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CHAPTER 42

"Jess," he said in a hoarse whispering voice. "What about our relationship?" Daniel raised his hand, touching the neck of the dress Jessica was wearing. “Everything would be much easier if we could.” Daniel paused for a moment, to think of the words he would say. Words Jessica didn't want to hear.

"Stop," whispered Jessica, preventing her from finishing. He did not want to give Daniel any hope, other than to build a parenting relationship together. During this time Daniel always tried to push the boundaries he made and honestly Jessica bored.

"What if I've changed?" daniel asked with eyes full of sincerity and sadness. But it had no effect on Jessica, absolutely nothing.

“I don't care if you've changed, Daniel. Even if you change it's none of my business." Those words hit her hard, which Jessica could see when Daniel paused for a moment to examine the words Jessica said.

Daniel no longer spoke, nor did he look at Jessica. He looked frustrated, then retreated and walked up the stairs. Jessica hopes Daniel leaves her apartment.

Daniel slams the door, but Jessica doesn't follow right away, as she needs space to herself. It wasn't the first time Daniel had asked him to refer to it, he thought that our divorce was a long game I was playing. Daniel says it over and over again, even making it a joke. Daniel always said how absurd this divorce was.

But Jessica could recognize carefully, that this was just a manipulation tactic. Daniel thinks if he says this divorce is ridiculous, Jessica will eventually agree with him and take it back.

Honestly, sometimes Jessica feels jealous to see the life of Claire and Harry that is so harmonious and looks easy. Unlike her life, she always worried about her safety and Estelle's safety if she missteps.

Jessica waited for her anger to subside before returning to her apartment unit, but it didn't. The anger awoke every step of the way as he went down the stairs. He feels that anger is happening because of something that has just happened between him and Daniel, or because he lacks sleep, or also because he has messed up his date with Rey. But whatever it is Jessica still needs time to calm her emotions before being near her daughter.

Jessica sat on the hallway floor of her apartment door to cry, often crying in solitude. Divorce is amazing, being a single mom is amazing, running a business with big responsibilities is amazing, dealing with an ex-husband who still scares her is amazing. And then there was a shred of fear that crawled his conscience when Daniel said something that showed that their divorce was a mistake.

Jessica sometimes wondered. Would her life not have been this heavy if she still had a husband to bear the burden of raising her child? And would he overreact if he was so heavy-hearted as to allow Estelle to stay the night with her own father?

Jessica does not know if every action she does is right or wrong but surely she has done her best. Jessica doesn't need any manipulation and gaslighting on top of that. She felt how difficult and confusing her interactions with Daniel were after the divorce.

What about people out there who leave this cycle when they don't have the financial maturity they have or the support of their friends and family? How do they stay strong every second? Anyone who has ever left a manipulative and abusive partner deserves a medal.

Jessica was still crying when the door of her apartment opened, she looked up and saw Harry coming out of the apartment carrying two garbage bags. He stopped when he saw Jessica sitting on the floor.

Jessica doesn't need help, she just needs a break. Harry placed the trash bag on the floor, then he approached Jessica and sat right in front of her. He scratched his knee uncomfortably. “I'm not sure what to say. I'm not good at this.” Her discomfort made Jessica laugh through her tears.

Jessica patted Harry's arm. "I'm doing fine. Sometimes I just have to cry when Daniel and I fight."

"Did he hurt you?"

"NO.So she's quite calm.”

Harry breathed a sigh of relief, slowly he began to look relaxed so that Jessica could pour all her thoughts on Harry. “Every time I argue with her, I start to question if I'm wrong with asking for a divorce? He always had a way of planting the seeds of doubt in me, like maybe things could get better if I gave him more time to improve himself" Jessica said, at once he fell silent because it was not good to tell Harry the problem especially Harry was a good friend of Daniel since childhood. "I'm sorry. This is not your problem.”

"Claire cheated on me."

Harry's words left Jessica speechless for five seconds. "W-what?"

"It happened a long time ago. We made it through, but shit, it hurt a lot. He broke my heart.”

Jessica shook her head to digest Harry. “At that time we were in college, we were in a different college and I had a day off I used to work so we hardly had time to be together. One day, Claire comes to a party celebrating her friend's birthday, she gets drunk with a man at the party, even ending up in a hotel room. When I found out about it from my best friend, I was never this angry in my life, especially when she admitted it. I feel like I want to get back at him, I want to cheat on him too so he knows what it's like. I want to smash his car so he can't go anywhere anymore, and I want to burn all his clothes. But no matter how angry I was, when he stood right in front of me, I never thought of physically hurting him. I hugged her and cried on her shoulder.”

Harry looked at Jessica sincerely. “When I heard Daniel hit you. Because I love him, he's been my best friend since we were kids. But I also hate him for not getting better. Whatever mistake you make, he has no right to hit you. Remember that, Jess. You made the right decision by abandoning that situation. You should never feel guilty about it. You should be proud of the decision you've made."

Harry's words lifted so much weight off Jessica's shoulders, he felt lighter. Jessica wasn't sure the words could mean much more if they came from someone else. He gets a validation from someone who loves Daniel like a brother so he can confirm that the decision he took was right.

“You're so great, Harry.”

Harry smiled and then helped Jessica up. Harry picks up the trash bag and goes down to the basement to get rid of the trash there, while Jeasica walks into the apartment to approach Estelle and hugs her tightly.