Forced to endure

Chapter 82

Adji POVs

Only now did I realize my life was a complete mess without a Sire. I came back to alcohol because that was my only escape from the problems I was in. And because of that, my uric acid levels are back high. I started to feel pain in my ankle and it made me worry. Immediately I checked with the doctor because there was a possibility of my disease relapse.

I'm so scared that until my illness comes back. I've known what it's like to be a useless human being for months. Who will take care of me later? In the past, even though my family ignored me, I still had the Winda. But now?

I need to change, I need to get better. I will repair my relationship with Winda and my children. Although maybe Winda can't accept me anymore, at least my relationship and he's fine. For my kids too.

I intend to see Winda, not just send a message or over the phone. I want to meet him in person to apologize and say goodbye. I'm so grateful that he would forgive me and would be so happy to come back to me after that.

Don't expect too much, he'll forgive you for being grateful! I smile at myself laughing.

I felt like a shameless person, making mistakes many times and begging for forgiveness.

Maybe another man will go and find another woman when she has been rejected many times, but I still can't. I just want Winda, Windaku.

I was standing in front of the shophouse that I knew belonged to Winda. I was amazed to see the shophouse, even more amazed to remember who the owner was. Winda is absolutely amazing. He has all this in his own effort. His own success. I'd be embarrassed to ask him to come back to me.

I kept looking at the shophouse and didn't know what to do. I haven't seen him in a long time, so I don't know where to start. Even more the shame of what I went through after parting with her. It made me feel even more meaningless in front of Vinda.

I stepped foot into that shophouse. I was confused to find the Winda where. This shophouse is quite spacious when compared to the first Winda kiosk. I don't look like a customer who wants to buy clothes, I'm more like a lost person here.

I approached someone I confirmed to be one of the officers of the Winda, looking at his uniform.

"Excuse me ... "

"What's the matter sir, can you help?" the officer replied friendly.

"I want to meet with Linda. Can you please call me or where can I meet him?"

"Sorry what is necessary sir? Or from which convection?" The officer did not know who I was.

"Please call it, which is obviously not a job business."

The employee nodded and disappeared directly from before me. Not long after the officer returned.

"Just enter sir, awaited behind the same Sister Winda," said the official while pointing at the back.

I nodded and walked following the instructions of the officer. I saw Winda sitting on a chair while playing a cell phone. She looks so beautiful and graceful. My mixed feelings I couldn't express once I saw Winda. Enchanted, amazed, longed, regretful, ashamed and despicable mixed into one.

For a while I just kept quiet and kept looking at him. I'm satisfied with this opportunity to look him in the face because tomorrow I won't see him again.

"Win ... "

Sire was surprised to hear my voice. Slowly he lifted his face and looked at me.

"How are you?" I was so nervous that only words could come out of my mouth. Winda kept looking at me, I knew he was concerned to see my current appearance.

Willa let me sit. I sat next to him, but I did not dare to sit too close. I felt it was inappropriate to even just sit close to him.

I'm more silent. My courage vanished and I kept looking at Vinda. I'm really fascinated by the look of Winda now, I'm in love with Winda for the millionth time. She looks beautiful and fresh. He also looks more relaxed, not tired nor show anger even though I have not seen children for a long time.

"I ... Maybe you think I'm stale, but for the umpteenth time I want to apologize to you." I was finally able to express the meaning of my arrival after talking in circles.

I also say goodbye to him and I ask him to tell the heads of the children if I am transferred out of town. So I can't see the kids later.

"Tell yourself to the children. You can find them." I was stunned, unable to believe the reply of Winda.

Willa went to bring Keisha and Kirana to see me. I don't think I can stay here anymore. Talking to Winda alone made my throat feel choked and my tongue was confused. How can I deal with children? It's hard to keep talking when my eyes are hot.

Slowly a little girl went down the stairs. I keep seeing him. Keisha was unaware of my whereabouts, until Winda pointed at me. Keisha was just glaring, maybe she didn't recognize me because of my appearance.

"Papa ...!!!!" Keisha immediately ran to hug me as soon as she realized this was me, her papa. She hugged me for a long time, and she seemed to miss me a lot.

"Papa's son is big, now heavy," I said to hide my watery eyes.

"Why don't you ever see Keisha and adek? Don't you think we're the same?" Keisha's question made my heart feel sliced. I have no power to hold back my tears.

I was increasingly speechless as I hugged Kirana's body. I feel so guilty about my son. He felt no affection from me at all.

"I can't stay here much longer Win, I can't. I can't bear this guilt."

The longer Keisha's question made me feel sad. Kirana's face also made me more and more gnawed at guilt. What have I done for him?

I'm not strong anymore. I say goodbye to Winda. I want to get out of here.

"Papa .." cried Keisha. My heart is getting so sad to hear it. I don't think I'm strong enough to move my legs. It is hard to leave my angels.

Winda had to calm Keisha down because she kept crying. I really couldn't bear to see her, wanting once I hugged her again but it made it even harder for me to leave her.

"Win ... If I come back later and become someone better, will you accept me again?" I asked after Keisha and Kirana were taken away by the nanny.

Vinda did not answer and it made me sure, there was still a place for me in her heart.

Coming out of the shophouse I felt like I was someone new. It was like I had a purpose in life again.

I have to be a better person. I promise my children, Papa will be back with you!