I'll go find the tomb later this afternoon. Usually our nanny will rest in the afternoon. Uti Nani will have Arisan. Usually, if this is the case, we will be left to play alone. It's time to meet my mom. I still have money in the piggy bank. Luckily, my mom taught me to always save in a piggy bank. At times like this, money is very useful.

Mama.we're looking for mama...

Seriate.....

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