100 Days of Being a Widow

POV Story of a child of a divorce victim

POV Life Azka "Rania Series"

#Inner Wounds

#flashback

18 Years is my age. I am Azka, the son of a mother who is strong in wading through the storms of life. She is Rania's mother.

I grew up with a hard upbringing, a life that demanded me to mature early. Since the age of elementary school, I had to watch my mother being persecuted by her husband who was none other than my own father. A figure who should be a protector and an example for me, a boy who will become a father too!

I remember watching my mother sit staring at the window, pensive, while I pretended to sleep. In the dim light of the room lamp, I saw that he was crying, even occasionally I heard a bit of noise. Even though I wasn't an adult, I knew my mom was waiting for my dad to come home.

I often saw the quarrels of my father and mother, who finally dragged him out of the house where we were living, and since then, for a long time, I did not see the figure of Rania's mother.

The unusual me who woke up without his voice, unusual to eat apart from the mouthfuls of his hands, forced to be able to do everything myself.

I remember very well when my father forced me to prepare rice into my mouth. I was waiting for Mama Rania to come home and take over the bribe from my father's hand. But my mom did not come. I almost died because my father kept forcing me to eat faster, whereas I was reluctant to eat!

I was forced to grow up before my time. When I saw my sister, Zidan, crying all night because she used to sleep in my arms. Grandma who could not wait to see Zidan's cry, snapped at him and made Zidan quiet, then I know, she pretended to be asleep because she was afraid of Grandma.

I was a kid, but my heart was already able to feel the pain of seeing Grandma's treatment on Zidan. It was from the grandmother I called this that I felt vengeance for the first time. I learned to rebel. I learned to be a fighting boy.

To meet with Rania's mother. I who was still sitting on the SD bench, was able to plan to run away from home. I'm planning a step by step to get out of the house that feels like prison.

The fight started when she got out of the house. I often try to run away from home. Thinking about how to break through walls and gates. Gathering pocket money for me to make provisions to meet mama, even though I have never known where mama went!

I started to collect money. I understood the nominal money at the time. I ventured to ask my teacher.

A bag of black crackles I handed over to Miss Melly, my homeroom teacher.

"what is this, Azka?"

"this is the money" . I was a little doubtful .

"Mom can you help me count the money?"

Ms. Melly was silent for a moment. Then smile thinly..

"who's this money?"

"My piggy bank ma'am. I want to buy a gift for mom".

I remember very well that that day was the first time I learned to lie. I don't know why I chose to lie instead of being honest?!

Ms. Melly believed it and started counting every sheet of money. I also still have a piggy bank that I'm about to dismantle. I think that's enough money to meet my mom.

I'll take Zidan. I remember my mother's advice to keep you together under all circumstances.

After the money is counted...

"Fifty thousand rupiah" said Ms. Melly.

I withdraw the money that has been calculated. I barely paid attention to Ms. Melly's question asking "what to buy...". I was busy with my own thoughts. Thinking about running away from home immediately.

Looking for a missing mother. The deepest pain for a first boy is, when he feels unable to look after his mother. I'm trying to find my mom. Tracing the city by carrying a potluck. Until finally, I was taken captive by Zidan who was caught by father, because of my carelessness!

Today, I am exactly 18 years old. I just graduated High School. I was raised by a mother who managed to keep me alive happily in her arms. However, the wound has not disappeared. Tat when the oldest boy in the family loses his father. I know that Papa Jean loves me very much. But I haven't been able to forget about Dani, my biological father. Revenge is haunting!

"Azza. Don't you want to rethink your decision?"

Mama Rania teased my daydreams. Reverie in the corner of my room. Where I often spend time to compose Atik laptop or just playing guitar. But this time I was just daydreaming.

"Azka remains with the initial decision ma, Azka will look for father.

I have expressed my intentions to my mother, that after High School I will find Dani's father. Mama Rania's wish for me to continue college, I ignored. I asked for a one-year delay.

I lost it now with my father six years ago.Mama once found out the whereabouts of the father from his old home address and also the family of the last wife with him, but nil, he said, they never knew where Dani was.

Longing, vengeful, yet still caring about the figure of the father!

I saw Mama Rania crying. I know how she feels. Although she looked happy with her new home, I knew that she was like me, having an incurable inner wound, one that my father had cut so deeply that we were unable to treat her.

I hugged mom. My body this time is much bigger than my mother's. I promise to protect this woman who is my true love. I know, deep down, you miss your dad, no matter how much you hurt him.

I'll bring daddy to mommy. I murmured in my heart, as I hugged my mother's body tightly. I can feel that longing.

####

A train ticket has been given to me. Jean's father ordered it.

"Take care of yourself, Mom". He said while offering an ATM card from one of the banks.

I still look at the card. All this time I know how to use an ATM card, even though I do not have it personally. I trusted Jean's father to manage our little farm's goat-buying business.

"It's an ATM to sell goats, right?" . My speech. I know the ATM.

Jean's father nodded.

"Yes. now hold it. This is now for you. The balance is the same as yesterday. Sales result 10 goats, Mas".

I used to be called a mas by my father, because I was the first child in the family.

"But this is dad's selling capital!"

I half refused. I know Jean's father's finances. He is not a rich man, but his business spirit has grown since managing Latifa Bakery.

"Dad prepared this a long time ago, ma'am. This is your savings. You are the one who has been managing. The goats are your caretakers, so take it. It's your thing!" Said Jean's father, patting me on the shoulder.

Instantly I held onto Jean's father. The man who had not only married Rania's mother, but also took care of and made us happy. She became a role model for boys like me, about how to treat women as household queens.

New Style train arrives at Surabaya Turi Market station. Mama took off in tears, and so did my sisters. But Jean's father strengthened. He didn't want to see a boy cry. He also plays a role in shaping your mentality into a strong, strong and courageous male figure.

"Azka, at Senen station later, Uncle Ardi, my cousin will pick you up. So you don't have to worry". Said my father, taking my suitcase to the lobby of the chek in train..

I feel like my life is in a new phase. Where this is real life. Welcome to Azka. Welcome to being a grown-up...

"Dad Dani. I'm looking for you!" mummify!

Seriate....