Forced to endure

Chapter 51

I delivered ASI to my baby who is still in the hospital. I couldn't touch my baby freely because he was placed in a special room.

I stared at the tiny baby now lying inside the incubator box. My tears are dripping unstoppable. I could not bear to see his body filled with life support hose. I didn't even dare to carry her to see how fragile she was.

If only I hadn't found Mas Adji back then, if only Eva hadn't come that day, if only I could have controlled my emotions and if ...

Suddenly regret appeared and filled my mind. All of those events made my health condition worse and caused me to have to give birth prematurely.

My tears are flowing more and more. I couldn't see my baby much longer. I ran to the toilet to wash my face, hiding my cries from the world. Toilets and bathrooms have become my best friend lately. This is not the life I imagined.

Every time I saw my baby, a sense of tightness instantly filled my chest. A sinless baby who must suffer.

Sometimes my tears drip by themselves without my being able to hold. However, being tough still feels painful. I've tried to accept the reality but it turns out I'm not that strong.

After seeing the condition of my son even for a moment, I decided to go to the stall. I must keep busy so as not to constantly remember Mas Adji and Eva, the source of the calamity in my life.

Not the first time Mas Adji has done this to me, I should have started to be immune to pain. But not the invulnerability I got, it was the wound that was getting gaping unstoppable.

I remember how I gave birth to Keisha. And now I give birth to my second child alone, even with worse circumstances. Really my mind poranda poranda made.

Maybe I look tough in front of people, but I can't stop crying when I'm alone. I think Mas Adji's pain and living in the shortcomings that I experienced at that time was the lowest point in my life, it turned out that I was wrong. The test comes without us knowing when and what it looks like.

Arriving at the kiosk Shanti immediately greeted me with joy. I've been absent from the kiosk for a long time, and I haven't even met my new employee. Usually we only communicate by phone, if there is something very urgent Shanti who comes home.

"Winda's mom, do you want to work?"

I'm nodding.

"Keep the baby how?"

"Still not discharged from the hospital. I too, if the hospital is useless. It's only a certain hour that I can see my baby. So I better be here with you guys. Then when it's time to tell you I'm going to the hospital."

Shanti was just a mangosteen hearing my explanation.

"Mbak Winda is patient ... " Shan looked at me sympathetically.

Of course he knows what happened to me without me telling him. Even everyone in my village knows my household story. Let it go, I don't want to cover it like before, even I myself who lost.

I just nodded. "Is there a problem while I'm in the hospital?"

"No ma'am, everything's fine."

Shanti then explained what I had missed as long as I wasn't around. He seems to be in control of his job. He managed to run both offline and online stores well. It's not wrong that I chose him to be my confidant.

"There's no delivery problem either, right?"

"Aman Ma'am ... "

"Win ... You can't make a unilateral decision like this. I won't divorce you anytime!"

I immediately turned to hear Mas Adji's voice. He was seen carrying a piece of paper that he was about to thrust at me.

Without me to tell, Shanti immediately invited her two colleagues to come out to rest. He knows what to do.

"Did you not want to ask me how I was?"

Mas Adji doesn't seem to understand what I mean. Maybe he got carried away with emotions until he was unconscious if my stomach was back flat.

"I have given birth. Don't you want to know?" sindirku.

It was only then that Mas Adji lowered his gaze and realized it.

"Mrs ... Love ... When did you give birth? Isn't it time yet? How's our son doing? Where is he now?" In an instant Mas Adji's facial expression changed. She looked so hot now it was like panic and worry.

I don't answer his questions.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm afraid you're busy with your future wife. She's pregnant with your child too, isn't she?"

"Win ... That ... I'm sure it's not my son. Don't talk about it. Now tell me where's our son? Is she okay?"

I don't want to answer the question. I don't feel sincere if he sees my son even though he's his father.

"Are you going to marry her?"

"Win ... Nevermind ... Please tell me where our son is. Is she okay? I want to see it."

"Do you care, man? What do you care if he's premature? What do you care if he's disabled? What do you care if she's not normal? What care?!! What do you care about other than yourself ... huh?!!" I raised my voice.

"Darling ... Don't talk like that. He's my son, of course I care. You're my life." Mas Adji walked over to me.

"I won't let you see it!!! Because of what you did, he had to suffer. He was not born as he should have been. All because of you!!!" I started yelling to vent my anger at Mas Adji.

"What is my lack for you? Was my sacrifice for you all this time meaningless? You expect a wife who? What kind of wife if like I'm not enough?!!"

I let him take my hand. He kissed my hand many times and then hugged me. I let him do it all because maybe this is the last time.

"In a moment you may receive a summons from a religious court. So don't try to beg me. If you want to apologize a thousand times, if you rest at my feet or even kiss my feet, it won't change my decision. We're still getting divorced!"

I let go of Mas Adji's embrace.

"Go ... "

"No dear ... We're not going to split up. You see this?" Mas Adji showed me the paper he had brought.

"This letter of call means nothing to me. I will keep our household!" Mas Adji tore the paper in front of me and left.

I drooped down and cried as much as I could after Mas Adji's departure. Not crying over his departure, but crying over his attitude.

Why is he so selfish? He who makes mistakes, he who betrays but why does he not want to separate himself? If he doesn't want to split up then why would he betray?