100 Days of Being a Widow
My best friend, my honeymoon is part 3
In court, Lesmana's actions were justified. Yes, defended because he deserves to get offspring. Right because he had been able to obtain offspring from other women.
I feel like I was stripped in public as a barren woman. I failed to give any children to Aaron's family. None of my family have been invited to see my divorce trial. Not my mom or dad. It was enough I let them down that I as a wife was not very good at taking care of the household. I am barren and worthy of divorce.
***
Today is the court ruling. I decided not to go to court anymore. I've been very weak. I often have hallucinations. Sleep is not good.
In the office I felt insecure about leading the way I always did. Many decisions I leave to the executor of the task. I feel no passion for life. Two weeks off, but after two weeks, I was even more helpless to move on with my life.
The news of my divorce has reached the ears of my neighbors, family, relatives and even the staff at the office. Some sympathize asking the news, giving support, but not a few who actually participate add to the burden of this mind. How not, Arkan and Laila's wedding posts milling around on social media and WhatsApp snap. Painful, a close relative who I consider a brother even though he congratulated Lesmana.
I was in a weakened state, still trying to get up, even though there was no pole for me to lean on.
30 Days since the divorce was decided, I went back to the office and did my activities. Although not as normal as usual. Sometimes some of the staff scolded me because I was daydreaming more. Fortunately, I was the leader there, so many angel-hearted staff helped me with my work. They understand my situation.
One morning, the public relations staff Goddess, came to my room to give me a bulletin on mental health. It shows an article written by Rania Salsabila. A book titled The First 100 Days of Being a Widow. There is explained how step by step how to deal with life after divorce. There is a similar part in the emotional phase of a divorced person.
From the profile I read, Rania is one of the day caretakers of NGO Sehati. An NGO that shelters many victims of divorce or even wives who experience KDRT, wives in pre and post divorce.
In the bulletin I read, Rania quoted an opinion from a psychologist named Evi Sukmaningrum, M.Si, a psychologist whose article is also contained in the site enchantment.co.id.
...According to him, How the emotional turmoil after divorce is certainly different for everyone. “Divorce is related to grieving, which is the loss of a relationship that was originally expected to be a long-term relationship and forever, but in reality, the relationship must be broken....
A person lives his divorce with different emotional turmoil. And citing the results of research Deborah Carr, women are more depressed, anxious, and depressed after divorce.
There are stages that are usually experienced by someone after divorce. However, according to Evi, not all stages are definitely experienced.
Refuting stage
Feeling as if nothing had happened, his life was normal and ordinary. He often refused to admit that the divorce had taken place. “I'm fine,” or “This divorce is supposed to happen.”
Angry stage
A mixed feeling between fear and hurt expressed in an angry way. Angry at yourself for feeling failed, angry at the ex-husband for not being able to maintain marriage, angry at children, in-laws, and others.
Bargaining stage
There is a sense of regret about being divorced and feeling guilty about letting the divorce happen. Some people need to express it by asking for a second chance or referring it to a former partner.
Depressive stage
It comes in a variety of symptoms, such as difficulty sleeping, feeling prolonged sadness, feeling worthless, losing appetite, being very sensitive to input from others, or looking at life pessimistically.
Reception stage
In line with the stages passed, people will reflect deeply on the divorce that has occurred. At one point she will arrive at the stage of complete acceptance that she is divorced and accept divorce as part of her past. At this stage it usually comes courage to start again his life with a new sheet, being able to see the future with more enthusiasm, and having the energy to move on.
****
Rania also did not forget to write about what a woman should do after divorce. I read carefully the article in this section.
Give yourself time to grieve
No one who gets married ever thinks "I wish we could get divorced someday!". In fact, regardless of whether you want it or not, divorce definitely leaves losses.
Psychotherapist Florence Falk, PhD, MSW, says, "Even if your marriage ends in divorce, it is only natural that you become very emotional about it. You will rarely blame yourself. However, don't dwell on that feeling, but give it space to understand the sadness you're feeling."
So give your heart a chance to understand the sense of loss you are facing.
Involve your feelings
Don't involve your fear of past relationship failures to lead a new life. Try to get through a period of emotional crisis by seeing a therapist or switching activities to – things that make you happy
Find your own identity.
When you begin to stabilize emotionally and stop thinking about your ex, your time, and your memories. Slowly your mind will be more and more open to new opportunities in life.
You may make new friends, new hobbies, a new career, a new life, and of course your new self.
Finding a new self
When you begin to stabilize emotionally and stop thinking about your ex, your time, and your memories. Slowly your mind will be more and more open to new opportunities in life.
You may make new friends, new hobbies, a new career, a new life, and of course your new self.
If you want to cry, cry. Give yourself a chance to grieve. This is a very important part of life after divorce.
Do the therapy
If you still can not accept all the turbulent emotional changes in yourself. There is nothing wrong with consulting a psychologist to help you through the difficult times of divorce.
After a divorce, try to better understand and recognize yourself. Don't be afraid to try something new.
Start dating
Think of this as a transitional phase until you reach a newer, more satisfying relationship.
Try dating people outside of your comfort zone and see where it leads without committing to anyone or anything.
Take a walk
Do not keep yourself at home. Try to go out and take a walk.
Pamper yourself by watching the movies, hanging out with friends, and enjoying life.
Trying something new
Happy after the divorce
Try to do something new. You may be able to learn to paint, sew, even make vlogs.
Don't think too much
Don't think about your ex or talk about it. Better, talk about more positive things.
Workup
If previously you were only at home and depend on the salary of your husband. Then it is time for you to start working and building a career.
This will help you maintain the lifestyle you want.
Enjoy life to the fullest
When you enjoy playing video games, reading books, or going to an amusement park. Then do it
Do what you want to be able to smile, laugh and be happy.
***
After reading the article, I felt that there was a new energy in life. But of course I need a support system that can understand my current condition. That is, a support system that understands the problem I am facing, not the grieving like me, nor the blaming me.
I asked my parents for permission to go to the Sehati NGO based in Lumajang, where the author of the article lives. Thank God my family agreed. In principle, they want the best for me. By letting me be in the circle of those who blame me, will make the recovery process after divorce will last a long time. So that my parents allowed me to restore my condition in the right place. Even they turned me around with a lot of money, the result of my mother's savings for many years.
"wear it for your pleasure. I was going to use it for your pregnancy, but that's it. We leave it to God. This money, use it to restore your condition only".
I also accept it. I don't know what I'll use it for later. Having enough money makes it easy for me to do a lot of things.
After contacting NGO Sehati. I also prepared to leave for Lumajang Regency. A district in East Java. Where Mount Semeru is the icon. I didn't forget to take a sabbatical, because of psychological pain. As soon as I reasoned. Dare to be honest, that pain is not only related to the physical. Except pain that attacks psychological conditions can not be ignored just like that.
There I signed up as a participant who participated in post-divorce trauma recovery activities. Some are like outpatient, meaning clients who come only for consultation with Psychologists or volunteers. However, there are also those who stay there, do activities with clients who have the same fate, and share mutual encouragement with them. I will stay in their dormitory for some time, until I can feel the recovery from my injuries.
****
Exactly 40 days after the divorce, I left for Lumajang.
Wishing to organize life, for a better life in the future.
Seriate....
