Never Gone (Health and Obsession)
Do I deserve to be happy?
Richard did not know how the girl did it with her lover, but he knew for sure if the experience he did with his lover was not a pleasant thing.
"Would you see for yourself?" richard asked the girl and began to kiss her neck curvature.
Her other hand cupped the soft lump and continued to give a kiss and tickle using her tongue.
Richard took off the cage on the small hand and pulled the girl's clothes to make the hidden part of the clothes visible even though it was still covered in wrappers.
"Dongh-ungh!" his squealing was surprised when his chest felt tingled but not to make him laugh.
Sucking, biting, and mel*mat dark circles that are at the top of the girl's body parts to make Ainsley curl her body unconsciously.
His heart refused but his body felt burned because of the man's suction.
"Ja-don't be here." he muttered involuntarily as the man made his body even more drunk.
"That means you don't want to be here?" richard asked as he peeked back his blushing suction, "It's okay you've never been in the world here, have you?"
The man's fingers began to descend looking for something that began to get wet and enter his.
Unghs!
Once again Ainsley screeched, he felt hot and cold as something tickled down there that made him sultry.
Richard only smiled because he knew he had mastered the girl's body even though it was not his heart, but he could make an excuse to keep the girl on his side.
Her kiss dropped to the point where her fingers played and removed the barrier to her kiss in one pull.
L'm...
Why is it like this? Me, I gotta get up!
His mind when his body can no longer be controlled.
Her legs tried to push the man away and put away the face that was setting giving him a kiss that made him hot and cold at the same time.
Richard who knew the movements of the girl who wanted to push her made her deliberately bite the small thing that was in front of her.
"Ungh!" it was Ainsley who made all his muscles numb and could not let go of the man.
Feeling no more movement that tries to encourage him, Richard was back to mel*mat something that for him sweet like gulali.
Not intermittent for a while, the girl's body was increasingly turbulent and issued a big wave while making a soft sound that he held with his small hands so as not to be heard out.
Richard just smiled, he did know if the girl who knew nothing would have a dependency in terms that made her 'Comfortable' even though it was in poor reach.
After sucking her he woke up and whispered again in the ear of the girl who was breathing irregularly.
"Now you've seen it, haven't you? You need me in this kind of thing,"
Ainsley, whose wits had slowly returned, began to push the man and got up from the wide flat table.
He tidied up his clothes that had been messy, and put the one that had been removed.
"You have to wipe it first, it can be sticky" said Richard while removing a handkerchief from his suit and cleaning the remaining liquid in the girl's body.
"Why is this like this to me? I'm not gonna say anything I saw on the hu-"
"I like you, that's the reason I want you." cut the guy immediately stop the sentence the girl said.
"Likes? Like a taste of like? Why so horrible?" ainsley asked with a trembling voice while returning to tidying up her clothes so as to divert her eyes so as not to cry.
"But you like it, right? I mean, I mean, tell you you'd rather do it with me or with your girlfriend?" richard asked and cornered the girl and sat down on the table again.
Ainsley silently did not answer, however, the reason he couldn't do that with Sean was first because he felt unworthy and insecure and the strongest reason for that was his body still remembering his first experience it's so painful for her. He also has not given the man a chance to do it a second time.
While the first time he did to Richard while still in the influence of drugs perngs*ng small doses to make the passion in his body splashed.
And the second time he between feeling her and not feeling her, because his mental health was not healthy at that time although he felt pain but not as sick as in his first experience when his body was full of wounds and forced to give his sanctity.
Therefore, the girl's body feels more comfortable and opiate in men who make her feel the pleasure that she has never felt in any man.
"You didn't answer? Hm?" ask Richard again to the girl.
"Uncle has no right to ask! Uncle is nobody to me!" ainsley replied as he pushed the man's chest and immediately walked towards the door.
Although his steps are still shabby because of his high shoes and his feet are still limp after reaching his release just now.
Taps!
Richard held the girl down before holding the doorknob and exiting, Ainsley was surprised when the man had reached right behind him before he had time to escape his corrupting situation.
"You owe me one, you haven't done anything to satisfy me just now" whispered Richard to tie the girl up in his own way.
"I never asked" Ainsley replied, trying to shake the man's hand.
Ainsley no longer answered and hurried to leave Richard immediately.
......................
2 Days later.
The winter garden apartment.
Ainsley could not understand why his body could like it even though he felt very afraid of the man he was used to calling uncle.
Amidst the confusion that made her unable to find her answer, her bell rang and made her instantly distracted and opened her door.
Looking at the woman in conversation who always gives a friendly face and a cool smile it comes to her apartment according to her therapy day.
Ainsley also let dr. Canly came in and immediately did his consultation and therapy.
30 Minutes after the consultation and no sound came out of the girl's lips until Ainsley began speaking hesitantly.
"If for example I like something but there's something I can't do about it but I can do it about something I hate, why can I?" ask and doubt.
"Can you explain what 'Something' is and what can you do with something you hate and can't do with something you like?" ask dr. Canly to better know the direction of the girl's conversation.
"Man, even though I like him but I can't do the things I should be able to do but if with a man I hate that I can do it.." murmured Ainsley doubtful.
"Why can't it? Is he a guy that Miss likes?" ask dr. Canly started to lure Ainsley into getting her problems out.
"The color I'm afraid of, the pain comes back when I see her wanting to do the same thing." replied Ainsley softly with a lowered head.
"And the man that Miss hates does not give pain? Why hate when you don't hurt?" ask dr. Canlys.
"No! He hurt me too! He's more terrible!" ainsley replied directly.
"Miss feels comfortable but doesn't feel safe in a man that she hates but feels behind her in a man that she likes?" ask dr. Canly on Ainsley.
Ainsley nodded, now with Sean he felt uncomfortable but he felt safe and protected even though the man was no less terrible.
And when with Richard he felt comfortable but insecure at all a feeling that seemed to be able to die tragically at any time.
"What should I do?" ask her lirih.
"What makes the lady happy? Maybe the lady will find out after letting the man that the lady likes" replied dr. Canlys.
"Why?"
"It feels safe, if we feel safe we can be calmer, the analogy is like being in a small lifeboat is better than a cruise ship that has a leak in its cabin. Although comfortable but the fear will make drowning make later it will make us uncomfortable." replied dr. Canlys.
"But I'm scared too, she's terrible I don't want to get hurt anymore but I can't let go of what they tied to me" the girl replied softly with her cries beginning to break.
dr. Canly realizes that the girl is talking about her ex-boyfriend but she doesn't know who the other one is talking about.
Although the girl still has a sense of liking but her fear and doubts are so great to beat her liking.
"Remember, I once said to appreciate and love yourself, it's okay to be selfish to protect ourselves, because everyone deserves to be happy" said dr. Canly held the girl's hand.
He knew that Ainsley's current situation was as fragile as a butterfly's beautiful wings but could easily be crushed if a little bit was scratched.
And Ainsley who is currently experiencing the stage of BPD (Borderline personality disorder) and the advanced stage until it has entered the self-injury phase.
NB KET: BPD or personality threshold of a serious mental disorder that affects the feelings and ways of thinking of the sufferer. This condition is characterized by mood and self-image that is always changing and difficult to control, as well as impulsive behavior.
NB KET: Self-injury is self-harming and self-harm behavior that is done intentionally. This is done to vent or overcome excessive emotions. This can be caused by psychological trauma or mental disorders such as BPD, PTSD or Depression.
And because of the mental disorder BPD experienced by Ainsley makes him always experience emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and pleasure in hurting yourself.
"Do I still deserve happiness?" his murmur with empty eyes that drain his clear circles.
"Everyone deserves it, while it doesn't hurt anyone everyone deserves to be happy, everything in the world." replied dr. Canly is soft.
dr. Canly looked softly at the beautiful face of the girl who was a young age, had a beautiful face, resplendent achievements and lived with abundant material wealth but had an empty soul that was injured and destroyed overtime.
...****************...
Ainsley Setya Belen
Justin Xavier Sean
Richard Zinchanko's
