100 Days of Being a Widow

Section 73 Is Meaningful

POV Dani

An inscription

I wrote where my sane is still in the soul

I can still remember you as I used to in the first place

To be in love and to last for a long time

It's not easy for me to fight

For the sake of the so-called love

But finally it can be broken

A destiny that does not unite us

Can you feel

What time do you want people to have?

Pain to the bone

Until I felt a gallbladder

Rania, I want to insist on you

But it seems more painful to endure

Rather than release

Let go of you

Give up everything

The struggle becomes futile

I wrote a poem to Rania. A poem I wrote in an agenda book. Rania and I have loved literature since I was in college.

Known Rania as a writer, in several newspapers, and became a radio broadcaster on a local radio station. I admire her. But slowly my young soul spurred adrenaline, to be able to see more women, wider without limits. Until there are many other Rania-Rania in my head.

This week, I just realized. You can repay your heartache. You dare to present him who is my opponent, before me. You even won a landslide, bringing the harmony of the household before me. Like you were insinuating me, that I was never able to give that to you, when I was still called as a husband.

A week that was heartwarming to me but simultaneously painful. The children who were supposed to be closer to me, apparently they were close, just wanted to obey the orders of the man he had just known. I'm jealous!

But, I let it. Flowing, like water. Than I lost the kids. Than I didn't get myself in Azka and Zidan's memory. Rather than me incising the wounds, so seeing me they were reluctant. I gave up Rania. I started getting stabbed.

Valuable life lessons, will lead me to turn around. Start something new, become a new person.

It's time to change destiny, to be what I want and what you want. God demands that we.

This is called a Mate in the Hands of God, even if you love, you can not determine, can not choose, let alone survive. I learned to accept that. Like you learned to walk away from me, then walk for something new.

I salute your victory, your stubbornness, your faith, fighting as I throw away, holding on when I let go, rising when you're not fit, stepping out on your own and learning to understand what God wants.

***

Being on the toilet made Dani learn to be grateful for life. His ego is untenable. He must share space and share all the facilities in the yard.

Dani, who is usually always served by his assistants, now has to get used to serving himself. Even for the purposes of washing clothes that he never paid for his entire life.

In Lapas. He could feel how much pain it was to endure the longing for the family, who could not visit him every day. Even if you visit, you are always limited in time.

Bu Nani was willing to move to Surabaya to be able to meet with Dani at any time, and send nutritious food every day. Ms. Nani will arrive at 07:30 with a home-cooked meal, in a wheelchair she was wedded by a nurse paid by the family. Exactly at 08:00. Nani's mother was only allowed to visit her son, just to give him breakfast. Can not linger, because Dani must work as a social worker in the yard.

***

"Dani, why doesn't Rania come to see me again?"

Mother said when visiting to see me in the field.

"Maybe he's busy, Mom..."

My answer comforted my mother's heart.

"Ma. pi..."

Mumbled mother. A disappointed look on his face.

"Not expected anymore, Mom. Rania has a new family. Dani even saw her stomach growing. She's pregnant!"

I tried to explain to my mother. It is happy to be visited by the mother almost every day, except for her chek up schedule to the Hospital, but over time, there is a burden that I feel. How not, every time you come, mama always talks about Rania, then Delita who is not responsible for the household and left just like that when I fell.

I've been trying not to think about Delita. He'll take care of me when I'm out of this yard. But I always repeat the same words. Regretting Rania's departure, longing for Azka and Zidan, and berating Delita.

For a long time I felt depressed about my mother's attitude. The food I bring is often not spent. When the food was not finished, my mother's story was repeated six times.

I often make excuses not to visit the next day. Limiting the intensity of my mother to visit me. Not without reason, I had to keep my ears off the sometimes inciting motherly stories. It made my emotions and my mental health disturbed.

I spent time studying religion. Close myself to the mosque and the Qur'an. I also donated my savings and energy to build a healthy toilet in the toilet. The toilets are not very proper. Later, I will also use the facility.

I also taught electrical skills to other prison dwellers. They will live if they get out of jail. The head of the prison was very appreciative of the move I made. Even the equipment assistance began to be met. I developed this electrical training into computer assembly training, electronic and computer servicing, electrical network maintenance training, computer networking and software. Not only that, I also donated ten computer units from one of the branch offices that had closed. Instead of being auctioned at too low a price, I better just function on this page.

From what I've done in the washroom. Over time, I became a resident of the toilet who was privileged by other residents. Of the many residents of the washroom, only I sleep with a mattress, have a fan made by other washroom dwellers that I have given training, there is even one special bathroom that is intended for me. Really special.

Until without feeling, three years passed just like that. I didn't even expect to get out of the rag this fast. Breathe in the free air and move on as Dani with a new personality.

"Mr Dani, your family has picked you up"

Said one of the guards while I was packing my clothes.

"Well I'll catch up soon" I replied.

I also say goodbye to the other residents. The look on the face between happy and sad. I know what it's like to see a cellmate out, and we've been there for a long time.

"Sir Dani, if there's time, deliver more delicious food ..."

Said one of the inmates who was very young. He steals because his mother is sick and his sister needs school fees, while his father remarries. He was the closest criminal to me for the past two years. He is very good at assembling computers, even like people who study engineering. Abay. She was looking forward to when my mother would send me food, and who spent always Abay.

"Bay, I'll send you some good food, and wait for you when your prison term is over. Work with me".

My promise to him made him excited again, he promised to change into a better person.

***

I breathe free air...

Air from outside the air...

...Seriate.......

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